so i’m (20M) living on my own in a one-bed apartment, not huge but it’s mine. i work full-time and pay all my own bills. my girlfriend (21F) has been staying over a lot lately, and we’ve been dating for like 8 months.
last week she texts me randomly like “i quit my job today!” no heads up, no convo, just boom. quit. i asked her what the plan was and she said “i’ll figure it out, maybe i’ll just move in w you for a while so i don’t have to stress.”
i was like ??? huh?? we never talked about her moving in, especially not like that. i told her i wasn’t cool with that and she got super mad saying “i thought we were serious,” “you don’t support me,” blah blah.
she’s been guilt-tripping me ever since. telling her friends i “abandoned her when she needed me,” and now they’re all in my dms like “wow bro real mature.”
idk man. i’m not trying to be her fallback plan. she didn’t even ask me. just assumed. and now i’m the bad guy?
Comments
So let me get this straight: she quit her job and decided to move in with you without a plan? Sounds like she’s trying to turn your one-bedroom into a two-person reality show called ‘Survivor: Relationship Edition!’ You’re not the A-hole; you just don’t want to be voted off the island!
You dodged a whole rent-sized red flag. Quitting a job and assuming she can live off you without a convo? That ain’t love, that’s freeloading!!! STAND YOUR GROUND
No, no, no, no, no. NTA Just dump her.
NTA, together or not that’s your space that she’s trying to force herself in, what the hell did she expect?
Just NO!
Absolutely NTA!!! Don’t be coerced or bullied into letting her move in, either by gf or your friends. Hold your head up, you’re doing really well to be self-sufficient at 20, and don’t need to be brought down by someone assuming you’ll subsidise them!!
She quit her job with no plan? Make sure she doesn’t come over with anything more than an overnight bag. Last thing you need is her moving in.
To her friends: “okay then I’ll let her know that you’ll take her in and pay her bills so she doesn’t stress. Thanks for offering!” And when they say no respond with “real mature bro”
You’re not the asshole. It sounds like she’s taking advantage of you. It doesn’t sound like she wants a boyfriend, she’s looking for a meal ticket.
Her friends think you should let her move in. They could let her move in too. Not letting her move in is the right choice.
>“you don’t support me,” blah blah.
Correct. You are rational. So you don’t intend to support her financially (at least not at this point or under these circumstances.) She needs to do that herself or find someone else to support her financially.
She should start job hunting before she spends down her rainy day fund. (Does she not have one? Oh well.)
NTA
Nta
You should just dump her entitled ass, shes proven she can’t be trusted, and will send the flying monkeys to try and manipulate you when she doesn’t get her own way. She wants to be your stay at home girlfriend. She can stay at mommy and daddy’s or under the bridge. You shouldn’t support her quitting a job with you as her only plan. She’s nuts.
Oh wow, I would NEVER have the balls to pull this on a boyfriend or girlfriend. It’s one thing to have had a discussion first, but to just quit and ASSUME you’ll be happy to pull the extra weight so she doesn’t have to “stress”? Nope. She’s not showing evidence of good decision-making skills, not being reasonable or considerate. YOU, good sir, are NTA.
Nta. You are too young to be her sugar daddy. Be damn sure she doesn’t give you a surprise baby in the very near future.
Nooooooooo no no no. Nope.
Run.
If youre 20, and you say “I work and pay all my own bills” then youre one small step away from fucked. Come on my boy…Now, what you need to do, is dump her ass cause shes trying to pull one on you, and shes the one being immature. Her friends are retaded I wouldnt be too worried about them. You need to focus on your career, get your money right, and take time to explore the options for relationships maybe you just hook up every now and then or maybe you want a wife idk but you got time to figure it out. Shes shiesty bro I would be good on that, tell her and her friends to move the fuck in together then they can support her when she needs them most lol
NTA
She’s trying to trick you into letting her live the stay-at-home-girlfriend tiktok trend.
Quitting out of the blue is beyond irresponsible, snd from what you’ve shared she seems impulsive. I’m betting much in the same way she accused you of NoT sUpPoRtInG mE, she probably cowed-out at work from her boss telling her something she didn’t want to hear, such as “you’re here to work”.
