Disclaimer: I have used AI to draft the post better, but the story is 100% true.
I (30F) was with my boyfriend (28M) for 5 years. A few weeks ago, he went out of town for work and while he was gone, I found out he was using Tinder. Like, actively using it.
Obviously, I confronted him. To which he said, “I have to go to the gym. We’ll talk when I get back.”
He came back. Didn’t say a word. No apology. No explanation. Nothing. He just acted like nothing happened. For a whole week. Not a single attempt to talk things through. And honestly? That silence was louder than anything he could’ve said. So I told him I was done.
I told him even if I could somehow wrap my head around the Tinder thing, the way he handled it, the complete lack of effort, communication, or accountability, was something I couldn’t forgive. If your 5-year relationship is falling apart and you’re just going about your day like nothing happened, then I’m out.
He eventually came around, gave me an apology and some explanations, but I told him I was still not interested. I didn’t yell. I wasn’t dramatic. I just ended it.
Fast forward a few days, and he starts going through some stuff with his family. I don’t know the details. But he started calling me, over and over. I didn’t answer. I was still emotionally exhausted and honestly didn’t feel like being his support system anymore.
Then I start getting messages and voice notes. Not like “Hey, I need someone to talk to,” or “I’m sorry again and I know I messed up.” No. Instead, it’s “You’re such a bitch for not being there for me,” “You abandoned me,” “I really needed you and you ignored me.”
And now I feel guilty that I should’ve at least answered once because he really needed someone.
So yeah. AITA for not picking up his calls?
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Disclaimer: I have used AI to draft the post better, but the story is 100% true.
I (30F) was with my boyfriend (28M) for 5 years. A few weeks ago, he went out of town for work and while he was gone, I found out he was using Tinder. Like, actively using it.
Obviously, I confronted him. To which he said, “I have to go to the gym. We’ll talk when I get back.”
He came back. Didn’t say a word. No apology. No explanation. Nothing. He just acted like nothing happened. For a whole week. Not a single attempt to talk things through. And honestly? That silence was louder than anything he could’ve said. So I told him I was done.
I told him even if I could somehow wrap my head around the Tinder thing, the way he handled it, the complete lack of effort, communication, or accountability, was something I couldn’t forgive. If your 5-year relationship is falling apart and you’re just going about your day like nothing happened, then I’m out.
He eventually came around, gave me an apology and some explanations, but I told him I was still not interested. I didn’t yell. I wasn’t dramatic. I just ended it.
Fast forward a few days, and he starts going through some stuff with his family. I don’t know the details. But he started calling me, over and over. I didn’t answer. I was still emotionally exhausted and honestly didn’t feel like being his support system anymore.
Then I start getting messages and voice notes. Not like “Hey, I need someone to talk to,” or “I’m sorry again and I know I messed up.” No. Instead, it’s “You’re such a bitch for not being there for me,” “You abandoned me,” “I really needed you and you ignored me.”
And now I feel guilty that I should’ve at least answered once because he really needed someone.
So yeah. AITA for not picking up his calls?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took: I ignored multiple phone calls and messages from my ex when he reached out during a difficult time in his personal life.
Why this might make me the asshole: Even though we had recently broken up because he was unfaithful and completely avoided discussing it, he was still someone I had been with for five years. Some people might say that I should have put that history aside and picked up the phone, just to be there for him as a human being, especially during a family crisis. The fact that I chose to emotionally distance myself when he needed support is what made me see me as cold or heartless.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, fuck him. This will probably be taken down from this sub though FYI
NTA Girlfriends listen to family troubles. Exes are living their best lives. He seems to have confused the two.
NTA – people need to learn to put the effort in to cultivate support circles outside of their romantic relationships. Especially if they’re going to be a cheater!
Tell him to go speak to someone on Tinder about it. NTA.
NTA. He f’d around and found out. He doesn’t get to Tinder and still have you as his emotional support object.
NTA. Your ex is the AH. Block and delete his numbers from your phone. It may seem harsh now but your mental health will thank you in the long run.
NTA. You’re not his emotional support system anymore — he broke that trust when he cheated and then completely ghosted the fallout of it like it wasn’t a big deal. You didn’t just walk away without cause; you were pushed out by his own actions and lack of care.
It’s not your job to pick up the pieces for someone who treated you like an afterthought. And the fact that he went straight to guilt-tripping and name-calling when you didn’t answer? That just reinforces that he’s still not taking accountability — he’s just mad you’re no longer available to be his fallback.
You gave five years of support. It’s okay to draw the line now. Choosing peace and self-respect doesn’t make you heartless — it means you’ve finally prioritized you.
Tell him to tell it to one of the girls he’s talking to on Tinder
NTA. I recommend sending him the link to better help.com then blocking him.
NTA. Even you should maybe cuss him out for the lack of his emotional maturity. He cheated on you and has the audacity to call you names, that’s over the line and enough reasons why you should cut him off for good.
‘Hey I don’t know if you know this but there is this app called Tinder. You can use it to find people to have sex with and you can also then choose if you want to date, make friends, find someone to talk to with. Maybe give that a whirl. I found a particularly great hookup on it last night. I would recommend, the app that is, not the guy I went on a date with.’
NTA
Nah, NTA girl. U gave him a chance to make things right & he blew it. The fact that he only reached out when he needed something is a red flag. Ur not responsible for his happiness, he cheated on u, remember dat. Stay strong and don’t second guess urself. 🙌💯
Then he should call friends or a therapist. He stopped being your responsibility when you broke up.
NTA and respond like and I needed a bf who wasnt a cheating coward we don’t always get what we want. I understand it’s easier said than done with your emotions but it’s far better to keep that cut clean
His audacity is effin mind boggling! Consider yourself lucky, you dodged a bullet, and block everywhere.
So strange a guy this stellar doesn’t have anyone else to call /s
NTA
The great thing about ending a relationship is it ends the obligations in both directions. If you’ve been messaging him for emotional support, or sex, after the breakup, and then you ignored his need, you’d be kindof a jerk. But when you broke up with him, one of the things you did was stop being his emotional support system. That sounds hard for him, but he broke a trust boundary you couldn’t get past, and then tried to gaslight you by pretending it didn’t happen. He made his bed.
NTA
NTA.
But you missed the perfect opportunity to say it back to him, “I have to go to the gym now. We’ll talk when I get back” and then just ghost him.