So my sister (30F) is getting married in a few months. She asked if my two daughters (3F) and (5F) be flower girls in her wedding.
She wants them to walk down the aisle. I told her no as they are too young for this and will probably not do it on the day as there will be too many people watching them and they will get shy.
Now she is fuming and say it is her wedding day and not mine…however this is my kids?? Right??
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So my sister (30F) is getting married in a few months. She asked if my two daughters (3F) and (5F) be flower girls in her wedding.
She wants them to walk down the aisle. I told her no as they are too young for this and will probably not do it on the day as there will be too many people watching them and they will get shy.
Now she is fuming and say it is her wedding day and not mine…however this is my kids?? Right??
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> 1 – I told my sister that my kids cannot be in her wedding party.
2 – I am now ruining her wedding day for doing this
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
😭 there’s no way she’s upset when you’re literally warning her that your kids wouldnt do it day of
You know your kids better than anyone else! What you decide to let your kids do and no do is your choice and there’s nothing wrong with that !
Offer to walk with them.
Your kids. Your rules. She can find other kids to play flower girls, especially if yours will be shy on the day.
ESH. That age is perfectly normal for flower girls and they could do it with practice and coaching. But also, no one’s wedding was ever ruined by not having flower girls. You’re both having some strange feelings about this.
You are their mother. You decide. You know them and know what will work. She doesnt. Nta for advocating for your children
YTA. I was a flower girl in my aunt’s wedding at that age. That’s not too young at all.
I usually see an adult walk down the aisle with them if they need it in weddings.
YTA. You can practice with them, their mother can even walk with them (my sister did it with one of my nieces when she got a little bit shy), there’s so many options. Just straight out saying no is a little bit rude. What do your girls want, especially the 5 year old?
It is odd to say they are “too young”. Most flower girls I’ve seen and known are between the ages of 3-7. 7 is the absolute oldest I’ve seen. Sometimes if the flower girls are really young and they are worried about them performing the day of they will have them walk with an older child or an adult who helps guide them down the aisle and dresses to match the wedding party. Maybe this is a good compromise for you. But also you are their mom. I can see why it hurts her feelings but she also shouldn’t take it to heart completely. I give this a light ESH.
NTA, not because of their age but because they are your kids and you know them best. If you think they’ll be too shy and won’t do it, then you’re literally doing her a favor by telling her this. Would she rather have found out on her wedding day?
Have you asked your kids about it? Do you have time to practice?
You Might be the ass hole.
ESH. Your sister is being very dramatic and little entitled. No ones wedding is a command performance. Did you even discuss it with your daughters? I can absolutely see the 3 yo being a little nervous, but the 5 yo should be much better. She gets a fancy dress, her family will be waving at her and encouraging her, she will be like a princess. Her enthusiasm might even bring the 3 yo along.
They are definitely the correct age for this, but you know them best. And if you think they will not do well in the role, then sis should listen.
Ultimately it’s up to you and you are not the AH, but you are wrong about the age thing.
You’re the parent, so IMO you have the right to say ‘no’. You also know your kids best – I’ve seen kids who seemed to enjoy the attention, and I’ve seen some who just as obviously hate it and want nothing more than to not be forced or cajoled into throwing a flower from the basket to the floor.
It is her day, but that doesn’t mean it’s a day where she can force others to do her bidding. She asked, you answered. She has the right to be disappointed, but she’s been answered and she needs to accept it and find another child upon whom to bestow the honor or trauma (as the case may be).
NTA.
YTA! You’re limiting them before even giving them a chance to try. That’s what rehearsals are for
NTA
They are your kids so you know them the best. Children rarely do as they are supposed to because that’s just their nature.
INFO- Did you ask your kids if they wanted to do this before you said no? My daughter was a flower girl at two and had a great time since I was there pushing her in a wagon.
Our nieces were 5 and 3 and they were amazing flower girls! My SIL/BIL were very on board though and helped all throughout the day and we did not stress when they acted their age. So if you don’t want to do that I guess at least you were upfront about it? Did you ask your girls if they wanted to do it? Kinda harsh IMO but if they don’t want to do it then NTA.
