My (28f) husband (31m) and I have been married for a little over two years. I’m currently about 2 months pregnant with our first child.
My husband works as the general manager of a local fast food franchise. I’m not under employment anywhere, but I do a lot of freelance technical writing work from home.
My husband’s position pays surprisingly well with good benefits, but he’s been having to put in a ton of hours lately, as staffing has been a major problem.
The other day, he texted me to let me know that he would be working late; AGAIN, for the fourth time this week. A little later, I texted him that I was going grocery shopping and asked if there was anything special he’d like me to pick up while I was there. He responded: “Get me a couple packs of peach sparkling water, please. Also, I could really use some comfort food. You think I could get some meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and corn?”
I responded with thumbs up and winking, kissing face emojis. I bought him everything he asked for. However, I had already thawed pork chops for dinner that night, and, honestly, they were on the verge of going bad so I had to use them up.
When my husband got home, he asked where his meatloaf was. I told him that I’d bought the ingredients but that I wasn’t serving meatloaf that night. He then said that this was the one thing he’d been looking forward to for the past couple of hours, and that I’d made it seem as if I was going to make it for him. I told him that I’d never said any such thing, and that I’m not his domestic servant, taking dinner orders. He shot back that if I didn’t want to make what he asked for that I should have just said so, but I said that all I’d indicated was that I’d pick up the food, not that I’d make his requested meal that evening.
This whole thing could probably be written off as a miscommunication, but, honestly, I’m angry that my husband seems to assume that I’m at his beck and call to make whatever meal he wants. And he’s angry that I apparently “can’t do one nice thing for him when he asks.” Who’s the AH?
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My (28f) husband (31m) and I have been married for a little over two years. I’m currently about 2 months pregnant with our first child.
My husband works as the general manager of a local fast food franchise. I’m not under employment anywhere, but I do a lot of freelance technical writing work from home.
My husband’s position pays surprisingly well with good benefits, but he’s been having to put in a ton of hours lately, as staffing has been a major problem.
The other day, he texted me to let me know that he would be working late; AGAIN, for the fourth time this week. A little later, I texted him that I was going grocery shopping and asked if there was anything special he’d like me to pick up while I was there. He responded: “Get me a couple packs of peach sparkling water, please. Also, I could really use some comfort food. You think I could get some meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and corn?”
I responded with thumbs up and winking, kissing face emojis. I bought him everything he asked for. However, I had already thawed pork chops for dinner that night, and, honestly, they were on the verge of going bad so I had to use them up.
When my husband got home, he asked where his meatloaf was. I told him that I’d bought the ingredients but that I wasn’t serving meatloaf that night. He then said that this was the one thing he’d been looking forward to for the past couple of hours, and that I’d made it seem as if I was going to make it for him. I told him that I’d never said any such thing, and that I’m not his domestic servant, taking dinner orders. He shot back that if I didn’t want to make what he asked for that I should have just said so, but I said that all I’d indicated was that I’d pick up the food, not that I’d make his requested meal that evening.
This whole thing could probably be written off as a miscommunication, but, honestly, I’m angry that my husband seems to assume that I’m at his beck and call to make whatever meal he wants. And he’s angry that I apparently “can’t do one nice thing for him when he asks.” Who’s the AH?
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> I can see how my response made it seem as if I would be cooking the meal that my husband requested, and why he would be disappointed to come home and find a different meal.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
The husband could be overworked and expecting his ‘comfort food’ but his reaction was unnecessary and just blowing a small issue out of proportion when you’re pregnant and still getting food on the table.
YTA
Tbh this text made it seem like you were making that
You thumbed up the message and did a kissy face about it…
I’m a women, yeah if someone texted me that I would think they would be making it for dinner that night
The confusing is pretty understandable on his part and his disappointment makes sense
It was a miscommunication, but your husband assumed you’d make the meal without confirming. You never promised, and you had a valid reason for cooking something else. His reaction was unfair, but he’s also stressed. A quick clarification—”I got the ingredients, but I need to use the pork chops tonight. Meatloaf tomorrow?”—could’ve avoided the issue. He was a bit unreasonable, but neither of you are AHs.
YTA. You misled him into thinking that dinner would be what he asked for (even though you knew you would be cooking something else). He returned home, salivating in anticipation of these dishes.
ESH. He gets 80-90% of the AH vote, but come on. You know why he thought you were making meatloaf for dinner.
He was wayyy over the top about it, which is why I say he gets so much of the AH vote, but acting like your text of thumbs up wasn’t an affirmative reply to his request is intentionally obtuse.
[deleted]
YTA
The way I would have read that from his perspective was that he’d be coming home to meatloaf, seeing as you said you’d make it.
Your message response is 100% the response you’d send if you’re planning on making what he asked for, seriously you gave him a thumbs up.
Now you’re saying shit about him assuming you’re at his beck and call, when it was clearly you that agreed to make it and then didn’t.
You could have saved yourself a lot of headaches by simply saying that you’d already take pork chops out but maybe you could make meatloaf tomorrow.
YTA He asked you do to something, you told him you would and then didn’t communicate plans changed. So of course he’s disappointed. The pork chops would have kept for tonight’s dinner. Sounds like you did this to punish him for working late AGAIN!!! Communication is important in a marriage.
