I recently hosted a milestone birthday at my home, and had a local caterer create a grazing table spread for the celebration. After she set it up, I noticed that she was taking photos of the spread. While I understand why she wanted to promote her work on social media, I didn’t feel comfortable with her photos. Not only was my home pretty visible in the photos, but as part of the table decorations, my husband had set up lots of family photos that were visible between all of the dishes. Due to the layout of the decorations, there was no way the photos could be avoided in any pictures.
I kindly asked her to not take photos, and to her credit she did stop. But there was definitely a lot of tension and and she left quickly in a bit of a huff. A few hours later, she sent me an email saying that taking photos of her work when she was finished was normal, and that she thought I had acted unprofessionally. She also said that I was impacting her ability to get clients by preventing her from using the photos on social media.
I told her that we paid her in full for the work, and she had never discussed taking pictures of the spread. I also explained that her photos clearly captured personal family photos which violated my privacy. She only responded by saying that it was no different than if someone took a picture of me in a public space. I begged to differ because it’s not like a stranger would have burst into the delivery room to take pictures of giving birth to my first daughter!
My friend heard about the exchange (I was venting a little at a dinner with my girlfriends), and she said that she understood where the caterer was coming from, and that her daughter also relies on social media for clients for her business.
The table was kind of split, and I guess I wanted an unbiased opinion on whether or not I was being too sensitive about the whole thing. I appreciate any feedback!
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I recently hosted a milestone birthday at my home, and had a local caterer create a grazing table spread for the celebration. After she set it up, I noticed that she was taking photos of the spread. While I understand why she wanted to promote her work on social media, I didn’t feel comfortable with her photos. Not only was my home pretty visible in the photos, but as part of the table decorations, my husband had set up lots of family photos that were visible between all of the dishes. Due to the layout of the decorations, there was no way the photos could be avoided in any pictures.
I kindly asked her to not take photos, and to her credit she did stop. But there was definitely a lot of tension and and she left quickly in a bit of a huff. A few hours later, she sent me an email saying that taking photos of her work when she was finished was normal, and that she thought I had acted unprofessionally. She also said that I was impacting her ability to get clients by preventing her from using the photos on social media.
I told her that we paid her in full for the work, and she had never discussed taking pictures of the spread. I also explained that her photos clearly captured personal family photos which violated my privacy. She only responded by saying that it was no different than if someone took a picture of me in a public space. I begged to differ because it’s not like a stranger would have burst into the delivery room to take pictures of giving birth to my first daughter!
My friend heard about the exchange (I was venting a little at a dinner with my girlfriends), and she said that she understood where the caterer was coming from, and that her daughter also relies on social media for clients for her business.
The table was kind of split, and I guess I wanted an unbiased opinion on whether or not I was being too sensitive about the whole thing. I appreciate any feedback!
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My caterer wanted to take pictures of her work in my home, but I refused because I felt like it invaded my privacy. She said she needed the photos to attract clients though, which could make me an AH if I stopped her from getting more work.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
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NTA . You paid for a service in your home and photos were not discussed. She could have asked you place your photos on the table after the food went out and protected your privacy.
NTA. She should have asked first. It was in your home and contained personal items. I do know some places will have lines in their contract about photos for advertising. Check your contract. Without it, she can’t.
NTA
She should have asked.
It was your home, not a public place.
It’s not hurting her business.
Being sued for publishing your photos could ruin her business.
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You’re NTA for not wanting your family photos shown on social media but perhaps you could have removed the photos from the table, just while she took photos. I understand the inside of your home was also photographed in the background but it’s not likely that anyone on social media would be able to draw any connection from that type of imagery. Photos of people can be searched online so I understand your concern there. I wouldn’t want those photos online either.
She should have discussed this with you beforehand. I understand this is how businesses get noticed now, and that updating social media is like updating your design portfolio but discussing this with the client is an important step in professionalism.
NTA. She should have asked first. Had she communicated you probably could have temporarily moved some of the pictures so she could snap her pics without showcasing your home.
NTA, but was the milestone 50?
NTA When I got a tattoo the artist asked before they took pictures because THAT is the professional thing to do. It should always be discussed first
YTA, just ask that she blur the photos that were part of the table, ita easy to do with any smartphone photo app. You’re a drama queen.