NTA. Can’t your kids still be a part and not walk down the aisle though? I have seen a lot of kids look like they hated having to be flower girls and you would know your kids, if they are that shy I would also not force them to do it. No way. I have seen 2 year olds do it and love it, but you know your kids. Not sure why your sister wouldn’t trust you, she must just not want to be told no about her wedding. I’d maybe suggest having them participate in another, less public way if you want. Help her get ready in some way, get matching bouquets, I dunno, but if it’s really about wanting her nieces to be apart of her day she can find a way.
Do you have a beef with your sister outside of this? Seems like an odd hill to die on. NTA but make sure you are saying no for the right reasons. Generally a 3 year flower girl is a welcome comic relief if they start some cute antics. If that would anger your sister then by all means.
NTA It is never wrong to say no to things you do not want your children to do. I’ve always found it unreasonable to put young children on show and expect them to behave in what is basically an adult event.
All my flower girls were that age .
They loved wearing pretty dress and being princess
Yta
YTA
A five year old and three year old were among my flower girls, they had an amazing time. It’s the perfect age.
You can make it fun for them if they want to do it. My nieces were 5 and 1, my nephew was 4. The two older ones walked themselves and my brother carried the baby. My oldest niece got to twirl in a sparkly dress, my nephew got a cool “ring patrol” cape. They loved it! I invited my bro & SIL’s good friend to come to the reception in case the kiddos wanted to leave early. It’s doable if you want to make it work. It sounds like there might be another reason why you don’t want them participating in this.
NTA. I’m so confused by the Y T A comments here. They are your children. You know them best. It’s completely your call. Your sister can ask, but not demand.
Weddings bring out the absolute worst in people.
I think you are being way over protective. Give them a chance!
Age has nothing to do with it. My 3 year old niece was my flower girl and did an awesome job…even did a unprompted curtsy at the end…..so glad the photographer caught it. But if you think your kids are too shy then that is all there is to it. NTA. But see if at least the 5 year old woukd like to try.
NTA. You know your kids, and you’re actually looking out for your sister.
ESH, but you’re definitely YTA. Your sister would like them to be flower girls. If it doesn’t go the way she planned, it’s on her. Then you can say “I told you so”. Deal with it after. But this feels like there is way more to it than that. Money perhaps…?? You don’t want to pay for flower girl dresses?
I mean it’s your right to say no but I think you’re overthinking this. Flower girls not totally following the plan is part of the cuteness. My daughter did it at 3 just fine.
My niece was my flower girl at 18 months old. She was fine.
You would be TA if you put them out there knowing that sort of situation makes them uncomfortable. However, I think I would’ve told the girls what would be expected (including the crowd watching them) and allowed them to say no, which they probably would if the thought of crowds bothers them.
YOU are the parent…when your sister has kids she can make decision about them. Until then, she doesn’t get to make decisions about your kids. NTA
NTA – but your reasoning is stupid. if your kids will get shy but your sister still wants them to try, who cares? they’ll be in the pictures
her reaction turns this from n a h to n t a
Info: have either of you asked the kids what they want?
An adult can walk down with them if there’s a concern.
Your kids, your call, but I was a flower girl at 3 or 4 and have seen a number of kids that age manage just fine as flower kids/ring bearers 🤷🏻♀️
Nta. Shes an ah tho
YTA for how you’ve handled this. Before my sister would agree for her three kids to be in my wedding, we had a conversation about how I would feel if they wouldn’t walk down the aisle. She was worried about her youngest who was 2 or 3. I had to promise all would be ok if she didn’t walk. I agreed. In the end, she held hands with her big brother & it was adorable.
NTA
your kids, your choice.
But the solution is: ASK your kids, and make clear to them and your sister IF they agree, they can change their mind up the last second.
NTA. They’re your kids, not props.
My niece was 19 months when she was a flower girl in my wedding. She came down the aisle just fine and then walked all the way back up while looking for her mom. It was precious and hilarious and one of the highlights of the wedding. No one expects the kids in the wedding party to be perfect. As long as they’re not being bratty, their little hiccups are usually extremely endearing and bring levity and extra joy to the ceremony.
Come on! Big YTA
They’re your kids, so you do get the final say, but they’re not too young to walk down the aisle. My SIL has my son (4) and daughter (18m) in her wedding. If you’re worried, why don’t you help them down the aisle? It does make for sweet memories. NAH.
NTA. Whatever the reason, your kids, your decision.
