I’m getting married in 2026. The meals are going to be steak, chicken or vegetarian with Mac and cheese and chicken tenders for the kids.
My fiancé’s brother and wife RVSP’d with three adult meals and one kids meal. I know for a fact they have two kids, a 12 year old and a 7 year old.
I thought they made a mistake, so I called my SIL to straighten things out. The invitation said that anyone under 12 was automatically going to get a kids meal.
The reason why we have it is because catering for this wedding is pretty expensive. It’s $150 per plate for the adults.
My SIL wrote back and said that her 12yo is turning 13 a few weeks later and it doesn’t make a difference.
I wrote back and said it was because it’s an extra $150 on our bill.
My SIL then pointed out that I didn’t make the 12yo a flower girl or a bridesmaid even though her sister is, so the least I could do to make it up is let her have the adults meal.
I told her that if she wants her daughter to have the chicken dish, then she can switch plates at the reception.
My BIL and his wife didn’t like my reply and my fiance is telling me to let him handle his brother.
Still, AITA or are they being entitled?
Comments
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I’m getting married in 2026. The meals are going to be steak, chicken or vegetarian with Mac and cheese and chicken tenders for the kids.
My fiancé’s brother and wife RVSP’d with three adult meals and one kids meal. I know for a fact they have two kids, a 12 year old and a 7 year old.
I thought they made a mistake, so I called my SIL to straighten things out. The invitation said that anyone under 12 was automatically going to get a kids meal.
The reason why we have it is because catering for this wedding is pretty expensive. It’s $150 per plate for the adults.
My SIL wrote back and said that her 12yo is turning 13 a few weeks later and it doesn’t make a difference.
I wrote back and said it was because it’s an extra $150 on our bill.
My SIL then pointed out that I didn’t make the 12yo a flower girl or a bridesmaid even though her sister is, so the least I could do to make it up is let her have the adults meal.
I told her that if she wants her daughter to have the chicken dish, then she can switch plates at the reception.
My BIL and his wife didn’t like my reply and my fiance is telling me to let him handle his brother.
Still, AITA or are they being entitled?
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> I could be an asshole and a bridezilla for telling my SIL that she can’t order an adults meal for her 12 year old and then suggested they switch if it means that much to her.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
“The invitation said that anyone under 12 was automatically going to get a kids meal.”
A 12 year old is not under 12. By your wording, they’re old enough for an adult meal.
YTA
YTA. Your niece isn’t under 12 so of course they ordered an adult meal. Also, is one meal worth fighting with family over?
YTA
>The invitation said that anyone under 12 was automatically going to get a kids meal.
If this is what it said, then the 12-year-old should get an adult meal.
But YTA also for not involving your fiance in this situation with your future in-laws from the beginning.
Does the invitation say 12 and under or anyone under 12?
YTA – a 13 year old needs more than a kid meal. Wouldn’t even be enough food for my 10 year old Stop being so mean and feed your wedding guests properly.
Mac and cheese and chicken tenders isn’t a great dinner, especially not for a 13-year-old. Most restaurants wouldn’t allow a 13 or even 12-year-old to order from the kids menu. You’re being cheap.
Yep
YTA
You really want to die on this hill?
The kid will be turning 13 soon after, so she will not be under 12. And this [quote] The invitation said that anyone under 12 was automatically going to get a kids meal. [/quote] does not apply. You are not following your own rules. Honnestly, YTA.
YTA
If you can’t afford your guests, don’t invite them. A 12 year old can eat an adult meal.
YTA. Nobody — and I mean *absolutely nobody* — wants to hear how expensive your wedding is. If you can’t afford to feed your guests, then your wedding is too expensive. Scale back some other way.
YTA. You admitted you said anyone under 12 would be getting a kids meal. The kid isn’t under 12. Also, a 13 year old is either starting or is in puberty. The kid size portions are probably not going to be enough food for them. When you were 12 or 13, were you still eating off the kids menu at restaurants? Probably not.
