I (28F) moved into my MIL’s house about a month ago. Living here is myself, my husband (28M), my BIL (30M), my MIL (52F), my MIL’s friend (50sF), and my GMIL (76F). As well, they have 3 dogs. It’s a 3 bedroom house and like 1400 sq ft. My husband and I also pay utilities, household essentials like toilet paper, groceries, and cleaning supplies. I also do most of the cooking because the rest of them eat out most of the time. This is supposed to be temporary until my husband and I get jobs and get a place of our own.
I do most of the cleaning in the house. Considering the amount of people and dogs in the house, its a never ending amount of cleaning while I’m also working on my dissertation. One thing that really pisses me off is the dishes. None of the people under 40 do the dishes despite being able bodied adults without jobs so they have all day to help do the dishes at least. We have a sticker that says whether the dishes are clean or dirty, and I’ve told them multiple times to put the dishes in the dishwasher if the sticker says it’s dirty. They’ll just put their dishes in the sink, or worse on the counter near the sink despite the dishwasher and the sink being empty. The only people who listen are my husband and my BIL.
Anyway, I’ve gotten into the habit of running a dishwashing cycle before dinner so that it’s empty while I’m making dinner, so I can just throw in the dirty dishes as I’m cooking instead of having a bunch of dishes in the sink for hours. Sometimes this means running the dishwasher when its not completely full, maybe like 95% full. Like nearly full but you could fit a mug or 2 inside. My MIL saw me running the dishwasher while she was in the kitchen and got mad at me saying that it wasn’t full and we could’ve fit a glass or two inside. I explained why I did it and she said that its her dishwasher so I need to listen to her. I told her that she could wash her dishes herself then and pay the water bill too if she’s going to dictate everything. My GMIL is the one paying the mortgage and taxes so she literally gets to live for free while having someone clean for her for free. She’s calling me an AH and says I need to listen to her. My husband and my BIL are telling me that I’m right but I’m worried I’m overstepping. AITA?
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I (28F) moved into my MIL’s house about a month ago. Living here is myself, my husband (28M), my BIL (30M), my MIL (52F), my MIL’s friend (50sF), and my GMIL (76F). As well, they have 3 dogs. It’s a 3 bedroom house and like 1400 sq ft. My husband and I also pay utilities, household essentials like toilet paper, groceries, and cleaning supplies. I also do most of the cooking because the rest of them eat out most of the time. This is supposed to be temporary until my husband and I get jobs and get a place of our own.
I do most of the cleaning in the house. Considering the amount of people and dogs in the house, its a never ending amount of cleaning while I’m also working on my dissertation. One thing that really pisses me off is the dishes. None of the people under 40 do the dishes despite being able bodied adults without jobs so they have all day to help do the dishes at least. We have a sticker that says whether the dishes are clean or dirty, and I’ve told them multiple times to put the dishes in the dishwasher if the sticker says it’s dirty. They’ll just put their dishes in the sink, or worse on the counter near the sink despite the dishwasher and the sink being empty. The only people who listen are my husband and my BIL.
Anyway, I’ve gotten into the habit of running a dishwashing cycle before dinner so that it’s empty while I’m making dinner, so I can just throw in the dirty dishes as I’m cooking instead of having a bunch of dishes in the sink for hours. Sometimes this means running the dishwasher when its not completely full, maybe like 95% full. Like nearly full but you could fit a mug or 2 inside. My MIL saw me running the dishwasher while she was in the kitchen and got mad at me saying that it wasn’t full and we could’ve fit a glass or two inside. I explained why I did it and she said that its her dishwasher so I need to listen to her. I told her that she could wash her dishes herself then and pay the water bill too if she’s going to dictate everything. My GMIL is the one paying the mortgage and taxes so she literally gets to live for free while having someone clean for her for free. She’s calling me an AH and says I need to listen to her. My husband and my BIL are telling me that I’m right but I’m worried I’m overstepping. AITA?
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> I am not listening to my MIL about running the dishwasher in her house
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, man. IMO, u’re doing more than enough already. She’s gotta recognize ur not her personal dishwasher. U clearly have a system that makes sense & it ain’t squandering water or anything. If she’s so concerned ’bout that extra mug, she can wash it herself. Stand ur ground, buddy! Good luck with ur dissertation tho… that’s the true beast here!
YTA. You seem to be imposing a very specific way of living on a family that isn’t yours.
NTA – move out.
This house sounds like a nightmare, NTA but you can’t argue with stupid
NTA. Running the dishwasher 95% full is hardly wasteful, especially when you’re cooking for everyone. Plus, it’s not even her house financially. Her flexing ‘my dishwasher’ is wild
“Living here is myself…”
haha wut
You’re doing the cleaning, you get to do it your way. NTA.
NTA, and holy hell are you putting up with a LOT. Sorta hoping this post isn’t real because this house sounds like a dang pressure cooker.
NTA dude, sounds like you’re doing a ton already and rightfully so, cause it’s a bunch of adults in that house and not just you. Run that DW whenever the hell it suits you, especially if you’re picking up the rest of the slack. They need to get off their butts and help out way more. That’s the tea ☕✌️.
I gotta know what gmil means.
NTA-I can’t remember the stat but it’s like you can run the dishwasher with only four dishes or something and you’d still save more water than washing them by hand.
NTA. Unless that dishwasher will break unless completely full, she has no business telling you how to do chores, especially when she doesn’t do any.
NTA. But why argue? You’re doing the cooking and dishes. What is the other person gonna do? Complain? Or run the dishes herself? I’m thinking that complain is all she’s gonna contribute. I’d smile, nod and say Uh huh and take delight in doing it EXACTLY how I want to.
Hope you get jobs and your own place soon. That sounds like hell.
Them that cooks and cleans gets a say, the rest shuts their pie-holes. If they don’t like it, they are welcome to do it themselves. By how lazy the rest of the house is, that’s not happening any time soon.
ESH – only bc did you guys get married without either of you having jobs?
I’m just confused about the financials here. It seems like GMIL pays the mortgage and taxes, OP pays the utilities and groceries etc, and everyone else pays nothing? And yet everyone refers to it as MIL’s house?
It’s not up for discussion. No arguments needed. Just
Smile, say ‘got it’ and then do it whatever way you want.
NTA. If she’s going to behave this way towards you then speak with your husband. Have him let her know in no uncertain terms that if she continues with her rude behavior then you’ll be moving out and leaving her to figure out where to get the money for utilities.
You live rent free in someone’s house. Follow their rules or get your own place. YTA
NTA. If she wants it completely full, I bet she could walk around the house and find glasses left on tables that nobody bothered bringing in to the kitchen!
NTA
It’s not her dishwasher, it’s her mother’s if GMIL is paying the mortgage. Overloading a dishwasher also makes it less likely to clean everything.
Also – he who complains, volunteers.
NTA: My first thought was get paper plates and plastic ware, but that can get expensive and is wasteful. How about a fairer division of labor: one person cooks, another washes dishes. And, I agree with you, the cook: you need a clean place to start, which includes an empty dishwasher.
NTA.
> its her dishwasher so I need to listen to her
Uhh, are you guys not paying utilities and essentials?
ANyway, this sounds like a messy situation that you’ll never “win”, so pay the minimum, clean the minimum, move out as soon as you possibly can.
Studies have shown that as long as you’re washing at least 8 dishes, you’re saving more water and energy than you would if you washed them by hand.
NTA.