I (26F) planned a kayaking trip with two of my friends, I have my own kayak and they were going to rent from the local shop. The night before, one friend asked if she could bring her big lab mix and I said no that the rentals don’t allow pets and honestly it felt unsafe, If the dog jumped out or tipped over the kayak it could ruin the whole trip and I even suggested we hang out after somewhere dog-friendly. She blew up and called me “controlling,” and said if her dog wasn’t welcome neither was she then she bailed and later told our mutuals that I “excluded” her. Now some people are acting like I was too strict.
All I wanted was a calm day on the lake, not babysitting a 70lb dog. AITA?
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I (26F) planned a kayaking trip with two of my friends, I have my own kayak and they were going to rent from the local shop. The night before, one friend asked if she could bring her big lab mix and I said no that the rentals don’t allow pets and honestly it felt unsafe, If the dog jumped out or tipped over the kayak it could ruin the whole trip and I even suggested we hang out after somewhere dog-friendly. She blew up and called me “controlling,” and said if her dog wasn’t welcome neither was she then she bailed and later told our mutuals that I “excluded” her. Now some people are acting like I was too strict.
All I wanted was a calm day on the lake, not babysitting a 70lb dog. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole because I didnt let my friend bring her dog on our kayaking trip and I feel bad for doing so
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Who are “some people”?
The rentals don’t allow pets. This has nothing to do with you being controlling, she needs to rent a kayak and the rental says no pets.
No is a complete sentence. The conversation should’ve stopped at ‘the rental doesn’t allow pets’. Your friend’s the AH for pushing after that.
NTA
NTA! You did not exclude her! You are simply sticking to the place’s rules! If she wants to kayak with her dog, she can go herself to a pet friendly resort. You were fair with the offer you gave her, it’s her loss if she refused it!
NTA People need to learn to go places without their pets. I love my cats and dogs but I don’t bring them on vacations with other people.
NTA. A dog isn’t an appropriate travel companion for a kayak trip.
NTA: I am a person who likes to have her dog with her everywhere I can. If someone doesn’t want the dog, I might not go. It doesn’t mean I’m not welcome, it means they have the right to not have my dog there and I have the right to decide to not go and it’s all ok. He’s my dog, not someone else’s.
NTA
But if the rentals don’t allow dogs, the whole convo could/should have stopped right there.
NTA
How were YOU too strict. If the rental place doesn’t allow dogs then that’s in no way your fault.
NTA. The trip plan made was dog unsafe and against the rules. She chose to escalate it and spin it to others. The only thing you might be guilty of is not sugar-coating the “no,” but that doesn’t make you TA – just direct
NTA. People who take their dog literally everywhere (unless it’s a service dog) are so cringe. I have allergies and they’re infringing on my right to have a non stuffed nose.
“The rental DOES NOT approves pets”. The story should have ended here.
NTA you kept a dog safe.
NTA, I have a different take. Betting she knew that the rental place wouldn’t approve and that you wouldn’t want the dog with you. She’s decided she didn’t really want to go, so by asking, she makes you look bad instead of her fessing up.
NTA and how the hell is it your fault if the rental place says no?
Why would a dog want to go on a kayak? NTA
ESH. She wasn’t using your kayak, you don’t need to provide an answer on behalf of the tenant company. Tell her you’re unsure if they allow dogs and suggest she call or let her bring her dog and let them tell her no. Then you’re not the bad person.
NTA, rentals ban pets and a 70lb dog is chaos.
No – I am officially a crazy dog lady. But my dogs are capable of staying at home while I do activities that aren’t dog friendly. There is a difference between mutual adoration and unhealthy codependence. NTA
NTA. Dog people needs to understand that not everyone allows dogs
NTA
the rental place doesn’t allow it. that’s not you being strict or excluding….
though I will say it’s not really a safety thing for the dog..if the dog falls off in a lake it can swim right? if you were in rapids or a Great Lake that’d be different
NTA – who brings a dog kayaking.
NTA – like you said, not only does the rental place not allow pets, but it’s a genuine safety issue. She’s definitely out of line for calling you “controlling”.
NTA
NTA
Crazy dog dad here, and I have the good sense to know when it’s appropriate or not to bring my dogs.
If she wants to kayak with her dog, she can plan the trip.