YTA
Almost no kids are still eating kids meals at 12. It’s usually not enough food for an almost teen. The parents probably read off the food options and let the kid pick. YTA for making someone who is probably almost at their full adult size eat macaroni or chicken tenders when they want to eat chicken.
YTA
He asked you to let him handle his brother. Partner of the family handles that family. If he wants his niece to have the adult meal (honestly at 12/13, most kids are eating adult meals) let him do it.
I don’t understand 150 bucks a plate if you’re getting so bent over one. Now’s the time to economize? LOL
YTA and you did it to yourself by stating “The invitation said that anyone under 12 was automatically going to get a kids meal” and not realizing that a person who is 12 is not under 12.
YTA you picked the venue, you picked the menu, the expense is by your choice.
Feed the people you invite – don’t invite the people you don’t want there.
They arent under 12. Why is this kids food what your budget breaks on?
My 10 year old eats adult meals in most places now. When my eldest was 12 she was eating as much as me depending on a growth spurt time.
The parent knows the child best and if SiL says they need an adult meal, they probably need an adult meal.
YTA “under 12” means 11 and under not 12 and under. If I was nearly 13 years old and my uncle/aunt insisted that I was a little kid and could only eat chicken tenders and mac n’ cheese I would be pretty hurt. She’s probably feeling a little bit left out because her sister is in the wedding, don’t make it worse by treating her like a child.
YTA & fiancé is correct. Let him handle his family. That you would treat his niece (soon to be your niece) this way is honestly appalling.
YTA. If that one meal is going to “break the bank” for you then you are having a wedding that is outside of your means. What an odd thing to allow a cloud over both your future wedding and future family.
Yep. Hugely YTA.
NTA
This is simple – if it’s thst important to your SIL she can pay for her daughter’s meal.
YTA
Your wedding is in a year and your niece/nephew is 12 and the invites say UNDER 12s get a kid’s meal.
So the 12 year old should get an adult meal because they won’t be under 12 at the wedding.
What does your fiancé say?
Whether he agrees with you or not, he is correct to say you should leave managing his brother to him.
Do you really want to start your marriage with bad feelings, all for the sake of less than $150?
It’s also worth seeing whether your venue dictates when you have to pay for an adult meal. If the under 12 gets a kid’s meal is a venue stipulation it’s likely they also have a policy that an adult meal should be paid for for people who are 12+.
Edit for judgement
You said “under 12” for the kids meal. The kid is 12 (not under) going on 13. You should let the 12 yo have the adult meal. Yes it’s expensive but you made the rule. Abide by it.
YTA she is going to be 13 at your wedding according to your own rules she is entitled to the adult meal.
YTA. If a small child wanted the adult meal and wouldn’t actually eat it, you would be reasonable to push back. But a 12 year old who will actually eat it should absolutely be allowed to get the adult meal.
You chose to have expensive catering. You can’t cheap out now by telling specific guests you don’t want to pay for their meal.
INFO- What is the adult chicken meal and how much more food does it have? Also, how much more does the adult meal cost vs the kid’s meal?
As a mother, I can guarantee that the 12 year-old needs an adult meal. I’m sorry you chose expensive catering, but that is not the fault of your guests. Most of whom don’t give a shit about the meal except that they don’t have to cook.
You are definitely being an asshole.
YTA. If the kid is turning 13 in a few weeks then the kids’ meal doesn’t apply if it’s for kids UNDER 12.
YTA. Your answer should have been “will do” instead of “hell no”.
Yea
YTA
She’s 12 not under 12. Teens generally need more food than a kids meal.
They’re going to be 13 at the wedding. They get an adult meal. End of discussion.
YTA and this is not a hill worth dying on. In-law relationships can be so fickle, and a meal at a wedding is not worth torching an otherwise decent one. If you chose an expensive caterer, chances are the extra $150 isn’t going to bankrupt you.
