I (24F) live with a roommate who constantly borrows my clothes without asking, Sometimes she stretches them out or doesn’t return them until I ask for them back. Last week she wore one of my dresses to a party and it got torn which She apologized and offered to replace it, I told her not to worry that I don’t want her borrowing my stuff anymore.
She got really defensive and saying I was “overreacting” and that “sharing is part of being roommates.”
Now things are tense in the apartment and a mutual friend thinks I was “too harsh.”
AITA for setting that boundary?
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I (24F) live with a roommate who constantly borrows my clothes without asking, Sometimes she stretches them out or doesn’t return them until I ask for them back. Last week she wore one of my dresses to a party and it got torn which She apologized and offered to replace it, I told her not to worry that I don’t want her borrowing my stuff anymore.
She got really defensive and saying I was “overreacting” and that “sharing is part of being roommates.”
Now things are tense in the apartment and a mutual friend thinks I was “too harsh.”
AITA for setting that boundary?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I decided to stop letting my roommate borrow my clothes after she was careless with my favourite dress
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA- Sharing clothes is not part of being roommates if the other person says no. You have the right to expect your belongings to be respected in your own living space, and it’s a notoriously bad roommate thing to do to always borrow without asking or overstep like that. She’s taking them without asking and only sometimes putting them back on her own, and they’re not even in the same condition.
She needs to respect boundaries.
NTA. The only times I have shared clothes with roommates, one of us specifically and explicitly offered to loan particular pieces of clothing, and they were returned afterwards (or at latest, after a wash if they needed it). I’ve never taken anything of my roommate’s without asking, and I’ve only had roommates take things of mine without asking a couple times (and those were accidents and emergencies, for which said roommates apologized). Just taking your roommate‘s clothes without any discussion is only normal if you had a talk about wanting to share clothes that freely and everyone was good with that idea. Over the years, I’ve had about 25 roommates, and no one has ever thought it was okay to just raid my closet, nor have I ever just raided their closets.
She’s not “sharing”, she’s helping herself! And she’s not taking good care of your clothes when she does borrow them (without asking). Moreover, if she’s stretching your items out of shape, she has no business even asking to use your clothes, as she’s simply going to render them unwearable for you. It’s not only weird, it’s unsanitary!
You’re NTA, and your roomie sounds like a nutter! Her behavior is completely self-centered, and has no boundaries. Time to obtain a lock for ye olde closet door to keep her from butt’ing into your wardrobe.
NTA.
Respecting one another’s boundaries is part of being roommates.
NTA. People should learn and understand boundaries
NTA, people needs to understand boundaries
“Sharing is part of being roommates” yeah… no. You’re allowed to have personal property. Even if she wasn’t damaging it, you are STILL allowed to set that boundary. Also, “too harsh”?!? Absolutely NTA.
Sharing clothes is NOT part of being “roommates“. She is shown a lack of respect for your things and your drawing that boundary is not at all overreacting. She should have been asking your permission and you should have let her replace the dress or pay for it at the very least.
Her attitude concerns me though. You might have to watch to see if she ignores it and continues borrowing or thieving from your closet. You may want to get a lock on your door.