Furthermore, she didn’t even ask you if she could temporarily move in for a short amount of time (you could still say no and not be the asshole here), but she full on told you what you were going to do for her – essentially allow her to freeload. Ultimately she wouldn’t get a job, she would just post up at your place, living off you, and you’d get to play babysitter. Not at all a good scene for you.
It’s your call to continue the relationship even if you dont let her move in…but I think you’re smart enough to know that’s the wrong call and it will end…badly. She clearly doesn’t have the maturity to be what you want in a partner.
NTA
Some people just want you to fund their lifestyle so they can do what they want and have no bills and no responsibilities while you work and pay for everything
Sounds like you both are looking for different things – and you need to tell her that
She can stay with her friends while she figures it out
I just don’t think this relationship is sustainable when she makes decisions that affect your wallet when she has zero funds for her lifestyle and no motivation to look for a job
NTA
And that is mature. Realizing it is not the best option. I’d run.
NTA, but her friends are AH. Did you tell them she quit and ASSUMED she could move in? You need to dump her. The writing on the wall is she’s a freeloader.
NTA. And IMO as a woman, you should be really careful of her “just happening” to get pregnant with your child without a convo, as well! Escape while you have the chance.
NTA why aren’t those friends taking her in and taking care of all her financial needs as they think what she did was the mature actions of an adult or calling her out for being the only immature person in your relationship. You’re doing the right thing not taking responsibility for her finances, housing, food… and her stupidity. If she’s going to act like a child she needs to move back to her parents if they’ll take her in
INFO NEEDED: Well, where is she staying now ? With her family?? Lol. If she were kind of half-joking about it, and you took it too seriously, I would say YTA. Sometimes it’s just flirting around the idea of moving in together to be cutesy and hypothetical, not necessarily being serious about it lol. But if this was her deadset plan all along, then NTA on your part. YTA on HER part for QUITTING without even a back up job lined up.
Now if she were FIRED/LET GO…that would be an entirely different situation and I would say you should let her move in with you very temporarily until she figured out what to do. However her being irresponsible and quitting out the blue like that means she needs to figure it out herself.
You are NTA….it kind of feels like she wants to take over your space and you pay for everything….
There’s only one asshole in this relationship and it isn’t you.
What she did was shockingly irresponsible and it is not your responsibility to bail her out.
Questions: Why did she quit? Where is she living now? If on her own, how long before she has to move out? Can she go to her parents or other family member? Or will she be on the street or couch surfing? Is she in college and might be temporarily unemployed (or underemployed) until graduation? Do you love her? Can you see yourself marrying her someday? Does it seem like she is (or will be) looking for a job? Answers MAY change this comment: IF you suspect she just wants to be unemployed and live off you, break up. It’s hard enough to make a living today for yourself much less paying for two for up to 60+ years. For your sake make damn sure she doesn’t get pregnant. 18 years of child support will eff up your life.
Yeah 8 months not long enough.
Dude, I’m old enough to be your mom and I think you should dump her immediately. She’s looking for a free ride (aka a mooch).
Should be 3 year minimum especially at your age . If she moves in there is no rush for her to work etc . You will
Then get the you
Already pay rent and utilities so I don’t need too
Not mature is when you quit your job with no set plans and expecting you to go along with her whims.
NTA………….She decided you are The One to support her life of leasure
Suggest you not have sex where she can get pregnant n retire. Best walk away from this trainwreck.
NTA This is something that a couple communicates about fully to make sure you’re on the same page. If she wanted this, she needed to come to you with it and let you crunch all kinds of numbers to even see if you could keep both of you afloat on your salary alone and how long you could maintain that – if you even wanted to. Not to mention, adding someone to your lease is usually an additional fee – is she willing to pay it? And she’s taking for granted that you WANT to share your space with her 24/7 after less than a year of dating. I mean, you’d be the AH if her place was getting fumigated on a weekend and you told her she couldn’t stay over for that. You’d be the AH if her apartment flooded and you didn’t let her crash for a few days. You are NOT the AH for her false assumption that you want to invite someone unemployed to live with you full time on YOUR dime.
NTA, you’ve only been dating eight months, believe me eight months is not that long. Now she quit her job and wants to move in with you. Stay firm and say no. Lots of red flags here.
