Hi everyone! The whole backstory is on my account if you are interested but the gist is. My husband and I eloped due to the attention-seeking drama my sister created about almost two years ago. After she tried to seduce him with nudes after finding out he proposed to me.
So like last time with some names to help keep track: (All fake names) Me(28f)- Hope
My husband(37m)-Kai
My badass sister(27f)-Angel
evil sister (24f)- Wench
My sweet brother(22m)-Jay
My baby sister (18f)- Cupcake
and mom (47f) and Dad (45m).
My mom’s and mine relationship did get better but we still argue from time to time because she want me to “forgive and forget” in case Wench decides to come back and be a part of the family again “because it is what God would want.” (I and my other siblings informed her that it is not happening. Angel and Cupcake specifically said she wants Wench to make her day. If Wench does come back Mom with be a “Holiday Grandma and Mom” because in my opinion seeing Wench will affect my walk with Christ which won’t be good for me.😊)
Anyways, because Kai and I eloped we didn’t get a chance to have an actual wedding and now since everything calmed down a bit we want to have one. We already picked a theme, and are looking into a venue. I started making a list just last week. While making it I was on the phone with my Mom and going over my list to make sure I didn’t forget anyone. She then pointed out that I didn’t invite my grandmother, Aunt Lucy, my Uncles, or my cousin, CC. Which I admitted was on purpose because I didn’t want drama on my special day which is also why I am thinking of not going to my favorite younger Uncle’s(The one that had my back in my last post) wedding next spring either. Because I don’t want his day ruined.
My mom scolded me basically saying that I shouldn’t be petty and invite them anyway. Even if they treated me and my husband like that because it is godly and they are family. My grandma was close to me once and is having health issues blah blah blah.
Here is the thing that’s why it hurt so bad. I don’t want to invite them at all. Especially Aunt Lucy and CC because knowing CC I wouldn’t put it past her to pull a similar stunt like Wench did. So naturally I refused, but Aunt Lucy is unfortunately married to Uncle Raphael, who went out of his way to help my mom raise me and be there for us. Despite his limitations even ran from his home in the sticks on foot to get to the city where we lived. (I wanted him to walk me down the aisle with my Dad, who yes is my stepfather.)
But then I thought about it if I did invite them it might show them once and for all that everything Wench said was a lie. Finally silencing this madness…. But I also don’t want to risk it or deal with these people with their poor comprehension level. They still might try to believe those lies.
So Reddit, would I be the A-hole for not inviting those family members who stabbed me in the back or made snide comments? Please help me out.
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team.
Hi everyone! The whole backstory is on my account if you are interested but the gist is. My husband and I eloped due to the attention-seeking drama my sister created about almost two years ago. After she tried to seduce him with nudes after finding out he proposed to me.
So like last time with some names to help keep track: (All fake names) Me(28f)- Hope
My husband(37m)-Kai
My badass sister(27f)-Angel
evil sister (24f)- Wench
My sweet brother(22m)-Jay
My baby sister (18f)- Cupcake
and mom (47f) and Dad (45m).
My mom’s and mine relationship did get better but we still argue from time to time because she want me to “forgive and forget” in case Wench decides to come back and be a part of the family again “because it is what God would want.” (I and my other siblings informed her that it is not happening. Angel and Cupcake specifically said she wants Wench to make her day. If Wench does come back Mom with be a “Holiday Grandma and Mom” because in my opinion seeing Wench will affect my walk with Christ which won’t be good for me.😊)
Anyways, because Kai and I eloped we didn’t get a chance to have an actual wedding and now since everything calmed down a bit we want to have one. We already picked a theme, and are looking into a venue. I started making a list just last week. While making it I was on the phone with my Mom and going over my list to make sure I didn’t forget anyone. She then pointed out that I didn’t invite my grandmother, Aunt Lucy, my Uncles, or my cousin, CC. Which I admitted was on purpose because I didn’t want drama on my special day which is also why I am thinking of not going to my favorite younger Uncle’s(The one that had my back in my last post) wedding next spring either. Because I don’t want his day ruined.
My mom scolded me basically saying that I shouldn’t be petty and invite them anyway. Even if they treated me and my husband like that because it is godly and they are family. My grandma was close to me once and is having health issues blah blah blah.
