At the store, my(19f) boyfriend (25m) was looking for cat food but could only afford a certain amount if he wanted food for himself too. I offered to give him $10( out of the $18 I had left for the rest of the month) to get 3 more cans (and an extra3 for free which would’ve lasted an extra week for his cats). He said no and called his mom, who helped him out.
Later, when we went grocery shopping, he brought the $10 up again and I didn’t mind since I had told him I’d give it. I ended up sending him $15 and asked if he could grab some fruits for me since I didn’t have my card. He said sure, so I added 4 kiwis to the basket. He also bought chips, pop, and the fruits.
The chips were for us to watch a movie with. He also asked if I could buy us dinner but I said I’d go home to eat the fruits I’m buying now and while I didn’t mean any rudeness and just didn’t want to eat whatever food he was going to buy (knowing he has no money) he later said I had a bad vibe saying that and it just meant that I wanted to go home and there’s no point in us hanging out together.
Before paying, I tried making a joke but he was stressed and snapped back at me saying “what’s wrong with you” pretty rudely. I took it badly and stayed in a bad mood until I told him that his rudeness was still bothering me.
He snapped again and called me a “penny pincher” because I didn’t want to buy dinner for us, and because I kept the fruits he “bought” in my bag to take home with me (instead of sharing). And that it just all felt transactional.
For context: my boyfriend always shares everything he has, down to the last penny. While it’s generous, I often feel bad about it because if I were the one doing it, I’d hold grudges and honestly, it feels like he’s doing that with me now.
I looked up “penny pincher” and, yes, I am frugal. But it’s not like I buy the cheapest low-quality stuff or never treat myself. The reason I’m broke now is because I spent too much eating out earlier this month. So now I’m borrowing money from future rent to survive.
The 18$ I had weren’t even supposed to be spent, I had moved it from my rent to buy us pizza yesterday but ended up cooking.
I get rent covered by my parents, but since I started working (only like 24 hours a month on minimum wage), they don’t give me as much allowance. So I budget carefully to cover groceries and activities. That’s why I really don’t want to feel like I’m paying for someone else’s groceries.
Meanwhile, my boyfriend says he’s poor too but he hates being around penny pinchers.
So am I being unreasonable here. I was giving him all I had left (except 3$ that I truly didn’t think would change anything but I do understand that it does) and keeping the fruits to myself.
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At the store, my(19f) boyfriend (25m) was looking for cat food but could only afford a certain amount if he wanted food for himself too. I offered to give him $10( out of the $18 I had left for the rest of the month) to get 3 more cans (and an extra3 for free which would’ve lasted an extra week for his cats). He said no and called his mom, who helped him out.
Later, when we went grocery shopping, he brought the $10 up again and I didn’t mind since I had told him I’d give it. I ended up sending him $15 and asked if he could grab some fruits for me since I didn’t have my card. He said sure, so I added 4 kiwis to the basket. He also bought chips, pop, and the fruits.
The chips were for us to watch a movie with. He also asked if I could buy us dinner but I said I’d go home to eat the fruits I’m buying now and while I didn’t mean any rudeness and just didn’t want to eat whatever food he was going to buy (knowing he has no money) he later said I had a bad vibe saying that and it just meant that I wanted to go home and there’s no point in us hanging out together.
Before paying, I tried making a joke but he was stressed and snapped back at me saying “what’s wrong with you” pretty rudely. I took it badly and stayed in a bad mood until I told him that his rudeness was still bothering me.
He snapped again and called me a “penny pincher” because I didn’t want to buy dinner for us, and because I kept the fruits he “bought” in my bag to take home with me (instead of sharing). And that it just all felt transactional.
For context: my boyfriend always shares everything he has, down to the last penny. While it’s generous, I often feel bad about it because if I were the one doing it, I’d hold grudges and honestly, it feels like he’s doing that with me now.
I looked up “penny pincher” and, yes, I am frugal. But it’s not like I buy the cheapest low-quality stuff or never treat myself. The reason I’m broke now is because I spent too much eating out earlier this month. So now I’m borrowing money from future rent to survive.
The 18$ I had weren’t even supposed to be spent, I had moved it from my rent to buy us pizza yesterday but ended up cooking.
I get rent covered by my parents, but since I started working (only like 24 hours a month on minimum wage), they don’t give me as much allowance. So I budget carefully to cover groceries and activities. That’s why I really don’t want to feel like I’m paying for someone else’s groceries.
Meanwhile, my boyfriend says he’s poor too but he hates being around penny pinchers.
So am I being unreasonable here. I was giving him all I had left (except 3$ that I truly didn’t think would change anything but I do understand that it does) and keeping the fruits to myself.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I might be the assholes because he would’ve spent all his money for me and always does even if it’s money for rent or anything else. And I feel like I’m putting in less and my mood is always all over the place and that’s unfair to him. My communication is also not clear and I can understand why he may find it annoying and hold a gurdge
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Why is a broke 25 year old who still needs to call his mom for a couple dollars dating someone who can’t even legally drink yet?
