She’s aged 11, and I’m 15. She keeps saying to me that i’m “growing out” of my clothes, and old books and random crap, and keeps asking for my stuff. I keep telling her that i’d rather keep my old stuff for memories, and that she won’t like it anyways. Because of this, she whinges to my parents constantly, and my parents make it seem as though i am the one in the wrong, and i’m being selfish by anting to keep some old stuff, and wanting to give my old clothes to charity, or to the clothes bank where people actually need them. My sister has HEAPS of clothes, so she really doesn’t need my old stuff anyways. Does this make me the asshole, or my sister, or my parents??
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She’s aged 11, and I’m 15. She keeps saying to me that i’m “growing out” of my clothes, and old books and random crap, and keeps asking for my stuff. I keep telling her that i’d rather keep my old stuff for memories, and that she won’t like it anyways. Because of this, she whinges to my parents constantly, and my parents make it seem as though i am the one in the wrong, and i’m being selfish by anting to keep some old stuff, and wanting to give my old clothes to charity, or to the clothes bank where people actually need them. My sister has HEAPS of clothes, so she really doesn’t need my old stuff anyways. Does this make me the asshole, or my sister, or my parents??
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i think i a the asshole because i would rather not give my stuff to my sister and she makes me feel like crap because of it. But she has plenty of stuff and therefore doesnt need mine too. i would rather give my stuff to people who need it. this could be thought of as selfish of me, i guess? because of these we keep falling out and our parents keep sying i’m the one in the wrong, but its my stuff so its up to me. am i the asshole?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA – I was in your side until you said you would rather give your old clothes to charity instead of your sister. Not cool. Of course give your old clothes to charity, but after she picks thru them first. No she does not have a right to anything you are currently using or want to keep for yourself for posterity, but if you are ditching them, why wouldn’t you want her to have them?
NTA. It’s your stuff; you deserve to keep what matters to you.
So… you don’t really want to keep your stuff for memories, you just don’t want your sister specifically to have them
YTA
YTA. Why can’t your sister go through the stuff/clothes you no longer want, and then the rest can be donated. This is what happened in my house.
Nta. I can’t even believe I have to say this. It’s yours to do with what you want. She needs to learn the meaning of no.
soft YTA
There are “special memory” items, and items that you throw away, pass on, or donate.
She doesn’t have the right to things that are significantly special to you, but you ARE 15. There are likely things that you have that you are aging out of, that don’t fit your anymore, that you don’t use or play with anymore (11 to 15 is the difference in 6th grade and a freshman in high school typically). Not allowing your sister to have things that you don’t/can’t use and need is selfish.
YTA. I was on your side until you said you were donating the items. If you are getting rid of stuff anyway, why can’t she have them? Totally should be allowed to keep whatever you want for whatever reason and your sister shouldn’t feel entitled to it, but if you aren’t going to keep it and she wants it, just let her have it.
NAH but you’re going to get a lot of YTA votes because you’re technically in the wrong. Your sister looks up to you and thinks you’re cool, she wants your old things because she loves and admires you. That’s very sentimental, and it’s also very normal between siblings. Giving her a few hand me downs will strengthen your relationship and create some positive memories for her. What reason do you have to not do that? You’re not an asshole, but this is an attempt at connection and you should embrace it as such.
NTA. It’s your stuff, and your choice. If you don’t want her to have it, that’s fine. She doesn’t automatically deserve stuff just because she’s a few years younger.
YTA – sharing is caring especially she’s your sister
NTA
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If she wants some of your old clothes/things, ask if you can have her old clothes/things to donate? See how fast that turns into a “no”. Then you’ll see who is the AH.
YTA about giving your clothes to charity rather than to your sister.
Your clothes are yours until you don’t want them anymore, and you are the one to decide when you don’t want them (she shouldn’t have a say in when you decide to get rid). However, while she may have lots of clothes, she’s probably outgrowing them as well. It’s only fair that you offer her first choice of clothes that would otherwise be going to charity.
OTOH, if she’s pestering you for clothes when you’re not doing a clear out, that’s unreasonable by her.
Why not give the clothes that your sister has grown out of to charity and she can have your hand me downs?