YTA. I get that your catering is ridiculously expensive, but a 12 year old is absolutely not going to be full from a kids meal. You’re making it out like SIL’s issue is that the 12 year old is being treated like a child and not that a kids meal simply won’t be filling enough.
YTA!
The kid is turning 13 in a few weeks, and the wedding doesn’t occur until 2026…..so she won’t be 12 or under at the wedding. Look at the calendar.
YTA
Give her an adult meal. Is causing family strife and hard feelings over an extra $150 added to a multi-multi thousand wedding really worth it?
Is this really the hill you want to die on?
YTA
NTA. Uninvite these entitled ppl
YTA. Invite says under 12 gets kids meal, their kid is not under 12 so yeah wonder why they ordered an adult meal?! How much is your wedding costing? This is your fiancé’s brother you really want to cause an issue over $150?!
Not sure what math you learned in school, but 13 is not under 12.
YTA
Obviously $150 means more to you then your SIL and her daughter ! A great start to ruining a relationship with your SIL !
YTA. I’m not sure how they’re entitled here. My kid was eating ‘adult’ meals at 9. They also said this child will be 13 soon, well before your wedding. If this is such a big deal, are you sure you can afford this?
YTA She’ll be 13, so your rules apply. Also, this is your new family, you should be a better host to them. This is no way to treat your new niece.
[removed]
YTA. If one $150 plate is going to make or break your wedding, you should have picked something cheaper. A 12 (also 13) year old – absolutely deserves an adult portion of a meal. Not the hill you want to die on – get over it and listen to your fiancé.
YTA. Instead of letting fiance handle his family, you decided to stir things up by complaining about how much the food cost. SIL thinks you owe the girl because she didn’t get a position in the wedding.Everyone is angry and upset. There are other ways to address this that turning it into a confrontation.
YTA
> anyone under 12 was automatically going to get a kids meal
But your niece has already turned 12, and will be almost 13 at the time of the wedding. So why does the rule not apply to her?
> because it’s an extra $150 on our bill
Ah, I see. You’re willing to spend $150/plate for other people, just not your niece. Seriously, this shouldn’t be the frugal hill to die on. This kid is close family and she’ll remember your shitty behaviour for the rest of her life. Just apologize and let her choose her meal.
YTA. If you wanted a teenager to get a kids meal then that’s what the invitation should have said. But it didn’t. It said under 12. The kid won’t be 12. She will be 13. You’re upset that your SIL could read your directions? What mistake did you think she made? It sounds like you made one. I understand you want to save money, but a teen is more likely to finish the adult meal than some adults.
YTA! She will be 13 by the time the wedding happens. That means she WILL NOT be 12 and under. Sounds like you’re just being mean.
You’re the asshole. Had to write it out in full because the abbreviation isn’t enough to emphasis how much of one you are.
13 in a few weeks ie before the wedding? She’s an adult for meal purposes.
YTA.
YTA my boys ate adult meals when they were 9. Stop being cheap on ONE meal and feed the boy. You want a hangry (almost) teen at your wedding? Complaining he’s hungry, telling the other guests you wouldn’t feed him properly….. this is a PR disaster for you.
YTA!
yta she’s going to be 13 when you get married
YTA: Would you rather she is hungry at your wedding? You could have saved a lot more by making it adults only if you wanted to count that strictly
You are the AH. You invited them. You said “under 12”. Well she’s not under 12, she is 12. If $150 is going to break the bank for you then you went way out of your price range for your wedding.
Think about it. Is a chicken meal really worth $150? Is a vegetarian meal really worth $150? No they are not. Unless of course the chicken is royalty. Bringing this up was really petty of you.
No offense but your kid’s meal selection is unhealthy, and unappetizing. Better to do a smaller portion of the adult stuff. If I was a parent coming to your wedding, I’d bring my kid their own food in Tupperware.
