AITA
So, my girlfriend dropped this on me a few days ago and said her sister’s friend needed to stay at ours for the weekend because her partner’s mum was coming back home for a few days, and her dad, whom she cares for, was also going to be there.
I immediately said no. I don’t know them, don’t particularly want to know them, and I want to spend time with my family over the weekend.
She said she had already agreed to it and asked what she should do. I just said she should have at least consulted with me first, but I’m not comfortable with some stranger being in my house that neither of us know. I don’t want them using our food, cutlery, showering in our bathroom, and sleeping in my 3-year-old’s bed while my child is in bed with us.
Her sister has now messaged me saying, “Please, I really need you to do this as a big favor,” because, in fact, the mum isn’t coming back with the dad over the weekend. She just wanted a weekend in with her partner, as she works away a lot.
Again, I said I’m not comfortable, and it’s a no. She’s still persisting, saying I’m so “ANTI” this and that she really didn’t think I was this way inclined. She said we’re family, and this person is an extension of her, so I should be welcoming and do this for her. She also said she’s now insulted because she thinks I don’t trust her judgment and that I would let a complete stranger into the house around my child.
I just want some clarity on whether I’m being unreasonable. My partner doesn’t really care either way and tends to agree with her sister. I pay all the bills (not that it matters), but I just don’t want a complete stranger, whom neither I nor my partner have ever met, lounging around my house all day while we might be out, etc.
I think it’s incredibly strange to ask somebody to do this, but my partner doesn’t find it weird at all. I said, “I’m sure if you asked most people, they’d find it either rude that you’ve even asked or just very strange indeed.” So, it would be nice to get some of your opinions.
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AITA
So, my girlfriend dropped this on me a few days ago and said her sister’s friend needed to stay at ours for the weekend because her partner’s mum was coming back home for a few days, and her dad, whom she cares for, was also going to be there.
I immediately said no. I don’t know them, don’t particularly want to know them, and I want to spend time with my family over the weekend.
She said she had already agreed to it and asked what she should do. I just said she should have at least consulted with me first, but I’m not comfortable with some stranger being in my house that neither of us know. I don’t want them using our food, cutlery, showering in our bathroom, and sleeping in my 3-year-old’s bed while my child is in bed with us.
Her sister has now messaged me saying, “Please, I really need you to do this as a big favor,” because, in fact, the mum isn’t coming back with the dad over the weekend. She just wanted a weekend in with her partner, as she works away a lot.
Again, I said I’m not comfortable, and it’s a no. She’s still persisting, saying I’m so “ANTI” this and that she really didn’t think I was this way inclined. She said we’re family, and this person is an extension of her, so I should be welcoming and do this for her. She also said she’s now insulted because she thinks I don’t trust her judgment and that I would let a complete stranger into the house around my child.
I just want some clarity on whether I’m being unreasonable. My partner doesn’t really care either way and tends to agree with her sister. I pay all the bills (not that it matters), but I just don’t want a complete stranger, whom neither I nor my partner have ever met, lounging around my house all day while we might be out, etc.
I think it’s incredibly strange to ask somebody to do this, but my partner doesn’t find it weird at all. I said, “I’m sure if you asked most people, they’d find it either rude that you’ve even asked or just very strange indeed.” So, it would be nice to get some of your opinions.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> action i took was telling her no and insisted on no even when she was pressuring me to do differently.
The way she spoke to me made me feel like the asshole even though I dont think I am just looking now to see what others think
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
you you are not wrong for saying no it is your home your kid your space you should be asked first not told it is normal to feel uneasy about a stranger staying over especially around your child it does not make you anti or rude it makes you careful and that is okay if they dont see that it is on them you gave your answer and that is enough
I mean, its your boundaries, if you do not tolerate that, your partner shouldn’t be pushy about that.
On the other hand you could also take a step back and make an effort for your partner.
Best solution would be to have a calm talk with her and to set this down
NTA – You’re not being unreasonable at all.
You were asked to host a complete stranger in your home—someone neither you nor your partner knows—for an entire weekend, in your child’s bed, without being consulted first. That’s a big ask, and setting a firm boundary around your home, your child’s space, and your peace of mind is entirely valid.
The fact that your partner’s sister didn’t tell the full truth about why the friend needed to stay (it wasn’t a genuine emergency, just a preference) also undermines the request. You’re not obligated to open your home to someone just because they’re loosely connected through family, especially when it impacts your child and personal comfort.