YTA….you may not be at your husband’s beck and call, but you knew exactly what he was implying when he asked for his comfort food. You know he is stressed and working hard for his family and the staffing issues are not going to get better anytime soon.
You sent cute emojis to his request. You never stated it could not happen. You gave the impression it was going to happen. All you had to do was shoot him a text, “hey babe, I forgot about these pork chops. I need to make them instead”. Instead, you let him think all day that he was coming home to his favorite meal.
I have done this many a time as well, had meat out, or had in fridge and then never got to use it. I have cooked a few things in one night so as not to let the meat go to waste. Pork chops and the meat loaf could have been baked together at the same time. Pork chops could have been used the next night or for lunches.
I say this as one who has a hard working husband as well and my Brown sugar meat loaf is one of his favorite meals.
There was no miscommunication. You agreed to something and you backtracked. He’s not treating you as a servant. He’s treating you as his wife who agreed to make a certain dinner after you specifically requested that he choose dinner and then you backed out. If you didn’t want to make the meatloaf, you shouldn’t have asked him what he wanted and you shouldn’t agreed to it. YTA
it seems your text communication is off between you guys. You asked if you could pick up something special while you were at the grocery. He responded saying he’d like the comfort food/meatloaf. Both of you KNEW what you meant, but there was no clarifications. You could have texted that you were making pork chops tonight, do you want anything while I’m at the store, or responded to his comfort food request, “I’ll pick it up, but I have pork chops defrosted for tonight”. The fact that you didn’t DOES NOT make you the AH. It just is not clear communication. He could have been a little more chill when he got home, but that was because he had a mistaken expectation (missing a good meatloaf can do that). Based on the miscommunication I’ll vote NAH.
YTA. You could have made both and eaten the pork chops by yourself for lunch
Clearly YTA. You thawed out pork chops. They were FROZEN so they weren’t close to going bad. You could have wrapped them up, stuck them in the fridge and cooked them the next day. They would have survived one more day.
This, 👍 and this, 😘 would certainly make me believe you were going to make me meatloaf.
So, so much TA. I’m irritated over this on his behalf right now.
NTA, per se, but if i was him, I’d also have been expecting meat loaf.
YTA
Meatloaf was needed
Everyone else already made most of the comments I would, but also, why the griping about him working late AGAIN? That is what managing a restaurant involves, and you’re not complaining about the $ it brings in.
He logically expected you were agreeing to is polite request and that helped get him through the extra hours. That is NOT expecting you to be at his “beck and call”. Honestly, you sound exhausting. YTA.
YTA – you 100% made it seem like you were making meatloaf, mash potatoes, and corn. You aren’t the ass hole for not making it, you are the ass hole for pretending like you don’t understand why he was disappointed. Your communication was off/wrong. He is aloud to be disappointed and upset by the lack of meatloaf.
YTA because you obviously knew about the pork chops before going shopping and could have informed him that you would buy the things for meatloaf but it would be pork chops that night
YTA. This is Reddit, where all husbands are lazy and entitled and don’t do anything around the house…and you’re STILL getting almost exclusively negative reactions from men and women. Your husband is not entitled to Meat Loaf, but when you tell him that you are going to make it, and that is what he is expecting, he has every right to be upset.
YTA. You absolutely gave the impression you would make the meatloaf, and then you’re backtracking that you aren’t at his “beck and call”. Ugh. 🙄. You sound insufferable.
YTA for the poor communication and shocked pikachu reaction. A simple “Sure, i can pick up the stuff but I already had pork chops thawed for tonight” would have been enough. You hurt his feelings by misleading him and he even said it was fine if you didn’t make it, only if you had just actually communicated.
Soft YTA. You are the one the miscommunicated. It was clear he was asking for meatloaf for tonight. You agreed. You could and should have said “I need to cook the pork chops tonight before they go bad.” You also could have made both meals, which I would have done. Or you know, freeze the pork chops. There were so many options here but you chose the route of miscommunication. And now you are jumping to wild conclusions. In no way was he demanding anything of you. He made a request in a totally normal and natural way, in response to you asking if he had any requests. So for that you jump to him treating you like a ‘servant’? No. He simply asked for meatloaf.
The only reason I am going with soft here is because you are under more emotional strain with pregnancy hormones. It doesn’t give you license to do any of this. Not at all. But it can be an adjustment. Take this as a lesson that you need to be more thoughtful before making things into a bigger deal than they are.
If you 😘👍🏽 my meatloaf comment I would be mad af at pork chops too.
No way freshly thawed about chops were about to go bad. You could have easily said 😘👍🏽 I’ll grab the stuff and make it tomorrow since I already have chops thawed out.
YTA
You told him you were making the meal he requested.
Communicate.
YTA – you asked him what he wanted. You made him think that you would cook that for him. He was disappointed, like you would have been if the tables were turned.
You are right, it was a communication issue.
Just apologize for the misunderstanding.
Nothing that you put down in your story sounds like he uses you as a servant.
He is right, it was a simple nice thing that he thought you would do for him. He is right to be disappointed.
I am sure he’ll get over it tho. But only if you admit that your communication was shit.
YTA. You told him you were going to make it, and you didn’t.