When it’s your right, you don.eed a reason. NO is a full and complete sentence.
NTA. Some kids hate attention, and other kids love it. You know your children best. If it is something they wouldn’t like, it is your job to say no. Based on the sister throwing a tantrum over this, it seems like she would be upset if they acted like kids at the ceremony.
NTA – parent decisions are up to you, people aren’t entitled to performances by your children, no matter if they are family. If you feel it is not the best for your children based on their personalities and the way you know them, then that’s that.
They are at an age where talking to them about their thoughts and input makes sense, so if you have any doubt about your decision you could do that. But you should consider it for what’s good for your children, not for what your sister wants for her wedding.
she wouldn’t to include your nieces in a day they’d probably wonder oh why weren’t we flower girls but this random kid was when they’re older 😭
You know your kids. If I was a flower girl at that age I wouldn’t make it 2 steps, I had severe undiagnosed social anxiety. Maybe you can test it out in public and record it and prove to your sister why they can’t do it. Try it out at a birthday party. Maybe even ask your kids multiple times and record them and send it to your sister. Have them watch a flower girl on YouTube and ask if that’s what they want to try to do.
Why aren’t the children allowed to decide for themselves?
You know your kids best but 3-5 is kind of the IDEAL age for flower girls.
soft yta cause it just sounds like you have some practical concerns. when i was 5 and my little sister was 3 we were flower girls and it went totally fine. i was old enough to direct my little sister where to go. i was shy but still was so absolutely thrilled to be a flower girl and couldn’t wait. i would ask them if they are interested and explain what it entails. maybe you wouldn’t be the asshole if one of your daughters expressed to you that she was scared and didn’t want to, but it doesn’t sound like that happened at all. you can always practice with them to see if they’re coordinated enough or understand what it entails. further, an adult could be designated day of to help them down the aisle if needed or prevent chaos. however, the flower girl is just a cute tradition for a small kid so if something goes wrong, no one blames the kid or bats an eyelash. your sister probably loves your kids enough to want them to be a part of her special day (i know i would really want my niece to do this) and that’s worth at least trying. now if you know your daughter has anxiety around this type of thing and doesn’t want to do it and expresses that to you that’s one thing.
NTA.
I think the 5yo is possibly borderline right-age, and depending on what sort of child she is (loves dressing up? loves being the center of attention?) she may even enjoy it.
But I don’t know her, and you do. If you think she’s too young and too shy, I’m happy to take your word for it.
As for the 3yo, I completely agree with you. Too young.
Now she is fuming and say it is her wedding day and not mine
They are your children, not performers for hire. And your sister is not some dictator who can snap her fingers and order people to do what she wants.
Stand your ground.
YTA for the reasoning you gave. They can sit in a wagon and be pulled or someone can carry them down if they get shy. The 5 yo is certainly more than capable.
Let me guess, you’re not in the wedding party. YTA
YTA.
NTA
They are your children. At 3 and 5, you are the responsible for accepting or rejecting on their behalf.
You know them as individuals and their attention spans. It’s OK to decline if you feel they don’t like being in the spotlight. Or they’ll get distracted. Or… Just because.
Does everyone here saying OP is the asshole HAVE 3 and 5 year olds? My kids are 3 and 5 and I would have to think really hard about if I would let them be in someone’s wedding because of the risk of them ruining it. If they mess up it’s you the parent who gets judged, not the bride. I think people forget how harsh and judgemental everyone can be of parents.
My oldest could maybe do it, but my youngest would absolutely get shy – but her getting shy isn’t cute hiding her face behind mommy, it would be refusing to walk down the aisle, sobbing hysterically, and probably peeing herself. She does this when she doesn’t want to play at soccer practice or go into dance class. Imagining her doing it at a wedding is a nightmare for me as a parent. NTA OP – you know your kids best.
That’s so sad!! Why wouldn’t you let them be flower girls?! That’s the best part of weddings!!
Have a bridesmaid or grandparents walk them down the aisle. It’s cute!
I think it’s a precious moment they are being asked to partake in, take them fancy dress shopping with your sister and make it really special for them, with no pressure to do anything “right”. They can walk together down the aisle hand in hand or with a grandparent even — make it a family celebration… I think you’re being a bit controlling about it. Isn’t this a nice gesture of inclusion by your sister?
