My sister, my best friend, and I are all going to the same college. I want to room with my friend.
For some background, my sister has always struggled in school, while academics have come easily to me. My mom has always expected me to help my sister with her schoolwork, even when I didn’t take the same classes and didn’t know the material. Now that we are adults and going to college, my mom still insists that I need to support her. She even told me, “If she fails out of college, it will be your fault,” just because I don’t want to room with her.
I’ve tried to explain that I can still support my sister without being her roommate. I also pointed out that every other student without a twin has to find a random roommate, but my mom insists that I am abandoning her and that I’m responsible for her.
I don’t think this should be my problem anymore. I’m finally excited to have my own freedom and make my own decisions without my mom’s influence. She always tries to guilt-trip me into doing what she wants, and I usually give in, but this time, I’ve decided to stand my ground and do what’s best for me. My mom told me she hopes I am miserable. I know there is no way I could possibly be responsible for my college courses and someone else’s.
Please be kind and honest in the responses! I have never posted on Reddit before! Thank you 😊
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My sister, my best friend, and I are all going to the same college. I want to room with my friend.
For some background, my sister has always struggled in school, while academics have come easily to me. My mom has always expected me to help my sister with her schoolwork, even when I didn’t take the same classes and didn’t know the material. Now that we are adults and going to college, my mom still insists that I need to support her. She even told me, “If she fails out of college, it will be your fault,” just because I don’t want to room with her.
I’ve tried to explain that I can still support my sister without being her roommate. I also pointed out that every other student without a twin has to find a random roommate, but my mom insists that I am abandoning her and that I’m responsible for her.
I don’t think this should be my problem anymore. I’m finally excited to have my own freedom and make my own decisions without my mom’s influence. She always tries to guilt-trip me into doing what she wants, and I usually give in, but this time, I’ve decided to stand my ground and do what’s best for me. My mom told me she hopes I am miserable. I know there is no way I could possibly be responsible for my college courses and someone else’s.
Please be kind and honest in the responses! I have never posted on Reddit before! Thank you 😊
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I might be the asshole because my mom is telling me I’m abandoning my sister and I know that she doesn’t have anyone to room with at the moment but she also isn’t looking for anyone.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA.
You’re not responsible for your sister’s success, college is about independence. Your mom is guilt-tripping you, but you deserve to make choices for yourself. Stand your ground and enjoy college!
After you graduate from HS, your decisions are supposed to reflect your own growth (personal, relationships, education, and career). If you have a sibling who can’t do that, the onus is on the parent(s), not the sibling.
NTA
NTA. If your mum is so concerned about your sister’s grade she can be your sister’s roommate and help her through the next several years of college. Where does your Mum see this ending, are you going to have to get a job wherever your sister is hired so you can guide her through her career too?
I am an identical twin. At first it was weird to not share a dorm room with my sister as we had shared a bedroom for 18 years. But it was important for us to branch out. I was unlucky with my roommate, as she was from a small town and REALLY homesick, going home almost every weekend. My sister got a much better roomie, but navigating my situation was helpful and helped me grow as a person.
It’s absolutely not your fault if your sister fails in school, end of story. Some people are cut out for college right away, and others are not. There are myriad reasons for this. But both you and your sister will benefit in some ways by navigating a new living situation. Your sister may benefit from tutoring and other assistance, but that is not your responsibility.
NTA. Whether your sister fails or not is on her. Thanks to your mother, she is probably dependant on you. Will be good for her to learn to get by without you. You’ll both be happier then.
NTA as you’re not responsible for her performance. However, if I’m the parent and I’m paying for your housing – you both have to room together.
NTA.
Your Mom is going to have to accept that your sister isn’t going to be a high earner. You’re not going to be able to hold her hand in the workforce, which is what education is supposed to be preparing you for. Helping her further is only going to hurt her, because she’ll be let go her first week of employment if she isn’t as advertised.
Putting her future on you is totally unfair.
NTA. You’re her sister not her emotional support human.
No way would I live with my sister in college. Stand your ground.
What does your sister think? Does she want to room with you?
NTA.
Your mom is though.
At some point, your sister will have to stand on her own, and not have you to hold her hand. It’s better now to do it now than wait any longer.
Your mother is being ridiculous. What does she think college is? NTA She can be your sister’s roommate if she wants.
NTA
It is important for you AND your sister that you separate.
NTA.
Support doesn’t mean you’re responsible for your sister’s grades so she doesn’t fail out of college. This is true whether you live with her or not. NTA.
I’m curious to know if your sister knows mom is insisting you take care of her. Is that also what she wants?
nta you’re right to want some independence, your mom shouldn’t dump that responsibility in you.
NTA