I was having dinner with my girlfriend’s family for the first time. When her mom walked into the room, a few people stood up. I didn’t not out of disrespect, but simply because I didn’t realize it was something expected. I greeted her mom politely, smiled, and was respectful the entire evening.
Later, my girlfriend told me her mom felt offended that I didn’t stand. I genuinely didn’t know it was a thing in her household, and I wasn’t trying to be rude. I thought my behavior was appropriate, and nothing in the moment made it seem like I had made a mistake.
Now she’s upset with me, and I’m wondering — AITA for not doing something I wasn’t aware I was supposed to do?
Update seeing the comments-Look, I totally get that it’s important in her family, but where I’m from, Scandinavian culture doesn’t involve standing when someone enters the room, especially during meals. We greet people verbally and continue what we’re doing that’s how we show respect.
I was already seated when her mom walked in, and I greeted her warmly with a smile and a respectful ‘hello.’ I didn’t jump out of my seat — not because I was being rude, but because we were at a dining table, and I was literally mid-meal.
No one else had mentioned any expectations beforehand, and it honestly felt like I was being judged over something super specific that I had no way of knowing. If standing was such a big deal, it could’ve been brought up with kindness instead of held against me like a secret test.
It’s strange to assume disrespect where there was clearly none. I acted respectfully, I was polite, and I treated her with decency. That should count more than performative gestures
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Met my girlfriend’s family for the first time a few days ago. Dinner was nice, food was good, vibes were chill. But then her mom walked into the room, and everyone stood up. Like, literally everyone.
Except me. I stayed seated, smiled, said “hi, nice to meet you,” and that was it. Apparently that was a big deal after dinner, my girlfriend pulled me aside and told me her mom was kinda offended. She said standing up is a sign of respect in their household and not doing it made me look rude. I told her I didn’t mean any disrespect it’s just not something I’ve ever done. My family never did that kind of thing. I wasn’t trying to make a statement, I just genuinely didn’t know it was expected. Now her mom thinks I’m arrogant, and my girlfriend says it made a bad first impression. I get traditions are different, but I don’t think it’s fair to expect me to follow something I wasn’t even aware of.
So yeah. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t stand up when my girlfriend’s mom entered the room, which her family considers a sign of respect. She felt disrespected by that, and my girlfriend told me I made a bad impression. I might be the asshole because I didn’t follow a custom that’s important to them, even if I wasn’t aware of it at the time.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA
> everyone stood up. Like, literally everyone. Except me.
You ever hear the expression “read the room?”
> I get traditions are different, but I don’t think it’s fair to expect me to follow something I wasn’t even aware of.
You have eyes. You saw what everyone else did.
YTA.
It’s not your gf’s fault that no one taught you basic manners.
NTA for not knowing, but read the room. If you don’t object to the practice, just change it going forward and it’ll be fine.
Sorry, YTA.
If EVERYONE is participating in a harmless traditional show of respect, you should probably do so as well. Especially when it comes to making a good first impression.
NAH.
You’re not an asshole; you’re just a bit daft.
Your girlfriend is not the asshole for feeling awkward about your inability to read the room though. From your own description, it should have been obvious what was expected in that moment.
YTA. I’m honestly surprised that you didn’t just stand up because this was your first time meeting her, like to shake her hand or something. It’s not the biggest deal or anything, but yeah, when everyone else stood, didn’t you feel a bit weird being the only one still seated?
nta but if you like this girl you better make things right with her fam. start with an apology.
also when you meet people in the future, stand up, make eye contact, and speak with confidence.
Was this a mob dinner? If that’s the case YTS (Stronzo).
NTA. I don’t think that’s a universal convention. If it was that important, she should have told you in advance. You can’t expect someone to just do exactly what everyone else does.
NTA, I’ve been with enough Girlfriends over the years and none of their family’s have done this, I would say as someone coming into this someone should’ve youd you ahead of time, but this tradition makes no sense, did everyone get up anytime anyone enter the room? Did everyone get up and greet the dog or cat when they entered? NTA I would recommend telling your girlfriend this tradition ain’t healthy or makes sense, her family is them 3.25 out of 5 Aholes, for not talking or explaining that they do this, her mother im give 4.75 out of 5 Aholes flr acting like a selfish self entitled person
Probably NTA. It’s your girlfriend’s job to let you know in advance if your family has any unusual customs that you need to be aware of. She’s failed to do that and as a result has embarrassed you, and it’s unfair or her to put the blame on you.
