I (18 year old girl) am currently in college. My boyfriend (18) also goes to school while also playing a division 3 sport. I am taking 20 credit hours while also working a part time job, while my boyfriend just focuses on school and his sport. I don’t make much money at all since I only work about 10 hours a week. When I get spending money I enjoy spending it on myself. Usually I pay for me and my boyfriend when we go out to eat or do a fun activity or get a sweet treat but recently I have been going on solo adventures. He is getting a little upset with me because he wants to join me in having fun. He keeps asking why I never invite him to the random spontaneous adventures I go on, I always tell him ‘idk’ but really why should I pay for us both when I can just be paying for myself. It’s just frustrating, he keeps calling me selfish but I’m always the one paying. Also I think I should mention, whenever he goes out with his friends, he pays for them and himself.
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I (18 year old girl) am currently in college. My boyfriend (18) also goes to school while also playing a division 3 sport. I am taking 20 credit hours while also working a part time job, while my boyfriend just focuses on school and his sport. I don’t make much money at all since I only work about 10 hours a week. When I get spending money I enjoy spending it on myself. Usually I pay for me and my boyfriend when we go out to eat or do a fun activity or get a sweet treat but recently I have been going on solo adventures. He is getting a little upset with me because he wants to join me in having fun. He keeps asking why I never invite him to the random spontaneous adventures I go on, I always tell him ‘idk’ but really why should I pay for us both when I can just be paying for myself. It’s just frustrating, he keeps calling me selfish but I’m always the one paying. Also I think I should mention, whenever he goes out with his friends, he pays for them and himself.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I feel like i’m being a bad girlfriend 2) i’m being selfish
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. If he pays for his friends but not you, he’s using you as a free way to do things. And if you’d rather be going out alone, I don’t think you need him. It seems he’s not willing to pay for you and you don’t feel the need to actually have him there. Is there even a reason you’re still together?
NTA. Don’t let him guilt you into being his sugar mama. If he wants to go on adventures, he can get a job like you did. He’s decided to focus on his sport instead. There’s nothing wrong with making that choice, but it demands sacrifice, and you shouldn’t be obligated to make that sacrifice for him.
NTA if your boyfriend has enough money to go out with his friends, he has enough money to chip in on dates. You’re not being selfish, he’s acting entitled. Unfortunately, he’s starting to behave like the money from your part time job is part of his budget. Tell him he’s free to come along in the future if he’d like but, given both of your limited funds, you’re going Dutch.
girl why are you even with this man? it sounds like you’re doing alright by yourself while he has nothing to offer you
Why is he paying for his friends? But then wants you to pay for him? This one isn’t grown up yet, throw him back.
Be honest with him. Something along the lines of “While I don’t mind paying for us both on an occasional date, I’m not comfortable paying for every activity and since you don’t have the readily available funds, I just do the activities I like alone or with friends that can pay for themselves. If you want to pay your own way, I’m happy to have you join me”. If he continues to call you selfish, dump him. It means he’s just using you as his ATM.
Drop him. If he can pay for his friends (plural) but not you, he is just using you.
You should try being honest with him and communicate instead of just saying “idk” when he asks. Seems like he’s feeling left out and doesn’t know why. Have you guys ever talked about this money situation before?
If you cannot be honest with him regarding this issue, you don’t have a relationship. What would you do if this was a female friend?
ESH
It’s typical for guys to pay for a girls date but I accepted that and would always pay for my dates even with long term girlfriends. If someone started to complain and call me selfish then I wouldn’t have an issue dropping them. I work hard for my money and it shouldn’t be demanded of me
NTA, for your relationship to continue you absolutely have to have the conversation about who pays for what.