I (21M) just turned 21 and planned a small birthday party at my apartment with some close friends. Nothing crazy, just drinks, music, and games. I specifically told everyone it was going to be chill and that I was only inviting people I personally know well.
One of my friends, “Emily,” asked if she could bring her new boyfriend. I’ve never met the guy and I’ve heard some sketchy stuff about him from mutual friends. I told her I’d prefer if it was just our usual group, and she said, “Okay, no problem.”
Well, the night of the party comes, and guess who shows up with her? Yup her boyfriend. I was super annoyed but didn’t want to cause a scene, so I just gave her a look and tried to ignore it.
But then he started making weird comments, got too flirty with one of my other friends, and even spilled beer on my carpet. At that point, I pulled Emily aside and told her he needed to leave. She got mad, left with him, and now she’s telling people I overreacted and “ruined the night over nothing.”
Some of my friends say I was being too controlling, but others said she disrespected me and ignored my rules. It’s been awkward since, and I don’t know whether to apologize, double down, or just let the friendship fade.
So Reddit… AITA?
And what should I do now? Should I reach out or let it go?
Comments
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I (21M) just turned 21 and planned a small birthday party at my apartment with some close friends. Nothing crazy, just drinks, music, and games. I specifically told everyone it was going to be chill and that I was only inviting people I personally know well.
One of my friends, “Emily,” asked if she could bring her new boyfriend. I’ve never met the guy and I’ve heard some sketchy stuff about him from mutual friends. I told her I’d prefer if it was just our usual group, and she said, “Okay, no problem.”
Well, the night of the party comes, and guess who shows up with her? Yup her boyfriend. I was super annoyed but didn’t want to cause a scene, so I just gave her a look and tried to ignore it.
But then he started making weird comments, got too flirty with one of my other friends, and even spilled beer on my carpet. At that point, I pulled Emily aside and told her he needed to leave. She got mad, left with him, and now she’s telling people I overreacted and “ruined the night over nothing.”
Some of my friends say I was being too controlling, but others said she disrespected me and ignored my rules. It’s been awkward since, and I don’t know whether to apologize, double down, or just let the friendship fade.
So Reddit… AITA?
And what should I do now? Should I reach out or let it go?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked my friend not to bring her boyfriend to my party because I didn’t know him and wanted to keep it to close friends only. She agreed, but brought him anyway. I asked him to leave after he caused issues. Now she’s upset and saying I ruined the night. I might be the asshole because I kicked him out and made her feel unwelcome, even though it was my party.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
You are NTA and I would do nothing.
Your friend ignored your initial explanation about a small guest list and asked to bring someone you don’t even know. Then when you kindly declined she brought him anyway. Then she badmouthed you to your friends.
If she wants to maintain the friendship, she is going to have to come to you and apologize. With a little luck she will just go on her merry way.
NTA
She asked and then bought him anyway after you said no, she’s the asshole.
NTA. You told her not to bring him and she did it anyway which is disrespectful. It’s your party so you get to control the guest list. Funny that she’s saying you ruined the night since it was her bf that ruined it by being an AH.
NTA. Let her talk. She’s just digging the hole deeper. Don’t give it any energy. Like zero. If anyone brings it up, just say something like, “That’s not something that needs any more energy.” Focus on your next fun thing!
NTA
Your party, your guest list
NTA – Your place your rules.
NTA and you sure don’t owe her an apology. She should be the one trying to make amends.
NTA. Unless you left something out, you didn’t “ruin THE night.” Her night was ruined, because she committed the party foul of bringing not just an uninvited guest, but a specifically disinvited guest, who turned out to behave poorly enough to justify your desire not to have him there in the first place.
I’m not going to answer your question “what should I do now?” because this is not an advice sub (it’s actually against the rules for you to have asked).
And one other criticism I’ll mention (and I repeat, you’re NTA overall and I’m on your side): “spilled beer on my carpet” is absolutely not a reason a normal person would kick someone out of their party, and referring to it like it was the greatest sin of all actually has the effect of weakening your argument.
NTA, they both left and the party improved.
Emily knew you didn’t want him there and she brought him anyway. Talk about rude! I would have shut her down at the door. She’s not much of a friend so just let it go, along with Emily. NTA
NTA
Let it go, let her go,
NTA, but grow a spine. You should have refused to let him stay in the first place. A friend disrespectful enough to bring along an uninvited person is bad enough. Bringing a person you specifically told her is NOT invited and not welcome? This person is not your friend, and neither is anyone siding with her. Your event, your decision. Period.
NTA
Forget reaching out.
You did nothing wrong.
To the fiends that gave you grief go over to their place and pour a beer on their carpet.
NTA, when you said for him not to come. She had option not to come or come without her BF. She chose the AH option of ignoring you.
Emily is no friend. And even if you had invited her bf, as soon as he spilled beer on your carpet, he was out. And she didn’t mind that he flirted in front of her? That’s creepy. So to all the ones who said you are being controlling, ask them if they are ok with someone spilling beer on their rug. Stale beer smell is disgusting and it probably took a while to clean it up. Even if your 90 year old grandma spilled beer, she would be gently guided to bed and locked the door. You do not apologize.
But it sounds like Emily’s bf is the controlling one. He probably would not let her go without him. He flirts in her face and is rude and entitled. But that’s on her to deal with. Don’t invite her again.
Controlling? Does anyone in 2025 know what that word actually means? It is just thrown around randomly to cover every situation.
NTA. You told her he couldn’t come, she LIED about that being okay with her, brought him anyway, and then got mad when you booted him out for acting like a tool. You’re probably not going to want to be around this girl while she’s dating this dude.