About a year ago, my little brother Jared had a Mitsubishi Lancer. My mom and stepdad, Scott helped him buy it. Jared put some money down, and Scott covered the rest. Jared was paying Scott back monthly.
Later on, Jared upgraded to a new car. I wanted the Lancer, so I made a deal with Jared:
- I would pay Jared $2,000 to reimburse him for what he had already paid into the car.
- I would take over the remaining balance owed to Scott and pay him monthly until it was paid off.
So that’s what happened.a year went by & I paid Jared his $2,000 in full, and then I started making monthly payments to Scott.
Fast forward a few months… the Lancer was totaled in an accident.(not my fault) I was without a car, and I didn’t have a lot money to work with. So, Scott stepped in, bought a Honda Civic in cash, and the arrangement was that I would just pay him back monthly for that car instead.
Since then, Jared has been cold toward me. I asked him about it recently, and he told me he’s upset because in his view, I didn’t respect “the deal” we made. He said the deal was that I’d take over his exact arrangement with Scott, and when the Lancer was totaled, he feels like I skipped out on that obligation. He told me, “a deal is a deal,” and that this isn’t something we can just agree to disagree on.
But here’s my view: I honored our deal. I gave Jared his $2,000, which was the only money he ever had in the car. After that, the rest of the balance belonged to Scott, not Jared. If Scott wants to forgive the debt or restructure it, that’s his call. Jared didn’t lose a dime, but he’s acting like I disrespected him.
To me, it feels crazy because I wasn’t out trying to cheat anyone. My car was totaled!! I didn’t just DECIDE that I wanted a new car for funzies. I was left stranded and had to take what help I could get. It feels unfair that Jared is mad at me instead of being glad that his brother has a working car and isn’t financially drowning.
We had a long conversation about it on the phone and he is a very very stubborn person. He told me that I was disrespectful to him by not coming to him first and asking if it was okay for Scott to do do that for me. I told me that I understand his perspective but i do not agree with it. And he doesnt seem to be at peace with that.
So, AITA for not following through with the deal exactly the way my little brother wanted, even though Scott, the person actually owed the money, was fine with it?
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About a year ago, my little brother Jared had a Mitsubishi Lancer. My mom and stepdad, Scott helped him buy it. Jared put some money down, and Scott covered the rest. Jared was paying Scott back monthly.
Later on, Jared upgraded to a new car. I wanted the Lancer, so I made a deal with Jared and Scott:
So that’s what happened.a year went by & I paid Jared his $2,000 in full, and then I started making monthly payments to Scott.
Fast forward a few months… the Lancer was totaled in an accident.(not my fault) I was without a car, and I didn’t have a lot money to work with. So, Scott stepped in, bought a Honda Civic in cash, and the arrangement was that I would just pay him back monthly for that car instead.
Since then, Jared has been cold toward me. I asked him about it recently, and he told me he’s upset because in his view, I didn’t respect “the deal” we made. He said the deal was that I’d take over his exact arrangement with Scott, and when the Lancer was totaled, he feels like I skipped out on that obligation. He told me, “a deal is a deal,” and that this isn’t something we can just agree to disagree on.
But here’s my view: I honored our deal. I gave Jared his $2,000, which was the only money he ever had in the car. After that, the rest of the balance belonged to Scott, not Jared. If Scott wants to forgive the debt or restructure it, that’s his call. Jared didn’t lose a dime, but he’s acting like I disrespected him.
To me, it feels crazy because I wasn’t out trying to cheat anyone. My car was totaled!! I didn’t just DECIDE that I wanted a new car for funzies. I was left stranded and had to take what help I could get. It feels unfair that Jared is mad at me instead of being glad that his brother has a working car and isn’t financially drowning.
We had a long conversation about it on the phone and he is a very very stubborn person. He told me that I was disrespectful to him by not coming to him first and asking if it was okay for Scott to do do that for me. I told me that I understand his perspective but i do not agree with it. And he doesnt seem to be at peace with that.