You are not his servant, but if the gender roles would be switched and you worked all the time and he only worked a couple of hours every day, then he should be responsible for the cooking. If he puts a roof over your head, then you are also bound to do more work at home. Unless you pay 50/50, but I doubt it. And of course he can request dinners, you could just say no. I ask my husband to cook dishes he’s good at all the time. Sometimes he bothers, sometimes he doesn’t.
YTA
YTA i hope it’s just the pregnancy hormones and that you don’t act like this all the time. he asked for some comfort food, you never once mentioned to him that you were defrosting pork chops and in fact gave every indication you were making what he’d politely requested for dinner and then get a bee in your bonnet when he’s bummed you didn’t make the meal he’d been looking forward to all day… do you even like him?
I’m sorry but yta. To me if someone sent those emojis, I’d assume that you were going to make the meatloaf.
NTA. I’m really not understanding the other comments
He was disappointed because he assumed that you would be making the comfort food dinner that night but did not. He didn’t request you make it that night or any other night. You never said you were making it that night or any other night. All you did was offer to purchase those items for the two of you, which you did as offered and as requested
The only reasonable conclusion is that his disappointment was solely the result of his own poor assumption
Yta.
You sent him back an obvious signal that you were willing and able to do the thing that he asked, with no caveats..
Him requesting it is not assuming anything. You could have said ” I’ll get the supplies but we have to use these chops up so I’ll be making those tonight. Meatloaf tomorrow.”. That would have been clear and avoided all the feelings.
The only part I got confused about who was the Ah at was him asking for meatloaf on kinda short notice, since that typically takes longer to cook than most other food I make. Usually at least an hour. Adding in prep it’s at least an hour and a half. So it’s not a short notice food for me.
But it honestly doesn’t matter that much. You should have told him you weren’t making it the minute you realized you weren’t.
Who cares, it’s just food. He can have his meatloaf the next night. Geesh! Put things in perspective, some people don’t have the means to eat dinner sometimes.
YTA, you asked if there was anything specific he wanted, he told you and you gave him the thumbs up emoji. That would lead anyone to believe that you were doing what he’d asked for. You knew you’d taken pork chops out but didn’t even tell him that you’d be making them instead of meatloaf. No wonder he was upset! All you had to do was tell him that you’d get the stuff to make it and you’d make it tomorrow because you’d already taken pork chops out for today. It’s not that hard to do, instead you misled him by giving a thumbs up and kissy face emoji’s.
YTA. You asked him what he wanted and he told you. You indicated yes with your messages. You could have said then “I’ll make it tomorrow but I already defrosted pork chops for tonight”. If he’d flipped on you then I’d agree he’s TA. But you pretty much told him he’d get what he asked for and then when he got home served something different.
Did you at least make mashed potatoes and corn to go with them?
YTA. You could have communicated about the pork chops, maybe asked him if you could make the rest of the meal but with pork chops instead? If you had no intention of making the meal he asked for, why thumbs up and kiss face react to him?
If I text my husband from work about some things I was craving or food that would make me feel better after a long day at work, he’d do it because he cares. If he already had something cooking/thawing g he would communicate that. Simple.
I don’t think he believes your his cook/servant. I think he was maybe asking for a little bit of comfort when he left got home. If this isn’t an ongoing thing of him demanding and expecting you to go out of your way for him, and/or it’s not reciprocated, then I could maybe see being annoyed but really, it was a simple request from him IMO.
NTA. Your husband sounds like a jerk. With being pregnant the only thing you should be doing is taking care of yourself/ baby
He should be asking you what he can cook you for dinner
Yes
NTA. You asked him if he wanted you to PICK UP anything, not that you would be making it that night. He can have his meatloaf tomorrow night.
YTA. Anyone would think you were making it based on that text. You should have just apologized for the communication. Also, he asked for it, he didn’t demand it. You don’t get to say he’s acting like you’re his “domestic servant.”
NTA.
You have a job.
He’s being a whiny baby.
NTA, you never said “what do you want for dinner?” You asked about adding things to the grocery list. I think is just an opportunity for better communication but who in their right mind things a thumbs up means “I’m cooking dinner honey”?
What the hell does being pregnant have to do with this story?
YTA
YTA why didn’t you just say “I will get that for you but am already thawing pork chops for tonight”
Personally. No I don’t. But I would’ve text him and told him that you were unable to and just explained it to him
YTA. The clearest response to his text would have been “I have pork chops in the fridge that need to be used today, but I’ll make the best meatloaf for tomorrow’s dinner!” Cravings are weird, and managing expectations always helps. I remember once when I was pregnant, I got this massive craving for fish & chips with tartar sauce. My husband went out to get us some for dinner and the place took a freaking ETERNITY to make our order so I was starving by the time he got home. I opened the container, and they had forgotten the tartar sauce. I legitimately almost cried. Is that a reasonable reaction? of course not. But I was so hungry and so stoked that I was about to get exactly what my stomach wanted and the letdown made me a little bit ridiculous.
I wouldn’t call you an AH necessarily, its not like you were doing something out of malice, but the way you resonded to his text i would definitely say it made it seem like you were on board with that plan and were going to make the food he mentioned so i get him being disappointed or thrown off that when he gets home, what he thought was happening wasn’t what actually happened. Overall, this was communicated really poorly on your end.