YTA A 5 year old can’t walk down the aisle? Unless there is something wrong with them, this isn’t true. And I’m sure your sister knows the risks of having little kids in the wedding. You are depriving your children of a beautiful experience. I was a flower girl in my aunt’s wedding at 5 and it was so special for me.
Oh! ITS HER WEDDING DAY! Sorry you missed the memo where the bride gets ANYTHING she wants. Jeeze just do what she wants and forget about how your kids might feel or your parental instincts to keep them out is situations that might make them uncomfortable. eyeroll
NTA
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YTA – purely because your reason is odd. Girls this age are flower girls regularly and if they got shy people would find it adorable.
Your reason doesn’t make sense
I tried having my nieces in my wedding. They were the same ages and as OP thinks it will turn out it was the same for my wedding. Practice was great. The kids were great. Day of wedding neither wanted to do it and so they didn’t. No big deal
NTA your job is to keep your kids feeling safe and secure. If you know they won’t feel comfortable walking down the aisle, and you make them do it to appease your sister, what message does that send to young girls? I would leave it up to the girls and let her know they may bail. My daughter was like 2 maybe when my brother was married and I said she probably won’t do it, but we can put her in a dress! I would never pressure my little kid to do something just for someone else’s ego.
Don’t listen to the YTAs please, and next time ask for advice from parents only on parenting stuff. Asking the general public is like asking everyone to solve a physics problem. People with no understanding of physics can’t answer the problem, but the difference is non parents often think they know better and can do better than people who are parenting.
YTA your children are perfect ages to do this and you’re being overly protective. Not to mention taking a fun experience away from them. If it was some random coworker or friend I’d understand but this is family and I’m assuming you’re not estranged from them.
Let your kids enjoy themselves and maybe ask them their opinions and show them a YouTube video or something
I mean I’ve seen multiple flower girls in that age range and when you’re working with kids that young you just kind of expect have to expect them to go off script. They’ll be cute and adorable and they may even distribute some flowers the way they’re supposed to but they’re also likely to wander off in random directions or run down the aisle so if your sister is super concerned about everything being perfect then super small children may not be the best fit for the wedding party but usually most people just find them adorable regardless of what they do. It’s still your call but giving that they’re too young for a reason is likely to seem like a lame reason as a good number of flower girls are very little.
How dare you not give your sister access to props for her wedding day! /s. NTA
No NTA bc you know your kids. It could be really stressful for shy kids to be forced to do things. However if you are going to be in or at the wedding and the kids may be there as well, whast the point in limiting them? At least ask them! The 5 year old DEF can communicate the desire or distaste for the role.
I was a flower girl ike 3-4 times between age 3 and 6. I didnt love it but my mom forced me; it def made me uncomfortable but i lived and it was fine. It may be fun for them and then you dont need to hire separate childcare while you are at the wedding.
You didnt ruin her wedding and thats a dramatic take. People are allowed to say no to requests. Did she thnk a bridesmaid who declined being in her wedding ruined it too?
How do they behave/understand directions? My very first wedding had 3 flower girls from different parts of the family. I was 7, and the others were about 4 and 5.
We had a few recital runs that taught us how to properly act like a flower girl, and everything went great! Obviously everybody is different, but I’d ask the kids how they feel about the option. Kids can make wedding days hectic when you have to get them ready, but I STILL think about how much I loved the outfit I got to wear at the time. Is your sister okay with a few little hiccups on her day, or does she expect her wedding to be picture perfect at every moment? That might decide whether they could stand up to the task.
well, if she wants a 3 year old running the aisles and not deliver flower petals, let her. Let the kids have some fun – at her expense. She doesn’t get kids, but she will.
You seem reasonable here. Although you have a “I told you so” moment lined up for you should you choose to pursue it.
If you really think that hat your kids can’t perform NTA. But that’s pretty much the ages of most flower girls. Our flower girls were about the same age. Mom and dad sat in the front pew so the girls just headed to them.
NTA. My sister was around that age during my Quincenera and when it came time for me to give her a doll (one of the traditions we included), she got so freaked out being the center of attention that she burst into tears and ran away. You know your kids best. If you don’t think your kids will be up to the task, it literally does not matter who else disagrees with you. You’re the parent.