You’re not anti-social—you just have boundaries. And that’s healthy.
Nta. Your partner should have checked with you regardless but it is 1000 times more bonkers since they’d be taking your small child’s room.
NTA and insisting on accomodate this friend after you already told no, is rude.
NTA. You don’t owe a stranger access to your home or your kid’s bed. Your girlfriend and her sister should’ve asked first. It’s not “anti,” it’s just your boundary. If sis wants to host her friend, she can handle it herself
NO! Thats it just NO
Jeezus, is there no hotels in your area?
Tell them that you are all sick. Problem solved.
NTA. What a strange request…
Absolutely NTA
You don’t know them, there’s not adequate room, and the whole thing is manipulative and weird.
GF may need to be the one going soon
Who tf just invites randoms into someone else’s house without asking the person who actually lives there? Your gf dropped the ball, not you
NTA. I would never just invite someone to stay over without my partner approval.
It’s fine not to want a guest but to say you don’t want someone using your ‘cutlery’ honestly makes this sound like OP has some issues.
So she lied to get you to accept this imposition?
And this is your girlfriend’s f up to resolve.
NTA
NTA, if the person wants a weekend alone with their partner, they go to a hotel or they put the friend up in a hotel or Airbnb. They don’t fob them off on their own family and cause disruptions to their lives.
Your GF is an AH for not asking you first.
Why on earth do these people not go to a hotel? NTA
NTA Hotels, motels or an Airbnb exist for cases like this.
NTA why do people assume just because you know someone that it is okay to offer other people’s homes to them???
Your girlfriend, her sister and you are now family, but her sister’s friend is not. The friend is not an “extension” of anyone either, unless she is a conjoined twin separated at birth. Don’t let “we’re family” be used as a trope to justify the lies of your girlfriend’s sister and the manipulation of your girlfriend and you. Hope you make a stand so these people do not try to lie to and manipulate you again. NTA but others in this situation certainly are.
This is extremely rude and strange. Why doesn’t she go to a hotel like normal people do? This would be a very hard no for me. I see no reason for this.
NTA
Why doesn’t sister host her own friend? I don’t get it.
Why can’t the friend stay with the sister? Dictionary definition of “not my problem”.
NTA. No is a complete sentence. Block your gf’s sister and ket her scream into the void until her lungs bleed. Stand your ground!
Eww I know this is someone that is not melanated
NTA. I couldn’t do that, and would consider divorce if my spouse did that to me! It’s unacceptable to ask you to have a total stranger hang out for the weekend…..or any time!
Yes
NTA
why doesn’t the friend stay with gf’s sister?
NTA
This is legit insane. Your gf has issues for thinking this is ok.
NTA
This is legit insane. Your gf has issues for thinking this is ok.
I wouldn’t be comfortable either. If I don’t know someone, I don’t want them in my house, using my kid’s things. It’s not about being inhospitable; it’s about safety and comfort. Your sister-in-law is being manipulative by calling you anti
NTA in this. But. “I pay all the bills (not that it matters)”. If that fact didn’t matter to you on some level it wouldn’t have occurred to you to mention it. Unless you two work on your perceived power imbalance, you’re heading for trouble. Just a word of advice from an internet stranger.
NTA. Your GF’s sister even lied to you. There’s NO emergency. Your sister’s GF has space, she just doesn’t want her friend staying with her either. It’s ok for her this person ask in an emergency – but it’s not an emergency – and her pushiness is creating friction in your relationship. You need to have a serious talk with the sister about boundaries and respect.
ESH. Your girlfriend for not checking with you first, and you for not giving it any consideration, and the food, cutlery, showering comments.
>I immediately said no. I don’t know them, don’t particularly want to know them
It’s valid to not want someone in your house, but you could have been nicer about it.
>I pay all the bills (not that it matters)
Then why mention it?
This friend should be staying with the sister if it’s that important. If the sister doesn’t have room, then the sister should give the friend her place and she can stay with OP. But just inviting a stranger to stay with them? Ridiculous. NTA
NTA.
NTA. But just FYI, it doesn’t matter who pays the bills. It doesn’t give either one of you the right to make a decision without the other.