Yta
Very hard to reply with “I have pork chops out, but I picked up the ingredients and will do that tomorrow for you”
Wasn’t a miscommunication.
It was punishment flat out because he’s working late.
I hope he gets his meal tomorrow with an apology.
Being pregnant doesn’t give you a free pass to be immature, I hope you grow in your communication skills before you become a mother.
YTA, everyone else has already explained why.
YTA no one reading your text would come home expecting to eat anything other than meatloaf absent some sort of cooking issue or kitchen emergency
YTA. a court case recently upheld a contract saying the thumbs up emoji implied agreement to the terms as texted. So, you are the one who agreed to make meatloaf.
and as a person who has been disappointed more than once after looking forward to a particular meal all day, the immenseness of your a**holiness, in my opinion, is greater than four meatloaf make-up dinners. Maybe five would be sufficient as an apology, at your hubby’s time of choosing, of course.
Id try to do a compromise especially since I would’ve been the one who didn’t understand what I was being asked but agreed to do.
NTA, and all these YTA replies remind me that we really do have a literacy problem in America. Reading comprehension at a fourth-grade level is the only explanation for all these bad takes, unless it’s actually just good ole sexism.
In no way, shape or form did you imply you were making him meatloaf that night. You said you were grocery shopping, which typically means you’re buying a few days worth of items, if not for a full week or two. The reasonable expectation, therefore, is that you will make the meatloaf “soon.”
If he really wanted it that night, he could have simply said so. Instead, he just assumed, and then got his feelings hurt because he jumped to the wrong conclusion. If you didn’t already have dinner planned, you probably would have offered to make it for him. I’m sure going forward, you will remember to let him know what’s on the menu so he doesn’t get his hopes up and then get mad because he works in a restaurant, but you do not. Good luck!
Yta… You should’ve told him you were making something else that you will make his meatloaf tomorrow.
YTA because it was misleading. You should have said that pork chops were already thawed for that night but you’d pick up the food he requested and would make it the next day.
Communication, as always, will prevent problems.
YTA
YTA and you did mislead him. Don’t indicate that you’ll do something and then not do it.
YTA, and how could you not possibly know that?
I had a job where I worked really long hours. My husband, who was retired, had a conversation with me one time while I was driving home after 8:00 pm. I was tired, frustrated, and hungry. He asked me what I wanted to eat when I got home. I told him anything would be great, even yesterday’s leftovers, but I needed to eat pretty much when I walked in the door. He said he’d take care of it.
By the time I got home 40 minutes later, I was hangry. My blood sugar was low, but I was looking forward to the warm meal my hubby was preparing for me. When I got home, he greeted me at the door and cheerfully said, “I’ll get started on dinner right away.”
I was stunned. Gobsmacked. Angry.
He could see that I was upset, and asked why…. I angrily told him I was incredibly disappointed. I thought I had made it clear I was very hungry and had had a bad day and had asked for the meal to be ready when I got home. I said this while I got leftover soup from the fridge and made myself a peanut butter sandwich, all of which took me 5 minutes. I didn’t yell at him. We don’t raise our voices when we have disagreements, but I was sorely tempted that time.
We talked about it later and he did hear me ask for the meal to be ready, but lost track of time. Honestly, in 20+ years of marriage, this was the first time he had done something so boneheaded, but yeah…it was an AH thing for him to do. He agreed he was an AH, and I DID NOT HAVE TO TELL HIM HE WAS THE AH.
Your husband has asked for meatloaf. You indicated agreement with a thumbs up emoji. Why not cook the porkchops so they can be used the next day, and get him the meatloaf he asked for?
NTA, that looks like a typical interaction when I go to the store and ask the family if they want anything. It never means I’m going to make that thing for dinner that night, just that I’ll pick up the ingredients and we’ll have it soon.
YTA – Could have been totally avoided with a “hey actually we gotta do pork chops tonight, they’re about to go bad” or “Hey I already thawed pork chops for dinner today can we do meatloaf tomorrow?” and this whole situation goes away. I’m with the husband on this one, and the things you said to him were out of line and uncalled for.
However this ain’t a big deal, apologize, make the meatloaf, continue to love each other for the rest of your lives.
ESH what were you supposed to do, toss the pork chops? However, it is easy to see why he was expecting meatloaf. All you needed to do was send a text stating you had to cook the pork chops that night and would make the meatloaf the next. If he didn’t like it he could pick something on the way home.
YTA. Ur man’s at work to provide, expecting to come home to eat what he requested. You should have told him what’s up with the porkchops.
YTA. It’s a pretty big leap from him being disappointed to you claiming he thinks you’re at his beck and call. If I’d had a hard day and was really looking forward to something, and it wasn’t there, I’d be naturally disappointed. He;s not an AH for being disappointed, even if he could have taken it more in stride. You ramped things up pretty dramatically though, with your comments. It could have probably ended with, “sounds like we got our wires crossed, but I will make it tomorrow, I know you’ve had a tough time of it recently, *hug*etc.”.
YTA
I’m a woman.. I would have assumed that the winking face, thumbs up, kissy face would have indicted “Yes, I’ll make meatloaf for dinner tonight”
YTA. You definitely gave every indication that you would make the food he requested. If you weren’t going to, you should have been clear about that. He’s not being unreasonable IMO. You said yourself you’re pissed off that he assumes you’re at his beck and call, but you’re the one that initiated by asking him what he wanted.