I get the post saying you should have read the room but honestly, I think anyone in that situation would feel a bit foolish and awkward standing up without knowing the reason. Also everyone else around you could have “read the room”, realised you didn’t know and clued you in — maybe this is what you were expecting and it never came.
However INFO: What country is this in? And what religion are they? It would be weird for this to happen with, say, an ethnic group in the US or UK where they know people aren’t familiar with their culture. Are you of the same minority ethnic group but more “westernised” than them, so they might have assumed you’d know? It feels like we’re missing context.
How old are you??? It was your first time meeting your girlfriend’s family and you can’t even understand the simplicity of standing to say hello? YTA and if I were the girlfriend, I’d put you on the way out.
YTA it’s common courtesy to stand and shake someone hand when first meeting them. This is basic stuff.
yta. Maybe a cultural thing but it’s generally polite to stand up when greeting someone especially someone you never met before. Also, it shouldn’t be too hard to read the room, if everyone else stood up that should have clued you in to the situation.
ESH you noticed that everyone except for you was standing up? Why didn’t you join in? Read the room.
I’d say YTA but if it’s that important to her family and she’s introducing you, your girlfriend should’ve told you beforehand.
YTA this is normal
YTA. Honestly it is a bad first impression and it shows 0 manners. Specially if it’s your first time there and it’s your girlfriend’s mom (you in her home) Also ???? Why not do what everyone else did? It’s common sense and decency even if it was confusing to you. Also it might be cultural differences but I really hope you didn’t come over for the first time empty handed (idk I’ve seen all my friends regardless of what they are do this)
ESH. You didn’t know how to read the room and your gf’s family sucks for expecting you to know their behavior. I would bring flowers and apologizes to the mom next time you meet.
NTA. That’s just straight weird that her mom expects everyone to stand simply because she entered a room. It’s not like she’s a queen or something.
Soft YTA. It is expected to stand and greet someone, especially an older person, and especially for the first time. When you saw everyone else stand, that’s your cue. FYI, this is also true in a business setting. You stand up to shake hands or greet someone.
Apologize to her, tell her you meant no disrespect but were just not familiar with that tradition. Hand her some flowers as you apologize and you’re all good.
NTA necessarily but in general I’ve always been told you should stand to greet someone especially the first time meeting. & you should have read the room, but she should have told you if it was expected.
NTA for not knowing the standard. YTA for not doing it when you noticed everyone else did
YTA.
How you stayed seated when everyone else in the room stood up is the big question here, OP. It’s one thing to say you didn’t know, but it’s entirely another to choose to stay seated when everyone else stands. This is very much a when-in-Rome moment. You would have been forgiven, with your valid excuses, if you had stood up late, even fumbling and confused.
Your choice, and it was a choice, was to stay seated, and the mother is not wrong that under the circumstances, this is disrespectful. It’s also incorrect to say that you were not making a statement. It takes conscious choice to not stand up when everyone else stands up, OP. You may not have known it was coming, but you saw it happening, and you made your choice.
YTA for your inability to read the room. But also because even if everyone else hadn’t stood up, you staying sitting when you were meeting her for the first time is rude as shit. You should have stood and greeted her, you could have shook her hand.
Girlfriend should have told you in advance
You saw every person at the table stand when your gf’s mother came in the room, and you didn’t think, “Gosh, there must be a reason for this”?
>I stayed seated, smiled, said “hi, nice to meet you,” and that was it.
Even if you weren’t aware of the tradition, you didn’t stand to meet your girlfriend’s mother for the first time? That’s disrespectful in and of itself.
YTA – and you definitely need to offer her mother a heartfelt apology.
This isn’t a family thing, it is basic manners. Someone you are being introduced to- you stand and shake their hand.
Forget others. If you’re meeting someone important for the first time and they walk in, wouldn’t you get up to shake their hand or hug them or side hug them or greet them in another way?
Seems a bit awkward not to.
I’m surprised others who I’m assuming are family members, all got up. Were they meeting her after a while?
Or was it like gf’s dad got up to hug and kiss his wife and gf and her siblings got up to hug their mom since they don’t live at home anymore?
