So, so back story, I just gave birth two months ago to a baby girl. Me and my husband lived with his mother for the two months before we moved out of state because he is in the military stationed away. During this time of living with his mother she constantly broke all my boundaries with my baby. I asked for no kissing, she kissed my baby. I asked to wash your hand, she never did. She called my baby her child and whenever she wanted to hold her she said “can I hold my child?”
This has always made me so uncomfortable because you know it’s my baby. About 2 weeks before me and my husband moved my daughter started to go through the colic phase and was crying a lot and I was under a lot of stress. Personally I didn’t feel comfortable leaving my baby with my Mother in law because of all the boundaries she broke and my husband was gone one day when she was super colicky.
My daughter was crying for about two hours straight and I tried to do everything. I’m still experiencing postpartum stress and anxiety and I was SUPER overwhelmed that day. So I decided to just lay my daughter down in her bassinet and walk out of the room for about 10 minutes to just breathe and bring myself back together before trying to help my daughter again.
My mother in law saw me on the floor of the bathroom crying and she heard the baby crying and walked into the room and picked up the baby and looked at me and said, “what’s wrong with you why would you leave your baby” it made me feel like a terrible mother and I was doing it all wrong. A couple weeks after that day me and my husband moved with our baby and about 3 days after we got settled I was scrolling through Facebook and I got a message from her through the app.
The short version of the post was leaving your child while they cry is early neglect and you are setting them up for anxiety and mental issues in the future. Now, this made me feel absolutely terrible. I never left my daughter alone for even 2 minutes after that and now I’m a stay at home mom with no friends or family around to help me during those hard overwhelming times. I talked my own mother on how I was feeling and she told me it was okay to breathe for a couple minutes and go back because I’m all alone.
Ever since she sent me that post I have felt like a terrible mom and like I’m neglecting my daughter. Now, my mother in law wants to come visit in a month or two and I said she was not welcome in my house until I’m done being upset about this because it made me feel terrible. (Now all of this happened within the last 3 weeks, she sent the post last week) so AITA for not letting her come to visit?
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So, so back story, I just gave birth two months ago to a baby girl. Me and my husband lived with his mother for the two months before we moved out of state because he is in the military stationed away. During this time of living with his mother she constantly broke all my boundaries with my baby. I asked for no kissing, she kissed my baby. I asked to wash your hand, she never did. She called my baby her child and whenever she wanted to hold her she said “can I hold my child?”
This has always made me so uncomfortable because you know it’s my baby. About 2 weeks before me and my husband moved my daughter started to go through the colic phase and was crying a lot and I was under a lot of stress. Personally I didn’t feel comfortable leaving my baby with my Mother in law because of all the boundaries she broke and my husband was gone one day when she was super colicky.
My daughter was crying for about two hours straight and I tried to do everything. I’m still experiencing postpartum stress and anxiety and I was SUPER overwhelmed that day. So I decided to just lay my daughter down in her bassinet and walk out of the room for about 10 minutes to just breathe and bring myself back together before trying to help my daughter again.
My mother in law saw me on the floor of the bathroom crying and she heard the baby crying and walked into the room and picked up the baby and looked at me and said, “what’s wrong with you why would you leave your baby” it made me feel like a terrible mother and I was doing it all wrong. A couple weeks after that day me and my husband moved with our baby and about 3 days after we got settled I was scrolling through Facebook and I got a message from her through the app.
The short version of the post was leaving your child while they cry is early neglect and you are setting them up for anxiety and mental issues in the future. Now, this made me feel absolutely terrible. I never left my daughter alone for even 2 minutes after that and now I’m a stay at home mom with no friends or family around to help me during those hard overwhelming times. I talked my own mother on how I was feeling and she told me it was okay to breathe for a couple minutes and go back because I’m all alone.