Here is the thing that’s why it hurt so bad. I don’t want to invite them at all. Especially Aunt Lucy and CC because knowing CC I wouldn’t put it past her to pull a similar stunt like Wench did. So naturally I refused, but Aunt Lucy is unfortunately married to Uncle Raphael, who went out of his way to help my mom raise me and be there for us. Despite his limitations even ran from his home in the sticks on foot to get to the city where we lived. (I wanted him to walk me down the aisle with my Dad, who yes is my stepfather.)
But then I thought about it if I did invite them it might show them once and for all that everything Wench said was a lie. Finally silencing this madness…. But I also don’t want to risk it or deal with these people with their poor comprehension level. They still might try to believe those lies.
So Reddit, would I be the A-hole for not inviting those family members who stabbed me in the back or made snide comments? Please help me out.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Why I might be the A-hole: because I don’t want to give family members a second chance when I probably should? I might be overthinking or overreacting about the issue.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You should warn your mum, if she continues singing that song she’s uninvited too.
NTA – invite people who support your wedding. You don’t have to invite people because it’s “godly.”
You invite who you want. There are countless consequences for actions. NTA
NTA
Your wedding. Invite whom you want.
Never keep the peace. Every time someone sacrifices their values to keep the peace, the assholes win.
NTA it’s your wedding, you choose who to invite. You could invite uncle Raphael without giving him a plus one, which means he probably won’t make it. But yeah, you def should not invite the monkeys. Warn your mother that she can be uninvited too and ask her what she thinks about “Do not covet thy neighbor’s wife(/husband)”
I think even god has self expect and would understand that you don’t want negative people in your life.
Stop living for god and do what makes you happy.
My .02 is that you don’t invite them. Because your final point is valid but is this something you want to be doing at your own wedding? There’s a time and place for things but I don’t think this would be it.
NTA
For a lot of people who seem to emphasize being Christian, this family contains a high percentage of venal assholes.
NTA. Your wedding, your choice.
NTA – you do what you want to do for your own wedding.
Having said that, it sounds like it’s a bit more complicated because you want to invite your uncle, but not his wife or daughter. You also mentioned about wanting them to finally realize that Wench was lying.
So my advice is this: Invite them and have a face-to-face conversation with them. Explain that you are inviting them because you didn’t think Uncle would come without them. You are fully aware that they supported Wench’s lies and still haven’t apologized to you for their behavior at the time. They are welcome to attend; however, they are to be on their best behavior at all times. They are to be polite and sweet and keep their mouths shut if whatever thoughts they have are anything but happy for you and Kai. And that the security you’re hiring for the wedding will be informed to immediately remove anyone who deviates from that. You don’t care if the person being removed is a cousin or even a grandmother. The ONLY people who will be present are those who are supportive – period. With that rule in place, it’s up to them if they want to attend or not.
Then get security for your wedding and give them pictures of everyone on your list, tell them to keep a VERY close eye (and ear) on those folks and escort them out at the first sign of them even thinking nasty thoughts.
Invite Master Shredder tho
NTA, put a firm boundary in place. Anyone who tries to convince you to change your wedding in any way from decorations, colors, guest list, invitation paper, whatever. They get uninvited and security hired to keep them out of the venue.
INFO So you got married two years ago and now want to have a ‘wedding’ two years later? That’s a huge delay and seems an odd thing to do. I think calling it a wedding allows your mom to pressure you to invite all of these family members. What if you called it a vow renewal or an anniversary celebration instead? Then you would feel free to invite whoever you want.
I really do like this idea because I really want my Uncle and the family I do like to be there. Thank you!
Updateme
I don’t know if you’re aware but you don’t have a post history about this.
It’s all been removed so I can’t follow what you’re talking about.
Well you could do the British thing and only invite them to the ceremony and have them reception and party somewhere else that they are not invited to.
I mean, give your mother fair warning you’ll block her out of your life like you did the other relatives if she won’t shut up about this, and then follow through. She seems to care about making sure her vision of family is preserved, and fuck everyone else’s comfort and happiness. Pluck her grabby hands off your decisions and toss them as far away as you can.
That said, NTA for not inviting guaranteed drama to an already stressful event.
I would simply ask your mom why should you have people that emotionally abused you
I can’t see any previous post so don’t understand the full story. But if your husband lied about it as your title says, why is that not your focus??? That seems like a much bigger thing.