I’m a 23F college student living with my roommate, Emma (24F), in a shared apartment. I’m super careful with my stuff, especially my laptop, which I saved up for last year to use for school and side gigs. Emma’s generally cool, but she’s not great with her electronics—she’s cracked her phone screen twice and recently dropped her laptop, which stopped working entirely.
Last week, Emma told me she has an important online exam coming up and asked to borrow my laptop for it since hers is broken. I was hesitant because I’ve got my own assignments due, and I use my laptop for freelance graphic design work, which is time-sensitive. Plus, I’m paranoid about something happening to it, given her track record. I offered to let her use it at our kitchen table while I’m home, so I could keep an eye on it, and suggested she try the library’s computers as a backup. She got upset, saying the library’s computers are slow and she needs a reliable device for her timed exam. She called me controlling for not just handing it over and said I’m not being a good friend, especially since she’s let me borrow small things like her hairdryer before.
I feel bad because I know she’s stressed about her exam, and I don’t want to seem stingy. But I worked hard for my laptop, and I need it for my own work and classes. I also don’t think it’s fair that she expects me to risk my device when she hasn’t been careful with hers. I suggested she ask another friend or rent a laptop, but she said I’m making it harder for her and stormed off. AITA for not letting her borrow my laptop outright?
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I’m a 23F college student living with my roommate, Emma (24F), in a shared apartment. I’m super careful with my stuff, especially my laptop, which I saved up for last year to use for school and side gigs. Emma’s generally cool, but she’s not great with her electronics—she’s cracked her phone screen twice and recently dropped her laptop, which stopped working entirely.
Last week, Emma told me she has an important online exam coming up and asked to borrow my laptop for it since hers is broken. I was hesitant because I’ve got my own assignments due, and I use my laptop for freelance graphic design work, which is time-sensitive. Plus, I’m paranoid about something happening to it, given her track record. I offered to let her use it at our kitchen table while I’m home, so I could keep an eye on it, and suggested she try the library’s computers as a backup. She got upset, saying the library’s computers are slow and she needs a reliable device for her timed exam. She called me controlling for not just handing it over and said I’m not being a good friend, especially since she’s let me borrow small things like her hairdryer before.
I feel bad because I know she’s stressed about her exam, and I don’t want to seem stingy. But I worked hard for my laptop, and I need it for my own work and classes. I also don’t think it’s fair that she expects me to risk my device when she hasn’t been careful with hers. I suggested she ask another friend or rent a laptop, but she said I’m making it harder for her and stormed off. AITA for not letting her borrow my laptop outright?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to let my roommate Emma borrow my laptop for her online exam. I might be the asshole because I’m prioritizing protecting my laptop over helping her in a high-stakes situation. Emma called me controlling and said I’m not being a good friend, especially since she’s shared things with me before, like her hairdryer. I might be wrong for not trusting her or for not being more accommodating when she’s stressed and doesn’t have many options.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. You were happy to let her use it in the apartment where you could see it. That was a perfectly reasonable suggestion.
I need more context – where did she intend to take the laptop? You offered to let her use it in the kitchen but it sounds like she didn’t wanna do that
in my opinion always protect your properties, especially if the person is careless, you did nothing wrong.
NTA. Your property, your boundaries. You offered reasonable alternatives for her.
As an aside, there are places she could rent a laptop.
NTA, you gave her an option to use the laptop at home. I would have done the exact same thing.
NTA. It’s your laptop and is much more expensive than a hair dryer.
Definitely NTA. She asked you for a huge favor, you offered a compromise that would make it feel safer for you. If she doesn’t like your terms, she’s free to borrow someone else’s computer or get her own fixed
NTA.
Too many things can go bad when someone else is using your computer. Damage, viruses, data loss, are just the start. Never lend a laptop to anyone without wiping it first, that is not an option for you.
“Emma, I’m happy for you to use my laptop for your exam – but only while seated at the kitchen table. You know I use the laptop for school and my business; I simply can’t risk it being broken. I’m sorry you think I’m being controlling, but I simply can’t risk my laptop getting broken.”
Nta.
No. Anyone who used my computer wouldn’t find anything incriminating, but it’s still a very personal device to me and I wouldn’t lend it to anybody.
Computers are not like hairdryers. They are hard to replace, expensive, have all your personal info, passwords… NTA. They are very personal and generally not to be shared. Particularly with people who keep breaking even their own expensive stuff.
You did let her use it. She just wasn’t willing to abide by the perfectly reasonable conditions of use you set out.
Nta
NTA
> she needs a reliable device for her timed exam.
And she is free to purchase one.
Recommend she get the insurance this time.
> she said I’m making it harder for her and stormed off
Lol, it was never your job to make it easy.
NTA
Just because you’re friend doesn’t mean anything goes. There are limits and it’s good to let her know you don’t trust her with certain things for good reason.
She called you not handling your laptop over “controlling”?!? She’s beyond stupid.
Stick to your guns.
NTA
NTA the laptop costs 5-10x the amount of a hairdryer. Cant compare apples to oranges. If she can’t respect a simple rule, then it’s on her. Considering she still hasn’t fixed her own laptop, if she drops yours, how is she going to pay for the damages?