So I’m Middle Eastern and in our culture, respecting your elders is a huge deal. Like even if someone spit in your face, you’re still expected to greet them, kiss their cheek, and ask how their kids are doing.
But here’s the thing. My aunt completely disrespected my mom a while ago. I won’t go into every detail, but she talked down to her in front of other people, mocked her parenting, and basically treated her like she was beneath her. My mom didn’t even defend herself because she didn’t want drama, but I saw the way it hurt her.
So fast forward to a recent family gathering and this aunt shows up. She walks in, I make eye contact, and I just… don’t say hi. I turned and kept talking to someone else. She looked at me, clearly expecting the usual polite hello, but I didn’t budge.
Later that night I got an earful from my dad and a few other relatives. They said I embarrassed the family and acted like a child. But in my mind, I was standing up for my mom. Why should I show respect to someone who actively disrespected the woman who raised me?
My mom didn’t say much about it, but I could tell she was lowkey proud of me.
Still, now I’m the “disrespectful one” in the family and some people are acting like I committed a crime. So… AITA?
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So I’m Middle Eastern and in our culture, respecting your elders is a huge deal. Like even if someone spit in your face, you’re still expected to greet them, kiss their cheek, and ask how their kids are doing.
But here’s the thing. My aunt completely disrespected my mom a while ago. I won’t go into every detail, but she talked down to her in front of other people, mocked her parenting, and basically treated her like she was beneath her. My mom didn’t even defend herself because she didn’t want drama, but I saw the way it hurt her.
So fast forward to a recent family gathering and this aunt shows up. She walks in, I make eye contact, and I just… don’t say hi. I turned and kept talking to someone else. She looked at me, clearly expecting the usual polite hello, but I didn’t budge.
Later that night I got an earful from my dad and a few other relatives. They said I embarrassed the family and acted like a child. But in my mind, I was standing up for my mom. Why should I show respect to someone who actively disrespected the woman who raised me?
My mom didn’t say much about it, but I could tell she was lowkey proud of me.
Still, now I’m the “disrespectful one” in the family and some people are acting like I committed a crime. So… AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t say hi to my aunt at a family gathering, even though culturally I’m expected to. I purposely avoided greeting her because she deeply disrespected my mom in the past. I felt it would be wrong to act like nothing happened.
I might be the asshole because in our culture, not greeting an elder is seen as extremely disrespectful, and it caused tension in the family. People said I embarrassed them and overreacted. So maybe I was wrong for letting personal feelings get in the way of family expectations.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA – I completely understand what you did and why you did it. No fault at all. However, did this cause more grief for your mom? Is this going to cause your aunt to harass your mom more? I suggest talking to your mom, tell her how much your aunt upset you, and get her opinion on it. Then start thinking petty ways to be respectfully disrespectful to your aunt.
You were loyal to your mom. That is very respect worthy.
>Later that night I got an earful from my dad and a few other relatives.
And why are they allowing your mother to be bullied/disrespected by her sister? Truth is, your father should be her biggest defender. He isn’t being that so you stepped into that role because you’re mother needs someone on her side.
You are NTA. You merely showed everyone that you stand with your mother and that act itself is respectful to your mother. You called your aunt out without saying a word.
Sometimes an act of perceived disrespect is needed in order to show how out of balance things are.
YTA: here’s why:
You (by adhering to all the other reasonable requirements of being a person of your gender and age and class in your culture) have entered into a contract. You are EXPECTED to continue to comply with all of the behaviors that are part of your role in society, such as greeting her nicely etc!
This is the sticking point for you: maybe even a turning point in your life: Will you call her to ask about her health and pray over her continued progress? Or will you decide that you can’t be a representative of the values and beliefs of your family?