NTA. I read those texts several times. Plus, I’ve been married many years and have exchanged many similar messages.
All she agreed to do was pick up some things at the store. There was no discussion or talk about what was for dinner that night.
Sorry if he got his hopes up, but he read that into the message on his own.
YTA you have no right to be the one that was annoyed because it WAS a miscommunication but the party that miscommunicated was YOU not him.
YTA. He had a hard day and asked for comfort food, you implied you would and then you didnt.
All you nastiest is sorry, we’ll have meatloaf tomorrow, I had to use up the porkchops.
NTA….. a) his meatloaf comment was in response to you asking if there is anything that he would like you to PICK UP FROM THE STORE and NOT what he wanted you to cook…. you didn’t ask him what he wanted for dinner that night so logically he didn’t communicate his wishes if that is what he wanted; b) you acknowledged his SHOPPING request with a thumbs up/wink face, but it was never implied/suggested that you would be cooking meatloaf for dinner that very night (again, what’s for dinner tonight was never part of the discussion); c) how UNGRATEFUL!? he has someone making homemade meals ready to go when he gets home from work, and has the nerve to complain!?
This was clearly a communication issue, but I sincerely hope he shows more appreciation and respect for you outside of this incident (what is that kind of behavior going to teach your child about how women should be treated!?)
NTA. Who just whips together meatloaf with a couple of hours notice? It’s one of the more time consuming meals I make. If someone wants meatloaf the day of with no prep work then we’re getting it through a restaurant
NTA. You asked him if he wanted anything from the store, he told you what he wanted, and your response to his message conveyed that you agreed to get those things for him. If he wanted you to specifically make meatloaf that night, then instead of simply saying “can I get x y and z?” he should’ve said “Can you get x y and z to make for dinner tonight?”. You never agreed to make meatloaf for dinner, you agreed to get the stuff to make it at the store. He misinterpreted it and got his expectations up.
YTA. He asked you if you’d do a specific dinner, you gave him the thumbs up. If you had just thawed pork chops (why would they go bad immediately?) then you could have cooked them, put them aside to be used in a meal the next night.
Marriage is about bigger things than the minutiae of ‘what’s for dinner’. If you didn’t intend to, but it hurt his feelings, you can give your reasoning but say, I’m so sorry I didn’t realize you’d be disappointed, so next time let’s communicate better.
It’s not about being at someone’s beck and call, it’s just about being on the same team. ❤️
YTA
He asked (not demanded) if you could cook a special dinner. You responded with a thumbs up, but then changed your mind without telling him. Now you’re trying to flip it to make him look like the jerk?!
I understand the pork chop thing but you could have just done both. It’s more work but you did, at least in effect if not overtly, tell him you would. YTA
YTA. Not for not making the food, but for sending him a text that literally anyone would interpret as meaning you were making the dish and therefore getting his hopes up. Next time you need to be way clearer in your communication.
YTA. You knew you weren’t going to make it and that you needed to make pork chops, why wouldn’t you have just communicated that? Is he unreasonable? Would he not have understood that the pork chips would have gon bad? No you’re not his domestic servant, but what does that have to do with communication skills?
YTA It was insinuated by your emojis that you would make meatloaf. Also, why did you respond to him so aggressively when he asked about the dinner? Your communication sucks
100% YTA a thumbs up response to a request can only be taken one way. You really went and started all this because you couldn’t just communicate with him? I would be super pissed if I thought I was getting a certain meal i had asked for only to come home and see something else and then get yelled at because I questioned what happened. All you had to do was say you had other stuff planned for tonight but you could do it tomorrow.
YTA. He’s trying to provide a life for you, which is causing him to have to work late. Not like he’s out partying with the boys. He’s working to support you.
You implied you would make him the dinner you asked him about. You decided not to do that and now you’re trying to blame him. You could’ve made the pork chops for your lunch, or made them and packed them for his lunch the next day, alongside making the meatloaf.
And what does being 2 months pregnant have to do with anything? Do you think you get pity points for that? Ma’am, millions of women around the world are currently pregnant, and many of them don’t have the luxury of being able to stay home every day. Many pregnant women have to work at hard jobs like standing at a factory job, or servicing tables, or cleaning hotel rooms all day.
Pffft. You are so much the Asshole.
Girl, make both. Pork chops on the side of the meatloaf. Your man is hangry and tired. The food will get eaten. If you couldn’t physically do it, get a hungry man meatloaf dinner tray lol. Probably would have hit the spot.
YTA. You made it seem like he was getting the comfort food he asked for. Cute how you threw in some buzz words to try and get people on your side too.
YTA not only because your text definitely indicated that, but also because he has tough time in his work and had to stay late there again and you just replied ‘im not your servant’ to a message asking for comfort food he clearly needed after a rough day as a support. Just because someone asks you to make them the food they like doesn’t mean they see you as a maid.
YTA
I also would’ve assumed by this text that I’d have meatloaf waiting for me
YTA and your response certainly gave the impression you were making meatloaf.
Also, why did you write “AGAIN” in all caps? It’s not just fault he has to work late.
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With my empathy, I can see that this could be taken either way. YTA for not reading the room, responding the way you did in the text, and not being clear with having the pork chops needing to be used.