Or did they just stand up in the old fashioned mannered way like men did when a woman was leaving the table?
I’m not able to picture this
I haven’t seen anyone stand up when someone else enters the room since the principal entered my elementary school class. What kind of people think others should stand up for them at a family dinner party?
NTA , who is she the queen? Who expects someone to stand up when they walk into a room?
NTA. Your GF should have told you beforehand. If she just forgot or didn’t think of it- NAH. If she didn’t tell you on purpose to set some kind of trap- she’s an AH, and you should break up with her.
Talk to her about it.
Regardless if others stood or not, when you meet someone, you STAND and shake their hand. Did you grow up in a barn? Good grief.
Ytah big time. Manners are free. Learn them.
YTA but very softly out of ignorance and cluelessness.
Always stand when greeting someone new, especially someone older who you seek to show respect to but also in general. I agree with the “read the room” comments, didn’t it feel silly for you to be the only one seated when greeting her? That should have been a clue to what good manners look like in their family.
Nah but you are very socially unaware. When someone comes in and you are greeting them it is polite and honestly really basic that you stand to greet them. This wasn’t taught to you and that’s done you as disservice as can tell you most people will find you not standing very rude. The family are right to have found it bad manners, esp for a first meeting.
Staying seated while greeting someone is very poor manners and suggests either just rude/entitled or have a lack of very standard manners and social know how. Neither are a good impression and won’t help you in life
YTA for not just standing up when the others did. What a stupid hill to die on.
YTA. How are you not going to give your girlfriend’s Mother the decency of proper introduction? Clearly, not a man yet.
ESH- you needed to read the room but also your girlfriend should’ve told you this beforehand so you know what their culture/traditions are.
NO JUDGEMENT
Generational issue, proper manners at a dinner party states, if the woman of the houses enters for the first time, gentlemen are to rise. Again, this is generational manners, but honestly, I would think if everyone stands, not to hard for you to stand as well.
Why did you ignore everyone else around you? And why are you still questioning whether you messed up or not?
NTA, how are you supposed to know their family “traditions” if it was the first time meeting them. Also to add, is her mom royalty or something? If not, then she’s an equal and doesn’t require additional ass kissing.
NTA it was your gfs responsibility to make to make that any weird traditions her family had were relayed to you. Also the only arrogant one is her mom.
NTA
I’m saying not the asshole at least with the context we have. Like is this a cultural/religious thing. Or is it just some real spacific family tradition because if its the latter you have zero obligation to do it. Even if you were informed prior to the dinner. Which you weren’t.
YTA: If everyone stands up when the mom walks in, you would have to actively watch that and think huh, everyone is standing up but me. Unless you are extremely slow, it was rude.
I don’t want to say YTA, because of there’s clearly cultural differences at play; but at the same time, it is a good idea to read the room. If everyone is standing upon someone entering the room, then maybe it’s a good idea for you to do so as well. In some places, this is just basic etiquette and courtesy.
NTA.
If this is something your gf expected you to do she should have mentioned it beforehand.
Everyone standing when a woman enters the room is no longer common courtesy. It is ridiculous to expect you to do so without being informed beforehand that this is something her family expects.
If there are any other old traditions or rules they follow your girlfriend should inform you NOW.
When everyone else stood up, you would have been smart to stand up also. It’s kinda like ‘when in Rome, do as the Roman’s do’. Show some respect and it goes a long way.
NTA. If this was a big thing in your GF’s family she should have told you ahead of time before meeting them.
Your girlfriend didn’t properly prep you for how to show respect when meeting her family. Everyone’s traditions are different and when there’s one that’s important, it’s important to let the new person know. She should tell your mom that and own up. She’s the asshole.
nah you’re not the asshole you said hi and were respectful in your own way, you just didn’t know they had that tradition. it’s not fair to get mad at someone for not following something they weren’t told about now that you know, sure, you can stand up next time if it means a lot to them. but it’s not like you were rude on purpose. you were just being normal based on how you were raised.
this really didn’t need to be a big deal tbh
YTA. This is what I would call a “read the room” situation. If everyone else stands up, you stand up.
NTA.. but it’s common courtesy to stand up and shake someone’s hand when you’re first meeting them, especially your partners family!!! it’s also a bit funny how you saw the entire family stand up and decided to stay sitting😭😭 read the room !!!
