My friend and I are house-sitting for her family friend from Tuesday to Wednesday morning. We’re each getting $100. I stayed from Tuesday through Saturday at 3pm and took care of their dog, cat, and rat. I brought up splitting the week since I start my first full-time job Monday and wanted the weekend to prep. She worked all this past week, and I was off, so we agreed I’d do the first half and she’d take over Saturday.
On Saturday, I spent the morning cleaning, including the cat litter, so she wouldn’t have to. I hadn’t let the rat out yet I was just busy and was used to letting him out at night. She went over Saturday night.
She texted:
“Did you let the rat out”
I said:
“I haven’t let the rat out yet”
Then she followed with:
“Why you not let the rat out”
Before I could answer, my boyfriend (who saw I was stressed and didn’t want her to guilt-trip me) sent a message from my phone without asking:
“We were running around all morning, it’s both of our jobs.”
I was upset he sent that, and we talked about it and we’re okay now. But she read it before I unsent it and replied:
“I understand it’s both our jobs but the rat was supposed to be let out everyday and I’m doing my job like we agreed on me doing half the week. I was just asking because I don’t wanna touch this rat lmao but I see how you feel. I’m not understanding how I’m not doing my part tho as I’m here right now… right right right. I assume it wasn’t you which speaks volumes so I’ll forgive ya but don’t say I’m not doing something we literally agreed on because of work schedules.”
I never said she wasn’t doing her part. I could just tell she didn’t want to deal with the rat and expected I’d do it before I left. I sent this message after thinking about it:
“I don’t want you to think that I don’t think you’re doing your job that’s not how it was meant to come across. I know you’re there and taking care of things. I was busy this morning cleaning up and doing the litter so you didn’t have to worry about that. I’m just used to letting the rat out at night so I kept that schedule and didn’t realize you didn’t want to touch him. If you skip a day, it’ll be okay. I just figured the schedule worked since I was off and you worked, and then you and your friend had a nice place to hang while she visits.”
She left me on read after that.
Now I feel terrible. I covered the Fourth of July because she wanted to go out. I stayed overnight all week. I cared for the animals like they were mine. I just didn’t realize how big of a deal the rat was, or I would’ve let him out. I was just used to my nightly schedule with him and didn’t think it’d become a problem. I have let him out everyday and he was so sweet and a cuddle bug.
I’m super anxious about it like I did something horribly wrong. I feel like I’m in trouble or that this will somehow fall on me. But I also feel like I was doing more than I had to. She’s one of my closest friends and I hate tension. AITA for how this all went down?
EDIT: my boyfriend was helping me take care of them the whole time too.
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My friend and I are house-sitting for her family friend from Tuesday to Wednesday morning. We’re each getting $100. I stayed from Tuesday through Saturday at 3pm and took care of their dog, cat, and rat. I brought up splitting the week since I start my first full-time job Monday and wanted the weekend to prep. She worked all this past week, and I was off, so we agreed I’d do the first half and she’d take over Saturday.
On Saturday, I spent the morning cleaning, including the cat litter, so she wouldn’t have to. I hadn’t let the rat out yet I was just busy and was used to letting him out at night.
She texted:
“Did you let the rat out”
I said:
“I haven’t let the rat out yet”
Then she followed with:
“Why you not let the rat out”
Before I could answer, my boyfriend (who saw I was stressed and didn’t want her to guilt-trip me) sent a message from my phone without asking:
“We were running around all morning, it’s both of our jobs.”
I was upset he sent that, and we talked about it and we’re okay now. But she read it before I unsent it and replied:
“I understand it’s both our jobs but the rat was supposed to be let out everyday and I’m doing my job like we agreed on me doing half the week. I was just asking because I don’t wanna touch this rat lmao but I see how you feel. I’m not understanding how I’m not doing my part tho as I’m here right now… right right right. I assume it wasn’t you which speaks volumes so I’ll forgive ya but don’t say I’m not doing something we literally agreed on because of work schedules.”
I never said she wasn’t doing her part. I could just tell she didn’t want to deal with the rat and expected I’d do it before I left. I sent this message after thinking about it:
“I don’t want you to think that I don’t think you’re doing your job that’s not how it was meant to come across. I know you’re there and taking care of things. I was busy this morning cleaning up and doing the litter so you didn’t have to worry about that. I’m just used to letting the rat out at night so I kept that schedule and didn’t realize you didn’t want to touch him. If you skip a day, it’ll be okay. I just figured the schedule worked since I was off and you worked, and then you and your friend had a nice place to hang while she visits.”
She left me on read after that.
