We’re 24M and 23F. Together since college and recently started living under one roof. Our relationship is generally good with mild ups and downs.
She has a brother, 19M. Their close cousin is getting married soon. GF wants me to let him wear my tuxedo, as he doesn’t have a good formal wear and has complemented my tuxedo in pics. She said that he wants to buy something similar but hasn’t found till now. (It’s actually a unique one, both by material and looks, I’ve got a lot of complements from others.)
But I said no. I’ve never shared my clothes with anyone. Call me selfish or anything, but I’m just not at all comfortable. I think that by doing this, the special piece loses it’s value for the owner.
Once my mom lent a dress to her sister. My aunt uploaded pictures wearing it literally on every social media middle aged people here use, almost everyone assumed that it’s my aunt’s dress. It was almost a new one, my mom lost confidence in it and never wore it again. This incident made me even more firm.
Now girlfriend tried to argue with me over it, pointing out that as I’m wearing another suit at the wedding so what is the problem. Families do it all the time. But I’m strongly taking my side. She called me a selfish, uncooperative guy. AITA?
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We’re 24M and 23F. Together since college and recently started living under one roof. Our relationship is generally good with mild ups and downs.
She has a brother, 19M. Their close cousin is getting married soon. GF wants me to let him wear my tuxedo, as he doesn’t have a good formal wear and has complemented my tuxedo in pics. She said that he wants to buy something similar but hasn’t found till now. (It’s actually a unique one, both by material and looks, I’ve got a lot of complements from others.)
But I said no. I’ve never shared my clothes with anyone. Call me selfish or anything, but I’m just not at all comfortable. I think that by doing this, the special piece loses it’s value for the owner.
Once my mom lent a dress to her sister. My aunt uploaded pictures wearing it literally on every social media middle aged people here use, almost everyone assumed that it’s my aunt’s dress. It was almost a new one, my mom lost confidence in it and never wore it again. This incident made me even more firm.
Now girlfriend tried to argue with me over it, pointing out that as I’m wearing another suit at the wedding so what is the problem. Families do it all the time. But I’m strongly taking my side. She called me a selfish, uncooperative guy. AITA?
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> My action of not letting my BIL wear my tuxedo should be judged as it might make me asshole
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
I think your perspective on clothes is quite strange (why would they lose their value if someone else borrows them if they don’t damage them? Why would it matter who people think bought it?) but still NTA. It’s your tux, presumably it was an expensive item, you don’t have to lend it out if you don’t want to.
You don’t have to loan out your clothes but this seems like a REALLY strange hill to die on. It sounds like you’re not concerned about the tux being ruined or anything like that. You’re just worried that someone else might get complimented while wearing your clothes? Or – heaven forbid – someone might think the tux belongs to the cousin?
I want to vote Y-T-A but this mindset is so foreign to me that I just have to assume I’m missing something.
Clothes don’t lose their value after lending them out. That’s made up in your mind. NTA for refusing to lend your clothes out, though. They’re yours and you decide what to do with it.
Your brother in law could just rent a tuxedo for the day.
I used to share a wardrobe with my sister in my teens, as long as my parents bought our clothes, and my friends kept commenting how my sister was so nice to lend me her clothes. She was more popular and always wore new stuff first, so people thought they were hers. I hated it. So I get that point.
But I think it’s enough that lending clothes wears on them and it’s really up to you. Nobody is entitled to your clothes. You’re not an AH for not lending, and he’s not an AH for asking.
The AH’s are the ones name-calling here.
You don’t have to, but it sure is a bit odd to me to have a problem with it… In fact the bit about the mother and never wanting to wear the dress again is so deeply bizarre to me that I don’t think I can actually understand the mindset at all…
NTA. I don’t like lending my clothes out. I personally don’t like the thought of someone else sweating and getting their dead skin cells in my clothes. Yes, I am fully aware that they get washed, but I do get a somewhat irrational ick that the sweat and dead skin was there in the first place 🤷🏼♀️😅
NTA
It’s your tux. Borrowing it to someone would be a favour. No matter what your GF thinks, you don’t need to do favours for her relatives or friends. It would be nice to, but not obligatory.
Even if the brother is broke and can’t rent (~$200+/weekend) appropriate outfit to the wedding, he should be trying to mooch off from his family. That being said, this is not a hill I’d die on; consider how strongly your GF feels abou this. YMMV.
NTA.
I don’t care why you don’t want to let anyone borrow your tuxedo. He can rent a tuxedo.
I wouldn’t lend out my nice, unique formal wear.
NTA
Some clothing is deeply personal, from a favorite hoodie, pair of shoes, to a tux. Even if it’s not meaningful, you still don’t have to justify saying no to lending out your possessions.
You’re not a library. He can rent a tux.
NTA and you don’t have to give a reason why you don’t want to lend it.
Your girlfriend is NTA for asking the question and you are NTA for declining the request. She is, however, being unreasonable by badgering you about it. Whatever your reason for saying no, it’s still a complete and valid response.
I have never, not once, remembered a particular tux or suit a man wore to a wedding or really any event other than maybe high school prom if they wore something comical and my own wedding where the men all wore kilts. I can’t believe people worry about such things. That being said, if it’s important to you, then that should be respected and she and her brother need to move on and find something else for him to wear. Nothing wrong with her asking, nothing wrong with you saying no. NTA