When I was just 4 years old, my parents decided to part ways. My sister, who was 12 at the time, didn’t take it well. She hadn’t spoken to our father since 1998. I tried to help fix the relationship between them too but stubbornness ran deep on both sides. My mom, often painted our father in a negative light, while he never said a bad word against her. I love them both, but hearing her speak like that was very hurtful and uncalled for.
Fast forward a bit, my sister had a daughter when she was 23, He barely got to see his granddaughter maybe five times in 35 years. Despite the chaos, I held onto my relationship with my dad, even if life kept us apart for 15 years, tangled up in the web of my stepmother’s family.
Then came December 16, 2024. My stepmother, called with the news that my dad had taken a fall. I was in Florida, while he was in Cleveland, and my sister and mom was 2 1/2 hours away in Ohio. I wanted to jump on a plane right then and there, but my stepmother told me to hold off for updates. By Tuesday, she finally said to come. I arrived on Wednesday morning, December 18, and there I was holding his hand, speaking to him, even though he alseep. I felt a strange connection, like he somehow knew I was there.
I reached out to my sister she said to “Keep her posted.” That afternoon, the doctors told us he wouldn’t recover. We faced the heart wrenching decision to remove life support, knowing he wouldn’t want to exist without any quality of life.
I told him I loved him, and promised I’d return in the morning. In that moment, he opened his eyes, looked at me and closed them. My stepmother started to cry and stated “He waited for you.” It was a moment heavy with bittersweet emotion. He passed later that night.
We planned the funeral for December 28. I flew back to Florida on the 20th, only to return on the 27th. I informed my mom and sister, but on the day of the funeral? Just my stepmother, her kids, close friends, and one of my dad’s brothers were there. I was the only one from my side. I read my dad’s final words and no one else spoke.
What hurt the most was lack of support from my mom and my sister. Not even a text to check on me I didn’t expect them to honor him, but I hoped they’d be there for me. They weren’t. I felt like a utterly alone.
When I returned to Florida, I cut off communication with them. My sister reached out later, but when I expressed my hurt, she dismissed it, saying she wouldn’t have come anyway. My mom felt the same way .
I tried to explain that it wasn’t about Dad it was about me needing support but they didn’t seem to get it. Neither has checked in since.
Now it’s July. The weight of grief is still heavy, and I haven’t spoken to either of them since December.
AITA for feeling this way or am I overreacting?
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When I was just 4 years old, my parents decided to part ways. My sister, who was 12 at the time, didn’t take it well. She hadn’t spoken to our father since 1998. I tried to help fix the relationship between them too but stubbornness ran deep on both sides. My mom, often painted our father in a negative light, while he never said a bad word against her. I love them both, but hearing her speak like that was very hurtful and uncalled for.
Fast forward a bit, my sister had a daughter when she was 23, He barely got to see his granddaughter maybe five times in 35 years. Despite the chaos, I held onto my relationship with my dad, even if life kept us apart for 15 years, tangled up in the web of my stepmother’s family.
Then came December 16, 2024. My stepmother, called with the news that my dad had taken a fall. I was in Florida, while he was in Cleveland, and my sister and mom was 2 1/2 hours away in Ohio. I wanted to jump on a plane right then and there, but my stepmother told me to hold off for updates. By Tuesday, she finally said to come. I arrived on Wednesday morning, December 18, and there I was holding his hand, speaking to him, even though he alseep. I felt a strange connection, like he somehow knew I was there.
I reached out to my sister she said to “Keep her posted.” That afternoon, the doctors told us he wouldn’t recover. We faced the heart wrenching decision to remove life support, knowing he wouldn’t want to exist without any quality of life.
I told him I loved him, and promised I’d return in the morning. In that moment, he opened his eyes, looked at me and closed them. My stepmother started to cry and stated “He waited for you.” It was a moment heavy with bittersweet emotion. He passed later that night.
We planned the funeral for December 28. I flew back to Florida on the 20th, only to return on the 27th. I informed my mom and sister, but on the day of the funeral? Just my stepmother, her kids, close friends, and one of my dad’s brothers were there. I was the only one from my side. I read my dad’s final words and no one else spoke.
What hurt the most was lack of support from my mom and my sister. Not even a text to check on me I didn’t expect them to honor him, but I hoped they’d be there for me. They weren’t. I felt like a utterly alone.
When I returned to Florida, I cut off communication with them. My sister reached out later, but when I expressed my hurt, she dismissed it, saying she wouldn’t have come anyway. My mom felt the same way .
I tried to explain that it wasn’t about Dad it was about me needing support but they didn’t seem to get it. Neither has checked in since.
Now it’s July. The weight of grief is still heavy, and I haven’t spoken to either of them since December.
AITA for feeling this way?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Maybe because we’re not speaking at the moment due to my hurt feelings.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA – The fact that they wanted nothing to do with him is not news to you, so they were not expected to attend the funeral. But they did know how you felt and should certainly have reached out to you to make sure you were ok and support you thru your pain.
NTA. Not at all. I think your mum and your sister are the assholes in this situation because what kind of person doesn’t go to an important, vital family member’s funeral? Wtf?
NTA. The venom, the damage, your mother has made over the years, has showed in their attitudes and nothing you could have said otherwise would have done anything good. It is for the best you cut off the gangrenous part of your family, so that it does not contaminate any good memories of your father.
NTA
They still could have supported you even if they did not want to be involved in your father’s life
I’m so sorry for your loss OP. It must be so hard having to go through it alone, but you’re doing great.
NTA, I hope life will get a little easier for you.
NTA and don’t feel guilty to not talking to a bunch of bitter people. They could care less about you or your feelings. Their actions speak louder than any form of words. Please seek grief counseling/therapy about this. Whether you realize it or not, neither your mom nor sister are decent human beings. They only care about themselves. I’m sorry that you lost your father, as he sounds like he was a good guy.