If sister willing to compromise even a little? My daughter will be four when she is the flower girl in a wedding this winter and the bride asked for my husband to walk her down the aisle to keep her on track since I’m in the wedding party. My kiddo is gregarious and loves attention but she’s also an easily distracted toddler so this is a good work around for us. Would your sister be open to similar suggestions if you did decide to think about it?
YTA, seriously? They can’t follow simple directions? They are 3 & 5, not 1 & 2!!
ESH. Your sister doesn’t have any right to demand their participation, but they are not too young for this. It sounds like you don’t want them to do this which is fine, but be honest and say that’s your reason.
Because if you did want them to participate there are ways to make it work – like a bridesmaid or MOH helping little one down the aisle. And if they choke up on the day of? That’s fine. The marriage will still be legally binding without petals on the ground.
I would value what the kids want over either of you two, personally.
NTA – this exact thing just happened to a friend of mine last weekend. Her 3.5 year old was SO excited up until the moment she had to walk. Then lost her mind and wouldn’t do it because there were too many people looking at her. You know your kids best!
NAH… yet. ESH is also on the cards.
My kids were four and nearly three in my SIL’s wedding and managed better than any of us expected. The practices were chaos, the reality was incredible. I doubt we would have had success a second time though. You know your kids but it’s important to remember that sometimes they surprise us (and sometimes they very much do not).
Your kids are likely old enough to be talked through the process. If your sister is okay with the possibility of things going awry, then maybe let them. It might be a great core memory.
You know your kids and if this is something that would make them uncomfortable then you’re making the right decision.
ESH. Your reasoning is odd, but her melodrama is out of line.
Methinks there’s some underlying sibling issues here between the two of you.
YTA – your attitude is terrible. I have seen several weddings where the kids were that age. They were adorable. You seemed wrapped up in how it will effect you, and not if they will have a good time putting on a cute dress and tossing flowers.
I wouldn’t say you’re an AH as they are your kids but I think you should have let them do it with the understanding they might be shy and not do it that day. They would love having twirly dresses at the reception.
Most flower Girls I seen are 3-6 years old. Your kids are old enough. ESH
As a former 4 year old ring bearer who has seen footage of how adorably shy I was, but has zero memory of the event, what? Your argument is… strange. But they are, in fact, your children, so NTA. We can all only hope you make the right decisions that lead to them liking being your children.
Do your kids want to do it?
You are missing out on a wonderful family opportunity! My son and daughter did this (flower girl and ring bearer) when they were 3 and 5, and they did a wonderful job! They also knew they could opt out if they wanted to. This was 30 years ago, and we still enjoy all the beautiful photos from that day that include our darling little kids. Professional photos of your small children is reason enough to be excited about it!
NAH. Too young to be a flower girl? How old do you think flower girls are? Personally 3-5 is the exact age I would think flower girls typically should be. My flower girl was 7 and I remember thinking it was silly how I had such an old flower girl. Also she got shy and refused to go so age isn’t as important as temperament.
right!
They are your kids, you can say no for whatever reason. However, you’re being ridiculous.
NTA. But fucking weird. They’re your kids. You’re well within your rights to make that decision. But I don’t see what the issue is. Kids that same age, social and shy alike, manage to be flower girls and ring bearers all the time. So unless there are special needs you didn’t disclose, I don’t know why you think your kids can’t manage walking in a line. It’s a damn shame you’re depriving them of this chance to be involved in a family event, but you don’t owe it to anyone.
Eh. I mean, your kids your choice, but 3 and 5 are a perfect age for flower girl cuteness.
Your kids are not props for her wedding day. You are NTA
Soft YTA
Yes, they are your kids, but did you even ask them if they were on board?? It sounds like you just dont want to inconvenience yourself with the work of getting them prepared, etc. Your sister (hopefully) only gets married once, let the bride have her wish, or at least the opportunity for the kids to decide!
NTA, but it’s not a bad thing to let your girls be flower girls for your sister. I’m sure they would love it. What little girl doesn’t like to dress up? Your sister hopefully will only get married once.
YTA if your sister wants them to participate and your children won’t be in danger, let them! Are you going to stop your children from trying new things for their whole lives because you think they’re incapable?!
I was a flower girl at 3 and from footage I had fun, not like I wasn’t shy but I enjoyed tossing flower petals. It’s good for kids to have a task and feel integrated in the family. That said it’s your decision.