So, AITA for not following through with the deal exactly the way my little brother wanted, even though Scott, the person actually owed the money, was fine with it?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I might be the asshole because, although there was an unfortunate turn of event, I didn’t respect my brother in the deal we made.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
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NTA
It’s not about the money. He’s jealous because you got a new car. Whether he himself knows it is unclear.
Jared’s attitude about things makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. There is no logic in it at all.
NTA in the real world you would have been stuck paying for a car that was destroyed and the new one on top of that. Thankfully you have a Scott and he took the loss because he could afford to. Remember to be grateful to Scott at every opportunity.
NTA. Your brother is being completely illogical and he’s in the wrong. You paid him his $2000 and were prepared to pay Scott. Scott has now decided to forgive that debt and enter into a new arrangement with you and it has nothing to do with Jared. Neither you nor Scott have done anything wrong.
I’m guessing Scott is Jared’s biodad? If yes, he sounds jealous that his dad helped out his stepbrother.
Anyway, Jared is acting absolutely spoilt and entitled about something he has no stake in. You paid him the amount he was owed and everything else is an understanding between you & your stepfather.
Keep paying the installments due to Scott as you promised and give Jared a lot of space until he sets his thinking right. NTA
NTA
Ask Jared what obligations to him he thinks you failed to fulfill. The deal that is now between you and Scott after you bought Jared out of it isn’t Jared’s concern, and if he thinks Scott is being unfair to him that is between the two of them.
NTA and your brother is weird. I’m guessing there must be some jealousy or other issues at play because after you paid him what he had paid into the car, it’s no longer any of his concern.
NTA. What exactly did your brother want you to do instead? Keep making payments for the Lancer you no longer have? I don’t really get it.
NTA.
Jared needs to stop pocket watching and mind his fuckin business!
Was the Lancer insured so there was a payout that presumably Scott received? If so, then he got his money that way.
NTA-your brother is acting strange as he’s not out any money.
Why does he even care. It’s not his money.
NTA. It’s completely up to Scott. Jared doesn’t get a say. You honored your promise to him.
However, I have to wonder if something is going such that not paying Scott back affected Jared somehow – like Jared couldn’t get more money from Scott because of the forgiven debt.
Otherwise, it’s just jealousy because Jared thinks he’d never get such a deal.
NTA. I’m still confused by why Jared should be involved at all. You paid him back his deposit (did that take depreciation into account?) and took over the car payments. I still don’t get why he’d have anything to go with the new car. Where did the insurance money from the totaled car go??
Your brother’s argument does not make any sense at all. He is being weird. You did not doing anything wrong. I am glad you have a Scott in your life.
NTA. It doesn’t matter if you put the deal with Jared on paper. You honored the agreement. You paid Jared and Scott discharged your debt which is technically the same as paying off a debt. Once you satisfied Jared’s loan, any further agreement is legally between you and the remaining party. If Scott decided to charge the terms of the further payments, it was entirely in his power to do so. You didn’t need to give Jared any notice, you didn’t require his agreement on the matter. He was no longer the owner of the debt. You didn’t disrespect him. He has a weird attitude and sounds like he’s jealous. Give him some space and go low-contact if you can. Have you told Scott about this yet? Maybe you should so you can get ahead of the situation before Jared tries to spin it as some unreasonable argument. How did Jared even find out about it? Never give anyone your financial information if they don’t need to know it. When you owed Jared payments, it was reasonable for him to know your financial situation. After he was paid off for his portion of the agreement, the obligation for financial information ended.
NTA. Jared should not worry about it since he got his payment. Just for info, are you going to hand over the insurance payment once that comes through?
NTA. Your brother sounds like a whiney little B.
Tell him I said that please.
I’m glad your step dad is supportive and kind.
YTA
Info: was Scott out any money for the totaled car? Or was he made whole by an insurance payout?
In any case, it’s not Jarred’s business what happens to the remaining balance. He got his money out of the car which is more than pretty much anybody can say when buying a car since they depreciate as soon as they are driven off the lot.
If the accident was not your fault, did you try to get the other driver’s insurance to pay for it?