He is going to be more upset than normal because it’s the stress he is under, he’s hungry, and he believed that he was getting meatloaf. He was not in an emotionally safe space.
Next time be sure to say that you will get the ingredients, but the pork chops are about to die a second death and you will make it tomorrow.
YTA.
You should’ve explained about dinner when you texted those emojis.
YTA. The text totally implied that’s what you were making. You should have responded with I’ll pick up the ingredients but I have to make these chops tonight so they don’t go bad. I will make the meatloaf tomorrow
YTA.
My husband would behave exactly the same.
Tbh your text did seem to imply you’d make it for him… And just because your husband was disappointed that you didn’t doesn’t mean he’s telling you you’re his servant. Now I can understand that you could make it because you already had to use the food that was put out of the freezer… And your husband might have understood this too if you had mentioned this to him when texting him.
So, either this means you’re very naive about it all or you’re just choosing to act like a pregnant drama queen and just not own up to this was your mistake.
We all make mistakes and that’s okay… But owning up to it is part of that too.
Nta. He’s sounds stressed and irrationally taking his emotions out on you, unless this outburst is in character, in which case I’d be out the door.
YTA. He told you what he was craving in the moment not some undefined future meal and you gave him a positive sign that his craving would be satisfied. You set the expectation, and then his expectations weren’t met. That leads to disappointment, which then leads to resentment.
YTA. It doesn’t look like you’re at his beck & call and there was no miscommunication- you misled him into thinking that you agreed to make him the comfort food he asked for.
You could have said, “hon, I already started/got something else going for dinner tonight, how about I make it tomorrow/next week/next month/never.” THAT would be something a mature confident woman would say, instead of leading your husband on and letting him look forward to some comfort food that you had no intention of making.
NTA i think that communication could be better so you and he are not upset. But he said he wanted comfort food, you said were at the store. Pork chops and whatever you made to go with it can be just as comforting. When I am at the store and you ask for something that does not indicate to me it is for dinner this evening. I do not grocery shop daily or weekly. He will have that specific meal soon, possibly today but it does not have to be.
YTA. You knew he was having a rough day and you indicated that you would have the dinner he asked for. You could have made the pork chops and put them away for the next day.
YTA
YTA
Miscommunication but you gave him hope. He’s probably already upset that he has to work late.
And if anyone says leave your husband and your kids, please ignore
YTA. No reason not to communicate that you are going to do meatloaf the next day as you have to finish up the chops that are going bad.
He was having a bad work day and specifically asked for comfort food. Your reply essentially promised that.
Now he will know all your emojis are meaningless. You can text a million kissy faced ones but he’ll always wonder if you even meant it.
YTA. I would’ve texted and told my husband about the pork chops. You for sure made it seem like that’s what you were cooking. He has been working a ton (according to you) and nicely asked for something to help him manage his exhaustion/stress. Uncool for getting mad at him when he was rightfully disappointed when he got home.
After all you did say you just thawed out the pork chops that day, they would have very well been very good til the next day kept wrapped and in the refrigerator. You gave him all good intentions to do the meatloaf dinner, yes you picked up the juice he asked but the rest was saying sure will honey. Think about if your cravings came at night and you asked him to get you some ice cream yet he came home with popsicles because store run out of what you really wanted, hummmm, wasn’t as if he asked every night for certain dinner.
You should have replied that you have already defrosted pork so meatloaf will be another day but you’ll pick the ingredients up 🤦🏼♀️ YTA
YTA stop getting an attitude to deflect. You should have just texted him what was going on, of course he was disappointed, a thumbs up to a question is universally a yes. He never tried to make you his servant or anything like that, Get over yourself, you can be wrong, it’s ok.
YTA
What you texted would make anyone believe that you were making the dinner he asked for. And then you turned a simple miscommunication into not taking orders.
YTA for trying to use your pregnancy as an excuse when
a) you’re only two months along and b) Its completely irrelevant to the story.
Honey, you would’ve been the asshole even if you were EIGHT months pregnant. It’s only been two and it seems you’ve already acquired a massive victim complex. The fact that you were somehow able to twist this in your head to make this his fault is a testament to that. If he can’t do anything right NOW, then this man is in for a grueling six months. I don’t even want to think about when the baby actually arrives. Poor man.
YTA for complaining that he’s working late when it sounds like he’s the only one that’s bringing in a consistent, reliable income. Don’t like him working late? Get a job that has a steady reliable paycheck coming in annually, so he doesn’t have to work as much. Although you don’t seem to mind the money those extra hours bring in nor the freedom it provides you to even work freelance.
YTA for essentially asking him what he wants from the store, then leading him into believing that his selection was what was going to be served that night. You already thawed out the pork chops, fair enough, but that’s something you should’ve communicated to him. There was no miscommunication, just you withholding information.
You’re about to be a MOTHER soon, and if you can’t learn to self reflect and take accountability, then you’re gonna be a real shit parent.
YTA. The pork chops could have been cooked and put away in the fridge and served the next day. You wanted to make him pay for apparently putting more energy into his source of income taking time away from you. Seems passive/aggressive. Or, are you just inflexible?