3 is definitely too young. 5? Depends on the child.
As a parent, you have every right to say no.
Your reason though is interesting. I have a shy son too, he walked down the aisle at my brother in laws wedding at a little over 2 and I carried my 6mo down. In my wedding, my 4 year old niece was a flower girl along with 2 friends daughters. One of them dumped the flower basket at the very beginning of the aisle and it was hilarious. My niece got so nervous, but her mama walked down with her. The most important part though? All the kids felt SO special and important getting to wear a special outfit and walk down the aisle (even the ones that didn’t rock it).
Ask your kids if they want to do it, practice with them and use exciting positive language and the kids will do great. The bride wants kids, so she’s likely aware kids aren’t as disciplined as adults.
It sounds like you don’t want your kids to participate, which is a personal thing and is likely fair. But if advise you to think internally on why you don’t want your kids to participate.
Before my vote I need some INFO: did you actually ask your kids if they want to participate? If yes and they don’t wanna do it N-T-A. If you didn’t ask them and are assuming, Y-T-A
NTA. You know your children’s temperament best and how they would behave in this type of situation.
5 is pretty old for a flower girl, I don’t see why she couldn’t do it alone off you didn’t think the 3 year old is ready
ESH- you seemed to have shut this down pretty firmly without even considering it, and it could be a social moment for the girls.
She’s sucks for her response
INFO: are you in the wedding party?
NTA
You can say no to your sister’s request, but maybe ask the girls if they want to dress up for a party and parade. Practice with a bunch of people in the seats.
YTA. Stop pushing your own insecurities onto your kids.
You are not the ah because you are just looking out for your children and 3 year old may be too young, but if the 5 year old wants to be a flower girl then let her.
NTA. You’re the parent and they are not circus monkeys to perform at your sisters command. If you don’t think they would actually be comfortable doing it then you made the right call. As a child at 3 or 5 I would have been mortified to have to walk in front of a crowd like that. Some kids are shy and hate that kind of attention. As the mom you would know best. Your sister is being selfish.
Why not ask your kids if they want to do it. If they say yes, let them.
When son was 3 my niece was 2, they were both in a wedding and they did absolutely fine. YTA
Did you ask questions? Because this sounds like a situation where more information is helpful. Questions for your sister: what’s her backup plan if the girls are shy? After they walk the aisle are they sitting back with mom or does she want them standing? What if the dresses they wear aren’t comfortable? Questions for your girls: do they want to be in aunts wedding? Do they think they can learn? Are they okay with lots of people looking at them?
Ultimately, I’d say NTA because they are your kids and if you don’t think they’re ready, you’re (hopefully) the best person to act on their behalf. But 3 and 5 are reasonable ages for flower girls, especially if your sister is ready and able to understand they’re still learning.
NTA because at the end of the day they are your kids and you call the shots. But seems a little unreasonable for you not to let them…
NTA. You’re their parent so you know better than your sister if they can handle it
YTA. Sound like a psychotically controlling parent .
Are you doing it to protect your children from something or because you believe they simply will not walk down the aisle by themselves? You could offer to accompany them down the aisle on the day. They’re your kids and at the end of the day it’s up to you what experiences you expose them to. They aren’t show ponies. I’d say no one’s TA and there could easily be a compromise here
I had literal babies in my wedding. They will mess up and it will be cute. Do t take this away from your kids or your sister. YTA!
YWBTA if you don’t ask your girls if they’d like to do it. Maybe show them a few wedding videos on YouTube. My 2 kids were in 3 weddings when they were 3-7 yrs old. They had fun, everyone thought they were adorable.
I was a flower girl at 3/4 & my aunt likes to tell the story of how I got bored, laid down on the floor, & put my feet up in the air.
I don’t think there are any photos that memorialize this … special feature. I was a flower girl again at 6 & 8 and I managed to stay upright.
Ultimately you know the maturity and energy level of your own children. It sounds like they will not make good props for your sister’s wedding.
Your children aren’t props. Good for you for not letting them be used as such. NTA.
YTA everyone will be delighted by the girls. No one is looking for operational efficiency.
So what’s the problem if they don’t do it? What does that mean for your kids – they have a tantrum or a bad time? What if they walk down with you it their other parent?
Part of the whole young flower child thing is them being cute and young and not doing it “right”.
