Hi,
Am I the asshole?
I (35f) been struggling with what I believe is a bad case uti this week, I did the antibiotics but it doesnt seem to have helped and im currently shivering with a fever, feeling delirious, will have to book a doctor appointment Monday. My (37m) bf just had the news that he’s mum is in hospital with what they believe possibly could be cancer and had to have a biopsy. He wanted to spend the evening with me for company but im literally so sick, I’ve spent the afternoon curled up on the sofa with a water bottle feeling like death warmed up.
He says I should have spent the evening with him as he needed the company which I totally understand and if I wasn’t ill I would have. He also says no matter how ill he is he’d wanna be with me and he would’ve looked after me.
Am I the asshole for not wanting to spend time with someone while feeling very run down? I feel so guilty that I couldn’t spend time with him when he needed me too and i wish i wasnt ill and could have. I tried to ring him after I woke up from my nap to see how he is and I got the cold shoulder.
What you think?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team
Hi,
Am I the asshole?
I (35f) been struggling with what I believe is a bad case uti this week, I did the antibiotics but it doesnt seem to have helped and im currently shivering with a fever, feeling delirious, will have to book a doctor appointment Monday. My (37m) bf just had the news that he’s mum is in hospital with what they believe possibly could be cancer and had to have a biopsy. He wanted to spend the evening with me for company but im literally so sick, I’ve spent the afternoon curled up on the sofa with a water bottle feeling like death warmed up.
He says I should have spent the evening with him as he needed the company which I totally understand and if I wasn’t ill I would have. He also says no matter how ill he is he’d wanna be with me and he would’ve looked after me.
Am I the asshole for not wanting to spend time with someone while feeling very run down? I feel so guilty that I couldn’t spend time with him when he needed me too and i wish i wasnt ill and could have. I tried to ring him after I woke up from my nap to see how he is and I got the cold shoulder.
What you think?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didnt spend time with boyfriend while he’s mum is sick in hospital and he needed me to be there for him. Instead I put own comfort first cos I was unwell but not like dying or anything, just really under the weather. Maybe I should have just let him rot with me
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
INFO: How long have you been together?
If this is a new relationship and you’d feel like you had to host and entertain him, then you absolutely made the right call.
If youve been together for ages then its maybe time to consider why you don’t want his support when you’re ill.
I’m not going to touch why you didn’t want to support him when his mum is potentially really ill, because having a fever can definitely mess with your sense of urgency and perception. But if you find that any time it comes up you aren’t feeling like you want to support him when hes struggling, its time to assess why you two are together and what you each want in a relationship.
NTA. Your boyfriend is a toddler. I could understand him being upset if you had no reason to not spend time with him, but you are sick….he could come to you and take care of you if he was so inclined, but clearly he is not.
NTA you are sick, he is being completely unreasonable in being upset that you wanted to focus on yourself right now. If you are anything like me I don’t really care to have someone care for me when I am sick because I just want to be sick in peace.
NTA under any circumstances. I have had a baby, I have had a motor cycle accident, I have exploded a tendon in my foot. And I would rather do all of that over again than have a UTI. It is the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. You aren’t physically able to get up. That isn’t your choice, that’s just what is happening. I’m sure you are still willing to be there for him over the phone.
NTA. More importantly, please don’t wait until Monday to see a doctor. Go to the emergency department. An untreated or ineffectively treated UTI is one of the leading causes of sepsis.
NTA
He’s probably never known the joy of a UTI. I’ll bet his mom would understand. He’ll either get over it or he isn’t worth it.
Drink as much water as you can stand. Have you tried calling the doc’s office back? They should be able to prescribe the next stronger AB for you without seeing you again. I’d do a Teledoc or urgent care over leaving this infection over the weekend. You could really mess yourself up if you let it go.
I’m going with NTA here for two reasons:
1 – You are sick and in significant discomfort, you need to be in bed, not in a stiff chair in a hospital waiting room, and
2 – It’s not really a good idea to go visit someone who’s in hospital for a procedure when you quite probably have an active infection of some kind. Yes, the likelihood of you giving it to her is fairly slim here, but it’s a chance that it isn’t necessary or wise to take.
It’s totally understandable that he needs to be with his mom during the procedure, it’s not understandable why he’d be upset with you for protecting your health AND his mom’s health by not being there with him.
NTA – you are ill. Definitely, 100%, with diagnosis ill. It would not be safe for you to go out, to travel alone. The only place you should be going is to the doctor or hospital, and you should be accompanied by someone who cares about your wellbeing.
This is probably going to sound cold, but BF’s mum might be sick. Unverified. Until anything is known, he is just catastrophising. He should be looking after you at the moment, while the tests are being done, while she’s awaiting possible treatment.
If she does have cancer, yes, she’s going to need support. He probably will too, because that’s a scary thing, but right now, you need someone – you literally can’t be his “someone” right now because you need help yourself.
Hope things go better for you.
Reverse the situation. If your mom was dying and you wanted the same from your bf eg. company or support or emotional lean-to and he was sick with the flu, would it be okay for him to do the same? If your answer isn’t immediately without hesitation a big fat “YES” then YTA.
First off, you should probably get yourself to urgent care. Please don’t wait until Monday.
Second- the last thing his mother needs is any illness that might get passed along to her.
Third, we’ll cut him some slack because he got hit with some earth shattering news, but if he continues this attitude and ignoring how sick you are… you might want to reconsider.
He’s an unsupportive, uncaring knob! Kick him to the kerb! Absolutely un empathetic.
NTA.
I’m sorry that he’s worried about his mother, but being sick is bad enough without having to deal with a house guest. There’s no version of having somebody in your home that doesn’t add stress.
Your boyfriend has never had a urinary tract infection. In illness, there is no scale with levels of obligation. That’s what life is like, last minute unexpected events…..
If your boyfriend, even if his reason is legitimate, should not ask you, and should not sulk, if he finds himself alone. It’s hard, but when we say we’re a man or a woman, we manage, or we try to respond to the situations that arise, even if they don’t present themselves the way we want.
Are you in the UK? Get yourself to out of hours and they can prescribe different antibiotics. You shouldn’t feel like that with the antibiotics and you could end up with kidney damage if you don’t get treated. I’ve got a history of bad kidney infections and they aren’t something to wait out. If he wants to spend time with you he can drive you and take you to pick up the prescription.
I think you should go and see a doctor right now. Shivers and fever with a UTI sounds potentially serious. Do not wait until Monday. You could be dead by then.
NTA, but please, please go to emergency ASAP. At this stage, with the antibiotics not working and having a fever, this is extremely serious. Don’t wait until Monday or you could be in hospital right along with the BF’s mum.
YOU NEED TO GO TO A HOSPITAL NOW! YOU CAN DIE FROM THIS TRUST ME!! DO NOT WAIT UNTIL YOU HAVE SEPSIS!
NTA. Fever and chills. You have an antibiotic resistant infection. You go nowhere other than to the Dr. Don’t wait until Monday, find a clinic or urgent care now.