My mom left when I was 10. Just packed her stuff one day and left me and my little sister with my dad. No explanation. No goodbye. For years I thought it was my fault. I kept thinking maybe I did something to make her leave. She never visited. Never called. Just… vanished.
My dad did everything. He raised us, worked two jobs, made sure we had everything we needed. When I graduated high school, he cried. When I got into college, he drove me there himself. My sister and I always said that he was enough for both parents.
Last month I got married. Small wedding. Close family and friends. My dad walked me down the aisle and we both cried the whole way. I thought it was perfect. Until halfway through the reception, she showed up. My mom. With a smile on her face like nothing ever happened. She came up to me and said, “You look beautiful. I wouldn’t miss this day for anything.”
I didn’t even stand up. I just looked at her and said, “You already missed everything.”
Now some of my extended family are saying I was cold. That maybe she’s trying. That maybe I should’ve given her a chance. But I’m not sure why I owe her anything. She wasn’t there when I needed her. Not for my first heartbreak. Not when I graduated. Not when dad was sick. So why now?
People are calling me bitter. But I just don’t feel anything when I see her. Not love. Not hate. Just… nothing. Am I the asshole?
Comments
NTA – That was a perfect comeback, pointed but she can’t twist it into you being offensive. Bravo
NTA
She “wouldn’t miss this day for anything” and showed up late?
“Now some of my extended family are saying I was cold” … for good reasons. You could have punched her. To make this one clear: these people are morons.
“That maybe she’s trying” … to save her face or pull off some other weird stunt?
“That maybe I should’ve given her a chance” Your mother had her chance 15 years ago, which was followed by 15 years of chances. Btw, you don’t have to give her anything, not even a chance.
“But I’m not sure why I owe her anything” I’m sure. I’m absolutely 100% sure, you owe her jack s..t.
“People are calling me bitter” again: these people are morons. They would have reacted worse for lesser reasons.
Do you know who told her?
You did well. She’s the bitch for showing up unannounced like nothing happened. The reason is definitely selfish, it’s about her and not you, whether it’s money, interest or forgiveness. You don’t owe her anything so let her go. A hug to your super brave dad.
Nice story. But who told her about your very small wedding?
You are not bitter, but if you were you are entitled to your feelings.
She showed up uninvited playing up her part.
Why?
She knew where you were all along.
She could have reached out at any point.
She didn’t.
You don’t owe her or other guests to play along just because she ambushed you publicly.
She did you wrong.
By leaving and by showing up uninvited.
Why the picachu pace when she gets called out publicly?
Nta
Who are these people? She ABANDONED her kid and then just showed up like it was nothing. Pettiness is the best she should hope for and anyone who says you were wrong for not embracing her immediately is a thoughtless and colossal jack@$$
You don’t owe her space in your life
This didn’t happen.
Nta! You were a child that she LEFT to fend on her own. It’s very weird she would show up and think it’s ok or that you would even want her there on your wedding. Doesn’t that seem manipulative to say to you? Borderline psychotic behavior. She’s not going to convince you now she cares!! She sounds really cold. Don’t even give it a second thought in worrying that you were “cold” you are allowed to be to this spineless woman! I’m so sorry that your own mother did this to you. Makes me really mad for you! Happy that your dad has been a stand up man.
NTA, if you feel nothing you can’t be bitter can you? It sounds like you are indifferent, you have no feelings either way. She did this and you simply learned to live without her and learned how to live without her and now there is no room in your heart. Nothing wrong with you at all and you are not in the wrong at all.
Of course you are bitter! Why wouldn’t you be? Why is it ok for her to be an AH for 15 years but it’s not ok for you to be “cold” to her? People who enable AH are often more frustrating than the AH themself. You are of course NTA. Maybe, this will help you see who is looking out for you in the family.
Ps: For your dad’s sake, it is also good to show that the “prodigal mom” does indeed pay the price of her actions.
She abandoned you and your sister. Disappeared completely from your lives. Then has the audacity show up out of no where. And says, she wouldn’t miss your wedding?!!!
MOST DEFINITELY NTA.
Please tell us you asked her to leave or had her removed from the building….
NTA
She made a choice to not be a part of your life.
She doesn’t get to just show up on her terms, crashing your wedding.
Whoever told her the details would also be no longer part of my life.
Nta. She chose that day to show up so she could seek attention for it. She is a p.o.s. deadbeat.
she should have seen you a day or week before your marriage and not during your big day. She not only upset you, your dad and your sibling, she made the occasion her coming back party and that’s totally unwarranted.
I’ve always been saying: no big event of someone is the place of trying reconciliation, announce someone else’s pregnancy/wedding/proposal/…
plus she has some nerve for how she did it
NTA , this has nothing to do with being bitter, it has all to do with letting you decide for yourself, without any outside pressure, if you are interested to even meet her to hear some explanation, also it’s solely your choice if and if yes, when / where / how that ’first meeting’ should happen.
No one should even try to influence you, and definitely not give any kind judgement for any decision you might make
If you decide you do not want to see her ever again, completely your decision, and yours alone, completely fine to do so.
NTA. She is a stranger to you.
NOT TA
I don’t blame you for feeling like this. You have a mum and dad all in one with your amazing dad who did everything he could.
Why did she think it was ok to miss all the other stuff the hard times and now that it’s something she wants to attend she comes.
I’d be questioning who told her?
You don’t owe this woman anything she’s a stranger to you.
I’m glad you didn’t stand up she didn’t deserve it.
I hope someone escorted her out right away and the rest of your wedding went without any more issues.
Just remember you’re an adult now you decide who you want in your life.
If you have kids do you want them to question why maybe grandma all of a sudden disappeared again.
What was her motive for turning up on your wedding.
Keep that incubator away from your new life and enjoy married life.
LMAO! Things that didn’t happen for $500 Alex.
You should have asked her if she was lost.
NTA Is she’d wanted a chance, she should have contacted you privately and have a grown up discussion and not suddenly, unannounced and uninvited, show up at your wedding after 15 years.
I call fiction.
YTA for the fake post.
NTA…
She can call later and take you to dinner if she wants a chance. Not show up at your wedding making one of the biggest days of your life about her. Any family who thinks otherwise can get cut off.