We already had a name picked out and I’ve been calling our unborn child by this name. My boyfriend now wants to change the middle name and I do NOT want to. It was originally A.L.D. It was just some random words I had said and we both IMMEDIATLY loved it. I still do. His family already makes me feel like a shitty mother because im not the same race as them I would like this baby to be just as much mine as it is his. My boyfriends name is B.D.D.Jr. His dad is B.D.D. And my boyfriend randomly asked if we can change our unborn sons name to A.D.D. So that the baby would be “his in some way” the baby already has his last name, we live with his family, and I already feel as though I’m not connecting with my baby due to everybody making me feel like it’s his child not mine. AITA for wanting to keep my baby’s name as what we agreed on?
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We already had a name picked out and I’ve been calling our unborn child by this name. My boyfriend now wants to change the middle name and I do NOT want to. It was originally A.L.D. It was just some random words I had said and we both IMMEDIATLY loved it. I still do. His family already makes me feel like a shitty mother because im not the same race as them I would like this baby to be just as much mine as it is his. My boyfriends name is B.D.D.Jr. His dad is B.D.D. And my boyfriend randomly asked if we can change our unborn sons name to A.D.D. So that the baby would be “his in some way” the baby already has his last name, we live with his family, and I already feel as though I’m not connecting with my baby due to everybody making me feel like it’s his child not mine. AITA for wanting to keep my baby’s name as what we agreed on?
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It should be a compromise both of you love
Sounds like you’re both torn on these two names.
So try to find a third name that you both like
NTA This is a tricky one because hopefully you’ll be able to find names you both love. You’ve been referring to the baby as ALD names because that’s what BF agreed to use. This is a rough time to back out.
You come across as unhappy about giving the baby the dad’s last name. His family’s racism doesn’t help. Are you sure that’s what you want to do? If you don’t want to give the baby your last name, you could also include your last name as the middle name, or as a second middle name, or hyphenate both last names.
Gently, ESH. Names are a joint decision. I know you think that his having the last name counts toward the whole, but he should have equal input into the first and middle name. The child is just as much his. If you guys can’t agree on what you currently have, then you should definitely go back to the drawing board. Names are a two-yes deal. One no means that it’s a no.
Yes
How about a compromise?
Dad chooses son and mom chooses daughter with some input from both?
I chose my son’s name with input from wife.
Wife made the final decision for our 2 daughters. I just had one request. No girl name ending in “y”, “ie”, “I”, or “ey” since I think thats too childish sounding for an adult woman.
If you aren’t married that baby should get your surname.
Have you tried looking for D names that you both love? What I’ve always heard (and I agree) is that baby names are a ‘2 yes, 1 no’ situation.
ESH – Bottom line: If you can’t work out something like this, you have no business raising kids. The problems only get harder for here. Rather than either of you ‘winning’ you could agree to choose something brand new, just as an example. Parents need to be on the same page. You’re going to have to work this out.
NTA. Fixed it.
FIRST OFF, the baby is “his in some way” based on the fact that 50% of its genetic makeup is his, so he can fuck right off with that. This reeks of the sort of man who wants to deny the innate responsibility for the kid that he took on by helping create it, and only take responsibility conditionally. I know that you’ve already procreated with him, so what’s done is done, but consider this and its potential implications when/if you decide if you want to marry this guy.
That said, names should be a joint decision, and you should find a compromise, but not until he comes up with a better excuse for wanting to change the agreed-upon name in the first place.
ETA I just read that grandad is in prison…I’m not saying perfectly good people can’t end up in prison, but please think long and hard about how deep you want to get into this family and how much of his family history you want to venerate for future generations.
Edit 2: deadbeat toxic dads and the women who mate with them can downvote all y’all want
NTA. Both of you should agree on the name and “his in some way” is a BS reason since it’s literally his child and you plan to give him his last name. Also, if you came up with the original first and middle names together, then he was part of naming the kid.
I wouldn’t be surprised if a relative is pushing for this.
The rest of how you feel and how you’re being treated is above Reddit’s paygrade and if you have loving family/friends nearby, I’d personally go talk to them about what you’re facing and if they’re willing to help you.
Why on Earth does changing the initials make the baby “his in some way??” I’m having a hard time getting past that comment. It sounds really manipulative. How does his family make you feel like it’s more his baby than yours?? And what does your bf do about it?
You need to share the responsibility on both names. If you get the first name, you let him do the second name if he does the first name then you get the second name it.
You’re NTA. Usually I’d be all in for the compromise/both agree stance.
But you all had already picked out a name you both agreed upon and now it smells very strongly like his family is influencing his push to give your child a different name with some frankly terrible initials.
I’m literally unable to move past being awestruck that the baby he contributed 50% of the DNA for somehow isn’t “his in some way” despite, you know.
Being 50% his.
Combined with the racist parents and them making you feel like you’re just a vessel for their son’s immaculately conceived child, there is a bigger issue here that makes me deeply uncomfortable.
ALDD?
Nah. The person that births the child gets the final say on the name. You can’t change my mind.
NTA although unmarried and giving the baby his last name is definitely not traditional. Traditionally baby gets mother’s last name. Since you’re not married and do not have father’s last name, baby is being named after the father and with how his side isn’t amazing to you, I’d think again about keeping his family name for your child.
Personally, I would just say no in this case since yiu guys had previously agreed. You are sacrificing your body for this baby, I would say you have more naming power. Cant change my mind about it. (Also, women will, in most cases, be the only one able to carry and birth said baby, altering her mind and body forever AND be the default parent for the rest of that child’s childhood).
ESH BUT, this looks like it’ll be bigger problems down the line than the name with them not liking you and you living with them…. please protect your baby and yourself. He’s going to be going against you with his family.
Ask him if that’s what HE wants or what his family told him he wants.
I don’t know where you live, but “ADD” is also a(n antiquated) term for a disability diagnosis in most English speaking countries. Kids can be cruel teases, and I’m not sure you want to give your kid initials that can be so easily made fun of.
NTA.
Your body, your birth, your baby name. He already agreed, too.
NTA And be careful when it comes time to fill in paperwork post-birth. If HE does it, he may use the name HE wants and ignore your agreed moniker for the child.