I share a dorm suite with two other girls. We each have our own bed but share the same room. One of my roommates has a boyfriend, who’s basically over all the time. I don’t mind him hanging out, but I’ve made it clear I don’t want him using my stuff. Last weekend, I went home to visit my family. When I came back, I noticed my blanket smelled like cologne and my pillows were in a different spot. I asked my roommate about it, and she admitted her boyfriend crashed in my bed because his back hurts on the dorm futon and she didn’t want him on hers since it was messy.
I was honestly disgusted. I talked to her, and it’s completely disrespectful and that I don’t want anyone in my bed, especially her boyfriend. She got defensive, and said, It’s just a bed. Don’t be so uptight. You weren’t even here. My roommate has been telling people I’m making a big deal out of nothing, and even suggested that if I don’t like it, I should just put a lock on my bed. I told her point blank, if it happens again, I’m reporting it to housing because it’s a violation of boundaries.
So, AITA for refusing to let my roommate’s boyfriend sleep in my bed when I’m not around?
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I share a dorm suite with two other girls. We each have our own bed but share the same room. One of my roommates has a boyfriend, who’s basically over all the time. I don’t mind him hanging out, but I’ve made it clear I don’t want him using my stuff. Last weekend, I went home to visit my family. When I came back, I noticed my blanket smelled like cologne and my pillows were in a different spot. I asked my roommate about it, and she admitted her boyfriend crashed in my bed because his back hurts on the dorm futon and she didn’t want him on hers since it was messy.
I was honestly disgusted. I talked to her, and it’s completely disrespectful and that I don’t want anyone in my bed, especially her boyfriend. She got defensive, and said, It’s just a bed. Don’t be so uptight. You weren’t even here. My roommate has been telling people I’m making a big deal out of nothing, and even suggested that if I don’t like it, I should just put a lock on my bed. I told her point blank, if it happens again, I’m reporting it to housing because it’s a violation of boundaries.
So, AITA for refusing to let my roommate’s boyfriend sleep in my bed when I’m not around?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. My roomate used my bed when i was away.
2. I talked to her and told my roommate that it was disrespectful
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Your bed, your rules. At the very least she should have washed the sheets after her bf used them.
NTA. Your bed is yours, period. It doesn’t matter if you weren’t there, it’s about respect and hygiene. Letting her boyfriend crash there without asking is gross and a huge boundary violation. You’re not uptight; she’s dismissive. If she can’t respect something as basic as “don’t let other people in my bed,” then reporting it is the right move.
Sleeping in someone else’s bed without permission is gross, period. The fact she admitted she didn’t want him in her messy bed but thought yours was fine says everything
NTA. It’s your personal space. They should have asked you beforehand and since they didn’t they should have washed all your bedding after! He’s not your boyfriend so why would you accept him being in your bed?
Why wait? She’s going to do it again. Report it TODAY. If it’s not such a big deal then she won’t get in trouble?
Also anyone who complains to you, tell them that they’re more than welcome to have him sleep on their beds so that when they come home they have the pleasure of washing his smell and sweat off of the sheets that he dirtied and mattress instead of getting to go to sleep.
Also tell your room mate that it’s low key kind of gross that her bed is so messy that her boyfriend doesn’t want to sleep in it.
NTA, of course not, it’s YOUR bed.
I’ve seen the words “it’s just a XXX” too many times, and it’s rage inducing every time. She is trying to blame you for not letting her get what she wants, and not admitting her mistake of not consulting you before making the decision to use your bed.
NTA. Unless you’re Goldilocks, sleeping in someone else’s bed is not cool.
NTA. Absolutely not. That’s ridiculous. And she didn’t even have the common decency to wash the sheets? Or even the brains to realize doing so might have kept you from finding out? She doesn’t get to decide if it’s a “big deal” or not when it’s your bed. Why couldn’t she just clean up her own bed like a goddamn adult?
You should report it to housing this time.
NTA. He can sleep on the floor. Probably better for his back.
Sharing a dorm already means zero privacy. Your bed is the only space that’s actually yours. You’re right to draw the line
NTA and I’d report her now. There’s, unfortunately, a good chance she’ll get warnings before they do anything substantial. If so you want to start this process immediately. If not she’s about to get to the FO portion of FAFO. You, hopefully, have her admitting he used the bed in writing. If not try to get it in writing. Frame it as recapping the conversation/making sure the facts are correct.
Report her. Don’t wait. This is major disrespect
NTA. Your roommate has yet to learn about boundaries. Reporting her will teach her those boundaries.
NTA
She didn’t even launder your sheets after he slept in there, that’s disgusting. He is nothing to you, why would you want to sleep in his dead skin? Would she sleep in a hotel bed if the sheets weren’t changed from the last person?
NTA, that’s basically your thing, so you can set boundaries if you want to
NTA. She was just wrong. If he didn’t want to sleep on the common areas futon he could, maybe GO BACK TO HIS PLACE.
