My sister (21yo) has a bad habit of lying, and it is starting to bother me a lot. Last week, she lied to me again about walking our dogs when I know she did not and refuses to admit that she lied and apologize. I know this is a tiny lie, but she lies frequently and easily.
I am moving into a new apartment near DC next week. My sister has an upcoming conference for an internship in DC and asked to stay at my apartment. I told my sister that she is more than welcome to stay with me, but she first needs to admit to lying and apologize. She is refusing to do what I asked, so I have informed her that she will need to get a hotel room. I know my sister is more than financially capable of affording a hotel room, and I would not have done this if she couldn’t. I am just tired of not being able to trust my sister.
So AITA for enforcing a boundary in this way?
EDIT: I know she lied because we have a ring camera that records whenever the door opens.
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My sister (21yo) has a bad habit of lying, and it is starting to bother me a lot. Last week, she lied to me again about walking our dogs when I know she did not and refuses to admit that she lied and apologize. I know this is a tiny lie, but she lies frequently and easily.
I am moving into a new apartment near DC next week. My sister has an upcoming conference for an internship in DC and asked to stay at my apartment. I told my sister that she is more than welcome to stay with me, but she first needs to admit to lying and apologize. She is refusing to do what I asked, so I have informed her that she will need to get a hotel room. I know my sister is more than financially capable of affording a hotel room, and I would not have done this if she couldn’t. I am just tired of not being able to trust my sister.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am not allowing my sister to stay at my apartment because she refuses to admit to lying and apologize. I might be the asshole because I am not allowing my sister to stay at my apartment which forces her to find a hotel room in a shot period of time.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
>she lied to me again about walking our dogs when I know she did not
INFO How do you know?
NTA.Who knows what she might do next and lie about? Take you cash “I didnt do it?”
nta my sister had the exact same problem with our family dog and compulsively lying in general. i called her out on it several times and she would continue to lie even when it was glaringly obvious between the both of us. it is difficult to live with someone who does this, but it is her bed she made and she must lie in it (literally!).
NTA
The fact is if she lies about small stuff and doesn’t admit to it, who knows what else she has, or will lie about? No, I didn’t snoop in your room, no I don’t know where your earrings are..
If you can’t trust her, you would be uncomfortable having her in your house alone.
She’s a liar. She’s not going to apologize and even if she does, she’s lying you need not to have a relationship with a liar. I don’t care if she’s your sister. She’s a liar.
If you continue to have a relationship with her than the problem, is yours, not hers And not walking. The dogs is not a small lie. It’s a big one because dogs need exercise ans to go to the bathroom.
NTA
Why would you want or trust her in your home anyway?
If she’ll lie about something small, she’ll lie about something big. NTA.
You would know better than us if your sister is lying. But just throwing it out there that for the past month or so my ring doorbell is missing tons of motion alerts. I wouldn’t be able to accuse anyone right now based solely on my ring
NTA. She is a liar and you don’t need someone like this in your life she will cause real problems in the future for you
NTA – I hate a sister who is a thief. She will never be allowed in my house. You were nice enough to offer her an option. If she can’t be honest, she can go to a hotel.
NTA. I don’t suffer liars. I ended a friendship with someone that would lie even when the truth would benefit her. Liars like that IMO do it because they get a sick sense of control and enjoy “putting one over” on people. They like creating havoc. NTA. I’d go NC until she learns myself. But sadly she probably won’t, It’s a lack of character and empathy.
NTA…You gave her the terms. She can take it or leave it.
NTA, but I don’t understand why you’re prepared to let her stay in your apartment if she apologizes.
Suppose she says “Oh, all right, OP. I’m sorry.”
(And to herself she’ll be thinking, “There. Happy now?” even if she doesn’t say that bit aloud.)
Ask yourself, what difference will that make?
You’ve said she has a history of lying. Do you think making her acknowledge and apologize for this one lie will do anything to stop her lying to you in the future?
I wouldn’t be letting her stay in my apartment whether she apologizes or not. I simply couldn’t trust her.
NTA. I wouldn’t have someone known for dishonesty in my safe space.
NTA. But even if she admits to this one thing, it doesn’t suddenly make her trustworthy. That I think most importantly you need to make it clear to her you have observed her lack of honesty for a while now and you are done enabling it. Especially if she can do it for trivial things, what happens when she really needs to cover her ass
NTA – Good for you. Liars lie!!!! And never apologize.
NTA. You don’t have an obligation to house her, and you still offered to, requiring her do possibly the most mundane task in order to go ahead with said offer. If she can’t own up to it, it’s her problem and she can sleep elsewhere.
Like you said, you made the boundary. You’re not mean for following up with what you said what would happen.
NTA
Apology or not, why would you allow a know liar to stay with you?
I wonder if her interview for a new job attempts to take advantage of your living space. She will have a built-in place to stay, if she gets the job.
NTA and I would be afraid that if she gets the internship she’ll expect to stay with you for the duration. Keep enforcing your boundaries! Narcissists hate it.
Having her admit to ONE lie doesn’t address the problem. NTA for refusing to have her stay with you, but I’d make it more about the big picture, personally.
Stick to your guns, because you never know who else she’s lying to, or how those lies may come to impact you.
NTA. Your sister needs counseling, because she probably lies in every aspect of her life, which can impact her personal and professional life.
Maybe she lies constantly because she cannot bear admitting she did something wrong, like not walk your dogs as promised. She’s like a toddler lying about stealing a cookie, with cookie crumbs on her face. If she doesn’t have the fortitude to face when she does something wrong, then she needs to explore why that is.
You can’t force her to seek help, but you can keep liars out of your home. You cannot trust a liar.