Yta. Maybe it the pregnancy hormones but you are definitely the ah. At minimum you could of told him you needed to use the pork chops that night but you’d make it tomorrow. He’s busting his butt to provide for his family and this is how he’s repaid. I remember being pregnant and how it made me crazy for a while so I give you credit there but apologize to him and work on your communication, what if he did similar to you? It’s not okay.
Key quotes from your post:
My husband’s position pays surprisingly well with good benefits, but he’s been having to put in a ton of hours lately, as staffing has been a major problem.
The other day, he texted me to let me know that he would be working late; AGAIN, for the fourth time this week.
A little later, I texted him that I was going grocery shopping and asked if there was anything special he’d like me to pick up while I was there.
“Get me a couple packs of peach sparkling water, please. Also, I could really use some comfort food. You think I could get some meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and corn?”
I responded with thumbs up and winking, kissing face emojis.
My response:
YTA. I don’t think you are at “his beck and call” (unless you left out details). It sounds like you resent him for working overtime (which isn’t his fault due to staffing issues). It sucks, but it happens.
You agreed to his request, and you even asked him if needed or wanted anything. Yes, you meant to pick up, but you responded with a winking kissing face which means approval.
A simple: “There’s pork chops in the fridge that I need to cook or it’ll go bad. How about a make-you meatloaf tomorrow (or whenever is more convenient) night? I love you.” Something like this.
Let’s say there is validity in what you feel: Have you ever communicated with him? Again, I am not sure, but based on the post, it sounds like you agreed and now doubling down.
Communicate.
YTA It’s not as if you’re working and you’re only two months pregnant. What are you doing besides throwing up? 🙃 I think the pork chops still would’ve been better than your communication, even if you’d waited and honored your husband’s request like you implied you would
YTA but I understand what you are saying. Just communicate better next time.
YTA. You asked him if he wanted anything, replied in an accepting positive manner and then did whatever you wanted anyway. He asked for a dinner request and you’re assuming that means he thinks you’re at his beck and call, you asked him if he wanted anything. You could’ve said, hey, I’ve already got pork chops out, I’ll do meatloaf tomorrow.
If I were in your shoes and my husband had been working his ass off due to staff issues, I’d cook him a requested dinner. Fuck the pork chops, they can get tossed. If he went out of his way to say, hey I really would like this today, I’d do it. Not because I’m his slave, but because I love him and it’s something smallish I can do to make his day a bit better.
No one is the asshole.
There was miscommunication it freaking happens.
Tell him the pork chops were going to go bad so you bought the stuff he wanted to eat for the following night because you love him but to save cash it seemed like a good idea to eat what you had first.
Tell him you know him working late is probably pissing him off as much as it’s pissing you off and so you understand why the confusion upset him and it wasn’t your intention to mislead him but that perhaps because he is stressed and annoyed maybe he could have handled it a bit better on his side as well.
First off text communication is HORRIBLE for misunderstanding people’s tone and people not typing “the whole thing” so yeah you sent kissy faces and shit so he misunderstood what that meant and you hadn’t continued to say “I’ll buy it but we really should eat the pork chops”. Not saying you are wrong for not elaborating I’m saying you made an assumption he knew the pork was going to go bad and he made the assumption buying it meant you were making it… You both made bad assumptions.. no one is evil here.
You need to understand his hours frustrate him as much as you if not more… And he does need to also understand you are trying to help save you money and doing housework etc while working your job because he is working the extra hours so you are doing extra chores because he is working extra hours and EVERYONE is stressed.
So you should stop… Read this together… Apologize to each other and both admit this is also a trivial thing to be pissed about.
I doubt his schedule improves those places always have staffing issues… Eating the pork that was going to go bad put money in your account you can use for when you 2 are done with that company consuming your life… It was the smart thing to do.
I hope you both have a great life together… This is not an argument worth being upset about… Save your disdain for something that matters ;-p
To be honest it really sounded like you were gonna prepare that food….obviously you re not his cook maybe you could have just pick up frozen meatloaf and dry mashed potato and frozen corn…
NTA. You are not his maid and why waste food? He acts like a baby with his pouting.
YTA hands down, no where in your post did it sound like he was treating you like a servant. If someone simply asking you for something specific for dinner makes you feel like a servant how do you think he is going to feel later on in your pregnancy when you can’t bend down to put on shoes or what about when the baby is born and you need something and don’t want to get up and ask him to do it for you, should he feel like your servant then?
I am going to assume since you are not currently employed your husband foots all the bills and you couldn’t even cook him a simple meal or at least respond back letting him know you already took pork chops out for dinner.
YTA. You agreed to make it and didn’t. He has a right to be disappointed. You are deflecting and trying to blame him. You should have texted him he could have it another night. Pork chops aren’t a bad meal. But grow up and take responsibility. It’s all about communication.
YTA. You owe him an apology.
YTA. 33f, I would be so disappointed. Food is life.
Nobody is the asshole..he got fed. He will get his meatloaf the next day. And yes. He’s working hard. But you are working AND in the first trimester. You are lucky that the sight and smell of raw meat and corn didn’t make you want to throw up your insides.
Eating pork chops- a meal he didn’t have to make himself, is hardly a punishment.
And if a meatloaf is the highlight of his day… That he demands YOU make. What is his sulks going to be likewhen you are about to pop. Sore, exhausted, swollen and hormonal.
