I’m friends with my ex.This week we met four days out of seven. On Thursday I cooked him dinner, and on Friday I bought him movie tickets. I often feel like I owe him because he’s always ready to meet and help me up, I haven’t got a car and he drives me everywhere, he also listens to me rant which I reckon is a defect of mine.
For context – I’m self-employed and I prefer to work on Sundays, which he knows about. We also have a running joke about how he never brings anything to potluck dinners, even though he claims he makes the best cheesecake.
It’s my birthday today. Yesterday I invited him and some other friends for dinner. This morning he texted me that he was baking his famous cheesecake. I assumed he was just going to send a video to prove he can actually bake, but then he asked if he could bring it over. He texted “I know you don’t usually leave the house on Sundays, but can stay in, I’ll bring the cake and we can eat it together”. I told him, no, I have to work, but told him I’d text again in the afternoon. And then in the afternoon I texted that I preferred to have some time to myself. He insisted and seemed hurt. I texted him that I was sorry he’d taken the time to bake the cake, but I’d already told him I had to work today and I also wanted to be on my own on my birthday. He only texted back, “ok.”
I think he should have asked before baking the cake, but I understand he must feel frustrated that now he’s stuck with a cake that no one will eat. AITA?
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I’m friends with my ex.This week we met four days out of seven. On Thursday I cooked him dinner, and on Friday I bought him movie tickets. I often feel like I owe him because he’s always ready to meet and help me up, I haven’t got a car and he drives me everywhere, he also listens to me rant which I reckon is a defect of mine.
For context – I’m self-employed and I prefer to work on Sundays, which he knows about. We also have a running joke about how he never brings anything to potluck dinners, even though he claims he makes the best cheesecake.
It’s my birthday today. Yesterday I invited him and some other friends for dinner. This morning he texted me that he was baking his famous cheesecake. I assumed he was just going to send a video to prove he can actually bake, but then he asked if he could bring it over. He texted “I know you don’t usually leave the house on Sundays, but can stay in, I’ll bring the cake and we can eat it together”. I told him, no, I have to work, but told him I’d text again in the afternoon. And then in the afternoon I texted that I preferred to have some time to myself. He insisted and seemed hurt. I texted him that I was sorry he’d taken the time to bake the cake, but I’d already told him I had to work today and I also wanted to be on my own on my birthday. He only texted back, “ok.”
I think he should have asked before baking the cake, but I understand he must feel frustrated that now he’s stuck with a cake that no one will eat. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My ex took the time to bake the cake and honestly he does so many things for me that maybe I’m being selfish by not meeting with him today and eating the cake that he baked.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
ESH. You are totally entitled to a day to yourself without being pressured to hang out. BUT it like you are totally using him. Seems like you expect him (and allow him to) drop everything by to be at your beck and call, but then put up boundaries when it suits you. This friendship sounds VERY dysfunctional tbh.
I think YTA
This relationship seems very one-sided and you don’t seem to actually care about his feelings. The friendship is built around what he can do for you, and not any actual respect for him or the time he puts into driving you around and listening to you rant.
You’re too enmeshed with your ex. This will obviously end poorly. Nta because he invited himself over but your entire set up this seems like it’ll obviously end in pain and heartbreak.
NTA
are you sure he knows that he is your ex?
NTA. He knows you normally work on Sundays and he choose to get upset about that, that’s on him. You’re allowed spend your birthday however you chose, he should have checked with you instead of dictating how he thinks you should and then getting mad at you for not doing what he wanted.
I get this is only a brief snippet of ye’re relationship but it seems a little unsual. Ye seem very close for ex’s. Maybe have a chat about boundaries and how different ye’re relationship is as not a couple, might help.
He can bake whenever he wants, but if you’re not available then he can’t deliver, regardless of who was born when.
It all seems very simple to me, just like it does to you. What could possibly be confusing about all those mixed messages off people no longer in a relationship who spend all of their free time together and cannot live without each other?!?
NTA for having a job.
The only thing that would make this better would be if you were lactose intolerant and didn’t eat cheesecake.
NAH. But I agree with the comment that you’re too emeshed with your ex. If either of you get into a new relationship, it’s likely all these perks will dissappear.
Work on being self-sufficient. There’s no need for your ex to drive you everywhere and you can find other places for your rants.
NTA but if it’s actually your ex this is all messy. You need a clean break because he seems to be under the impression that you’ll get back together
YTA. Clearly your ex cares more about you than you do him. That’s all well and good, but you’ve then failed to effectively communicate boundaries.
Additionally, if you genuinely wanted to have him over, just not on your work from home day, you’d have been better off being assertive and asking if y’all could meet up another day up front.
NTA. Cheesecake needs time to settle. It’s not going to go bad overnight. You can schedule to see him tomorrow instead.
NTAbut this sounds like a relationship not two ex’s 😅