NTA tell him to allocate his money better because it sounds like he doesn’t know how
I don’t think you realise that the story you wrote is not the same story that other people are reading.
In the story you think you wrote, you have a nice boyfriend who is really generous to you.
In the story you actually wrote, your much-older yet still broke boyfriend demands that you give him $15 out of the last $18 you have for the month, meaning you have only $3 for the next week. He uses your money to buy chips and drinks while begrudging you buying some fruit. He can borrow money from his mother but he still gets it from you – and he isn’t even grateful for it. He insults you. And did I even see anywhere that he intends to pay the money back?
You’re NTA but you are being mistreated by a freeloader.
NTA. Partnership is about helping one another, not keeping a running ledger. Your boyfriend wanted you to spend your rent money on him. That’s not generosity, that’s leeching.
What “dinner” did he expect you to buy with $3? This guys an AH OP. A 6 year age gap isn’t a big deal farther down the line, but he should either have an entry level job after college right now or have a steady income of some sort, even if it’s minimal. Snapping at his fresh out of high school (no disrespect, but given the context, even if you graduated at 17 he’s still closer to his 10y reunion than he is to graduation) gf for not dipping into her rent money for dinner when he can simply ask his mom is ridiculous. Don’t accept this, you deserve better
Edit to add verdict: NTA
NTA He’s 25 years old, borrows money form his 19 year old girlfriend leaving her with $3 until the end of the month and he calls his mommy for money to buy chips, drinks and cat food?! Oh honey, you can do better.
tbh I can’t follow what the actual fight is about so I’m not sure who is the AH, although I’m leaning both. However, I just wanted to leave a comment to say: Is OP aware that she wrote both “The reason I’m broke now is because I spent too much eating out earlier this month” and “I budget carefully to cover groceries and activities” in the same post?
NTA but you need to seriously reconsider this relationship.
Broke people should loan/give money. That’s why you’re walking on eggshells with eachother. Don’t eat out, save money then you can breath
I like how all of the upvoted comments completely disregard the fact that your boyfriend usually shares everything with you and that you have poor money management.
If you are looking for genuine advice this is the wrong thread all people do here is exho chamber and validate you wether you are right or wrong.
If you want genuine advice, please talk to your boyfriend about both of your guys’ spending habits, make a budget sheet and stick to it. If there are any problems after that, you will know who is at fault based on who stuck to their budget and you can communicate effectively like adults.
NTA. There’s a reason people are wary of age gaps like this. He’s 25 and is getting angry that his teenage girlfriend wont spend her last few dollars on him, sometimes lifestyles just don’t match.
You are not a penny pincher, either. You are a student on a budget. I think his reaction is also a major red flag, but I don’t want to judge to early. Try communicating your situation and expectations with him first.
Financial abuse is what’s likely happening here. Some will be really responsible & keep all your money, some will be like this & “generous” with money he probably didn’t earn but recklessly spending it. But taking your money is another way you never have any money to do anything without him.
He made an argument over “dinner”. But it was more likely that you went home and didn’t want to be with him 24/7
NTA… the fact that you have your last for HIS cats, amongst the other few items speaks a lot about your character.
I think it’s great that he shares everything with you—but you’re still getting support from your parents, he can’t expect you to always help. Plus you’re only working 24 hours per month which has to go towards some of your expenses since your parents decreased your allowance.
I’m my opinion, it seems as if he was being unreasonable—not sure if he was having a bad day or something, but his behavior was a little (or a lot) off to me, especially when you consider the reason he was upset.
What’s wrong with your boyfriend? Why is a 25 yr old man so broke he can’t afford cat food? Why is he dating a 19 yr old? Because a grown up woman would know he is a loser. What is so attractive about this broke dude who treats you poorly? He can’t afford to date, so leave him alone.
How come a guy of 25 yo, can’t afford his cat food ? You’re NTA. 🚩🚩🚩
You both are. It sounds like neither of you is good at managing your finances and simply are not financially responsible.
That said, being mean or rude to each other is a symptom of bigger problems in your relationship. At 25, he is 6 years older than you. Legally you are not even allowed to drink yet. This isn’t a healthy power dynamic at all.
NTA. But as others say, you don’t seem to understand your situation, so I hope the comments here help you see that you are in an extremely unhealthy relationship with a sad excuse for a man who does not have your best interests at heart.
I need to sit down, make a budget. start preparing your food at home and not eating out at all…..
The two of you from what I’m hearing are not together on finances and he’s been a little bit rude to you. if not controlling an abusive on money and demanding more from you than what you have…. For the record, money and finances causes more problems for couples that end up in divorce than any other problem but combined usually
To be honest, it sounds like you might need a new boyfriend