Also, tell her friends who are giving you a hard time that you’ll make sure she knows that they’re open to letting her live with them rent free.
Don’t do it! You will regret it!
Nta
She thought she had a soft touch eating out of her hand.
Nta good for you. Go one better, go and find another gf. This one will now get pregnant to tie you to her
What a red flag. It’s actually pretty lucky that this red flag is showing now and not when she was already moved in. She could have moved In and then quit her job and your position would have been a little more tough. My boyfriend and I moved in at like 6 months because I was in an emotionally abusive situation that turned physical with a roommate and couldn’t really afford rent on my own and had to leave quickly so he was there with me.. but I have a job and had no desire to give that up. I pay rent and do a lot of the cleaning and even do extra stuff to hopefully take any type of load off from him that I can. Her entitled thinking gets me to think that she wouldn’t think about making your life easier. Just because you are financially taking care of your own place does not give her any right to mooch off of you! You want someone that will help build, not just take from you.
As an older woman, I am going to talk to you as you were one of my sons…
Don’t let that deranged heifer move in with you!!!
Go on and focus on work, studies, adventures with your friends and expanding your life.
Don’t stress that Heaux. You did not abandon her. That trash took itself out!
Don’t let me catch wind of your even entertaining hussies like that! (Insert the mean mom eye)
NTA. If y’all were serious, she would have told you about her work sitch before she quit.
Since she told you after she quit, she is looking for a sugar daddy, and was dim enough to think pulling a fast one on you would get her there.
DO NOT SLEEP WITH HER EVER AGAIN. She will try to baby trap you.
NTA If she thought you two were serious, she would have talked about this with you first. 8mos would have been quick to move in with each other without this stress. You don’t need to start off with this always on your mind, you’ll just resent her.
NTA. Do not let her guilt trip you! You don’t want to support her! You’re only 20 and have only dated her for 8 months. She’s got nerve!
8 month? Did she think it was 8 year y’all been together ? lol that some brave move for an 8 month relationship
NTA. she made a huge change without consulting with you and made assumptions about your boundaries. you need to talk to her and tell her that you are serious about her (if this is true?) but you’re not ready for that kind of step, especially if her future plan is so uncertain. it can be difficult dating someone impulsive who can do things like quit a job and move on a whim without seemingly putting much thought into it. breaking up might be an option, but it’s up to you and how your conversation with her goes.
NTA. Also, feel free to tell her critical friends that they are welcome to let her move in with one of them since they are such dear friends.
Most 20-yr-olds that I know are not living solo, working, & paying their own bills. Kudos to you! You are living responsibly. You are on the right track. Don’t let an anyone freeload off your hard work. People who feel entitled to your emotional and financial support without giving you the respect of a simple conversation will drag you down and suck you dry.
NTA
Do NOT let her move in EVEN if she gets a great job.
NTA. What she did was not cool. Both the not discussing it like adults, then misrepresenting it to her friends.
She can’t cry that you aren’t helping her when she’s in need because she’s not in need. She made the choice to leave her job. The responsibility falls on her
NTA next up she’ll try to baby trap you
‘Strong independent woman’
RED FLAG central. Do not let her move in…she will freeload off you. She clearly has no intention of even paying rent. You’ve only been with her 8 months. Very early in a relationship.
Do not go there. If it ends the relationship? It does. You are way to young to have a parasite living off you.
Who gives a flying fuck what HER friends think? And she is being very immature and nasty behaving like this.
Dodge that bullet man. If she’s guilt tripping you now, she’ll be poking holes in condoms next.
NTA…8 months is nothing in the big world of being a grown up and playing house. If she is pressuring you and sucking her obviously not so mature friends into this I see a ton of RED FLAGS! Yikes she a brat!
NTA – and I bet she’s telling a totally different story. “We agreed that I would quit and now that I did quit, I’m being told that wasn’t the agreement.”
This is scary – how quickly she’s moving and how she’s making unilateral decisions that affect both of you without including you in the discussion. Think long and hard about whether you want to continue being with someone like that.
She’ll be a great stay at home mom. With no kids. Just what you need!
You dodged a human sized parasite. NTA.
You’re 21 and 20. Everyone you know are assholes
How can she move in if she can’t afford her half of the rent and expenses.
