I (28F) live alone and I’m pretty protective of my things because I’ve worked hard for them. My sister (35F) often brings her two kids (5M & 7F) over, and they always want to play with my stuff — my laptop, my art supplies, sometimes even my clothes and makeup.
I’ve set clear rules and even bought some toys they can use, but they ignore them and my sister says I should “be more generous, they’re just kids.” Last weekend, they spilled juice on my couch after I told them not to bring food into the living room. I got frustrated and told my sister she can’t bring them over unless she makes sure they respect my things.
Now she’s telling the whole family I’m selfish and “hate her kids.” AITA for wanting to keep my stuff off-limits?
Comments
ntah you’re placing boundaries in your own environment and shes gaslighting your family into believing your wrong for asserting rules in your own home
I don’t hate your kids. I hate that you refuse to parent them at my house and when they destroy things you dont take responsibility. Yes I understand that they are kids and that kids unintentionally damage things. I also understand that as their parent that you are them responsible for fixing that damage.
NTA. I am much older than you, I can count on one hand people that I invite over. Our house is our haven and we work hard for our things and we keep it nice. Don’t think you are at all in the wrong for setting a boundary that protects your peace.
NTA. there’s an issue with your sister’s parenting. what was your family’s response to her claims that you hate her kids? do her kids also behave like little gremlins at other family members’ houses?
This isn’t so much, or just, about the kids. It’s about your sister first & foremost.
NTA
NTA. You have to have boundaries.
NTA. Those kids have a shitty role model. For their sake I hope someone teaches them boundaries.
NTA- kid free space – they can wreck her shit , not yours.
As a mum of four kids, I hate your sister’s attitude with a fiery passion. You are absolutely not the AH for expecting your sister to be teaching her children (who are old enough to be at school so should have no excuses for being able to learn respect for other people’s belongings, when not to touch things, and to follow simple instructions like don’t eat in that room), that they need to honour the rules of someone else’s house. Not that kids that age will be perfect with that, but then it’s the parent’s responsibility to be supervising and correcting the behaviour every time.
NTA. Tell her to be more generous to her kids. Why isn’t she buying them art supplies?
Wife’s cousin visited with two kids under six. Kids could not keep their hands of our stuff, they thought everything was a toy. I finally told the fella to please watch his kids and he took offense. Too bad.
NTA – I have kids (2). When we go anywhere I make sure they are respectful and don’t touch things that they don’t have permission to touch/is not meant for kids to play with/on.
My SIL has kids (4) and every single time her kids are at my place things get broken, lost, misplaced, not put back, spilled drinks (that they were told do not leave the table) and then don’t say anything and leave for me to discover, etc. I told my husband this is why we don’t host fuck all. Our kids are respectful and hers are not and I refuse to have that chaotic disrespectful energy in my house.
NTA. She’s a shitty parent to not respect your home and your things and failing to teach her kids that as well
NTA. You set clear boundaries and expectations for your niece and nephew to respect your space. She chooses to demonize you to the rest of your family because she doesn’t want to make her own kids respect you and your space,either.
NTA
Yikes! I don’t know any kids who just play with host’s stuff without permission – not my relatives, my kids, or my friend’s kids. We all know who TAs are here, and it ain’t the kids.
NTA.
Your sister is a mom with two chaos demons (read kids). She’s used to the destruction. That doesn’t mean you have to be.
Why is she visiting you so often? Are you supposed to watch her kids while she had a break from them? What is she doing while her kids are pouring juice on your sofa?
The visits are her kids are distracted by being at your place and she’s not dealing w. them. Tell her no more visits.
NTA. Tell Sis she can’t bring them over unless she’s willing to pay for the stuff they ruin.
I don’t let my own kids bring food outside the kitchen except in special circumstances and they also aren’t allowed to use my laptop, know to leave my clothes alone, and leave the adult bathroom drawers alone.
Boundaries are not hating kids.
NTA – your sister is selfish and jealous of your stuff and space and is using her kids to destroy it. This is deliberate. This is intentional. Her response by freaking out with a smear campaign is your confirmation.
I would never allow her near your place again. It’s off limits until the foreseeable future. You either meet in public or at her place.
Your sister’s an asshole.
