Using a throwaway account here as I don’t want this on my main.
So it was my (14M) birthday recently, and I decided to have a party. The place I went to only allowed 6 people so I could only invite 5. I decided who I want to invite, and they all came. We had a nice party.
However, there is this one guy in my class, “Bob”. He has a best friend called “Ron”. So all of us, including those two are a sort of a friend group, i.e. we sit together at lunch break and interact, but I am way closer to those 5 people whom I invited than to Bob, Ron and others who didn’t mind.
After the party, one of the people I invited posted a story on insta which Bob and Ron saw. It said “I loved (my name’s) birthday party”. On the next school day Bob confronted me about not inviting him even though he thought that we were friends. I said that there was a limited amount of places so I only invited the people who were the closest to me.
Now this is where things escalate. Bob said in an angry tone to me: “You do not know what is happening at my house and school is the only place I can have fun at so you not inviting me made my day miserable”. I said that I couldn’t care less because it was my birthday and I spent it with my best friends, and that he was a bit greedy now. After that I walked away.
Ron knew I didn’t invite him but didn’t act that pissed. In the next lessons, Bob was trash talking about me to my friends saying that I was a traitor b**ch for not inviting him. They didn’t say anything and just ignored him.
Feeling ignored, and still trying to get revenge, he reported me for saying bad stuff about one of the canteen staff who was rude to me last month. The principal took it very seriously and I got a lunchtime detention the next day.
At the time of invitations, I knew that something was wrong with Bob, but whenever someone asked him he’d just brush it off all the time. I did not know “what was happening at his house”, however.
This is where I began to feel like an AH – I knew that he was going through a challenging time without much other detail, but I still didn’t invite him…
AITA for doing that?
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Using a throwaway account here as I don’t want this on my main.
So it was my (14M) birthday recently, and I decided to have a party. The place I went to only allowed 6 people so I could only invite 5. I decided who I want to invite, and they all came. We had a nice party.
However, there is this one guy in my class, “Bob”. He has a best friend called “Ron”. So all of us, including those two are a sort of a friend group, i.e. we sit together at lunch break and interact, but I am way closer to those 5 people whom I invited than to Bob, Ron and others who didn’t mind.
After the party, one of the people I invited posted a story on insta which Bob and Ron saw. It said “I loved (my name’s) birthday party”. On the next school day Bob confronted me about not inviting him even though he thought that we were friends. I said that there was a limited amount of places so I only invited the people who were the closest to me.
Now this is where things escalate. Bob said in an angry tone to me: “You do not know what is happening at my house and school is the only place I can have fun at so you not inviting me made my day miserable”. I said that I couldn’t care less because it was my birthday and I spent it with my best friends, and that he was a bit greedy now. After that I walked away.
Ron knew I didn’t invite him but didn’t act that pissed. In the next lessons, Bob was trash talking about me to my friends saying that I was a traitor b**ch for not inviting him. They didn’t say anything and just ignored him.
Feeling ignored, and still trying to get revenge, he reported me for saying bad stuff about one of the canteen staff who was rude to me last month. The principal took it very seriously and I got a lunchtime detention the next day.
At the time of invitations, I knew that something was wrong with Bob, but whenever someone asked him he’d just brush it off all the time. I did not know “what was happening at his house”, however.
This is where I began to feel like an AH – I knew that he was going through a challenging time without much other detail, but I still didn’t invite him…
AITA for doing that?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t invite someone who is technically my friend but I don’t know him that well to my birthday party even though I knew he was going through a challenging time. I might be the asshole because he thinks I betrayed him as a friend and my action wasn’t that nice, possibly
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. It’s completely up to you who you invite to a arty, and if you didn’t want those two there, it’s fine. All that matters is that the people who were there were nice, and that you all had a good time. I think that Bob is the AH in this situation.
NTA; you made the best decision that you could under the circumstances. No matter how trying his home situation might be, Bob does not have any right to being invited to your party.
You are NTA. It was your birthday, no matter what happens in Bob’s house or life you are not responsible for it.
You and him are just 14 year olds. He shouldn’t be punishing you for that.. But I guess theres not much to be expected from a hormonal 14 year old.
Stay strong, dont let him bring you down and cause you trouble at school.. It’s sad if hes life is hard but like I said IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to make him happy.. You can only be a friend if he wants to be friends. .
NTA but you were a bit mean when you spoke to him.
If you’d invited everyone except him that would be a different story.
NTA. Bob is taking his problems out on you, and your birthday is a convenient excuse point for him. Get your principal involved, since they were ready to punish you on Bob’s word.
Honestly, Bob’s going through something, that’s sad but you didn’t do anything to him. Not inviting someone to a party with a 6-person limit isn’t an act of cruelty. NTA
NTA – It’s your birthday, you get to decide where to go, who to invite, etc. and not to be rude, but just because things are not okay at home for Bob doesn’t mean she gets to have the princess treatment.
Good on you for keeping your cool. 👌🏽
Damn dude, NTA at all. I get it, there’s stuff happening at Bob’s home, but that don’t mean you gotta be his personal cheerleader, esp. on your own bday. If your place had room for 20, sure, invite the guy, but with such a limited headcount, u gotta go with your core crew. His reaction tho is way over the top, like he’s got stuff to sort out but it ain’t on you to fix it for him. And pulling that stunt with the principal? Super petty man. Stay strong, the situation sounds tough.
You’re not an asshole for choosing to invite closer friends, but you were kind of an asshole in your response to Bob when he got upset. “I couldn’t care less” is a pretty shitty way to react to someone alluding to having problems at home. Again, you were totally within your right to not invite Bob and while his being angry about it is unreasonable, sometimes people act unreasonably when they’re struggling.
NTA for not inviting him – but YTA for saying you don’t care what’s happening to him in his home and calling him greedy. The correct response was “I’m sorry, I didn’t know. Are you ok? Can we help?” Etc… Learn empathy.
Unfortunately, YTA. You should have chosen a venue that would allow everyone to come. It’s never OK to exclude one person.
I understand that you don’t feel as close to the guy who was excluded but he is a part of the group. He must be feeling awful. I would apologize. Tell him you were thoughtless. Maybe invite him out with the other guys to do something cheap–get ice cream, go skating at the park, whatever.
We all make mistakes. We learn as we go through life. It’s a good sign that you’re thinking about this. You sound thoughtful. Good luck.
Nta
yeah but 14-year-olds aren’t exactly empathy machines lol
NTA, but he is for reporting you to the principal out of revenge. But, use this as a learning opportunity to not speak badly of people. His family situation is not your burden to carry as a 14yo, only thing you can do is be there if he wants to talk in the future.
NTA. It’s perfectly OK to want to spend your birthday with your closest friends, especially when there is limited space. If Bob wasn’t being such a jerk, I would say go do something with him separately just to be a good friend, but he doesn’t sound like a good friend.
NTA – he proved why he wasn’t one of your closest friends. Friends don’t trash talk the other even if they disagree.
yeah bob’s drama ain’t your problem. you had fun, that’s all that matters
I want to be nice, because you’re a literal child, but honestly, YTA for thinking that who you invite to your birthday party is something to ask literally thousands of adult strangers to use their time and energy judging. There has got to be a “Teen Talk” sub or something where you can discuss this more appropriately.