Not specifically but you don’t sound very smart. Just because you were raised by no account garbage with no manners doesn’t excuse you from having them.
One always stands when a lady enters the room and greets her. Especially so if she is older and wiser. Not doing so makes you look uncultured.
Reading the comments and I’m really surprised at the number of people who don’t know this is basic etiquette. Don’t you stand and greet people the first time you meet them? Shake hands or introduce yourselves? Heck in continental Europe it’s a 3 kiss welcome.
So everyone stood up, and you thought, “I’ll just keep sitting” – your NTA, but you’re a bit daft to not read the room. Just take her mother aside and say I apologise, I meant no offence. Standing up when someone entered a room is not a thing in my house, but I will be sure to respect your rule going forward. They can’t be angry with you when weren’t even aware this happens. Your girlfriend should have mentioned it, really.
Is your gf living in a sect or in a royal court ?
The only reason YTA is bc everyone else did this and you didn’t read the room. Like can you take a hint? If everyone raises their glass for a toast and you aren’t used to it.. you learn from others and raise your glass.
YTA. It’s just manners. It’s been around for 100’s of years. Men stand when a woman walks into a room. Or stand to great anyone for the first time. Read the room.
I’d somewhere between E S H and N A H. I do think your gf should have warned you, but you could/should have also read the room and followed literally EVERYONE else’s lead. Your gf could have also nudged you/whispered for you to stand up.
I will say I agree that it is a silly tradition, but when meeting parents for the first time you do want to be on your best behavior.
Wait, so are you suppose to stand up every time she enters the room? It isn’t implied oh this was just a bad introduction. This implies “when I enter a room you stand up?!”
YTA
IT’s awkward to remain seated to great someone new, especially for an introduction. It sends the message that they aren’t important to you, that you put yourself above them in not putting in the effort to stand and greet them as equals.
Everyone else stood up. If you really didn’t realize that it would be awkward to remain seated you SHOULD have been attentive enough to realize it’s awkward to be the only one seated when everyone else is standing.
After the fact, rather than whine “I didn’t KNOOOOOW” you should put on your big-kid pants, walk yourself up to her, and give a sincere apology for being thoughtless. Tell her that you DO respect her and wanted to make a good impression but this was a lapse in judgement which you’d not repeat. That’s the path to smooth things over; insisting you were right and even looking for internet strangers to back you up is NOT that path.
NTA. So they stand when anyone enters the room or just the mom? Seems controlling.
If everyone else stood up, take the hint and stand up too.
NAH
You probably should have taken the cue and stood up. Make sure to do that next time.
YTDA D=Doof. Here’s the calculation: You are at a dinner with people you like or want to impress. Let’s say food is served and everyone picks up their fork and salutes the chef. What should you do? Stand up, grab your fork and salute grandly.
You’ve never done it before, but at trivial cost, they love you. This is done: apologize, break up, ghost, move at least 2 towns away, and start over, but this time employing this new life skill.
Personally, I try to stand for everyone who arrives. People like to feel honored and it’s a bit of exercise.
Yes YTA. Common courtesy is to stand when meeting someone, especially for the first time.
OP saw the entire room stand and still sat on his ass. OP only has himself to blame on this one.
It’s not weird or some cultural difference. OP is just dense or was raised in a barn.
NAH.
Standing up to greet someone is pretty standard manners in most countries, or at least it used to be. But not something you’d do in your own family in the US at least.
You’re not rude but you were clueless. If everyone in the room stood up, I’d probably stand up too, and then figure out why.
YTA
Read the room. If everyone stands, you should follow their lead. You said that isn’t how you learned to show respect, but you chose to stay seated.
Apologize and move on. If you don’t want to, don’t apologize- but you may not have that girlfriend for long. 🤷♀️
You don’t think you should stand up to shake hands and/or hug your GFs mom the first time you meet them??
YTA.
YTA. Are you home in Scandinavia or are you in your gf’s country? The cue would have been when literally everyone else stood up, to stand up too.
EHA, in your case you should be able to read the room in this situation, however your girlfriend should have informed you ahead of time if it was such a big deal in the family.
The mother shouldn’t be judging you as arrogant from a first impression, especially when you tried to appear friendly.
