My girlfriend (31F) and I (32M) are planning to go to a football game in September with her favorite team coming to play my team at home. Months ago I talked with my brothers and parents about going to this game as one of my brothers new girlfriend is also a fan of the visiting team. We all invited a bunch of our friends and were going to do a big tailgate. We were getting tickets in the top section because tickets were very expensive for mid and lower levels and not everyone wanted to pay for them. Now about a month later my girlfriend was given 4 tickets for a lower level suite section and is saying she is going to sit there and is mad at me for not wanting to leave the group we had planned on going with. She says I am abandoning her for friends. These are couples going that we are both friends with, only one couple she doesn’t know well. I don’t want to ditch the group that I made these plans for and bought all the tickets. If anything I feel like she is abandoning us for better seats. Despite that, I told her that if she wants to get some other friends to sit with her and we watch from our respective seats that would be fine. Which she has done but is still mad at me for not going to sit with her. It has turned into quite a big issue with the main point being that I am abandoning her for other people. Am I the Asshole?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
My girlfriend (31F) and I (32M) are planning to go to a football game in September with her favorite team coming to play my team at home. Months ago I talked with my brothers and parents about going to this game as one of my brothers new girlfriend is also a fan of the visiting team. We all invited a bunch of our friends and were going to do a big tailgate. We were getting tickets in the top section because tickets were very expensive for mid and lower levels and not everyone wanted to pay for them. Now about a month later my girlfriend was given 4 tickets for a lower level suite section and is saying she is going to sit there and is mad at me for not wanting to leave the group we had planned on going with. She says I am abandoning her for friends. These are couples going that we are both friends with, only one couple she doesn’t know well. I don’t want to ditch the group that I made these plans for and bought all the tickets. If anything I feel like she is abandoning us for better seats. Despite that, I told her that if she wants to get some other friends to sit with her and we watch from our respective seats that would be fine. Which she has done but is still mad at me for not going to sit with her. It has turned into quite a big issue with the main point being that I am abandoning her for other people. Am I the Asshole?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am not going with my girlfriend to a different section of seats at a sporting event. I am staying with a group of people I bought tickets with. Am I the asshole for not going with her?
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. It would be a jerk move to abandon your friends, imo.
We have a dozen couples with tailgate with before college football games in the fall. We don’t all sit near each other during the game, but then we get back together after the game to talk about it for a little bit before we head out. I know this isn’t your exact issue, but maybe you can get together with your family and friends before the game and sit with your girlfriend during the game. Just a thought.
NTA
I can understand both perspectives honestly..
this game is important because it’s your 2 teams against each other which is so fun and ofcourse makes sense that she wants to spend the game WITH you
BUT it also makes sense that you have loyalty towards your friends, especially since not all of them likes games and mostly came to hang out. now if that is not the case and they would have come regardless then I’d say you’re ta
ultimately I’d suggest discussing it with your friends. a suite is quite the experience to give up and as a friend I would want my friends to “ditch” me to enjoy the luxury experience
Do what makes you feel right because you can’t change your character, but id at least put in some effort to get everyone’s opinion and rule at that point
NTA
Her bringing additional friends to sit in the better seats sounds like a reasonable compromise to me (invite everyone to the tailgate, obviously).
You’re not abandoning her; she’s abandoning you—assuming she was aware of your plans for the tailgate and the top section tickets when she accepted the suite tickets.
It’s quite rude to ditch long-held plans with your friends and family just because something better comes along.
frame it nice and simply for her: if there were 2 options unconnected, you would always choose to sit with her but in this case you have organized a group outing which she has chosen to leave.
LOL.
You’re not abandoning her for friends, that’s sophistry intended to make you feel bad and like you might be doing something wrong so that you do what she wants, which is sit with her.
I don’t think she’s TA for taking the suite seats (if it were my friend and they wanted to do it I’d be happy they got to try fancy seats!), but she’s definitely TA for trying to manipulate you into giving in and making it a whole thing.
YOU are NTA. You’re 100% right. You haven’t abandoned her, you’re honoring the commitment you made; if “abandonment” is happening at all, she’s the one doing it, because she’s flaking on the commitment she made in order to enjoy better seats.
I see both sides in this, I really do, mainly because I’ve been in situations like this before and had to find a happy medium. The fact is, you can enjoy tailgating with your friends and you can still after-party together after the game, but people don’t have to sit together at the game. If I was in your group of friends I would tell you to sit in the good seats with your girlfriend! Why would anyone not want you to enjoy such a great opportunity? You still enjoy each other’s company and you still all see the game, what difference does it make where you sit when you’re starting at the field? Plus, she’s your girlfriend. If you want her to prioritize you, you have to do the same for her.
Why don’t 4 people just rotate going down to the better seats each quarter to check it out? Bur ya, she shouldn’t have accepted the lower tickets since you all already had a bunch together.
NTA
NTA. She’s the one abandoning the group, since all your plans were already made
NTA
You two made plans that involve other people’s time and money. Knowing that they’re should’ve been done type of conversation before the other tickets were accepted. It is included inconsiderate to abandon long standing plans with people who have carved out time to be with you at an event.
Personally while the view maybe better, these events are usually better spent with your friends and family.
NTA
You’re there to socialize and enjoy as a group activity. She can go sit by her lonesome if the seating is that important
It’s rude to ditch your friends when it was originally planned together
NTA but your GF is.
Honestly it sounds like she wanted to get the better seats and didn’t want to be the only one in the original group to dip out on them for the other friends. She’s now trying to ignore her guilt up by projecting that guilt onto you.
Id say ask your friends but like that would make the situation worse cause then it sound like you’re trying to validate what she did was a dick move. Which it was but that isn’t why you’d’ve ask your friends. But she won’t see it that way so yeah Shes TAH but wants you to be TAH too so she doesn’t feel as guilty.
TL;DR
You made a dedication to spend time with a group of people shes bailing on the group of people and wants you to join her so she doesn’t feel guilty.
Nta my bf and his frat went to a Mets game the other day sat in good seats. I wanted to go but not be in him and his boys business (it was beer Tuesday so I have to) I got nosebleed seats on the low and $5 beer all night met up at the end to go home together it was awesome I was with all the other fans like me chillin drinkin he had his time with his friends we hung out before and after it was nice have her bring her girls or go down and visit if you can to compromise if you’d like but still Nta and she isn’t either for wanting to share this experience with you
It’s not just a feeling. She’s indeed abandoning you and it’s her full responsibility. Yet, She’s trying to guilt trip you.
NTA, OP isn’t abandoning her, he’s honoring the commitment/plans previously made.
Ummm… she abandoned YOU for better seats! NTA. And her continuing to be angry at you is pretty manipulative.
NTA you’re not abandoning her, she’s abandoning for better seats. That’s on her
SHE is leaving YOU behind. She’s not necessarily T A H for that, but she is T A for making you feel bad about staying with the people you invited to the game. You’re fully NTA.