So I’m not sure cause I need I for but I’m either NAH or I’m YTA IF your problem is you being personally worried they won’t perform “properly”
3&5 is 100% the age of flower girls. They will be precious and if your sister is willing to chance young children in the bridal party, I’d let it happen.
Years ago my sister and I were flowers girls at our aunts wedding. We were 3 and 4. It went fine. That being said. It’s your kids, you don’t have to agree to them being in her wedding or any event.
NTA – my sisters and i were all flower girls in my aunts weddings around the same age but at the end of the day you know your girls best and if you think it’s something they would be uncomfortable with/wouldn’t like then i would say you made the right call
NTA it doesn’t matter that your kids are five and three. (I think five is the perfect age actually) and it doesn’t matter that it’s your sister’s wedding. It could be anyone’s wedding. She asked for your children to be a part of it and you did not give approval. End of story. You said you think your daughters might not do well with all the attention so you said no. Hopefully her wedding can still be beautiful.
ESH, they are your kids, so her acting entitled to them just because it’s HER day is crazy.
But did you even ask your kids? If they said no then fine, but taking away that opportunity from them without their knowledge is an AH move on your part.
If they want to do it and it goes bad, your sister needs to understand that’s a possibility. Yes, if it goes bad you might need to comfort your kids but guess what? That’s a part of parenting…letting them fail and be there to support them either way so they can grow.
I think they’d be fine, but they’re your kids
NTA
They’re your kids. Small kids at that.
End of discussion
NTA but 3 and 5 are normal ages to be flower girls. I feel like 7 is where they get too old. I have a huge family and was a flower girl from 3 to 8, and I felt too old for it by the time I was 8.
Shy? Honestly it sounds like OP saying no for a different reason other than the one stated. Missing some key details but leaning towards YTA.
NTA, but mostly because the way you have represented her reaction makes it sound like she is using them as props rather than wanting them part of her day.
But most kids that age would be fine doing it and really enjoy the performance and primping. Make sure you are not taking away an opportunity from your girls that they’d like.
It’s your wedding, but they’re my kids—and I won’t set them up to fail for a photo op.
You can say no for whatever reason, but they’re def not too young for this. My nieces walked down the aisle unassisted and did a great job at 3 and 5.
YTA you simply assign a family member to wait at the end of the aisle to encourage them. I did it for my nieces when my sister was needed in the bridal party. Most little girls love being flower girls. I always wanted to do it, but my younger sister always got the gig instead.
I don’t know why you’d want to take this from your girls. I”m guessing you don’t get on with your sister and see this as a way to be petty.
NTA for not letting them be flower girls at all. They’re your children so it’s your decision.
YTA for saying it’s because they’re too young.
Just say ‘no’ and own it. Don’t try to feed me obviously crap.
My 2 nieces were 3 and 5 when they were my flower girls and they were adorable. They walked down the aisle perfectly. The 5 year old stood with the bridesmaids and the 3 year old sat where grandma.
They’re your kids so technically the decision rests with you, but I do think you should let them try it if they want. Ultimately, I think the decision should rest with your daughters. If they’re willing to do it and you say no, then YTA. If your daughters don’t wanna do it and you’re backing them up, then NTA
NAH – I was a flower girl 3 times at that age. First time was at my parents wedding, I messed up throwing the flowers but it was okay bc it was a cute 3yr old. Wasn’t overwhelming since people are all organized and no one was like really surrounding me. Other 2, I nailed it. Basically what I’m saying is tell your kids what it is, and if they think it is fun then I’d say let them. Plus they’ll be together so it’ll be easier for them to walk down as they have the other by their side.
I don’t know if I consider this an am I the asshole query, because I don’t think it makes you an asshole to refuse, and I don’t think it makes your sister an asshole to be wounded if you do so. It’s completely your decision, you’re the parent but often times the charm of having younger children participate in formal occasions like this is the informal gaiety and laughter they can bring with their performance. And this can be a nice bonding moment with your family. However, if you genuinely think that your daughters would be too intimidated, then by all means bow out. It doesn’t make you an asshole for doing so.
NTA. You know your kids best.
NTA
I was a flower girl at 3. What do you mean too young?!
YTA
YTA. You’re selfish and a little narcissistic.
ESH. In the end, they are your kids and you can of course say no, and it won’t ruin anyone’s wedding.
