I (27M) come from poverty – like, bad poverty. Myself, my parents and two sisters grew up in a studio apartment barely surviving and it was horrible. I loved my family, but I hated my living situation. Because I found it so hard at home, I threw myself into my studies. I was in every extra curricular and ended up doing really well in school because of how much time I spent there studying and doing extra credit etc.
Thankfully, this got me a full ride to the college of my dreams and my family were really proud of me. I did great at college and enjoyed having my own space in the dorms. I left and went straight into work – I saved a lot of money, made good investments and was frugal which now means I’m financially stable and have a really sweet house with my girlfriend (21F) as well as helping my parents and sister out.
Recently, we decided to branch out into owning and renting properties and bought a neat little apartment near where my friend, who we’ll call P (34M), is based. P recently found himself homeless after falling short on rent a few too many times. He’s been couch surfing and it’s only gotten worse since he lost his job for failing a drug test. He found out through another friend of ours that me and my girlfriend got this apartment and has been blowing up my phone non stop about wondering if he could stay in it. I called him back last night and said that I was happy to rent it to him, but that he couldn’t live there rent-free as it just wouldn’t be sustainable for me. He called me an AH and said I made more than enough money for him to stay there just until he was back on his feet.
I feel bad because I know this could help him, but I also don’t trust him. His last apartment was a wreck, and even if I was to rent it to him – what’s to say he pays it? My girlfriend thinks we should let him stay there for a bit until he at least has a job, but I don’t trust him to hold his end of the bargain and only stay there short-term as he has a reputation for being given an inch and taking a mile.
AITA?
UPDATE: I’ve put my foot down and showed my girlfriend these comments and she now agrees with me. We’ve told P that we won’t let him stay, nor will we rent to him, and he’s gone mad. He sent messages to my mom, our friends, even my girlfriends aunt. Luckily, everyone agrees with us and last I heard, his sister had checked him into rehab.
P, if you ever see this, hope you’re doing better man.
Comments
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I (27M) come from poverty – like, bad poverty. Myself, my parents and two sisters grew up in a studio apartment barely surviving and it was horrible. I loved my family, but I hated my living situation. Because I found it so hard at home, I threw myself into my studies. I was in every extra curricular and ended up doing really well in school because of how much time I spent there studying and doing extra credit etc.
Thankfully, this got me a full ride to the college of my dreams and my family were really proud of me. I did great at college and enjoyed having my own space in the dorms. I left and went straight into work – I saved a lot of money, made good investments and was frugal which now means I’m financially stable and have a really sweet house with my girlfriend (21F) as well as helping my parents and sister out.
Recently, we decided to branch out into owning and renting properties and bought a neat little apartment near where my friend, who we’ll call P (34M), is based. P recently found himself homeless after falling short on rent a few too many times. He’s been couch surfing and it’s only gotten worse since he lost his job for failing a drug test. He found out through another friend of ours that me and my girlfriend got this apartment and has been blowing up my phone non stop about wondering if he could stay in it. I called him back last night and said that I was happy to rent it to him, but that he couldn’t live there rent-free as it just wouldn’t be sustainable for me. He called me an AH and said I made more than enough money for him to stay there just until he was back on his feet.
I feel bad because I know this could help him, but I also don’t trust him. His last apartment was a wreck, and even if I was to rent it to him – what’s to say he pays it? My girlfriend thinks we should let him stay there for a bit until he at least has a job, but I don’t trust him to hold his end of the bargain and only stay there short-term as he has a reputation for being given an inch and taking a mile.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to let my friend stay in the apartment I rent for free because I don’t trust him and can’t afford that. However, if I did let him stay it could help him with his life.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA!
OMG, the entitlement. Here’s what I’d tell him:
Sorry, I’m not registered as a charity, and I still have to pay the mortgage. Plus, my building’s HOA does mandatory drug testing on all renters. Do you think you can pass?
Be ready to have him dropped as a friend and to lie to everyone. Let whoever you need to know so he doesn’t try to break in and claim squatters’ rights. You may have to go as far as filing a PO or whatever your version is. Make sure you do the kind that keeps him away from all properties you own, not just that one. Also, your girlfriend too.
I have thoughts on people buying income properties, but you seem decent and it’s just one, so imma shut up on it. Just so that you know my opinions are genuine.
NTA. Do not let that person stay in your apartment. He’ll never leave.