Now I feel terrible. I covered the Fourth of July because she wanted to go out. I stayed overnight all week. I cared for the animals like they were mine. I just didn’t realize how big of a deal the rat was, or I would’ve let him out. I was just used to my nightly schedule with him and didn’t think it’d become a problem.
I’m super anxious about it like I did something horribly wrong. I feel like I’m in trouble or that this will somehow fall on me. But I also feel like I was doing more than I had to. She’s one of my closest friends and I hate tension. AITA for how this all went down?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t let the rat out before I left while house-sitting with a friend, even though we agreed it should be done daily. I assumed we were switching duties that day like we planned, but she got upset and said I was trying to avoid my part. I worry I might be the asshole because she didn’t want to touch the rat and I didn’t check in before leaving.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
How difficult is it to let out a rat? ESH
NTA. You’re spiraling over a rat when you literally did 80% of the work? Babe, she’s not mad, she’s guilty!
What is she gonna do all the other days she’s there? Just not let the rat out? She shouldn’t had taken the job if she didn’t want to deal with the rat. You have no reason to feel bad just like your boyfriend it’s both yalls job. Stop feeling bad you did nothing wrong. It’s her turn now to take care of the animals and the fact you stayed all weekend so she could have fun just shows how ungrateful she is. Honestly she doesn’t sound like a good friend and you sound like a pushover. If she wants to be mad let her. She’s being a spoiled brat.
Jesus, $100 for house sitting and taking care of a dog, a cat, and a rat for 4 days! Do you know how much they’d pay a kennel for that? Not to mention the security of their house not sitting empty for a week! That was incredibly kind of you and your friend.
I think there are NAH here except your boyfriend, who it sounds like used your phone, pretended to be you, and stirred the pot. You might want to reach out to your friend again and say what you said here, particularly about the rat’s schedule and not realizing she wasn’t a fan of rats (very understandable). I’d also throw in that your boyfriend wrote that response and you have talked to him about never doing that again.
Seriously, it sounds like your boyfriend is trying to sabotage your friendship.
ESH. Your friends message comes off as a little blunt and I don’t really think she should have sent it given you have Saturday and it’s your responsibility, she’s not your mom. But I don’t think any of this would have happened if your boyfriend didn’t send a weirdly passive aggressive message. He should not have sent anything without your consent. But you are also not doing what you should be if you didn’t let the rat out and you were supposed to, so I have to wonder why your friend needed to remind you.
I don’t think you need to be anxious. Just let the rat out apologise and explain. I don’t know I just don’t feel this a big deal and you are all adults you should be able to de-escalate the situation and know your responsibilities.
ETA: I do think you suck a little less given you’ve done most of the work but you should all really be communicating better. Why couldn’t your friend take some more work and let you do the rat if she’s so uncomfortable? Likewise why is your boyfriend taking your phone to send texts that don’t help. Some people are saying your NTA but I do think they’re forgetting their is an animal here with from what I understand a routine and I don’t know why you couldn’t let it out.
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NTA You did nothing wrong. Perhaps if the person that you were pet sitting for had a written schedule for things, or you and your friend had discussed a basic schedule this misunderstanding could have been avoided.
But the fact that you followed the schedule you established for your days there and that you cleaned up and did what is IMO the grossest job before you left speaks volumes about what a good person you are.
But I may be biased – I would 1000% prefer to pick up and play with a pet rat over cleaning a cat’s litterbox. I did that for years when my old roommate was on travel -she was away for months at a time – and swore I would never do it again.
NTA. You agreed to care for a rat over a holiday. The animal is alive and well, forget about the rest. Don’t let this ruin your friendship. And stop texting, you’ve already misunderstood each other too much which is too easy via text. Talk to your friend, not about the rat care, but about how this all got too far and straighten this out.
YTA.
You should not agree to pet sit an animal you are unwilling to touch (unless it doesn’t need to be touched). Definitely tell the friend you’re house sitting for so that they never ask you to do this again because WT actual F? If it wasn’t a tag team the rat wouldn’t have gotten care.
YTA you knew what you were agreeing too beforehand
Ur not the
Ass but apolgize anyway. “I’m sorry this came between us…… i didn’t realize how much you hated RATS!” Who let the RAT out?
NTA. You were letting the rat out at night. You left before it was time to let the rat out, so your friend should’ve let the rat out. She shouldn’t have agreed to watch a house and eat if she didn’t want to touch the rat. But…a lot of caged animals don’t get let out daily, so the rat not getting out for a couple of days isn’t a big deal.
The way things started I expected the rat to end up dead. He’s fine, everything is fine. Talk to your friend about a miscommunication and move on.
NTA. This seems like it got bigger than either of you intended. Letting it go and chalking it up to a stressful day for you both seems wise.
But, seriously, what is her plan for all the other days caring for the rat?