However if your gf’s mother thinks you are arrogant for doing this, the best course of action is to have a private word with her and apologise. Explain your reasoning and I’m sure she’ll understand, mistakes happen and I’m sure overtime she will get to know you better and not see you in a negative perspective.
either you and your gf both are the AH or neither of you are. you have competing cultures and the two of you – and only the two of you – will have to decide how to blend those cultures. i wish you the best of luck
I taught my sons in elementary school to stand when lady enters room. We always had to ask to be excused from dinner table and we couldn’t start eating until elders started. I acted like a Neanderthal when I got my own place lol
NTA. I think that shit is kinda weird, and reminds me of Catholic Church or being in court when the judge walks in. I’m not gonna just naturally stand like that.
Now, if told ahead of time? Absolutely. Even if I thought it was a bit strange, I would respect that. You can’t do that though when you’re only working with part of the info.
You don’t fit, move on….
I’d hazard a guess that Scandinavian custom for greeting/receiving guests is to stand. It’s possible you’re oblivious, but I am sure your in your culture everyone stands to greet someone when the situation arises. I choose to assume ignorance not malice, but this is definitely a learning lesson. In probably every culture it’s rude to not stand to say hello to someone when they walk in.
YTA!
As a fellow Scandi, that is very much a thing here too, you simply seem to have been brought up without manners.
If you really want to follow proper etiquette to a tee you should technically stand every time a lady joins or leaves the table so as to leave room for her and acknowledge her presence.
But hey, look at the bright side, you seem to have found a woman of decent quality!
Expecting a guest to fall in line in a routine that was unexplained and then be upset about it about the most infuriating thing. NTA
Editing to add,
If this is how the family operates, to spite those who are unaware of their customs, then honestly, they gave the bad first impression, not you.
YTA this is basic etiquette.
YTA.
It was your first time meeting the mother… get up and shake hands at the first meeting. That is basic common mannerisms.
Read the room, use common sense, and courtesy.
I cannot believe all the Y T As. What is the girlfriend’s family, royalty from 1576? I think the mom needs to get a grip and get over herself. The fact that even her close family is expected to greet her as if she is some queen amongst the commoners is weird.
If it was that big of a deal, your gf should have warned you ahead of time. NTA.
No. What a stupid thing to expect people to do.
NTA. I am SO confused by the amount of TA comments. This is the first time you’re meeting the family and you’ve never been introduced to the culture. Of course you’re not just going to inherently know to stand up.
“Well, you see everyone else do it…” Yeah, nah. They could’ve been standing for a hundred other reasons. I’d honestly be too socially anxious to stand immediately. Your girlfriend should’ve told you beforehand. She also should’ve gestured for you to rise during that moment.
NTA But when everyone else stood up it should have been common sense for you to do the same. Not difficult to understand.
I do think a quick conversation with your girlfriend’s mother would make things better. Up to you. Do you want to be right or happy?
YTA.
Not for not knowing about the tradition, but for being unaware that even with the entire family standing, you didn’t see that as important.
Get over yourself and stop making excuses.
NTA – And it’s mind boggling how many comments are saying you are. How are you supposed to know their family traditions without anybody telling you beforehand? I certainly can’t recall a single family gathering where everyone stood up like it’s the Queen of England Coronation Ceremony off of one person entering a room either and would’ve been confused as well.
NTA
YTA for not reading the room and standing up when everyone else did. Your gf is TA for not prepping you before hand. You should apologize and make sure you do it from now on.
I don’t understand the YTA responses. If that was something OP should have done, then their girlfriend should have relayed that before they arrived, especially since it was clearly so important to her mother.
YTA. You met someone for the first time & shook her hand while you were sitting down? That is a spectacular display of rudeness or ignorance, depending on whether you genuinely didn’t understand very basic etiquette or just didn’t bother your ass getting up.
I fear that job interviews are going to be an issue for you.
It depends – was that moment the first time meeting her? If so, YTA. Yo7 should stand up and shake someone’s hand.
If it wasn’t, NTA but you should definitely work on reading a room
YTA. everyone stood up and you saw it. it’s not common practice, but it’s courteous for a man to stand when a woman approaches or leaves the table.
ESH
why did you stay seated if everyone else stood up?
Your gf is the asshole for not teaching you these things beforehand. If her mother thinks you’re arrogant, she should blame her daughter.
