Hi everyone, this argument I had with my sister was 2 months ago, but it has been bothering me ever since because I don’t know if I’m the asshole or justified for refusing my sister. In this situation, I was painted as the bad guy with several fingers pointing at me, and I feel very conflicted.
My sister and I live at home with our mother. We are both in our 20s (her 23F, me 27F) and have our own personal vehicles. My sister inherited my old Nissan after my dad helped me take out a loan to purchase my own car several years ago. The title is in my name, and I’ve been paying off the loan ever since. The particular reason that caused our argument was that one of her headlamps was out. Lately, she has been on a little self-discovery, which means she likes to go out and party late at night, but her car is a liability and is asking to be pulled over for her dead lamp. On the night of the disagreement, she got ready to go out and asked me around 10:30pm if she could borrow my car for the evening, since her lamp was out. It has been out for weeks, yet she never got it fixed.
On a side note, I had gotten one of my wisdom teeth pulled earlier and was feeling generally pretty anxious and bad because of severe swelling in my throat. I told my sister no to the request. I said she was not insured with my vehicle, and I wasn’t comfortable with her driving it around at night near a bar. At this time, my plates were also up to be changed. I also knew she would probably be drinking. So overall, just a bad idea. She got huffy and said that she would let me borrow her car if I needed it. I wouldn’t ask my sister to drive her car just to go out and party. I would potentially ask if it was an emergency or if I needed to get to work, and if she needed it for those reasons, I would let her borrow my car. Not to party.
I put my foot down and said she could take her car, or our mother’s. I also blurted that she should’ve gotten her light fixed. She didn’t say anything and left the house in anger. Some time later, a mutual friend of ours texted me, asking why I didn’t give her my car. She went and told this person everything, and now he was taking her side. I wanted to tell him it was none of his business and it was between my sister and I. But I didn’t say that and just said I didn’t think it was a good idea. He responded that I was her sister and shouldn’t let her drive without a headlamp. If it was such a problem, why didn’t HE pick her up since HE has a car.
This situation has frustrated me deeply, and several people are saying I should’ve let my sister drive my car. I’ve done a lot for my sister over the years, but the one time I put up a boundary, I’m painted as the bad guy. It makes me feel bad. Like I’ve been taken advantage of throughout my life. But maybe I am the asshole here.
So AITA, or am I justified in denying my sister my car?
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Hi everyone, this argument I had with my sister was 2 months ago, but it has been bothering me ever since because I don’t know if I’m the asshole or justified for refusing my sister. In this situation, I was painted as the bad guy with several fingers pointing at me, and I feel very conflicted.
My sister and I live at home with our mother. We are both in our 20s (her 23F, me 27F) and have our own personal vehicles. My sister inherited my old Nissan after my dad helped me take out a loan to purchase my own car several years ago. The title is in my name, and I’ve been paying off the loan ever since. The particular reason that caused our argument was that one of her headlamps was out. Lately, she has been on a little self-discovery, which means she likes to go out and party late at night, but her car is a liability and is asking to be pulled over for her dead lamp. On the night of the disagreement, she got ready to go out and asked me around 10:30pm if she could borrow my car for the evening, since her lamp was out. It has been out for weeks, yet she never got it fixed.
On a side note, I had gotten one of my wisdom teeth pulled earlier and was feeling generally pretty anxious and bad because of severe swelling in my throat. I told my sister no to the request. I said she was not insured with my vehicle, and I wasn’t comfortable with her driving it around at night near a bar. At this time, my plates were also up to be changed. I also knew she would probably be drinking. So overall, just a bad idea. She got huffy and said that she would let me borrow her car if I needed it. I wouldn’t ask my sister to drive her car just to go out and party. I would potentially ask if it was an emergency or if I needed to get to work, and if she needed it for those reasons, I would let her borrow my car. Not to party.
I put my foot down and said she could take her car, or our mother’s. I also blurted that she should’ve gotten her light fixed. She didn’t say anything and left the house in anger. Some time later, a mutual friend of ours texted me, asking why I didn’t give her my car. She went and told this person everything, and now he was taking her side. I wanted to tell him it was none of his business and it was between my sister and I. But I didn’t say that and just said I didn’t think it was a good idea. He responded that I was her sister and shouldn’t let her drive without a headlamp. If it was such a problem, why didn’t HE pick her up since HE has a car.
This situation has frustrated me deeply, and several people are saying I should’ve let my sister drive my car. I’ve done a lot for my sister over the years, but the one time I put up a boundary, I’m painted as the bad guy. It makes me feel bad. Like I’ve been taken advantage of throughout my life. But maybe I am the asshole here.
So AITA, or am I justified in denying my sister my car?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my sister no when she asked to drive my car because her headlamp was out. I might be the asshole because she had to drive a car that was illegal on the road to get to a destination.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
She is not on your insurance and wants to go out partying in your car!?!? NO! She isn’t responsible enough to take care of her own car but wants you to trust her with your car!?!? NO! NTA
NTA. If you are living in the same house and she isn’t on the insurance, it’s not insured when she’s driving it. Sure, maybe you take that risk if she needs to get to work or something urgent. Otherwise, no.