Then when the baby comes??
It’s 2025. Not 1925.
YTA- everything ur husband said I second.
NAH
It does sound like a misunderstanding. He wanted that for that night it didn’t say so. You were grocery shopping for the week and asked if there anything he wanted. He got upset because he mistakenly had thought you’d make that that night and had looked forward to it.
As someone who does food shopping I completely get why you didn’t realize he expected it that night. When grocery shopping you don’t just get food for that night. It’s not like you called from a restaurant and asked what meal he wanted. You just added the foods he mentioned the many groceries you were buying.
I guess he’s not used to how grocery shopping works and didn’t know to that wouldn’t necessarily be that night’s dinner so unfortunately had anticipated it.
you really escalated things when you said you are not a domestic servant 🫠 but i get it hormones….. it was just miscommunication
YTA he was asking for a favor you let him believe you were game. Then dismissed him. You could have told him no
NTA but neither is he. This is small in the scheme of things. Both of you need to toughen up. There is much bigger stuff ahead….
YTA
Do you know what thumbs up means ????
yeah tbh i think YTA. like its obvious he wanted meatloaf that night and you replied with a thumbs up. even the way you’ve written out ur explanation makes it sound like you understood what he wanted, but then decided not to do it and not to inform him of the change of plans.
it’s simple af to say “btw im making pork chops tonight bc they’re gonna go bad otherwise. i’ll make meatloaf tomorrow”
Why didn’t text him before he came home and tell him that you didn’t make his requested meal? YTA
YTA. That text you sent absolutely reads as you’ll make the meal he asked for that night.
YTA. For all the effort it would take.. Max 15 mins prep time, chuck it in the oven and boil a few spuds. Too much to ask ??
Ya your text kinda implied you would be making it. You probably should’ve text back I can grab stuff for dinner tomorrow but I already have a dinner we have to cook tonight. Then there would be no issue here. Also in all honesty I probably would’ve made both and then just had leftovers as he’s was having a bad day/month. But I like to take care of my husband where I can
Soooo a part of me feels like you misled him on purpose so when he was disappointed once he got home, you could go off about how you’re not his servant and blah blah blah. Something feels off about this. A normal person would’ve said “sure, I can make that tomorrow, but tonight I have to make the pork chops because they might go bad.” I think you WANTED him to come home and be disappointed so you could start an argument. Also, I probably would’ve made the pork chops and put them in the fridge to reheat the next day instead. If my boyfriend had a really bad, long day and requested a certain meal because it’s one thing that could cheer him up, I’d definitely figure out some way to accommodate him. My bf asked me to make alfredo last week. I don’t like it that much, but I made it anyway for him and cooked myself a steak because I love him and it’s one of his favorite meals.
Keep one thing in mind. If you don’t cook what he likes, someone else will.
Why are you even asking? YTA. You literally thumbed up his request, so of course he assumed you were going to make meatloaf.
If you weren’t going to make it that day, you should have let him know that you would buy ingredients and make it the next day since you already had dinner planned.
You are angry that he “seems to assume” that you are at his beck and call? Nothing about that text exchange indicated any assumption. You asked him if there was something special you could pick up. He responded. You gave him a thumbs up, and then didn’t provide what he had asked for.
It’s a total miscommunication. it hardly sounds like he expected you to be at his beck and call, had you not asked if he could use anything he likely would not have mentioned he was hoping for a specific meal, your thumbs up and kissy faces would be easily construed as “sure, I can make that dinner, love you!” You’re correct that you didn’t respond “yes. I will make meatloaf, mashed potatoes and corn for dinner tonight” but it wasn’t a huge stretch for him to misunderstand.
YTA. You DID let him assume you would make it. Also if you don’t want to something “special” don’t ask the question. He’s right in this instance.
YTA. You absolutely indicated that you would be making the requested meal, and he’s not in the wrong for being disappointed. And there’s absolutely nothing in his request or response that indicates he expects you to be at his beck and call. It was a request.
If you had replied with ‘I’ve already got pork chops prepared for tonight, maybe tomorrow for meatloaf?’ there wouldn’t have been an issue at all.
YTA
It wasn’t miscommunication. It was you not saying ‘hey, sorry but not tonight, I’ve already planned dinner’. It’s not difficult.
YTA
You knew he wanted meatloaf tonight. This was your chance to communicate. Instead you decided to just let him think what he wanted was going to happen, only to pull the rug.
All so you could make a big show of being a liberated woman who doesn’t take orders from anyone.
You’re not liberated, you just suck at your job. I’ve found your attitude and action to be quite common among shitty workers.
YTA. Your response totally made me think that’s what you’d make too. Next time you need to use actual words instead of emojis. “Sounds great, I have to do this tonight before it goes bad but tomorrow I’ll make it for you!” Being pregnant has nothing to do with this so it seems like unnecessary info
I find my husband will eat anything I make. I am a so so cook gaining skills but nothing to write home about. He used to get a lot of cereal and toast. Once he ended up with burned toast when our first was like 3 weeks old and ate it like it was a gourmet meal.
If I texted that to him he’d be expecting it…
YTA
Why didn’t you just say you’d buy the ingredients but tonight’s supper was already planned so it would have to wait a day. Situation avoided!