You can tell him and anyone who will listen that he needs to get his shit together, and staying rent-free isn’t going to help him do that. And if they think you’re wrong, they can put him up. NTA
NTA – this is a recipe for disaster. I’m guessing he wouldn’t be providing any deposit for damages, right? Even with an iron clad rental agreement for duration, how long does he want to stay there? How does this impact the longer-term financial plans you and your girlfriend have if it’s rent-free?
If you do cave to your girlfriend, please make her in charge of it all…when there’s complaints, damage, time for him to move out…if she wants to be that generous, she can handle the terms and enforce them….
NTA He had opportunities to keep a roof over his head and he blew it. What is going to change?
NTA. The guy sounds like he is going through a lot but he is not your responsibility. Your rental places are a source of your income. You didn’t get them to give them away. You know that he’s not a state of mind where he will even properly take care of the place. He’s not going to appreciate you letting him stay at your property. All he’s going to do is take advantage of you and make you lose not just rent money, but also repairs and cleaning money. God forbid he ends up becoming a squatter. Do not let him stay there even if temporarily until he finds a job. Cause I can tell you right now, he’s not going to walk out peacefully, and he’s not going to put the effort to get a job and a new place. He’s spiraling downward right now. Not upward.
As the saying goes, “no good deed goes unpunished”. Not wanting to play parent and become financially responsible for an adult going through things doesn’t make you an a*hole.
What can you do for him? Treat him to a meal every once in a while. Or call to check up on him. Or connect him with places that can help him. But do not become responsible for him.
NEVER!!! Rent to friends or family…my personal experience.
NTA. He lost his job because of drugs. That’s not just going to go away magically.
NTA and please let your gf know that if you let him in, he’ll never leave without months/years of legal fees/eviction process and repairs and the friendship would be ruined anyway. All you’re doing is saving money and time by telling him no now.
He will lie to you and say he’ll pay rent but won’t.
His situation is of his own making. no one made him fail that drug test. He did that.
He will use you and wreck your place. Don’t let him in even if he comes up with the first month.
NTA. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
NTA. He will never leave
NTA if he is well known for taking far more than given then absolutely nta for not letting him stay. It’s your property you make the decisions on it.
If you give an inch and they take a mile then you need to cut them off completely. I lent money to a friend many times and once in every 4 times I would get paid back for 1 time so I straight up told her I could not lend her money anymore. I couldn’t afford to. When she asked again (many more times and I said no every time) I finally cut her off as she wouldn’t say anything else except to ask for money.
NTA. You are uner no obligation to provide him a rent-free house, especially not when he’s wrecked his previous place and is failing drug tests…
NTA. Once he’s living there, good luck evicting him. You already know he’s a crappy tenant. Don’t be a sucker.
NTA he didn’t pay his rent at his last place so why would he pay it here, not to mention he doesn’t have a job now because he decided apparently drugs were more important. Nah let him dig himself out of his own hole.
NTA
I have rentals properties, and I would never rent to someone who has a history of eviction and failed drug tests.
It’s just bad business.
NTA, and it would be a good idea to just block him.
Never do business with friends
NTA. Unless there is a full blown rental agreement/contract that is legally iron clad, helping a friend would be a mistake. You need to talk to a lawyer before you have any renters. Know your rights versus your tenants’ rights. I say this because I f you let him in, he might become the squatter from hell who never ever leaves.
Nope nope nope. Do not, under any circumstances, let this man move in. You are NTA.
dont give him the chance to establish residence ie getting mail in his name there
NTA> You will never be able to get rid of him. Drug user, financially insolvent, no employment prospect….not even a parade in Bejing has so many red flags.
If you value the friendship, don’t do this. It won’t work out well for either of you, but especially not you. I’m not an advocate for lying, but it might be a time when everyone would be best served to tell him, oh, sorry, looks like we already have a potential renter, and then maybe have some resources for him you could line up instead or something.
NTA Stick to your guns. Your friend has made life choices for him that brought him to this state. He chooses drugs over rent, chooses not to clean his apartment, He chooses drugs over his job. He isn’t just going to straighten up and stop doing drugs because he’s living in your apartment. If anything, he sees a free ride in which he can forget about rent, because friendship; and keep doing drugs without having to clean up.
Don’t mix friendships, (even messy friendships) up with business. It never ends well. You cannot afford when you’re just starting to build up your portfolio, to have a messy drug led charity case living in one of your apartments. Everyone needs to grow up sometime and your mate needs to understand what rock bottom is, before he would even think about giving up the drugs. He may never achieve it.