Wybta if she asked to bring her five year old human child on said trip. Answer is the same for the bark boy
NTA imo, tbh. Managing a kayak in itself is a task, let alone with a big furry friend! Seems like she was more up for a doggie day out than a kayaking session. Constantly worrying about a lab goofin’ around is defo not my idea of chill out time. Tell her to pull the stick outta her butt or gtfo.
The rental place doesn’t allow pets/- likely for liability and other reasons. If that friend has never taken that pet kayaking before, this isn’t an unreasonable boundary— and you DID offer a pet-friendly addition to the plans. She’s mad that the dog isn’t a viable 4th member of the boating party? That’s on her, not on you. You’re allowed to make a trip like this humans-only.
Edited to add: NTA
Look if she wants to find a rental place that allows this or buy her own kayak she can do it. And anyone who wants to kayak with her and her dog can join them. Nature weeds them out. NTA.
Send the rental link to her & the group where it says no dogs
I can’t imagine trying to get a big dog back into a kayak, and I’ll bet I’m much stronger than her.
NTA. The rentals not allowing it solves it for you. Tell all your mutual friends to stop her lies right in their tracks.
She also could have asked about the dog sooner instead of the night before. I would have known immediately as a dog owner arrangements would need to be made if they weren’t coming.
Who are these “some people” that always seem to exist chime in on arguments that no one in theor right mind would ever even talk about? I guess if they’re in the same crowd of “others say.”
If you’re not careful, people will start “blowing up your phone,” and reminding you that “family helps family” even though they’re not family).
If the rental place doesn’t allow dogs, what option would she have? Did you tell her this?
NTA. “They kayak rentals don’t allow pets. This was not my decision”
It’s a lab mix so for sure it is going into the water. That’s the nature of labs. Can it swim? Probably but it should be wearing a life jacket anyway. Just not on this trip.
NTA. Have you used words to explain to real truth to your friends?
Nta, if she was so invested in her dog going on the trip SHE should have made arrangements for her dog. If her dog were really a priority, she would have sorted this sooner than the night before.
No. I don’t understand why people feel the need to IMPOSE their dogs or pets to another person. I really miss that time when dogs were dogs, not babies
NTA- I suppose she is the only one that doesn’t care about the safety of her pet.
Has she been kayaking with her dog before? Because all your concerns are valid. And just because this dog did it once or twice (try to give benefit of the doubt), was it recent? And what kind of kayak, because that makes a huge difference. What kind of lake/river/conditions?
If you mentioned it “it feels unsafe” that’s your screw up. “I’m sorry, the rentals don’t allow animals on their kayaks, as per their rental agreement.” Only if she suggested the dog goes on yours do you say anything along the lines of “I am not confident and comfortable enough to take the dog on mine. I worry I would tip and all our gear would get soaked.”
As for the friends saying you bailed “I didn’t bail, she changed the conditions of her attending and her dog couldn’t be accommodated by the rental. I never knew she intended to bring the dog.”
NTA.
I once arrived to a river kayak trip to find that a friend had brought his parents’ Jack Russel with him, intending to take her along on the trip.
He forgot to bring a leash, so he tied an elastic paddle tether to her collar.
It didn’t work, she was all over the place, wouldn’t stay in the kayak, kept running off into the woods.
At the same time I discovered that the kayak I was borrowing had a leak in it. We were still close to he put in point so I said I’d just go back and wait by the car for them to be done and come back in a few hours. No big deal, it was a nice summer day.
Friend asked me to take the dog with and I grudgingly agreed to do so.
As soon as the group was out of sight the dog slipped her collar and took off into the woods. Would listen to me, didn’t come back. We were deep in the wilderness.
So I waited by the car until they came back. I told them what happened. Dog friend lost his shit at me until our other friends that it was his fault for bringing the dog in the first place, also not having a leash.
We spent the night at the parking area yelling for the dog, walking up and down the road yelling for her, she didn’t show up.
I had to go back to work the next day so I did that.
I checked in every few days to ask about the dog, but they didn’t find her.
2 months later he finds a found dog flyer at the local food store, it’s his dog. They get reunited, dog is fat as hell now.
So yeah, don’t take dogs kayaking. It sucks.
NTA. She was not permitted to bring her dog per the rental agreement with the outfitter. They can be as “controlling” as they please with their property.
Also, where in the world is that lab mix going to sit?! There is literally no room for a dog that big unless it’s a sit on top kayak. If doggo gets excited and moves would she be able to keep both of them in the boat? If not, could she get them both back into the boat? I don’t think she thought this through.