Someone I had never met? Yeah no. I’ve let friends bring people along when they crashed and it’s always awkward as shit. A whole weekend will be unbearable. And you’re stuck there the whole day watching them rather than leaving a stranger alone with your stuff? Nah, get a hotel room. NTA.
Why is this stranger okay with staying in a strangers house for the weekend too? That’s so bizarre
NTAH!! I don’t think it was rude for your GF’s sister to ask, but she is horrendously rude to push back when you said no. Also, sister lied about the situation to coerce your GF into agreeing.
Your GF is also extremely inconsiderate to give an answer without talking to you first. Overnight guests require that you both consent. Your GF has poor judgement, and is not respecting your home, your relationship, or your child. I question your GF’s trustworthiness.
NTA. Air bnbs and hotels exist for strangers. And for family.
“so I should be welcoming and do this for her”. Ahhhhh no. No one gets to tell you what YOU SHOULD do or who you should let into your home. End of discussion.
lol
Oh hell no! NTA at all. There is no way I would let a total stranger stay in my house, regardless of who vouched for them.
Why isn’t she staying with the girlfriend’s sister?
NTA
NTA.
Whether a person allows houseguests is a personal choice. Most people would allow for family and close friends, but not (as in this case) literal strangers whom you’ve never met. It’s not a matter of a friend or relative “vouching for” the stranger, or any real fear that this stranger will molest your child. It’s just not comfortable.
If you share a household, then you and your spouse/partner should have a mutual understanding if not explicit rules. Certainly your spouse erred by initially agreeing to host a stranger without asking you.
If I understand correctly, your girlfriend’s sister has a friend who is visiting, and the sister doesn’t want to host her at her own place because she wants a “weekend in” with her partner. This is 100% the sister’s problem to solve, most effectively by getting the visiting friend a hotel room. Or some ear plugs.
Well, she lied so of course you can’t trust her judgement. Stick to your no. Girlfriend’s sister can get a hotel for herself and let the friend stay at her place if it’s so necessary.
NTA
I don’t follow who all is involved or the stated reason. The real reason is wife’s sister wants her place to herself to get laid? She can get a hotel or something
They can’t stay with the sister, who is the actual friend because?
It’s your home and your comfort matters. Set clear boundaries; it’s completely reasonable to prioritize safety and privacy for your family over an unwanted guest. Stay firm on this decision.
NTA why would that person even want to stay at a strangers house with their family. Fucking weird
Have the friend over, have your partner and your child sleep in the spare bedroom while you share the bed with the friend.
If this person really needs to be out of their home (which makes zero sense), then why can’t they stay with an actual friend? Get a hotel or air bnb? Why does it have to be stay with a stranger?
NTA. I don’t even understand what’s going on with the friend’s mum and dad and whoever else but that’s an unreasonable ask. SIL texting sounds immature & her friend should find her own place to stay.
I’m still confused about why this woman can’t stay with her actual friend
INFO: Trying to make sure I understand this correctly cause this is slightly confusing and I think I’m misunderstanding. Your girlfriend’s sister and partner live together, and the PARTNER’s parents are coming into town so the PARTNER needs to stay with you? Why can’t the partner be in the same house as the parents?
NTA there’s no way I’d let someone I didn’t know or my spouse didn’t know into my home. Why can’t she stay in her own place? “Her partner’s Mom is coming to visit the partner” so what? That’s no reason to have to leave her own place. The SIL can put her up in her place ffs!
NTA. Hotels exist.
NTA…You deserve more respect from everyone here. Someone wants a romantic weekend alone with their partner, so you’re supposed to just automatically accept a random stranger in your child’s bed?? NOPE!
NTA
It was incredibly inconsiderate of your gf to ok this behind your back.
The attempted manipulation by her sister leaves a thoroughly bad taste in the mouth.
You were right to say no and I believe you have to stick to your guns here. You give people that behave like this an inch and they’ll take a mile.
NTA.
Most people are not comfortable having a stranger around in their home using their facilities for several days.
If you live there, your partner owes you the respect of asking if it’s ok to invite someone to stay for several days.
Is it a problem that this person has no where to go? Yep. Sure is. However, it is not YOUR problem.
The person can spend the weekend at a motel.
Problem solved.
NTA – you literally don’t have the room!!
I also don’t understand why she wants to stay with you…. Is it because her mother wants to have sex with her boyfriend? I don’t understand.
