My wife passed away a few months ago, and I have two daughters with her (8 and 12), but she’s had two children prior to me (23F and 27F).
A bit of backstory, I suspect prescription drug abuse contributed to her death, I respected her privacy and never went through her phone, and in the following days I went through hers for the first time in the 14 years we were together looking for photos for the funeral service.
And amongst all that there were messages of her arranging for her ex husband to come over and supply his prescription drugs for sex, and the younger daughter saying she’d give hers if my wife would babysit her kids. Same daughter was driving him to our place after he lost his license, and right up until 3 days before her death.
I really never liked her the whole time I’ve been here, and even more so now I made these discoveries. I’ve wanted nothing to do with her since it’s happened but she talks to my girls, along with the older sister (who I suspect was in on this too).
The older one passed through a couple of weekends ago, and was mentioning the younger sister was a bit depressed because she needed advice on an upcoming job interview, and said she wishes her mum was around so she could get help.
My response was “well, I don’t really care, because if she didn’t bring her piece of shit dad here, then she probably would be able to have a conversation with her”. She didn’t like my response, left and went to see her, and haven’t spoken to her since.
It doesn’t matter to me really, because we’re leaving this town at the end of the year, to get as far away from here as possible, but was I TA in my response?
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My wife passed away a few months ago, and I have two daughters with her (8 and 12), but she’s had two children prior to me (23F and 27F).
A bit of backstory, I suspect prescription drug abuse contributed to her death, I respected her privacy and never went through her phone, and in the following days I went through hers for the first time in the 14 years we were together looking for photos for the funeral service.
And amongst all that there were messages of her arranging for her ex husband to come over and supply his prescription drugs for sex, and the younger daughter saying she’d give hers if my wife would babysit her kids. Same daughter was driving him to our place after he lost his license, and right up until 3 days before her death.
I really never liked her the whole time I’ve been here, and even more so now I made these discoveries. I’ve wanted nothing to do with her since it’s happened but she talks to my girls, along with the older sister (who I suspect was in on this too).
The older one passed through a couple of weekends ago, and was mentioning the younger sister was a bit depressed because she needed advice on an upcoming job interview, and said she wishes her mum was around so she could get help.
My response was “well, I don’t really care, because if she didn’t bring her piece of shit dad here, then she probably would be able to have a conversation with her”. She didn’t like my response, left and went to see her, and haven’t spoken to her since.
It doesn’t matter to me really, because we’re leaving this town at the end of the year, to get as far away from here as possible, but was I TA in my response?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole in the way I responded to my stepdaughter, everything (I think) was explained in my post! I wasn’t called an asshole per se, but the reaction was as if I was called one.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Don’t need to care for them, you’re not her father, just keep a cordial relationship
Dude I don’t know if you’re TAH but that’s so awful. I’m really sorry you lost your wife, then discovered the betrayal. That must hurt so fking much.
Hope you’re getting therapy and support, and that you’re kids are ok.
No you are a wonderful man for not caring about her
NTA — They weren’t just “difficult stepkids,” they were actively enabling the guy who helped destroy your wife’s life. You don’t owe fake sympathy to someone who played a part in that mess. Harsh? Sure. But grief doesn’t erase reality, and sometimes the truth sounds cruel because the actions were cruel first.
keep your daughters away from these people! I’m sorry op and hope you and your daughters get the support you need?
NTA you don’t have to speak to them again.