YTA – context clues, bud
This reminds me of that scene in Dune where Javier Bardem meets the leader of the colonisers and he spits on the ground, everybody reacts as you’d expect and Jason Momoa is like “woah hang on what’s a sign of respect in his culture, he’s sharing his moisture with you”
How were you supposed to know something a stranger expects of you? If your GF knew you should have done that, she should have told you. But when everybody else stood up you probably should have stood up with them.
NAH.
Imagine calling someone arrogant for not knowing you expected them to stand when they enter a room, what a hypocritical thing to say
Yes… YTA. When everyone else stood, you should have realized without having to be told (I mean, they couldn’thave made it any more obvious). Instead, you were all like, “Well, THAT’S weird… I wonder what that’s all about? Oh, well, not my problem.”
Well, guess what? Now, it’s your problem.
All these Y T As are nuts. That’s a bizarre thing to do. Stand up for someone entering a room? Is she a damned judge? How full of herself is this lady?
You had no idea this was expected of you. Don’t sweat it. NTA
Kind of an AH. Everyone else stood up. You didnt get the clue?
Along time ago, someone told me you never introduce yourself seated and you don’t sit until they sit. I would have stood up and shook hands/introduced myself to mom even if no one else stood up. I guess you live and learn. 🤷♀️
I’m disabled and typically am ‘the exception’ when people are expected to stand. I would STILL stand up in that context. YTA if for no other reason than you noticed other people doing it and should have taken that as the indicator that you should stand. Being in the middle of a meal doesn’t matter, you put your knife and fork or whatever down gently and stand. I’m sure they would not have been upset at the delay caused by your surprise at everyone standing, but to notice and then ignore (for basically no reason) it is what puts you in AH territory.
I mean it’s not really about tradition. Common sense when meeting an important person for the first time when they walk into the room is to stand and shake their hand, or offer a hug. You sitting is rude, like you didn’t even have enough respect to stand and give a proper and polite hello
Sorry, YTA, 100%.
Even if it’s ridiculous to stand every time someone enters the room, you had never met this woman. Common sense and common courtesy would dictate that you “read the room” and follow their lead. You embarrassed your GF and made an understandably poor impression.
She was a stranger, your GF’s mother, who you were meeting for the first time. It was exceptionally rude in that situation not to stand up to be formally introduced. It has nothing to do with being Scandinavian, it has to do with you being rude.
How was he supposed to know her mom was the queen if his girlfriend never told him? NTA
I have so many questions:
OP says he is Scandinavian but doesn’t say anything about gf culture.
For how long have OP been with gf? did OP learn anything about gf culture and customs at all? did OP make any effort to learn anything about gf culture at least before meeting her family? did gf mention anything about what is expected in her culture when greeting people especially if you are in their house? why OP is expecting everyone to be ok with him behaving according to his culture and not making an effort to respect the culture of others in their home but not been when others are upset by his behavior? Mom was not invited/present during the dinner? was this the first encounter with mom this night?
YTA anyway! Scandinavian or not, greeting your gf’s mom the way you did give the vibe that you are not interested in giving a good impression nor you care about good relationship with gf family.
NAH
I don’t expect people to jump out of their seats mid-meal to greet me, because that would be rather stuck-up.
If your gf had this arbitrary expectation for you to stand up mid-meal and greet people, she should have told you.
No matter what culture, it is polite and respectful to stand up and greet someone.
Did you life under a rock?
Never watched movies?
YTA and you feel like the main character at the same time.
What’s requirement when her dad walks into the room ? If she is so butt hurt that u didn’t standby maybe she should have discussed it with you before dinner. Dump her and move on
NAH. I mean I would’ve stood up but I couldn’t imagine being offended by someone not standing up when I walk in.
NTA. But dude, read the room. Literally! Just a modicum of awareness would have lead most people to follow suit. It’s not pet of my culture either but in the same situation, I would have also stood. Your GF could have done you a solid and given you a little warning to be fair but still….
NTA – you weren’t given enough information to know this was expected. She should have told you this is what her mom and she expects of you.
The read the room comments are weird to me too. I don’t care what everyone in the room is doing, if I don’t know why it’s happening, I’m not going to join in just because everyone else is doing something. Weird AF to blindly join a group doing anything honestly.