Totally NTA for not letting him stay in the place rent free… BUT you are also crazy if you DO rent it to him.
He’s jobless due to drugs and homeless due to non-payment. Is this your idea of an “ideal tenant”?
NTA
Years ago, I knew a woman that let some friends live on a piece of property. She was just helping out some friends live their back to nature dream. Ok, yeah, they were hippies and this was the 80’s.
And that’s how she lost her property in the court system.
This is a bit different but could have the ultimate end result.
Really short synopsis- If you let him live there without a rental agreement, that’s a legal and liability problem and after a certain amount of time, you cant evict him without a huge headache. If you “rent” to him with a contract and he doesn’t pay, that’s an eviction problem. If you don’t evict him and he starts making improvements to the property, that’s how he can end up with it.
Do not do it.
NTA. You bought the house as an investment property so use it as such. I wouldn’t even rent it to him as once he moves in how do you plan to move a friend out when he is late on payments? It’s not an if it’s a when considering his drug use. Never involve friendship and finances. If he wants a full free ride he can find new friends to mooch off of. You should probably make new friends too who don’t abuse drugs and can be relied on.
NTA.
Demanding, entitled, blaming people are not deserving of charity and sacrifice.
Tell him it’s already rented and tell him about programs locally for drug issues and homelessness. He needs to start helping himself.
NTA. People make their beds and need to lay in them. It is not your job to hold people over when they make a track record they cannot argue with.
. P recently found himself homeless after falling short on rent a few too many times.
Considering this alone, then a call of entitlement.
Keep this “friend” far, far away.
No as one he is there you will spend lots of money and time to get him out and probably money to fix what he breaks.
He didn’t pay rent in his last place and now he’s doing drugs so absolutely not. You bought this to make money not as a free hotel.
You need to install a ring doorbell and put in a security camera inside until rented to make sure him nor anyone else tries to break in. I wouldn’t tell anyone about the camera either
Hard no! That’s the only advice you need. Just because you attained success, through hard work and effort does not make you a bandaid for those who chose to be careless and unaccountable. Hard, hard no!
This man couldn’t pay rent to the Business he signed a contract (lease) with. This man was fired for his drug problem. And you think he’ll show you any more respect? He has showed the world who he is, don’t let him harm you in the process of his downfall
NTA at all, it’d be a recipe for disaster.
Nope! He got fired from a job. He’s not responsible. He would just be freeloading off you.
NTA
No absolutely not this is a investment for you. Your friend needs some tough love. You need a rentalable space. Don’t do it.
Nope.
You are not an idiot so you already know the answer.
NTA.
He is essentially asking you to give him money (the rent that you know he won’t be paying and someone else would), a place to live, and a future expectation of a large cleaning and repair bill. If his situation didn’t sound self-inflicted I would be more sympathetic, but I don’t think he’s really looking for a break – he’s looking for a free ride.
NTA
You don’t need the drama or liability of a drug addict in your property, let alone his inability to maintain a job to be able to pay rent.
You’ll just end up with an eviction battle and potential damages
He failed a drug test. NO WAY. Unless you want your property to used by criminals ir in criminal activity, no. And he could stay without paying rent, by squatting. And it would be on you to try to evict him. I get people having a hard time and seeking help, etc., but in no way would I want this person as a “tenant”, paying or not. You worked HARD to get what you have and this guy doesn’t even know the meaning of effort or diligence.
NTA. Stick to your decision
If you let him move in, he will take as much as he can from you and become impossible to move out. You would have to end up evicting him like his last landlord.
I wouldn’t call someone like this a friend when he’s doing his best impression of a parasite.
You will end up having to hire an attorney and evicting him. Depending on the state it could a long haul and very costly.
Nope. NTA
NTA….you have worked hard for what you have.. and unfortunately , others will try and take advantage of your hard work.
Be firm in your NO…..if you lose him as a friend…he never was one to begin with.
NTA.
Don’t rent to someone who has a history of being a bad renter. Don’t rent to friends. They will take advantage of you and guilt you into letting them stay for free and they won’t take care of the property at all.
NTA. If you let him in you’ll never get him out. “Just until he gets back on his feet” will never happen and he probably won’t give you any rent money. DON’T DO IT!
NTA DO NOT let him move in, you will never get him out and he will not help pay for rent or upkeep of the place. Never mix money and friendship/family
Honestly I’d say ur the asshole. Like I get ur situation but like what does it take to be kind and let someone in need stay with you. He clearly needs it. And like he said u have enough money.. like idk i think ur in the wrong