Im a 22 yr old amab non binary person, i live in. A big shared house with originally 4 other people. The way the house lay out works is 3 floors with the second one having a main bathroom and all 4 of my roommates rooms and the third being my room which is like a bigger loft room with a private bathroom right in the middle of it (i pay extra for the bigger room and bathroom).
Everything had been going pretty smoothly up till recently, the “issue” ig you could say started with one roommate who was supposed to move out ended up staying and moved in with her boyfriend(who was already subleasing a room last lease so he was one of the original 4). Another roommate’s boyfriend is also living with us temporarily, though no one gave me a clear timeframe for how long. And we’re adding a new roommate to fill the spot we thought would be vacant.
So now, instead of five people using the shared bathroom, there are seven. Now some of my roommates are making comments suggesting that their boyfriends should be able to use my bathroom. The reasoning is basically that I was “assigned male at birth,” so it supposedly makes more sense for their boyfriends to use my space than the main floor bathroom.
It sorta feels like they’re trying to gradually justify this as a communal solution. And while I’m usually fine with our house being a very shared, open environment, I draw the line at my actual bedroom being treated like a public access bathroom.
Now to be clear I was told about the additional people moving in and I said it was fine, since I have my own space and assumed that wouldn’t really affect me. But now it’s starting to feel like I’m being expected to make compromises I never agreed to, in the name of convenience for everyone else.
I’m planning to set a firm boundary and let them know that my bathroom is private, full stop. But I can already see them acting like I’m being unhelpful or overprotective of my space.
AITA for refusing to let my roommates’ boyfriends use my bathroom, even though I agreed to the added housemates and they think it makes sense because of my assigned gender at birth?
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Im a 22 yr old amab non binary person, i live in. A big shared house with originally 4 other people. The way the house lay out works is 3 floors with the second one having a main bathroom and all 4 of my roommates rooms and the third being my room which is like a bigger loft room with a private bathroom right in the middle of it (i pay extra for the bigger room and bathroom).
Everything had been going pretty smoothly up till recently, the “issue” ig you could say started with one roommate who was supposed to move out ended up staying and moved in with her boyfriend(who was already subleasing a room last lease so he was one of the original 4). Another roommate’s boyfriend is also living with us temporarily, though no one gave me a clear timeframe for how long. And we’re adding a new roommate to fill the spot we thought would be vacant.
So now, instead of five people using the shared bathroom, there are seven. Now some of my roommates are making comments suggesting that their boyfriends should be able to use my bathroom. The reasoning is basically that I was “assigned male at birth,” so it supposedly makes more sense for their boyfriends to use my space than the main floor bathroom.
It sorta feels like they’re trying to gradually justify this as a communal solution. And while I’m usually fine with our house being a very shared, open environment, I draw the line at my actual bedroom being treated like a public access bathroom.
Now to be clear I was told about the additional people moving in and I said it was fine, since I have my own space and assumed that wouldn’t really affect me. But now it’s starting to feel like I’m being expected to make compromises I never agreed to, in the name of convenience for everyone else.
I’m planning to set a firm boundary and let them know that my bathroom is private, full stop. But I can already see them acting like I’m being unhelpful or overprotective of my space.
AITA for refusing to let my roommates’ boyfriends use my bathroom, even though I agreed to the added housemates and they think it makes sense because of my assigned gender at birth?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Well im telling them to figure out in their own and keeping my bathroom a private space for myself and my guests. I think it might make me the asshole because theyre stuck in a situation with a lot of people and just one bathroom and the other bathroom is being hogged by a single person
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. There was never any gray area that your bathroom should be shared, it’s always been your personal bathroom. If they didn’t want to share with their boyfriends they shouldn’t have moved them in.
Also, crazy that they thought being transphobic would win their argument??? What’s wrong with people?
Info: how much more do you pay, percentage-wise, vs. everyone else? Because it should be a lot if you get your own bathroom and 7 others have to share one. Imo, unless people are going to be showering or using the toilet with someone else in there, gender is immaterial.
Also, why are there so many people living in this house? Does the landlord know about this?
NTA. You pay for it and it’s yours. They can move out and find their own places if they want a less shared bathroom.
Its also the fact that maybe if my bathroom was in a hall way it would be fine but its like literally in the middle of the room
NTA
The fact that two of the four have their SOs living with them has nothing to do with you. Your other four legitimate roommates need to kick out the two extras.
If they have to enter your room to get to the extra bathroom then it’s a no. The number one rule of share houses is bedrooms are private
NTA
Your assigned gender at birth has nothing to do with this. What it has to do with is your roommates moving other people into the house and then being unhappy with seven people sharing one bathroom. Since you pay extra for the bigger room and bathroom, it’s yours and you should have exclusive rights to use it. Also, the fact that it’s located in a place that would require you to give them access to your personal space makes it doubly important and you should hold your ground on it.
If they don’t like seven people sharing one bathroom, then they should not have moved the extra people in. It’s their problem and they should solve it without involving you at all.
Another thing occurs to me, that of how many people are supposed to be living there? Does the landlord know there are now eight people in the house when originally there were supposed to be five? (I kinda lost track of how many people are living there now; it sounds like there are at least seven, if not eight?) Anyway, the landlord might consider this to be excessive. Check the terms of your lease to see if it specifies how many people can occupy the house at once. It’s likely that there is a limit, and if your roommates are breaking that, you could all be evicted for not adhering to the terms of the lease.