Why would you not want to give your sister your old stuff? Me and my sisters swap/steal each others clothes all the time! And we’re all old enough to be your parents.
I wouldn’t say you’re an AH, but the fact you don’t want to share with your lil sis and rather give them to charity kinda makes you a lil mean.
Maybe you can go through stuff together and she can pick out a few things.
You’re not a walking thrift store for your sister. NTA and donating to charity instead? That’s solid big sibling energy.
Honestly…I get it. I remember being 15 and being completely irritated and annoyed by my younger sibling all the time (especially when I had PMS and the double whammy of teenage hormones and menstrual hormones lol, what a ride). And the way she’s asking IS annoying, like trying to guilt and shame you in order to get what she wants. Tattling to boot. That’s super fucking annoying, and my instinct at 15 would probably be to withhold my unwanted stuff out of spite as well.
The other side of the coin is that she idolizes you and wants to be like you, which is why she’s doing it in the first place. You didn’t ask for that, but it’s true all the same. Right now it’s massively irritating, but one day you might look back and appreciate that someone cared about you that much. When I was 15 my brother turned me into an irritation monster constantly, but now we’re both pushing 40 and he’s my favourite person….now I’m the irritating one that demands closeness lol.
NAH. No assholes, just nornal growing up stuff.
ESH.
Little sisters always look up to their big sisters. Life goals to grow up just like them.
Show her some kindness even if she is just an annoying little sister.
Make a day together, you clean out some stuff you don’t want anymore, she can keep it. Then she cleans out some of her stuff to donate to charity.
Everybody wins. Your sister will be over the moon, charity gets a donation still, parents won’t feel like they are picking one child over the other, and are caught in the middle.
It’s hard to fathom when you are a teenager. How good this bond can become. It can also be a living nightmare unless you both work on supporting each other.
Take it as a compliment. She wants your stuff to grow up just like you.
She isn’t doing it to be greedy or selfish.
She could own the entire world and it not be as special as something you own and gave to her.
ESH. Your sister is being a brat but if you have stuff that you are willing t dontate, let her pick through for anything she wants before donating the rest.
There’s no reason not to let her have some of i.
If there arethings tht are of sentimental value that you waren’t yet redy to let go of that’s fine, keep thosethings, but stuff you no longer need or want? Let that go. It makesno difference to you whether it goes to her or to a charity shop,
YTA. She’s your little sister, she looks up to you. I remember always thinking my older sisters clothes looked so much cooler than my own. Luckily we were poor so I got all her hand-me-downs anyways lol because she didn’t like to share either.
If she has too many clothes already, your parents can have her go through her stuff and donate the things from her closet that don’t fit or she doesn’t like anymore. Then she can go through what you are planning to get rid of and pick what she wants and the rest can be donated.
I understand your pov to an extent, and I’m definitely not suggesting you need to give her clothes that have meaning to you that you plan on keeping, or all of the clothes you plan on donating. But if you are gonna donate them anyways, you might as well let her have some of them and she can learn to donate her own clothes in the process.
NTA that’s your stuff. I guess as a compromise you could find a few things she likes but put a cap on how much. Little sisters do look up to their big sisters. Even when it feels annoying. (I was the big sister and I have two daughters also).
Oh what a lot you have to learn! I hesitate, because of your age, in calling you an Ahole. But your behaviour, is that of an Ahole! I get that you feel like “it’s mine I can do what I want with my stuff”. But the “I want to donate to people who need it?” Nah. Sorry! That doesn’t wash! You simply want to stop your younger sister having it!
I tell you what! You want to be kind to strangers by donating? How about this compromise! For every item you give your sister, she has to donate from her belongings to the same charity you would use? That way you are satisfying your need to donate while giving her the stuff that I’m guessing was mostly paid for by your parents? But if you really want to give to the needy, why not do as I suggested, donate like sisters stuff, but also, sort through your remaining stuff (after she has had what she wants) and donate 10% of your stuff to charity! Make a real contribution one which costs YOU something!
nah, everyone forgets siblings gonna be siblings. not everything needs sharing. chill.
Yeah i was with you till you said you wanted to give your clothes to charity before your sister