Look, I get that the hustle is tough out there– I’ve been a freelancer. But it is not the client’s responsibility to help the businessowner find more clients. You don’t owe her any more than what was agreed upon in your contract with the caterer.
In the immortal words of Don Draper, “that’s what the money is for!”
(It’s not impossible to have a clause about using work for future promotional purposes, but I’m assuming she didn’t have this.)
> she thought I had acted unprofessionally
You’re not the professional, so who cares.
She acted unprofessionally. She didn’t gain consent to take photos up-front, she wrote an argumentative and insulting reply to you.
NTA
Going with ESH. The caterer should have asked first, but there was definitely room for compromise. You could have allowed pictures if she showed less of the background (your home) and blurred the people in the photos that were on the table. You could also have even taken the photos off the table for a few seconds while she took her pictures. This is a big ole tempest in a teapot.
NTA- ish- the only reason you’re not the AH is because the caterer should have baked her media needs into the contract, and if she had, you would not only be the AH, but in breach. Maybe because I’m in a major city, most freelancers include a fine print social media clause.
Let me also add that, instead of immediately shutting her down from promoting her work, you could have, and should have voiced your concerns. She could have easily tweaked the photos to remove any identifying factors and allowed you to approve of those changes prior to posting.
The entire workforce landscape has changed in an incredibly short amount of time- many creative freelancers rely on social media to survive in the market- this may be an adjustment for you, and there’s no shame in having reservations, but if you want an artfully crafted smorgasbord, or a trendy decorator, or an artist mural on a nursery wall, etc., you may have to compromise and allow the creatives the self-promotion that allowed you to find them in the first place.
NTA. Unless it was in her contract. Many caterers and event vendors include that in their contracts or ask clients to sign photo releases. She should have done that, or asked for a verbal confirmation on site.
That said, I do think taking event pictures is fairly normal for caterers. For marketing but also for internal purposes, such as having a record of their work, reference photos for other staff, etc. So while you’re NTA I can understand how the disconnect happened.
NTA. Marketing is her problem. If her using your event for marketing wasn’t part of what you agreed on, then she had no right to take photos in your home. I would have said that I would allow her to use photos of my event for marketing in exchange for a 15% discount on her services. Bet she would not be interested in that. You don’t owe her publicity. You paid for her to do a job. If she wants to show her work, then she should arrange for that.
Good God! Maybe she was taking pictures of her work for her records. I’m sure she knows about copyrights and social media. She could have asked, yes, but most people wouldn’t have a problem with it. She probably thought you were a normal person. You sound like you like being the victim.
Yes.
It’s not really either being the asshole. It’s more, both parties could have handled it better, before during and after. It’s simple to adjust the personal content out, she should have told you she needed a couple pictures. Just failure to communicate. Neither at fault, neither right. Nah
NTA. If her business model requires photos of every clients with to continue getting business, that’s her issue and responsibility to communicate to her clients.
She could either ask for consent, or even offer a discount to add you to her portfolio.
Needing every client to have photos of their service taken is a bad business model. And her responding to your request how she did was incredibly unprofessional. As the professional in the situation, thats on her. Her accusation about you acting unprofessionally doesn’t make sense. You weren’t a professional in this situation, you were a client asking your vendor to respect your personal privacy. That’s perfectly reasonable and not rude. And as the professional, it was on her to outline any expectations she had.
Your home and personal items should be respected. It’s similar to as if you hired a makeup artist or a boudoir photographer who provides a service but does not have permission to photos photos of those services without permission.
Nta. I would NEVER take a picture of someone else picture
NTA. Your house is private property, not an event space. If she was actually professional she would have known to ask that first.
How it helps her business is not your problem.
I agree that you weren’t being professional. But that was kind of the whole point of hiring her. You’re the client. SHE is the one who needs to be professional.
I would have let her take photos if she agreed to blur the personal family photos you had displayed.
Absolutely not.
She should not only ask, but have you sign a release for photos.
I do think it is normal to take pictures, but the ones I’ve seen from vendors have NOT included much of the surroundings. So my sister’s dessert table at her baby shower and later a multi-birthday party were amazing, the baker took pictures and posted on instagram, but I only knew it was my sister’s because of the timing, theme and the table cloth color. You couldn’t see anything of the actual location or people. I think the caterer should have known not to just assume she could show the faces and photographs. I suspect if she saw you pose next to the table, she wouldn’t have felt comfortable snapping a pic herself and posting it to say – “hey look at what I catered for [OP]” without asking and is just salty because she got called out and didn’t get her way. NTA
NTA.