However 3-5 years old is the typical age for flower girls. They don’t have to do a perfect job. Just cutely and awkwardly get from point A to point B and maybe drop a petal or two along the way. You can practice and show them. I’ve been at plenty of weddings where the flower girl gets nervous and an adult just walks with them or even picks them up and carries them down the aisle. It’s all cute and fine.
If your kids really don’t want to do it, or you have some very strong reason not to have them do it, fine. Your kids. But they might actually want to, and if it would make your sister happy, why not at least try?
NTA, you know your kids and how they would probably behave on the day with all the people watching. Even if they could do it, you have no obligation to say yes to that request.
Have you asked the girls? If they haven’t been to a wedding yet, show them videos of what a flower girl does in a wedding. I was shy when I was little, but I absolutely would have loved to be a flower girl.
YTA for your reasoning alone. Your kids, so, of course you can say no. However your reason is ridiculous. Kids that age do flower girl duties all the time. If you hype it up and practice at home, they’ll be fine.
NTA , I think.
Have you asked your kids (individually) if they want to do it?
if your kids are shy in situations like this or don’t want to to it ,then for their mental health and their autonomy then don’t make them do it .
You’re their mom your job is to protect them.
To all the people calling her an asshole, here’s the thing, her job is to protect her kids not her sisters wedding. Your YTA’s are very much giving big “you have to hug everyone who asks you especially family” vibes and I’m not sure why you think it’s okay.
Just because they’re at the age and the adults think it’s cute when the flower girls or ring bearers “mess up” or “get shy” doing a role they were thrown into and voluntold they had to do should ask themselves why they find so much joy and amusement in children using their autonomy. Why you dont care if you make a child anxious or shy, why that is “cute” to you.
It’s not cute. It’s telling two girls at a very young age, just learning to navigate social situations and set their boundaries that they have to perform on cue, and it’s okay if they mess it up because the adults in the room are going to stare at and giggle at them while they’re feeling my shy, awkward and vulnerable because their only purpose is a prop to other people.
Just because yall think it’s cute or loved it when you were little doesn’t mean that all kids feel the same and in this case it appears her kids don’t feel the same as you did when you did it. Not all kids are the same.
Y’all hella weird for ganging up on the mom like that for making a decision to not force her daughters to do something they don’t want to do.
Do you truly believe that many years from now, the little girls are gonna look at the pictures from the wedding and go OMFG I’m so devastated that I didn’t get to be in the wedding my life is ruined because of it! No they won’t. They won’t even remember the day (especially the 3 year old) as anything other than they got dressed up and went to a family party. There is no fantasy word that exists where they’re going to be so mad at their mom for depriving them of the opportunity to be gawked at by strangers if they’re already shy.
I also want to say that even if the kids weren’t shy, and the mom just didn’t want her kids being photographed or used as props or just felt uncomfortable with them doing it … guess what? She’s still allowed to say no that doesn’t make her an asshole. She’s just doing what’s best for her kids. They’re 3 and 5 it’s her job to watch out for them. She thinks it’s not in their best interest to do this (with a valid reason, their shyness is not something that should be used as entertainment) so they don’t do it.
I wouldn’t say you’re an asshole. They are your kids so you know them better than anyone so if you think it would be shy then that’s just how it is. But most kids are capable of doing it at that age but every kid is different. So I say NTA.
My nephew was our ringbearer at 5. He backed out right before the ceremony. He wasn’t known as shy, heck, he jumped in the fountain at the venue with everybody around and watching.
You should ask the kids and warn your sister. NAH
YTA. A 5 year old can definitely walk down an aisle. The 3 year old may be a bit shy, but with her big sister there, even she could do it.
I’m in my 60s, but my aunt – who is now approaching 90 – still mentions the meltdown I had as a 3 year old flower girl during her wedding.
I mean NTA technically since they are your kids but you reasoning is really stupid so I get why your sister is annoyed. They are literally flower girl age so idk what your issue is. But whatever. In my opinion you sound like an AH.
I have no judgment since you know your kids best. My great nephew and great niece participated in their aunt’s early evening wedding around the same age and were picked up by the grandparents not related to the bride to spend the night. A good time was had by all. I would reconsider this, and if on the day of, they don’t want to do it, don’t force it.