My wife (Amy, 39f) and I (42m) rented a condo with a pool over the weekend for a football game, and my nephew (Neil, 21m) came to visit for an afternoon (he goes to school nearby). We have always been close to Neil so it was nice to see him.
I received a text from my sister (Neil’s mom) yesterday. Here’s the entire thing: “Thanks for having Neil last weekend! He had a great time and sent pictures. I have to say I was shocked at what Amy was wearing at the pool though!She looks great, but that was hardly something appropriate around one’s nephew. Just had to say something.”
Two pieces of background. My sister is nosy as you can probably tell. And Amy was wearing a one piece swimsuit – yes it was flattering and low cut but nothing you wouldn’t see at a pool in Miami. And Neil is 21! Girls his age wear much less at the pool.
I replied to my sister asking what her issue with Amy’s suit was, and she just said it was “obvious” and Amy was “putting it out there.” I told her she was being ridiculous.
I haven’t mentioned this to Amy and probably won’t. I may text Neil to make sure he wasn’t uncomfortable. AITA?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
My wife (Amy, 39f) and I (42m) rented a condo with a pool over the weekend for a football game, and my nephew (Neil, 21m) came to visit for an afternoon (he goes to school nearby). We have always been close to Neil so it was nice to see him.
I received a text from my sister (Neil’s mom) yesterday. Here’s the entire thing: “Thanks for having Neil last weekend! He had a great time and sent pictures. I have to say I was shocked at what Amy was wearing at the pool though!She looks great, but that was hardly something appropriate around one’s nephew. Just had to say something.”
Two pieces of background. My sister is nosy as you can probably tell. And Amy was wearing a one piece swimsuit – yes it was flattering and low cut but nothing you wouldn’t see at a pool in Miami. And Neil is 21! Girls his age wear much less at the pool.
I replied to my sister asking what her issue with Amy’s suit was, and she just said it was “obvious” and Amy was “putting it out there.” I told her she was being ridiculous.
I haven’t mentioned this to Amy and probably won’t. I may text Neil to make sure he wasn’t uncomfortable. AITA?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I told my sister she was ridiculous and didn’t take action
2) I may be being insensitive to her protectiveness
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Wasn’t this posted last week?
NTA
In any case, your sister is being ridiculous. Neil is an adult, and I’m sure he’s embarrassed about his mother treating him like a 4 year old.
NTA. I would honestly just ignore it from here and if she brings it up again address anything then. Nosy busybodies LOVE being engaged and getting to nitpick around arguments. Like the Internet, don’t feed the trolls.
NTA Has you nephew ever been to the beach or a club? Your sister is a prude and if all she has to do is worry about other people’s clothing or swimsuits, she needs to get a hobby.
NTA, I would leave it alone honestly. Your sister’s perspective is harmful and unfair to Amy, and I don’t think you should give it any more weight. Internalized misogyny is a beast, man. It doesn’t even sound like Neil expressed any discomfort at all – not that he should have – but it sounds like your sister is going on pics he shared.
She needs to be told to keep her opinions to herself and never to comment on anything Amy wears again. You simply won’t tolerate it. If she wants to try to restrict what her very adult son does or where he goes, that’s on her.
You’re NTA
>I replied to my sister asking what her issue with Amy’s suit was, and she just said it was “obvious” and
Amy was “putting it out there.”Fed this into my bullshit detector and it changed her response to: Amy looks better than I do in a swimsuit and I am not cool with that.
NTA. Sis is jealous & judgmental. She has a problem and should work to overcome it without shaming
100% NTA. What does your sister wear? One of those bathing suits from the early 1900s that covers absolutely everything?
I will quote the late,great Tom Lehrer.
When correctly viewed,
Everything is lewd.
Your sister is a perv
NTA
If it was legal to wear in public it is none of your sister’s business what your wife was wearing. NTA.
tell her she should talk to her son, not you. That way he can laugh at her.
Sounds like she is jealous because she doesn’t look good in any bathing suit.
Don’t text Neil. Don’t make it a thing so that he feels awkward around Amy.
Must if mistyped Neils age …. you meant 11 right? NTA
YTA for feeding this beast. Your response should not have been “What’s your problem?”, but rather “Don’t even think about making your outlandish position an issue with me”. Sis most assuredly did NOT “have to say something”.
The fact that you want to check with Neil to ensure HIS comfort only underscores why YTA. Women don’t have to dress in a way that poses no challenges to morals/ethics/religious views of men.
NTA
Don’t embarrass Neil or Amy by telling them about it
NTA
Not everything needs to be sexualised
NTA
I would never speak another word about this.
NTA
Tell Neil’s mom to stop objectifying your wife.
NTA, and the only reasonable response is “glad to hear Neil had a good time, it was nice to see him. There’s nothing inappropriate about Amy’s swimming suit, a no, you really didn’t just have to say something.”
NTA, in fact I would answer her that why is her son looking at his aunt in that way? What was she teaching him growing up?
NTA. Does your sister expect your wife to be covered head to toe while around your nephew? Sounds like she’s just jealous. Does your wife and sister get along?
“What my adult wife wears to the pool around other adults is between my wife and my wife. Your concern is noted.”
NTA
NTA
Ignore her, she’s manufacturing drama where there is none because she’s salty that Amy looks good in a swimsuit. My aunt could wear a string bikini poolside and i wouldn’t really notice because who checks out their own aunt? Even if she is “putting it out there”, she’s twenty years his senior and a relative; nobody was uncomfortable except your sister.
NTA – Your wife is very well an adult and can shoose her own swimwear…. your nephew is 21 and not interested in your wife.
NTA and WTF he is 21!
You’re explaining too much and you sister doesn’t respect your house or your wife. If your wife can’t wear something that doesn’t bothers her or her husband, there’s somenthing wrong. Don’t tell your wife, and don’t make it weird with your nephew. Let it die and set some boundaries with comments about your wifes choices on her own house.
Ask your sister, what should Amy be wearing to a pool in Miami?