I would serve them water to drink in the future and no food – if they are hungry its time for sis to leave and take them to McDonalds.
No to playing with items that are not toys.
Not allowing the wanton destruction of your property is not being selfish. Apparently your sister does not have a decent vocabulary and might need some remedial language classes. NTA
NTA but your sister is. She also sounds like a bad parent. I wouldn’t invite them over anymore. If she has a problem with that, too bad.
Absolutely not this is the age where you teach children respect for others and for others things for instance, when my kids were growing up, I had twins boys and a younger son. They were not allowed in the living room, except on special occasions, Christmas Thanksgiving, that type of thing that was our room that we kept nice even the family room where their toys were they had to pick those up before they went to bed each night. They were not allowed to tear things up and destroy things. your sister is teaching her children that they can just do whatever they want whenever they want absolutely no respect for the person that they’re visiting if she keeps it up no one’s going to want her kids over at their house. You’re telling her the right thing and she needs to stop spreading ugly rumors when they’re not true. I had a sister-in-law that was the same way except for one thing she had three children, and two of them were autistic instead of keeping an eye on these kids. They were running all over the house. One of them was trying to tear my curtains down another one I caught in my bathtub and had I not gone in the bathroom. He could’ve possibly drowned if he got the water on when I told her that she needed to watch her children better and that included her husband needed to help her. She had this attitude and I told her well. You can’t bring your children to my house then because I don’t want to be responsible for their well-being. Is your job to make sure that they’re taken care of and that they’re not tearing down my house and most of all that they’re not getting in the bathtub and drowning! Some people just should never have kids
You don’t hate her kids, you hate her kids’ behavior. There’s a difference. Until they learn to behave as proper guests, they don’t get to be guests at all Your sister is raising monsters. Don’t give her any aid. NTA
What do they have to do for you to finally stop them from coming, burn the place down?
You don’t have to be generous. She has to be responsible and you need to make it clear that she will be paying for everything they damage. If she balks then tell her that is a parenting and if she refuses to do it she can get a babysitter and cone alone or she can stay away.
I swear to God, today’s young adults are raising a generation of Dudley Dursleys.
NTA. Go a bit further and tell her not to bring her kids to your house at all. They won’t respect your stuff even if they promise to. Tell your family your side of the story with the photos to prove it. Your sister doesn’t respect your stuff and is choosing not to parent her kids when at your home. This is a little on you for letting the kids out of your sight when they’ve been destructive in the past especially when you know your sister can’t see where they are either. You can’t sit and drink coffee with your sister and say “Kids, don’t go in to my stuff” then let them run around with no supervision. You say “Kids, here are things you can play with, don’t leave this room” then you sit in the same room while you chat with your sis. Don’t you hear or see anything that’s going on when they are in your stuff? Of course it’s your sister’s primary responsability to parent her children, but it’s your space so you have to control who goes where and be sure the rules are followed.
NTA. Your SISTER needs to respect your space and your stuff. I have a younger sister and I make sure my daughter doesn’t do anything she wouldn’t like when she’s in her room. It’s called sisterly respect.
This was many years ago, but my husband‘s cousin had four children. He was waiting for a clearance from the government so that they could move to Bethesda in between selling their house and that move they needed a place to stay and he asked me could they possibly stay with us? I said sure that would be no problem. I said the only thing is we have certain rules that they would have to follow because our kids have to follow those rules and then I proceeded to tell him what the rules were. He said no problem, they’ll do that and I’ll make sure they do it And he did. we had them for one month. They never caused any problems and never broke anything. they knew the rules and they obeyed them ,this is the difference between parents this man and his wife cared about respecting others and he didn’t defend his children. He didn’t defend his lack of parenting instead he taught his children what was right. to many people defending their children no matter what they do. This is all on the parent. It is not the children. It’s the parents. They are too lazy to parent. They will not put their phones down. I see it all the time in the store. Children lagging behind the parents while the parents are on the phone and I’m like anybody could kidnap those kids , anything could happened to those kids while the parent is on the telephone just not paying any attention and I’m talking about young children two and three years old. It’s really sad. Get your freaking Nose out of your phone and pay attention to your children.!
NTA. Your house, your rules.