Ever since she sent me that post I have felt like a terrible mom and like I’m neglecting my daughter. Now, my mother in law wants to come visit in a month or two and I said she was not welcome in my house until I’m done being upset about this because it made me feel terrible. (Now all of this happened within the last 3 weeks, she sent the post last week) so AITA for not letting her come to visit?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Hi there, I’m a mom of a neurodivergent child who was…rough as a newborn )putting it lightly). There were PLENTY of times when I’d place him in the crib and walk out for a moment. Not forever obvs but just
Long enough to catch a breath. He’s 3 now, and perfectly fine—I mean in spite of his still issues lol. You are NOT a bad mother for doing this. It’s extreme to say, but who knows what could’ve happened if you didn’t give yourself a break? There has been instances of parents so overwhelmed they shake the baby in frustration—not saying
You’d do this just saying it has happened from
Being overwhelmed. You did the right thing. You cannot raise your daughter if you yourself are not well. Always remember that
And, NTA
Oh no, F that B. NTA. So judgey. Take a LOT of time away from MIL.
NTA your mental health is also important, stepping out when you are overwhelmed is the best thing you can do.
Let her have consequences of her actions
NTA. MIL sucks. I hope things are starting to look up for you and for baby.
Snort. Leaving your baby in a safe place for 10 minutes is NOT neglect. Just put that thought right out of your head! When I had my first child, I was exhausted, she was cranky (still is at 40) and every time she cried I ran to pick her up. when she was 3 weeks old my grandmother died so I took her 400 miles from home for the funeral. My mom was there, it was the first time she got to see her new granddaughter. At dinner the baby was in the living room, we were in the kitchen eating. Baby cried, I jumped up (for about the millionth time that day). My mom said sit down. I said the baby is crying. Mom said SIT DOWN. Then she got up, went into the living room, came back and said the baby is fine, let her cry. 3 minutes later, no more crying. My mom said, you take care of them, you make sure they are clean, fed and safe. Sometimes you just need to let them cry for a few minutes to see if they mean it or are testing you.
Find a friend group at your new post. You will be fine, baby will be fine. Don’t let MIL visit for a long time.
Maybe because I’m older I see a different side. I don’t think YTA at all, I think you’re struggling with postpartum blues and not getting enough of the right kind of support.
Your MIL was 100% wrong to say what she did, you did nothing wrong. Stepping away for ten mins when you’re at your wits end is the right thing to do, it won’t harm your child one jot.
I just think your MIL is an idiot but she probably is just overprotective of her grandbaby.
I would ask your husband to set boundaries with her and explain she needs to follow them or she won’t be welcome. She’s his mum and he needs to support you in this by dealing with her overstepping.
Most of all I just want to say you’re doing great, you’re experiencing one of the biggest stresses in your life right now. Look after yourself and trust me when I say 10 minutes away from a colicky baby is fine…I have a 30 yr old to prove it x
Send her an article about how overstepping MILs who blast through boundaries and jump to conclusions never see their grandchildren
It’s coming from a place of care, right?? You only have the best intentions, right??
If there are no articles available, I’ll write one …
You have a young baby, and are healing and dealing with colic. 10 minutes away from your child in a safe place is not harmful. She’s an ass
Her actions and comments are harmful to you.
NTA She burned her bridges let her reap those rewards.
Absolutely NTA. In safety training for shaken baby syndrome and severe head trauma in infants, they instruct you to leave the baby to cry and take a moment to regain your thoughts and feelings. It is absolutely okay to leave your baby for a few minutes if you’ve done everything you can and they won’t stop crying. It keeps the baby AND you safe!❤️ don’t ever let her make you feel like you did something wrong. Fuck that noise
Putting the baby down for a short time and walking away is what experts recommend to AVOID abuse or the parent losing it. They say it does not hurt the baby and helps the situation. Babies slowly learn to self soothe and keeps them out of danger. If you had a second child, you might have to leave the baby to help them potty or eat, etc. You are an awesome mom!
Actually you did exactly the right thing & your MIL is an idiot! NTA
Leaving the baby in a safe area when you are really stressed is an extremely important thing to do. You’re doing great!! Crying is not going to hurt her, but you feeling overwhelmed is how shaken baby happens! You rock!
Nta
NTA
So I decided to just lay my daughter down in her bassinet and walk out of the room for about 10 minutes to just breathe and bring myself back together before trying to help my daughter again.
My mother in law saw me on the floor of the bathroom crying ,,,,,,,,,,,,
Seems like a bit missing there, Hopefully that does not mean anything.