NTA. If I understand this correctly this means your 3 year old would be put out of their bed? For a complete stranger? Who could ask anyone else they actually know to stay at theirs? I would be fairly surprised if somebody even asked me to do this, and would immediately say no and make an excuse if necessary. But for it to be assumed is downright rude and unreasonable. Your girlfriend needs to deal with this and shut it down. Otherwise your brother’s friend (who she has never met) will have to stay the following weekend. No no no.
Can’t she go to a fucking hotel? Wtf
NTA.
The sister can put her friend up in a hotel for the weekend.
NTA. Guests, especially overnight guests, should be a two-yes, one-no situation. Your girlfriend should’ve called and asked if you were cool with it.
NTA
I mean this in the nicest way, is your gf dense in the head?? Why would she agree to allow a stranger lounging in y’all’s house? The girlfriend’s sister does not know the real intentions of her friend and she cannot guarantee that the house will be in one piece when the OP gets back. I hope OP stands by his decision and that his gf doesn’t try to contradict him. If I was the OP, my answer wouldn’t be just no, it would be HELL MOTHERFUCKING NO !!!!
“I pay all the bills not that it matters”. You wouldn’t mention this if you didn’t think it mattered. you view this as your house and your domain. I agree GF should have asked but it’s fine to be charitable and I think your view that this is your house clouds your decision on what GF is and is not allowed to do. That’s fine but be upfront about it.
I would feel so uncomfortable with a stranger in my house. Your gf’s sister and her bf should get a hotel room and her friend can stay at her house. This is not your problem. The sister sounds entitled as hell.
Why are you paying all the bills. If it didn’t matter you wouldn’t have brought it up.
Your girlfriend invites complete strangers to live in your house? And she objects to your objections?
Time for new girlfriend. The current one doesn’t value you OR your feelings.
NTA I don’t want everybody I know spending the night/weekend at my house, select few, and definitely not a stranger. I don’t care who she is friends with she isn’t known to you and you are not a hotel/motel or BnB
This is so weird. Why isn’t the sister offering her place? Why can’t they get a hotel? NTA
YTA
If she shows up, and I think your partner’s sister will drop her off, tell her to leave. You didn’t agree to it. Guests are two yes, one no situation.
They can always go to a hotel for the weekend and she can keep staying at their place.
Here’s a better question, why would a total stranger want to stay with a 3 person family she doesn’t know? Get a hotel room, done. Let the sister pay since her lying started this.
Tell your girlfriend’s sister to go get a room somewhere for the weekend if she wants to spend alone time with her partner. This was a ridiculous request.
Like, I can’t even imagine this line of reasoning.
“Hey, my friend, you want to stay the weekend in some random town? My sibling lives there with their partner and child in a two-bedroom apartment – I’m sure they’ll let you stay there for free! No, I know you’ve never met them but I’m sure everything will be alright. You won’t get kidnapped and tortured, you probably won’t do that to them – let alone steal anything or just behave poorly in general! Let me set it up.”
Wow. NTA.
“No, your father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate cannot stay in our apartment.”
Okay so they want a stranger to stay in your daughter’s bed? Well my concern is how do you know this stranger doesn’t have lice or or something else that’s going to be transferred to your daughter
There are these things called motels…
They should invent places where strangers can just stay for a night or two, even on short notice. It would be great if they had their own lockable bedrooms and washrooms, and someone to look after the cleaning afterwards. For this to work, there would need to be such a place in every decently sized town and city. Parking for people travelling far would be great too.
They would have to charge for this service, but I think that this could catch on.
NTA
NTA. wtf is “anti”?? like if it means I’m anti “having my house volunteered to host people i’ve never met or heard of”, then i guess yah, Im “anti”
NTA your GF is an AH for not even asking you upfront. That alone is AH territory.
I wouldn’t let a stranger stay in my house. That’s a big fat no.
The absolute only exception would be a nature catastrophe because then everyone needs help and shelter.
But this case? Nope, not happening. And then having the audacity to try to guilt trip into submission? Hell, no. I would even start to rethink the relationship to the GF for being okay with that shit.
Why can’t they get a hotelv
Put her on the damn floor somewhere else, there is something too off with this
Your gf isn’t remotely upset at her sister for lying? Can’t imagine upending someone WITH A TODDLER’s weekend for some alone time with my partner. That’s what hotels and weekend getaways are for. Plenty of roommates plan weekends in advance to switch off for alone time with partners.
