I (24F) have been dating my girlfriend (27F) for 3 months. Last weekend I went to her birthday with her family. I’d met her parents and youngest sister (18F) before, but it was the first time meeting her middle sister (23F) and the rest of her extended family (about 25 people total).
Since I didn’t know anyone, I tried to introduce myself and chat where I could, but with so many people and only a few hours, I couldn’t have long conversations with everyone. I did make sure to say hello to each person. With her middle sister specifically, we barely interacted, though at one point I did compliment the cake she made. She didn’t really make any effort to talk to me either.
A few days later, while tipsy with friends, my girlfriend told me she asked her family if they liked me. Apparently her sister said I “didn’t address her a word.” That stung and it felt unfair to put the whole responsibility on me when I was the guest in a room full of strangers. My friends who were there when my girlfriend told me said they thought her sister’s comment was unfair too, since she can seem intimidating and closed off and could have also started a conversation with me.
What bothered me even more was that my girlfriend didn’t defend me. Instead she said, “People always think she’s a bully, but she’s actually very nice.” To me, the comment did feel kind of bully-ish, especially given the circumstances. When she’s met my sisters, she hasn’t always spoken to them much either, and they never made an issue out of it. If they had, I would’ve told them it was out of line.
Now I feel annoyed and disrespected, both by her sister’s comment and by my girlfriend not standing up for me. At the same time, I’m second-guessing myself and wondering if I’m making too big a deal out of it.
So, AITA for not making more of an effort to talk to her sister?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
I (24F) have been dating my girlfriend (27F) for 3 months. Last weekend I went to her birthday with her family. I’d met her parents and youngest sister (18F) before, but it was the first time meeting her middle sister (23F) and the rest of her extended family (about 25 people total).
Since I didn’t know anyone, I tried to introduce myself and chat where I could, but with so many people and only a few hours, I couldn’t have long conversations with everyone. I did make sure to say hello to each person. With her middle sister specifically, we barely interacted, though at one point I did compliment the cake she made. She didn’t really make any effort to talk to me either.
A few days later, while tipsy with friends, my girlfriend told me she asked her family if they liked me. Apparently her sister said I “didn’t address her a word.” That stung and it felt unfair to put the whole responsibility on me when I was the guest in a room full of strangers. My friends who were there when my girlfriend told me said they thought her sister’s comment was unfair too, since she can seem intimidating and closed off and could have also started a conversation with me.
What bothered me even more was that my girlfriend didn’t defend me. Instead she said, “People always think she’s a bully, but she’s actually very nice.” To me, the comment did feel kind of bully-ish, especially given the circumstances. When she’s met my sisters, she hasn’t always spoken to them much either, and they never made an issue out of it. If they had, I would’ve told them it was out of line.
Now I feel annoyed and disrespected, both by her sister’s comment and by my girlfriend not standing up for me. At the same time, I’m second-guessing myself and wondering if I’m making too big a deal out of it.
So, AITA for not making more of an effort to talk to her sister?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I didn’t make much effort to talk to my girlfriend’s sister when I met her for the first time at the party. Even though I was overwhelmed meeting so many people, from her perspective it could have come across like I was ignoring her or being rude.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. I’ve been in a sort-of similar situation, and it’s very frustrating. My takeaway has been: be the bigger person. Give no reason for the other person to badmouth you any further.
But your girlfriend is being a bit of an AH for not giving you more understanding… even if it IS her sister. It is very hurtful when you express that you feel bullied, and the person close to you says “well, *I* don’t see it.” Her comment tacitly acknowledges that her sister doesn’t have the reputation for being the nicest person.
Nah you not the asshole you were meeting 25 new faces at once you said hi you even complimented her cake thats more than enough sounds like sis just wanted something to pick at and your gf could have had your back
NTA. You need to have a frank discussion with your girlfriend on what your support expectations are. If she doesn’t have your back for petty stuff like this, what do you think is going to happen when something serious comes up?
I know this relationship is fairly new but keep in mind, you don’t just marry a person, you marry their family.
“People always think she’s a bully, but she’s actually very nice.”
So, my sister has resting-B-face, is shy, and that can come off as her seeming like she is “too cool” for whoever is offended by her… face.
I know quite a few ladies who suffer from this affliction, and the offended parties are never offended by something they said, just the expression of their face.
Your gf’s sister on the other hand said something kinda s*itty, and apparently has a history of bully’ish behaviour.
I think it’s pretty normal for family meeting a family member’s partner the first time to try to be friendly and engage in conversation, because being that person meeting everybody for the first time can seem awfully intimidating.
NTA, your gf shouldn’t diminish how you felt.