How did you act unprofessional when you’re the customer??
SHE acted unprofessional.
You purchased a product- her food. You paid her for the food. It’s not your obligation to help her create marketing content.
If she was a real professional, she would have had something in the contract. That way if you expressed your discomfort prior, she could have taken photos of the food before she got there, or been a bit creative. Instead, she screwed herself by not asking permission and not giving herself time to figure out alternative ways to create marketing content.
Also- taking a pic of you in public is far different than including pictures of your home- inside or out – and pictures of your family.
Your friend is an AH too for not having common sense.
NTA.
She should offer a discount if she is wanting to use photos for social media, and be prepared for someone to say no, for either privacy reasons or just because they just don’t want to.
You’re not obligated to act “professionally”, you’re the customer.
Also, it’s entirely reasonable that you didn’t want images of your family posted to her Instagram feed.
NTA
NTA. She should have asked you during the planning process if you minded her taking photos. Had she done that, perhaps pics could have been taken before the family photos were added. I would have reacted the same way – I wouldn’t want my family photos clearly visible on someone’s IG (especially if she has a lot of followers). I suppose as a compromise you could have agreed to let her post them but only if she blurred the family photos, but she probably would have said that would ruin the esthetic. She acted unprofessionally and should have just apologized when you told her to stop.
NTA. The caterer didn’t mention any promotional photos in any of your conversations, so that’s on them. Honestly if they were smart about it it would be part of the agreement that some in-situ photos for promo would be taken. They messed up not caring enough to directly communicate their desire to take pics and failing to gain permission from the client.
The “its the same as taking photos in public” is a really stupid response since you were inside your private domicile. Just move on and don’t recommend this caterer to anyone in the future, they have a bad attitude.
NTA. She has to ask your permission and get your consent before she can do that. Ask a friend who is a lawyer. If you signed a contract, it should be stipulated.
She said you “acted unprofessionally.” Remind her you weren’t the professional in this scenario.
NTA it’s something that needed to be discussed and negotiated when you first hired her, so you could have set up an area with no personal stuff on display. Maybe I’m crazy but if she wants to use the work you paid for to advertise that should also mean a discounted price for you. This caterer went about it all wrong, and I guess just expects people to be too scared to speak up when she’s doing something you’re 100% in the right to not want.
NTA. “Unprofessional” does not apply here in the way she used it. It’s actually ridiculous that she tried to hang that label on you. You are the paying client, not the one being paid to provide a service, so there is no professional behavior required of you.
She was the one being unprofessional. If she wanted to get some promotional photos of the spread, she should have informed you about that before setting it up and asked you to wait a few minutes to place the family photos, so she could do so.
She should also commit to blurring the background before posting any pictures so that the interior of your home is minimally visible on her social media. THAT would be handling the situation in a professional manner.
I mean you had private family photos all over the table and your home was visible. It’s very reasonable that you didn’t want all that on her page. NTA she might have asked ahead of time and then you might have planned to wait until she’d taken the photos to display your photos.
NTA She was unprofessional. She should have asked you ahead of time. And if you said yes, she could have done it without personal pictures.
Taking the pictures is in no way the same as taking them in public. That’s a stupid comment.
I would monitor her website that she doesn’t post them.
NAH. I think you’re being a bit restrictive. She wants to take pictures because a) she’s done her best work for you, and wants to show other clients her best, and b) your set up was so good it was the perfect setting to complement her food. It’s a creative service, and it’s not a faux pas to want to take advantage of the perfect opportunity to document it.
I understand your reticence, but the easiest solution is as simple as asking her to credit you prominently as the stylist/decorator/host wherever the images are posted, and having her edit the photo frames to blur, redact, or otherwise replace your private photos. It’s not a threat to your privacy if all the focus is on the food.
I will concede that the caterer should have made you aware of her intention and given you the chance to respond BEFORE taking photos — that’s the professional way to do it. I assume there was no clause about this in your contract? She would do well to add this in to clear up expectations.