I’d say you MIGHT have considered it until you found out sister was lying about the premise. That’s a no no and a dealsquasher. NTA
Weird. I’m very ANTI when it comes to strangers in my house as well
If the sister wants some adult time, then she should be the one inconvenienced and pay the friend to stay at a hotel. Or, here’s a thought, go to a hotel herself.
NTA. The ask is just f’in weird.
NTA.. The entitlement of some people to other’s places and things shocks me.
Now, I am generally a supporter of family and do what I can to help them (the family). Heck, I even help their close friends when asked or needed because most of them have been in my life for many years. I can help with my time or my money or my professional expertise as a lawyer and have done all of those many times in my life and never question or 2nd guess doing it. At the same time, that time/effort/help/etc. stops at that point. I don’t go out to friends of friends or people I don’t know.
Also, helping doesn’t have to mean letting someone in your home. Personally, my house is my safe space. I’m AuDHD in a stressful social job. Despite my social awkwardness, I put myself out there more than I am comfortable. I get that my issues are no one else’s trouble. But, my home is my place. Its where I relax. I know not every is like me but I can’t really relax when others are around. I’m always on when people are around except very close family or friends who know me. I would let some family members stay with me for a time but not all family members. I am LC with my father. His health isn’t great and at some point will need assistance. I’m perfectly happy putting him in a good facility but my one sister can’t imagine doing that. I was up front and honest with my sister and told her that I can’t have my dad live with me. The last time we did was 20 years ago and I couldn’t stand him and being around him. That isn’t to say I won’t help her financially because of the extra burden on her that isn’t fair for her to carry alone.
In this case, this is a friend OP doesn’t know. the request from the sister was a flat out lie using the person’s mother to try and play on the emotions. Only after OP raised his issues did the truth came out. It amazes me people feel so comfortable lying like this to get their way but they are the first to bitch and try and put you down when you don’t give in. Its disrespectful and not the kind of thing I want to deal with. The nerve.
NTA!! Absolutely NOT!!! If it were family I could give more leeway…I hadn’t met her but my husband’s niece needed a place to stay and SHE asked me before asking him. I talked to him and we agreed (bad idea in the long run but that’s a different story 🙄).
But one of his brother’s friends? That I had never met? My husband wouldn’t even consider it and my BIL wouldn’t even suggest it out of respect for me. This just screams entitlement….
Tell GF sister that’s what hotels are for. Sister can pay for it or the friend. Not your problem. NTA
NTA – they’re strangers. Have they never heard of a B&B
NTA. It’s obnoxious and entitled of your SIL to try to do this without asking you first. That she keeps pushing implies a deep lack of respect.
NTA this is off that sil needs to find this friend a place. She this friend lives with them but isn’t paying rent or anything and is just freeloading off of her and drifts absolutely not.
Why can this so called friend grind her own place to stay or stay with her family ?
It’s okay to be ANTI strangers in your home when you have a 3 year old child.
NTA.
NTA. I don’t let people I don’t know live in my house on someone else’s whim. That’s just weird.
So you sil want to use your home as a shagpad? Am I understanding that correctly?
Either way, you’re home your choice who gets to stay, not just your girlfriend.
Your house your decision, but when you say stuff like you dont want them using your cutlery that sounds like petty assholery
NTA.
If it’s that important to her she can put them up in a hotel or take herself off to one.
NTA, your girlfriend should have asked you first, full stop. Also the request is so weird. I’m not letting some random stay in my home. You are perfectly within bounds.
Just read again this is gf’s sister’s friend! Nooo way. Gf’s sister doesn’t even have an emergency, she just wants time alone with her partner! That’s not your problem and def not an emergency.
NTA. Your girlfriend doesn’t even know this person! Yes it’s unfortunate that she’s getting kicked out of her home for a weekend, but if her own friends can’t accommodate her it’s not for someone at another degree of separation (friend’s sister and friend’s sister’s partner) to provide. Is it just that they see your 3yo’s bed as potentially available?
Hold firm. You say your girlfriend tends to do what her sister says, and that’s not appropriate when you’re the one your girlfriend is building a family with.
No thanks. I’m not letting some rando steal/break my stuff. Then when you complain you’re going to hear ” it was just an accident” hard pass
Ask your gf’s sister to pay for a hotel for her friend