Why is it respectful that everyone stand to greet this mom? I’ve never seen that before and think it’s over the top, honestly. What does standing do? Does she want to be thanked for cooking or hosting an event, that can be done seated. Does she expect a hug from everyone? That’s a bit more normalized to me but also doesn’t require everyone standing at the same time when she enters the room.
OP, I’d think about if you want to be a part of a family that exhibits this behavior. It feels really performative and seems like they all allow the mom to do and say whatever she wants. Is that the kind of family you want to be a part of?
NTA.
If there were expectations – cultural or otherwise – of your behavior, it was on her to tell you beforehand.
As an American, I have had it drilled into my consciousness that I have to know the local customs of whatever area I happen to be visiting or else I am arrogant and disrespectful- this sounds like the same situation- YTA.
NTA IMO
Listen, yeah, maybe you should’ve stood to at least shake her hand, that’s totally normal. What I can’t get past is the fact that (at least from how you’re making it sound) they stand WHENEVER she enters a room?! FUCK ALL THE WAY OFF with that lmao is she the queen resurrected? If this is in fact what they do every time, good god 😂
tied between no ahs and YTA… but leaning towards that second one!
man if everyone else does it, there’s a reason; you know that. being Scandinavian is an odd and irrelevant excuse. i have never heard of that in non business settings personally, but i would not be the only one to not stand and greet someone. soft you’re the ah, bc read the room.
Either this is rage bait or you’re cheating on your gf. You just posted about not texting a girl you’re hooking up with goodnight. At least wait a couple hours before you make multiple posts in the same sub dude.
lol gator don’t stand for no one
Is this fake? Your other post mentions a not-exclusive “not my girlfriend.” Or is the other one fake? Both?
> “NOT EVERYONE “ stood up. Some people stood, but I didn’t think it was expected of me.
> everyone stood up. Like, literally everyone. Except me.
Interesting edit. Which one is it?
I don’t think you’re an asshole, but maybe a bit slow (respectfully) next time you see the mom just a quick apologize and if she’s still upset oh well she’ll move on.
NTA I would get the moms number and send her a text. Just state I appreciate you having me over and it was great to meet you. Thank you for being such a gracious host. Given my background I am have no idea on social norms. The meal was fantastic! Please let me know if my actions or lack of actions in any way offended you. Thank you again.
YTA (or probably more oblivious than an asshole) but soft. Always stand up to shake hands (or hug for some friends of friends) when meeting someone new
Right about now I am glad my mom made me go to manners class. Maybe more mothers should send their kids to manners classes.
Is she a Japanese emperor?
I think in most cultures, it’s polite to stand up to shake someone’s hand when you first meet them. As an American, I’ve always been taught to stand up when I shake someone’s hand and to look them in the face. It’s just respect.
I don’t think YTA. I just think you’re unaware. Your gf isn’t the AH either, but she should have let you know.
To be fair, read a room dude. Part of growing and maturing as an adult is having self and situational awareness. As a kid, you can get away with not caring about those things because adults think we are dumb. When you grow into an adult, adults still think adults who do childish things are dumb. Therefore, they have lose respect for you. Maybe you were just ignorant. Nonetheless, next time don’t be so dumb and follow the crowd. This is your gf’s mom for crying out loud. Don’t ask for advice on Reddit. Apologize and attempt to repair that connection. First impression wise, your gf’s mom thinks you’re a tool 🤷🏻♂️
YTA. Always, and I repeat always stand up when meeting someone new for the first time.
Info: why did you change the post from “everyone stood up. Like, literally everyone. Except me.” To “NOT EVERYONE stood up”? Which was it? Did some people stand, or did literally everyone but you stand?
Oh, hunny, you just learned a valuable lesson. It’s like when everyone stands up for the national anthem, you don’t have to put your hand over your heart, or recite but you get your happy ass outta the seat and respect the culture around you, or when your with others and they bow to pray at dinner but it’s not something you do, outta respect of others you bow your head and recite the ABC song in your head for all anyone knows until it’s over. Your not agreeing with it but you are showing respect for everyone else’s traditions and beliefs, I’m not British but if I met a royal I’m gonna bow to them regardless of how ridiculous i think it is. I would go outta my way to speak to her mom privately and explain how sorry you are and that you honestly didn’t know because you’ve never seen it before. Keeping your girl the in-between to explain or make excuses for your behavior is childish, man up, my dude. Especially if this relationship is worth anything to you.