YTA, my 12 year old can eat more than I do as a grown adult, they’re not under 12, they’re a preteen going through a growth spurt, they absolutely can eat a full adults meal and by rights should be served one, they’re not a child anymore they’re almost a teenager
YTA.
YTA here. You’re really gonna be this petty ? Unless you plan on not being part of this family for a while !
YTA. You’re a cheapskate.
If you can’t afford an extra $150 to feed a (basically) 13 year old, you can’t afford this wedding.
Seriously, this is the pettiest hill to die on, especially with the family you’re marrying into.
SO much YTA.
And people get offended when weddings are child free.
Yta. Hate to say it. Call them up and tell them you did the right thing by asking the people of Reddit and apologize.
YTA. Many young teens can easily eat an adult meal and would not be happy getting fobbed off with mac and cheese when everyone around them is getting real food. Stop being so cheap.
Also do you really want to cause friction with your fiancé’s close family just to save a few bucks?
Yta. A 12 year old will not be full off a kids meal. Mine wouldn’t atleast
$150 a plate? That is absolutely ridiculous. It also seems a silly hill to die on and could destroy your relationship with your in laws.
YTA- 12 is just an arbitrary age. Some 12 year olds can eat like adults and some 12 year olds barely eat anything. You should let them know you have kids meals but let the parents decide if they want to opt in to those since they know their eating habits better rather than you forcing it on them
YTA. There is no entitlement from your BIL’s family here because someone who is 12-13 is going to eat the same amount as a grown adult, and you even offered them an adult meal to begin with because your own invitations say anyone under 12 is getting a kid’s meal. A 12-turning-13 year old is obviously not “under 12.” This doesn’t even deserve to be an argument.
Is the meal really $150 per guest?? Have you considered a cheaper catering option? I’m assuming this is a super expensive wedding, but you are trying to cut costs by starving your niece during the reception?? Serious question, do you hate these people?
YTA Making a 13 year old eat a “kids meal” that is designed for pre and early elementary school kids.
I never had kids but mentored a girl from age 6 thru high school. By the time she was 8 or 9 I got tired of the serving staff automatically giving her a kid’s menu. She’d order something then eat half of my meal because she wanted vegetables 🥗. I finally asked her before we went in to a restaurant if she wanted to order off the regular menu. She was so happy. Never accepted the kids menu again.
The invitation said anyone UNDER 12 automatically gets a kid’s meal. The kid is currently 12, and will be 13 soon after. Therefore, the automatic kid’s meal doesn’t apply to them. YTA.
YTA. There is a huge difference in a 12 year old and a much younger kid and forcing them to eat the same meal/ portion, especially your niece, is weird. Also, under 12 is under 12, not 12 and under…
YTA; stop being cheap.
YTA you seem so petty. I would feel unwelcome at this point after being nickel and dimed and simply would not come. Weddings are boring for everyone else and they’re being nice enough to throw their weekend or PTO day under the bus and you’re acting like it’s a burden to feed their teenager.
YTA. Chicken tenders and Mac and cheese for 5 year olds is great. You stated anyone under 12…well in my thoughts 11 and younger are under. She also will be 13 at the time of the wedding. Maybe you can ask if a smaller portion of an adult meal can be made.
YTA because
Love that OP is clearly sitting reading the comments come in and downvoting every single YTA- which is every comment so far… 😹
I get it- sometimes we all feel so passionately about something that is ultimately trivial, but in the moment feels so big. Don’t let this be the thing people in the family gossip about for the next 20 years. Just apologize, own it- let them know you’re sorry for overreacting, and let the kid eat whatever they want. EVEN IF YOU DON’T FEEL THIS WAY NOW, just do it for yourself so it’s not a defining moment for the family forever.
(Also don’t ask people on the internet if you’re an asshole if you can’t handle being told YTA…)
info- why is one niece in the wedding and not the other? age difference?
YTA. The kid will be 13 possibly 14 by the date of the wedding.
