My husband and I have been supporting his mother through her separation last year. Including helping her with debts, finding a new apartment, having her on our phone bill and so on. This our some stress on our relation, especially with my husband that is her son. We learnt about the debts and were just surprised by the amount of debts considering her ex has been paying for food and the rent. She leased a fancy electric new car even is she was already in debt.
Plus she gave tons of stuff to our daughter even when we told her not to. She got mad as well because she could not buy chocolate for our daughter when it was Easter (as we were at my parents at the time and they were the ones offering a Small chocolate) and we don’t want to spoil her with sugar. When we told her no she went on about us spoiling her last joy, because she is alone and sad and that is her only pleasure. But in the end, it’s our kid and we decide about the food.
Then, on top of that, there was a récent incident where she was online dating and we were the ones to tell her that it was a scam… she did send pictures of our daughter to that scam as well and lied to us about it. My husband was legit mad and the tone escalated.
So fast forward to now, she dates someone else and that person is way younger than us (he is 32 and she is 61). Are we the assholes for not wanting to meet him yet ? After this Whole year of dealing with her stuff we are kind of tired… but that guy could be super fine but we don’t want to make the effort to meet him.
Are we the assholes?
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My husband and I have been supporting his mother through her separation last year. Including helping her with debts, finding a new apartment, having her on our phone bill and so on. This our some stress on our relation, especially with my husband that is her son. We learnt about the debts and were just surprised by the amount of debts considering her ex has been paying for food and the rent. She leased a fancy electric new car even is she was already in debt.
Plus she gave tons of stuff to our daughter even when we told her not to. She got mad as well because she could not buy chocolate for our daughter when it was Easter (as we were at my parents at the time and they were the ones offering a Small chocolate) and we don’t want to spoil her with sugar. When we told her no she went on about us spoiling her last joy, because she is alone and sad and that is her only pleasure. But in the end, it’s our kid and we decide about the food.
Then, on top of that, there was a récent incident where she was online dating and we were the ones to tell her that it was a scam… she did send pictures of our daughter to that scam as well and lied to us about it. My husband was legit mad and the tone escalated.
So fast forward to now, she dates someone else and that person is way younger than us (he is 32 and she is 61). Are we the assholes for not wanting to meet him yet ? After this Whole year of dealing with her stuff we are kind of tired… but that guy could be super fine but we don’t want to make the effort to meet him.
Are we the assholes?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1 ) we refused to meet him at a birthday party that was planned this week
2) That would make us unsupportive of my MIL
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Keep your kid away from her. Your MIL is either dumb or doesn’t really care about the safety of your kid.
Also it’s not a crime to date younger but judging by what you have said about MIL, her bf is probably a mooch or gold digger or he can’t get women his age or just simply into older women who think she could do no wrong
NAH You are not TA because your time is valuable and you can spend it how you like.
She is not TA just because she wants to date a hot younger man.
NTA, but OMG you need to meet him and check him out. It’s rare for men to go for women twice their age without some sort of scam or benefit to him. If he’s a scammer, you need to know sooner rather than later so you can minimize damage he can do to you and your household.
It’s unpalatable, but you might want to meet him just to gauge how much problem he might turn out to be. If he’s gold-digging, letting him know that she has no money might solve the problem quickly.
She sounds like she’s having trouble coping in general and it’s disruptive for your own family. NTA for wanting distance from her but consider meeting them for a meal or something: she’s still your husband’s mother, and your child’s grandmother, and she may need help. Knowledge is power.
NTA stop helping her financially, and when she cries about it, tell her you can’t keep giving her money because she’s blowing through it on stuff no one needs.
Sending your daughter’s photo to an internet scammer would have me livid.
She’s probably getting scammed again by the guy half her age, but honestly who cares, she’s an adult let her figure it out, just stop cleaning up her messes.
NTA. Yowza, there is a lot going on in this post. You are helping her with her debt and she feels entitled to lease a new car. Put her on a budget immediately. Well, not literally. I mean sit down with hubby and agree exactly how much she gets each month – if you even want to continue after the next point.
Now for the hard one – She gave your daughter’s pic to some on-line dating scam. She involved your daughter in a dating scam. Let me make this clearer – SHE PUT YOUR DAUGHTER AT RISK!. That is cutoff material right there. No more happy time with grand daughter. She identified herself as dangerous whether it was unintentional or not, she is dangerous to your daughter’s safety.
YTA – shes a grown up and can date who she likes.
NTA
Nobody is TA.
Your MiL is a grown up and hardly an ancient crone so her dating decisions re 31 yr old are her own.
Her sending pics of your child is a no-no and hope shes committed to not doing so again.
I understand you are wary to meet a passing fling or have your child meet this person – that’s reasonable.
She’s made a few poor choices which may be part of fallout of getting used to being divorced etc. You may want to meet the bf so any dubious dates know MiL is supported and not easy to take advantage of.
YTA