You need a lock on your room since she has no idea of what personal boundaries are.
NTA, bed, pillows and sheets are personal. Make your roommate pay for them to be laundered
NTA. Talk the the RA and get advice on the guest policy so you have that in your pocket for when your dormmate tries to expect this again.
NTA. Forget waiting, report it now. It’s not being “uptight”; what she did was disrespectful and goes against basic common roommate courtesy. Just because you were not home does NOT in any way mean your personal belongings and space is up for grabs. That’s just beyond rude. I mean, she didn’t even at least wash the bedding after or anything. Fucking gross.
NTA. It is not that far fetched to not want a strange man sleeping in your bed when you’re not around. Your roommate needs a lesson in respecting other people’s boundaries. I wonder how she would feel if some rando just started crashing in her bed for no reason.
“My extra stuff is not your stuff.” —-Me
NTA. Put tacks under your sheet, or itching powder on top, next time you’ll be gone overnight.
NTA. That’s gross. It’s not just a bed, it’s YOUR bed. I would have her wash all my bedding and then I would report it. It will happen again if you don’t.
If the people she’s telling say a word to you, tell them he can stink up their sheets. NTA at all. Your roommate is rude, entitled, and a little dim if she thought she could just leave your bed messed up, and your sheets dirty, and you wouldn’t notice.
NTA, especially given she didn’t even wash the sheets and he can’t sleep on hers because it’s messy. She sounds unprepared for roommates
Wwwtttfffff it would be weirder if you wanted him in your room. You are ABSOLUTELY NTA. But they sure are
Every time I left my dorm for the weekend, I took my sheets, pillows, and blanket with me. I lived about 30 miles from the university and would take my stuff home to wash every week.
NTA. Sleep in my bed? Well, why don’t you just wear my underwear and use my toothbrush too!
Only people I am intimate with get to share my bed. I might make an exception for family and close friends who are visitng – but for anyone else, absolutely not – my bed is my own little private den.
You have every right to report her and you should. She has options that don’t involve your bed (air mattress, 3 inch matress topper put on the futon, her own bed) . She can even move out after finding new roommates who don’t mind her boyfriend using their bed.
She’s being entitled to your space.
Your roommate is disrespectful. Its her boyfriend, not yours, so her problem… as in, its her bed he uses and she gets the futon or he goes back to his own bed. Saying her bed is messy is a lousy excuse.
You’re roommate is disrespectful for allowing anyone to use your bed and not wash everything before you get back. That’s rude and inconsiderate. It’s also a health hazard.
It would also be disrespectful to use your bed without permission or to use it when you say “no”.
NTA
If it is just a bed, why did she let him stink up yours?
You have a right to expect your property to be respected as you wish.
Maybe you can require her to launder all your bed linens.
Nta
Put a lock on your bed? Do you sleep in a coffin-esc type bed? /s
NTA, I would be wildly pissed off if someone I didn’t/or even if I did/ know randomly slept in my bed. I would feel so horribly gross because it’s got “someone else’s” everything in my bed, on my blankets, my pillows, etc. I have no clue what they did in my bed much less my room and my inner germaphobe would be shrieking up the roof over it and I’d have to rip my room apart to clean everything and hope it helps me feel like someone didn’t just disrespect me/my bedding/my bedroom for however long I happened to be away.
Even if I’m a guest in someone else’s house, unless they have a extra room that I’ve been given permission to sleep in – I’m just fine sleeping on a couch or the floor if I have a few blankets, I’ll use my hoodie as a pillow if I have to if it comes to it – I’ll make an effort to strip the bed and pillow cases to help make it easier to start a new laundry load before I leave. It’s just common courtesy :/
Invite a random dude to sleep in her bed when she’s not there and shame her if she gets upset.
I don’t think he should be there “all the time”. If you share the same room, he needs to stay out of it. I would go ahead and report it, so it is on record, because it will happen again and that way there will be a previous warning.
NTA and why are you waiting to report this??? I’m sorry but people need to learn respect and boundaries!!! Her level of entitlement is astonishing!
Absolutely positively no way your the AH, I was trained to never even sit in someone’s else bed let alone just lay . wtf is wrong with them . No boundaries what so ever . I’m pretty sure she slept in it to with him too 🤮
If the pillow smelled like cologne, it sounds like she didn’t even bother washing the sheets. That’s pretty gross and very disrespectful. I would turn her in.
NTA
I would be reporting her now. Not next time.
NTA. My daughter’s first rule with her roommate is her bed is not to be used even if she is not there. And nothing is to be placed on her bed for any reason. This was after her roommate put her wet towel in my daughter’s bed.
The fact that they didn’t even wash the bedding after is disgusting.
NTA. but a roommate with a boyfriend over all the time? thats not going to get better. Just report it and/or get a new roommate.
Don’t wait, report her now. Updateme