In any case, this problem isn’t yours to solve for them. You pay for your space and bathroom, period. Allowing them to access your bathroom through your personal space doesn’t make any sense at all. Your privacy is worth something, so you pay extra for it. If they want another bathroom, let them find another house.
Absolutely not! Those couples are now saving a ton of money sharing their rooms.
NTA They already pushed boundaries with the extra roommates(boyfriends) which you foolishly allowed. Without a clear length for their stay you set no clear boundaries. Now you’re setting boundaries you have every right to set and good reason to. Given your previous history this is shocking to them. Keep holding your ground and be clear about your reasons and that you’re not going to budge.
NTA. Get a lock for your bedroom door or they will use it without your permission, guaranteed.
Nta. No one wants 3 people walking into their bedroom whenever they need to pee. That’s intrusive af. You are entitled to the private space that you paid for.
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NTA, I would be a dick about it you pay extra they don’t and they have free people living with them
This is a weird setup for a house, but if everyone agreed up front that that would be exclusively your bathroom then NTA. Gender is irrelevant. The issue is that it can only be accessed through your room. They didn’t have to move extra people in if the lack of bathrooms was going to be an issue.
NTA you didn’t ask for all these people to move in so why should you make compromises
You pay extra for the bathroom you don’t have to show the bathroom.
That would be a quick and hard no for me, too lol. Like, i think I’d literally laugh in their faces for asking lol
makes me wonder if the dudes were being disgusting and the girls don’t want to confront the issue, so they’re trying to pawn the issue off on you with some sexist excuse lol
I know easier said than done, but you really shouldn’t feel bad, and if they do try to guilt you please do try to find the humour in their entitlement lol, maybe call they out on it, too, in a (not) joking way lol
I encourage you to even be petty and ask…innocently, for clarification on when they’re leaving, anyways, because wasn’t it a temporary thing? Lol
Nta
Lol they’re delusional.
Tell them it’d be a $100 per use fee.
NTA and it seems they’re shit mates/friends for this
UPDATE: so i got home from work after making this post and i shit you not one of my fucking roommates left their tooth brush in my bathroom 😐 i had an understanding that this roommate acknowledged it was my private bathroom as they are one of the ones who have been here the longest BUT NOPE. We’re supposed to have a meeting to talk about things for the year so im gonna just let it rip kindly
NTA you pay extra for your private bathroom. It also sounds like you weren’t involved in the discussions for how they all expected this to work. You aren’t the one who overbooked the rooms, they did. They knew they only had access to one bathroom and still decided to live there. Their poor decision making isn’t your problem.
As far as your roommates need to be concerned your bathroom isn’t up for discussion. It’s a part of your agreement with the landlord. This has nothing to do with them.
Not your monkeys not your circus. You never agreed to share your bathroom. End of discussion. If they don’t Iike it, THEY can move out. NTA
NTA. IF your bathroom was not in the center of your room AND you didn’t pay extra for said private bathroom I may think otherwise. But no, the boyfriends then get free access to one and go as they please from your bedroom to use the bathroom? While you’re sleeping? What if you have a partner over one night? Will they just get to come in the middle of you watching a movie and cuddling? Being intimate?No. Hard pass from me.
It’s a tough situation for you to be in as it will create if it hasn’t already, resentment amongst your other roommates, but unless it can be accessed from outside of your room it would be a hard no from me.
NTA – it’s your room and bathroom that you pay for. This was an agreed upon term. Your roommates’ significant others use of their shared bathroom is not your problem. Shut it down, but a lock for your room, do not budge an inch on this. Also, they are buttwipes for trying to use your gender to justify their crappy behavior.
Your gender actually has fuck all to do with it.
It’s a private bath located inside of your room – and you paid extra for that luxury.
This is a no all around – but this should also be a lesson to you re: how to talk to roommates. Clarity and directness is important – the number of people in this house should never have jumped so high.
NTA.
You pay extra for the bathroom. And it’s in your bedroom. These are your roommates’ boyfriends, and you say you agreed to the additional people moving in so presumably they did as well, knowing the shared bathroom situation. They can share the bathroom or kick their boyfriends out or move out with their boyfriends. If they do the latter I’d suggest the remaining roommates make a no couples/one person per room rule for the main floor/shared bathroom, but you’re NTA
NTA. Does your lease allow for that many people to live there? I would be concerned you are in breach for that.
Get a lock for your bedroom door.
NTA. “I was fine with your boyfriends moving in on the assumption that it would not affect me because I pay extra to have my own bathroom. If the bathroom has become an issue, your boyfriends need to move out.”
You pay for that room and bathroom. It’s yours. It’s also inside your room. So no.
NTA, regardless of gender. You have a personal space which you pay extra for, and you have the right to set a firm boundary. I’d get a lock.
NTA, that sounds like a circus though. I would get claustrophobic just walking to my room.
Nta put a keyed lock on your room and bathroom you payfor it not them so they can go fuck a goat.
NTA
You acknowledged your roommates wanting the benefits of ‘live-in partners’. The lifestyle those roommates created for themselves was an overcrowded use of the communal bathroom. That was a predictable consequence of their decisions.
You have your room and bathroom as your paid-for private space. You don’t owe anyone. You’re not behaving irresponsibly or unreasonably by insisting on your moral and legal entitlement to your exclusive use of your private space.
You pay extra for the bigger room with the bathroom. They don’t. The privilege of using the bathroom in your “suite” is yours alone.
NTA, but get a lock for your door. Just in case.
>i pay extra for the bigger room and bathroom).
NTA. The only thing that matters here.