NTA- Oh no she had, and you were it. She every intention of living off you while you worked like crazy. And her expectations would be ever increasing: better food, better vacations, better apartment, better credit cards for her shopping trips and lunch with her friends, etc.
You dodged a huge bullet, and why would you listen to her family friends? Of course, they want you to support her because they don’t!
Let your ex figure out the mess she created. Enjoy your apartment in peace!
Dump her. She thinks you’re a doormat.
NTAH
DON’T F*CK HER!!! Next step is her showing you a positive pregnancy test.
For real, don’t! And her friends can let her move in. You want a partner with a job, not a freeloader. If she wants someone who supports her financially she should look for a sugar daddy.
8 months?!? My husband and I didn’t move in together until after like 4yrs lol
Are you sure she quit rather than got fired? Regardless, let her deal with the consequences of her actions. I also doubt she’s telling her friends the full story. NTA
NTA- she showed you who she really is. Believe her and RUN.
Golddigger alert!
She’s right. You don’t support her! Smart move.
NTA
You made the right move honestly, if she was a mature person she would’ve talked to you about this first then you could’ve both decided about this. I would rethink this relationship if I were you.
Quitting your job is not a ‘need you’ situation. It was a choice she made without discussing the implications with her SERIOUS partner.
She sounds entitled AF.
Anyone moving in should be paying towards rent and all bills.
Not to mention that a 1br is a TINY place especially if she’s gonna be in it 24/7 with no job.
Dodge the bullet early!!!! She’s a freeloader with serious mental instability.
Young man, do not walk away from this relationship.
RUN.
NTA.
Lotta other girls out there homie with way less bullshit. Nta. Pull the rip cord.
Buddy you see those red flags a-flying. Do NOT let her move in and if she pushes tell her “no, I DO like you but I’m NOT that serious about this relationship and if this is a deal breaker for you, then I guess we are done. “
Kisses!!
Just tell her serious relationships discuss big decisions, not blind side them with them. Done deal.
NTA
Yes, you will be out at work and some random dude will bone her while you’re not home. Cue the inevitable, “you were always so busy and I was lonely” speech. Do not cave on this. 8 months is way too soon with these circumstances.
NTA. First off, why did she quit her job without having another one? 2. Why did she just assume, that it would be ok to dump her stress on you while she has no means to support herself. 3. Her reaction, to your very logical reasoning is definitely screaming sh believes she deserves to be supported. Run as fast as you can, she isn’t in the same page with life goals. 4. Next time, someone DM you, respond back letting them know they can be the mature friend that opens their doors to host her while she figures out life.
Next up she is accidentally preggos.
She wasn’t using you as a fall back plan you were the plan she was was gonna latch on and never work full time again
I don’t believe your gf needed to ask for your permission to quit her job. However, her thinking she could just move in with you so she wouldn’t need to stress about it is just nuts. And the matter of her bringing her friends into your relationship was immature and completely wrong. I would just tell her if this is how she’s going to deal with issues in the future you’d prefer she just move on with her life.
NTA It’s time to make it clear exactly what you expect from a partner in a long term relationship. Make it clear that you expect your partner to work and contribute equally to the finances. Make sure she understands that you’re willing to split household chores equally (because you are, right?) If you’re planning on having children, is she going to be a stay at home mother? For how long? How will the household chores be handled during that time. These are important issues to work out before moving forward. If she wants to be a stay at home GF/wife/Mom, then maybe you are not compatible.
NTA. She’s trying to mooch smh
NTA. She’ll be a lead weight around your neck. Don’t let her move in.
You ARE the mature one!
You’re not at all the bad guy here.
She’s 21. She can figure it out.
NTA
Run. She gonna take everything
NTA
Moving in is something that requires a conversation beforehand, if only to hammer out how to split expenses.
My partner works from home, so if they moved in, our internet bill would skyrocket, and I’d expect that to be reflected in how we divided the bills.
When I quit my last job, it was because I was moving to full-time study, and had a casual gig lined up to help make ends meet.
She’s irresponsible and counting on you to pick up her slack
I think it’s time to pull the plug on this relationship. She’s not very bright, you’re supposed to move in, and then quit your job
That’s how a proper mooch does it
Tell her friends “thank you for volunteering to pay all her bills” and block them all