This sounds dumb as hell…
I’m trying to picture this, but the only conclusion I can see is that the mom is a military officer, and everyone HAS to stand at attention when she enters the room?!?!?!
Sounds more like a power trip…. what happens when she goes to the store??? When she visits the cemetery do the dead suddenly rise from their graves?!??!?!?!
Explain this black magic !!!!
My first response was soft YA only because of being oblivious when everyone stood, but I think it’s odd the mom waited until everyone was seated and eating, before she made a grand appearance.
YTA
First, when you saw “everybody” standing up, that should have been your first clue.
And you doubled down on not playing along by remaining seated.
Maybe it’s not your culture (and honestly, what culture is this, if not 19th century Victorian England?), but you are not just a guest, but potential family member.
The way I see it is you already have two strikes against you with your gf—one for not standing, and two for using willful ignorance as an excuse.
YTA. EVERY time I am meeting someone for the first time I get out of my seat to greet them.
Yeah it’s a little odd that her family would stand too but that should have been an even bigger hint. At the end of the day, you were the only guy who kept his seat and looked like a jerk so I feel like that answers your question for you.
NAH your gf should have told you before hand. There seems to be a culture difference between the two of you. So a heads up would’ve been appropriate. Do you have a problem reading the room cause I know some people do not bashing you just said anyone question.
Nah I don’t believe you to be the asshole. If it’s tradition and something that’s so important to her she should have warned you before hand. Yes, you could have read the room but hell you didn’t know why them people were standing.
NTA. If it was that big of a deal your gf should have told you about it ahead of time
YTA. It’s not even about culture? When you first meet someone you should be standing up, shaking their hand, introducing yourself. Not just remaining seated. It’s just called having good manners.
Well, now you know, and you will stand up to greet your next mother in law 🤦🏽♀️
This was the first time you met her mom?
Culture or not I would have expected you to stand greet her, shake her hand or something?
If this was a normal dinner, you’ve already met her family that’s different and can understand the confusion.
This honestly just sounds rude and yes kinda arrogant.
When you first meet someone, it’s polite manners to stand up and shake their hand when you greet them. YTA.
YTA
You were meeting your girlfriends mom for the first time of course you should have stood up instead of continuing what you were doing, it shows that you’re giving her your full attention.
NTA
This is not common practice where I live either, USA if that matters.
If everyone stood when I walked into a room I’d run back out the way I came in real fast like.
NTA
If it was that important to her culture, then she should have let you know.
Having said that, other people are correct in saying that you should followed what everyone else was doing. If literally everyone was doing it, then get off your seat!!
ESH. You could have read the room, but she also could have prepared you for the formalities involved.
Why didn’t the gf give him a heads up????
NTA. Your gf is because if she knew standing to greet her mom would be such a big deal she should’ve mentioned SOMETHING to you at some point before even going into the house.
Nta. You grew up with greeting people while you was sitting down, that’s your culture and your girlfriend most likely knew that. And she didn’t bother to tell you that her family does something different. She the asshole
NTA…the world is a diverse place and not everyone believes or is accustomed to the same things. Your GF should have given you a look or gesture since she didn’t think to tell you ahead of time. I feel like those that are immediately hopping on the YTA train have probably not traveled or interacted with a wide variety of cultures.
NTA
Agree reading the room is ideal, but some people have to be taught to do that. It’s a skill that some naturally excel in and others need to learn more to pay attention to. Now you have this as an opportunity to learn.
It would be like if you went to a household where everyone took their shoes off upon entering and you didn’t. Yes, it should be fairly obvious that that’s what you should do as well, but if it’s not malicious it’s again just something to learn from.
Also them finding it rude isn’t necessarily wrong either. I would think a simple conversation could clear this up though. Seems like a difference in cultures/traditions and if treated respectfully by both parties should be an easy fix
How about an everyone sucks here situation?
Yeah, your gf should’ve given you a heads-up on the whole standing thing as, tbh it is a little weird. She still should’ve just said a quick “Hey, we do this respectful thing can you please follow it” or something. Two seconds, no harm done.
But also, like others said, if everyone else stood up, you could’ve stopped what you were doing and stood up too? Or apologize if you haven’t apologized to her mother yet? read the room like others put it.