They aren’t a toddler.
YTA
YTA. I know that in the moment (wedding planning) things like this can be dysregulating, but I think you’re more likely to regret being short-sighted than accommodating a pretty reasonable request. This is about to be your family and you are sending some messages that aren’t flattering to you. Also your fiancé is right that you should let him handle this with his brother. They also could have handled this better (like calling your fiancé instead of just RSVPing), but ultimately I would guess you are caught up in the stress of it all (maybe even grasping to control everything you can without realizing it) and you are better off letting her have an adult meal and being gracious about it.
I’ll reiterate what other commenters have said that if 150 makes or breaks your budget, then you can’t afford the weeding you have planned. And 150$ is not worth straining your relationship with your new family, especially because they are not wrong that she is right at the age cutoff and needs more nutrients than, say, a 5 year old. The wedding date is arbitrary, and if you happened to have set it for a month later, she would technically be 13.
Who the heck requires RSVPs at least 5 months in advance? I’m calling BS to this post.
>The invitation said that anyone under 12 was automatically going to get a kids meal.
So this kid is not under 12, and is in fact nearly a teenager? That’s too old to have to eat chicken nuggies and easy Mac like a toddler. YTA.
Yta. When you were 12, I’m sure you ordered from the adult menu at restaurants and nobody blinked an eye. My friend’s kids do that all the time and it would be weird honestly if their kids ate from the kids menu. They are so big and a kids menu would never fill them up.
YTA.
First, a 12/13 year old is probably not going to want a kids meal. She’s not a kid, she’s a teenager. They need more calories and their diet is more like that of an adult. She’s not being “entitled” by asking for an adult meal if it’s food she likes and is going to eat.
Secondly, your fiancé is right. This is her family, you should let her deal with it.
(Also, your math doesn’t add up. If it’ $150 dollars per plate for adults, her ordering an adult meal isn’t going to add $150 per meal. It’s going to cost you the difference between what a kids meal costs and $150. You’re being pretty miserly over one plate of food.)
Since you are looking at this purely in a financial lense, now consider how much it will cost to apologize and attempt to rebuild trust with your SIL, her husband and their kids
You will be known as the cheap, crazy aunt that they want to avoid
I bet the kids meal is probably $60, which means you want to die on a $90 hill.
Go back and apologize to the whole family, telling them that you were overwhelmed with wedding plans and made a foolish error.
You should hope and pray that they will be gracious
YTA
Not a jerk. You explained clearly to SIL. Your money, your final decision. Im glad your fiance will speak to his brother.
YTA 12 is when you usually start ordering from the adult menu at restaurants anyway.
YTA – Even if the niece was under 12 it should still be their choice. Not everyone likes that one option and it’s likely not enough food for a tween.
Just pay for the meal.
INFO: Did the invitation say that kids’ meals were for those “under twelve“, or for those “twelve and under”? A twelve-year-old is not “under twelve.”
YTA: if money is such an issue then scale back. Have you seen how much 12 and 13 year olds eat? Maybe have a no kid wedding if this is how you want to be🤷🏽♀️.
YTA. You said anyone under 12 is expected to eat a kid’s plate and your niece is going to be 13. This isn’t even an edge case.
She deserves an adult meal, and you should work on being a good host rather than complaining that you have to pay for one more adult meal than you expected. It’s not her fault or your SIL’s that you apparently can’t do the maths correctly.
Yta
A big one.
You haven’t stated the cost of a kids’ meal. You only stated 150 for the adult meal. So you’re making this a hill to die in for less than 150.
Most restaurants have kids meals for 10 and under, sometimes 12 and under. This is because kids of 11 or over are eating adult portions. So you are deliberately forcing a kid to potential be underfed.
I’d change my families rsvp to cannot attend based on this pettiness.
YTA
What a weird thing to argue about. Clearly you hate your in laws. Why would you fight about a plate?