So one of my close friends is planning a little weekend trip for us before school starts again. like a “last taste of freedom” kind of vibe. she booked a hotel and invited me, and i was excited at first… but then she said we’d be splitting the room with two other girls. one of them i barely know, and the other one i really don’t like.
i told her i’d rather get my own room or maybe stay nearby and just meet up during the day. not to be dramatic, but the last time we all slept in the same room, i didn’t sleep at all. one girl kept facetime-ing her boyfriend till like 3am with no headphones, and the other one borrowed my makeup without asking and then lost one of my brushes. it’s just… not fun. i came home more tired than when i left.
so i said i’m down for the trip, i’ll just stay somewhere else. and now she’s acting super weird about it. like she said “why are you always doing your own thing” and “you’re making it complicated for no reason.” and when i said i just want to sleep and not have my stuff touched, she said “then maybe you shouldn’t come at all.”
so now idk. i was looking forward to it but now it feels like either i suck it up and feel gross and tired all weekend, or i don’t go and she’ll think i’m ditching her.
AITA?
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So one of my close friends is planning a little weekend trip for us before school starts again. like a “last taste of freedom” kind of vibe. she booked a hotel and invited me, and i was excited at first… but then she said we’d be splitting the room with two other girls. one of them i barely know, and the other one i really don’t like.
i told her i’d rather get my own room or maybe stay nearby and just meet up during the day. not to be dramatic, but the last time we all slept in the same room, i didn’t sleep at all. one girl kept facetime-ing her boyfriend till like 3am with no headphones, and the other one borrowed my makeup without asking and then lost one of my brushes. it’s just… not fun. i came home more tired than when i left.
so i said i’m down for the trip, i’ll just stay somewhere else. and now she’s acting super weird about it. like she said “why are you always doing your own thing” and “you’re making it complicated for no reason.” and when i said i just want to sleep and not have my stuff touched, she said “then maybe you shouldn’t come at all.”
so now idk. i was looking forward to it but now it feels like either i suck it up and feel gross and tired all weekend, or i don’t go and she’ll think i’m ditching her.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I don’t want to split the room with my friend and her friends
2. That I don’t split the room with friends
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Take her advice and do your own thing (not including this vacation.). NTA.
NTA.
Your friend is not a real friend if she is making this a big deal.
Not much else to say besides that.
There is nothing wrong with your reasoning, its entirely sound and reasonable. And if you are paying for a separate room theres no reason for her to bitch about it
NTA. One of my friend groups are my high school girl friends and we’ve known each other forever (all of us pushing 40 now). I’m still not sharing a room with them unless I can help it. She’s the one making it weird by requiring you to stay in the same room or you shouldn’t go at all.
NTA, but I think it is more complicated when you’re younger (you sound younger?).
In your friend’s head she was probably counting on you to help lower the cost of the room, and thinks it’s more fun/easier to hang out and get going from the same place.
As an adult there’s often not the same expectation, especially because so many people have a partner and are staying with them, so it’s much more the norm to just get your own place.
It sounds like there’s a mismatch between you and your friend, and right now she’s (possibly unintentionally) making you feel bad simply for having your own needs. Her saying ‘why are you always like this’ is definitely a red flag that the friendship isn’t great for you, and validating you.
Without knowing more about your situation it’s hard to say what’s the right call. It could be that sucking it up for now and finding better friends in the future works, or even waiting til people mature. It could be that getting your own room, or having a more direct conversation with her, helps the friendship change and better fit you. Or just hanging out with other friends.
This is probably the least helpful thing, but for myself I have always lived by the montra ‘go where you’re welcome,’ and it has helped me find safe, wonderful places to be challenged and grow into my own skin. Best of luck!
Nope. Just say I’ll get the room next door. Can still do everything together. Otherwise they are just using you to help cover costs..
NTA it’s literally one room and there’s nothing wrong with you wanting your privacy are they really that broke I assume ?
Info,
How old are you ?
You have every right to set boundaries. You should not have to be put in a situation where you are uncomfortable. Even if these were absolute strangers, you’ve had bad experiences with these individuals and your friend should have understood. You also attempted at a compromise and that wasn’t good enough.
I think if this friendship is worth saving, have another talk with your friend. That you would never consider putting her in that position and that you are trying hard to meet her half way. If she still is making it out like you’re the problem for wanting to be comfortable on this trip, then it’s not worth going because you’ll both end up resenting each other. NTA.
Nta. “Complicating it” means you’re taking a 4-way split and turning it into a 3-way split. You’re making the trip more expensive for them. With greater expense comes greater comfort. But I’m guessing you are all at the age where expense is hard and comfort is easily sacrificed.
NTA. Four people in one hotel room sounds crowded to me. Tell her you’ve outgrown the slumber party days.
“Then maybe you shouldn’t come at all”
That’s your answer!! Time to reconsider the friendship.
NTA but honestly, with your friend’s reaction you should probably stay home.
Do you really want to vacation with someone you don’t really like?
You’re NTA. She’s just acting tantrumy because 1/3 of the room costs more than 1/4. It’s not your presence she cares about having on the trip, it’s your financial contribution.
NTA There is no rule that on a girls trip you have to say in the same room, your`re not kids and some people like more privacy as they grow up, also what if one of you got lucky😉 Also, there’s not a chance in hell I’d share my sleep space with essentially 2 strangers with questionable boundaries. Don’t be shamed into feeling bad about wanting your own space, it’s normal and if she’s treating you poorly for this then maybe she’s not the friend you thought she was. This shouldn’t even be an issue.
NTA
If you’re not comfortable sharing a room, you shouldn’t be pressured into it.
She’s just upset that you’re not paying a portion of their room.
Her reaction “maybe you shouldn’t come at all” suggests she only really cares about splitting the cost.
My advice is just not to go. It won’t be fun if she’s already giving you attitude before the trip has even begun.
Tell your friend that you have always respected the fact that she’s an extrovert, and you try to cater to that. But you are introverted. Being around people constantly, especially those you don’t know, is exhausting for you.
Introverts NEED to spend time alone to recharge our batteries. Ask your friend to read just a little about it and try to understand you’re doing what is necessary to enjoy and to be enjoyed on the trip.
This is your nature. You can’t change your nature, but you can find friends who care enough to respect it. Being in a room with three other people would completely wipe me out without my alone time.
Wow…a trip with one person you don’t really know and another one with boundary and possibly theft issues…(did she lose your brush or just decided to keep it)
It does not sound like a good time, at all…
Do you really want to go?
NTA
You told her why you don’t want to and its fair, she doesn’t respect it, she doesn’t respect you.
Don’t go and reconsider who really is your friend here
NTA
I get it completely. I have serious anxiety about sharing a room with other people – even people I know and like. I sleep extremely lightly, have a hard time falling asleep, and I’m restless while sleeping too…..and I’ve been told I make odd noises in my sleep. So all in all it’s much better if I have my own space so I will sleep better. Bad sleep makes for a not-so-fun me.
It sucks that your friend/friends would rather you be miserable than to allow you to get your own room.
NTA, you have different travel styles/expectations/needs. Not all friends are travel compatible.
Still, if you’re willing to pay your own way, have you looked to see if there’s any compromise that could work? E.g. get an AirBnb that has 2 or more rooms where they could share as they want or need to financially, but you can have your own room/space. Or adjoining hotel rooms, etc.