I 23M is living with my gf 21F. She badly wants a pet dog since her ‘bestie’ got one. The thing is, we are living in a small apartment which I don’t think is the right environment to raise a dog. They won’t have room to run around. I also am really allergic to dogs. One time she went to her friend’s house and played with their dog. I knew this and just told her to go straight to the bathroom and shower to get rid of the fur that will stick to her. But she didnt, she went straight to our bed bfore showering, I had to go see a doctor because of it. She knows this yet she refuses to change her mind about adopting a dog. She keeps telling me how her friend’s husband is also allergic to dogs but he js takes meds to tolerate it. But that would not work for me, my breathing gets restricted if I come into contact w dog fur but her friend’s husband just gets a lil rash. How do I convince her not to get a dog? Tbh I am getting a bit burned out by all her dog talk and she doesnt always seem to care about my opinion or my safety. I do not want to waste my time dating someone who I won’t marry.
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I 23M is living with my gf 21F. She badly wants a pet dog since her ‘bestie’ got one. The thing is, we are living in a small apartment which I don’t think is the right environment to raise a dog. They won’t have room to run around. I also am really allergic to dogs. One time she went to her friend’s house and played with their dog. I knew this and just told her to go straight to the bathroom and shower to get rid of the fur that will stick to her. But she didnt, she went straight to our bed bfore showering, I had to go see a doctor because of it. She knows this yet she refuses to change her mind about adopting a dog. She keeps telling me how her friend’s husband is also allergic to dogs but he js takes meds to tolerate it. But that would not work for me, my breathing gets restricted if I come into contact w dog fur but her friend’s husband just gets a lil rash. How do I convince her not to get a dog? Tbh I am getting a bit burned out by all her dog talk and she doesnt always seem to care about my opinion or my safety. I do not want to waste my time dating someone who I won’t marry.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I told my gf she cannot adopt a dog
(2) My gf seems to act like I’m the bad guy and am forbidding her from being happy
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Nta you’ve answered your own question why stay with someone who cares little about your health and wellbeing?
NTA
“I’m allergic to dogs to the point where I can’t breathe if I come into contact with them” should be the end of the conversation. Allergy medication can handle skin irritation and the sniffles but it is not intended to deal with allergies as severe as ones that impact your breathing. There’s a reason they give someone with a severe, life threatening allergic reaction an EpiPen, not benadryl.
There’s no actual such thing as a hypo-allergenic dog breed so I’m not sure what she actually expects you to do here.
This is where a hard boundary comes in. This isn’t a matter of “Oh I would prefer not to have a dog, we have a difference of opinion.” This is a matter of “This is key to my health and safety.”
Would she think it’s ok to insist on moving into a fifth floor walk-up apartment if you were in a wheelchair? It’s the same principle.
NTA. She is immature and would rather you take chronic meds and risk your health so she can get a dog. You need a better girlfriend.
did she go with you to the hospital when you had that attack after she came back with dog hair?
NTA
It’s not about “letting” her do anything. It’s about prioritizing your health as well as realizing the limitations of your living situation….not to mention your own boundaries on this.
NTA And if you are dating to marry, she is not the one.
NTA she needs to grow up and realize some people can’t tolerate it. I suffer with cats for my woman but my allergies only go to the extent of sneezing and puffy eyes. I take medicine every couple of days and I’m fine but that’s a totally different story. Like she knows I’m deathly allergic to Pepto-Bismol so she threw out what she had when we moved in together for safety and changed to something else for when she needs something for her stomach. Relationships are about compromise, this is not something for you to compromise but for her to compromise.
NTA
NTA. You are allergic. Getting a dog is a non starter for you. If that’s something she really wants, she can, it just can’t be with you. This is akin to one partner really wanting a baby and the other one doesn’t. Either way, one of the couple will end up resenting the other if nothing changes. And since you can’t change having an allergy, then she’d have to be the one to change her mind and that doesn’t seem likely. If the issue of your health isn’t enough to cause her to decide against then maybe this isn’t your person and you need to move on.
NTA but seriously why are you with someone who’s willing to risk your life for their own whims?
I also am really allergic to dogs. … How do I convince her not to get a dog? Tbh I am getting a bit burned out by all her dog talk and she doesnt always seem to care about my opinion or my safety. I do not want to waste my time dating someone who I won’t marry.
NTA for not wanting a dog that would make you ill.
If that isn’t enough to convince her not to get a dog, then you have answered your question about whether to stay in the relationship.
NTA. The apartment bit is meh, cause small breeds do just fine if the owner takes them out consistently, but the allergy is the biggest red flag.
She knows allergies have different levels of severity, right? Allergy meds won’t stop a severe reaction if you’re highly allergic. It’s likely the husband is more allergic to the dander than dogs themselves.
She’s risking your life for a pet just because her friend has one.
Guess what? You might also have to take care of the pet once she loses interest or understands the amount of responsibility a dog is.
NTA, and perhaps rethink this relationship.
NTA. Time to break it off. Don’t even bother with an ultimatum or something, she doesn’t look like she’s got the capability to care enough about somebody else to put their needs above her wants.
Time to break up.
NTA
You don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who dismisses your health issues.
The last sentence said it all. You’re already checked out of the relationship.
Let her have the dog and you get a girlfriend who actually cares about you.
NTA. Good luck on Tinder ^^
NTA She is pretty immature here. She sees the nice stuff with the dog that the bestie got – when she goes over and plays with it, but has no idea about responsibilities, what a dog needs and the effect it has on other people (allergies).
Let’s start with the responsibilities: Does she realize that she needs to walk the dog several times/day at every weather, doesn’t matter if it rains or snows. If she is sick or has a busy day. Then she needs to pick up the poop. Dogs gets sick and he will puke or have diarrhea in the apartment, maybe on her loved shoes. Vet are expensives. Does she have the money? Dogs aren’t toys that you get out of the shelf when you want to play with, they want attention and love all the time.
You wrote that you have an apartment, did you even check if dogs are allowed? If it is a small apartment, it is not suitable for a dog to beginn with. They want to spend their energy. You would need to spend hours outside with it.
And how she didn’t give a fuck about your health and just cares about her wants. I find it shocking.
I bet she didn’t inform herself one bit. She got this fix idea cause she played with the dog of the bestie. And now also wants this toy. But it is a living being.
Maybe the bestie let’s her dogsit for one whole week (at their place). Maybe picking up the poop and going out in the morning and eving will cure her.
“I also am really allergic to dogs.”
That’s all I need to hear. It’s ridiculous that she’s expecting you to put your allergy to the side. NTA
NTA. Any couple that lives together needs to be in agreement about a new pet, with or without allergies.