NTA. Definitely not. Your sister is, though.
You know darn good and well that your car would not have made it home that night in the same condition it left, if it made it home at all. And your sister would have been all “oops, my bad”.
Saying ‘no’ is supposed to be enough. Her not being covered by your insurance is more than enough. I’m pretty sure her insurance might cover liability but not collision as she can’t afford that. She’s lackluster with the upkeep of her own car so she won’t take any care with yours.
NTA, your sister is acting entitled and I would have done the same as you. You probably git a nerve in particular by saying she should’ve fixed her car, but it’s true and she was being neglectful so fair enough
NTA.
Car isn’t insured in her name.
She’s irresponsible and trying to use you to go party.
NTA. It’s your car; you are making the payments, paying insurance and maintenance. It’s not a family car that’s free for everyone’s use. Your sister needs to grow up and sort her own stuff out. Like you said, the headlight issue wasn’t a brand new one, and she should have been responsible enough to get that repaired if she wanted to continue to drive herself. Or, like you said, get a designated driver, ride-share service, public transport, whatever. Better yet, use the money she would have spent on booze and get the repair done!
NTA.
Even if she was on you insurance policy, either one of these would be sufficient for a “no”.
NTA. Tell the buttinsky it’s none of his business and to stop being your sister’s servant boy. Reasons not to lend 1. Insurance. 2. Drinking. Those are both good enough on their own, but together… absolutely not! And you’re right. If she had gotten her lamp replaced, she’d be perfectly fine (other than the drinking part) to drive her own car.
Tell your sisters friend that in future he can either lend her his car or come pick her up. But not to get involve in something he’s only heard her side. No is No.
NTA
She’s not insured to drive the car. End of argument.
Ever if she were insured, you are totally justified in saying no. It is your car and you say who is allowed to drive it.
Letting your sister drive your car uninsured to a party where she is going to be drinking is a recipe for disaster.
Your sister is an adult. If she wants a car to drive, she needs to take responsibility and keep hers in a roadworthy condition.
NTA. She shows no responsibility and it would impact you. She should have fixed hers or taken your mother’s
I wonder what the civil liabilities would have been if you did lend your car to someone you knew would be drinking and she killed someone. I’m guessing the car owner would be held financially responsible for that despite their insurance not covering it.
That is a serious risk, I certainly wouldn’t do it.
NTA
NTA, never let your sister borrow your car when she has a working car. Next time to the friend ask them why there were such a horrible friend and didn’t pick her up. I would so be moving out to love on my own.
NTA, but if you feel bad although you’ve done nothing wrong, then that’s on you.
Ask yourself why you care what the opinion is of a party who has not interest in this matter. It’s your car; you don’t need to – and shouldn’t – explain your position to anyone, for any reason, at any time. Engaging in discourse on this, or considering the POV of others, is a waste of time.
You declined; that’s the end of it.
NTA. She is not on your insurance, and if she wrecks it, you are screwed. Out of the friends who are speaking up. Is anyone volunteering to let her drive their car? Probably not.
Maybe her journey of self discovery should include learning to change a bulb in a headlamp. Allowing someone to drive your car when they aren’t insured is very stupid, outside of an emergency. You are NTA. Hopefully her self discovery brings some maturity and wisdom eventually because she is lacking in both
NTA and I would have hung up on the mutual friend who called to lecture you. And if several people are still talking about you not letting your sister use your car that one night, those people badly need hobbies.
NTA everyone around you is though.
NTA- It’s NEVER a good idea to let someone take a vehicle if they’re going to be drinking. You should tell the mutual friend that it’s none of his business and if he has a problem that he can: 1. replace the headlight for your sister that she has known about for sometime but has done nothing about. 2. pick up your sister and prevent her from drinking and driving period. 3. Lend her HIS vehicle and see how she treats his car as she doesn’t seem to take care of maintenance on her own very well. Your sister is an adult and needs to be responsible for her own transportation, including car care.
NTA
> It has been out for weeks, yet she never got it fixed.
This is like a 5-minute chore at AutoZone.
Never let anyone borrow your car unless it’s your spouse or offspring and they are on the insurance. It’s a life lesson everyone should learn. She’s got her own car and it’s not an emergency. So no, NTA for saying no.
NTAH, all of your thoughts and feelings on this are valid and your sister is just being entitled and selfish. She is NOT insured to drive your car so if she gets in an accident you are both screwed. And, obviously she is irresponsible as she knew she needed to get her headlamp fixed but she didn’t take care of it. That is her own fault and her own problem. She is the one who chose not to make it priority to get it fixed and now continues to have a problem. This is ALL on her, not on you. You have been responsible, worked hard, and should not jeopardize everything you worked for as its obvious she wouldn’t care if she wrecked your car and left you stranded without a car. Its all about her and her selfish wants. Don’t give her another thought. Anyone who sides with her is not worth your time either and they can let her drive their cars.