I (26M) married my wife Ella (26F) four months ago and it’s been four months since I spoke to my sister Valerie (31F) after her affair was exposed during our wedding reception. It led a fight between her husband and the affair partner, who happens to be Ella’s brother’s best friend. The two are married and they snuck off to continue their affair but were caught by Valerie’s husband. There was yelling, punches thrown, my sister was hysterically trying to get her husband to calm down and take back what he said (I assume he said he was done with her) and they brought it back into the ball room for everyone to witness.
The cops had to be called and Valerie’s husband was insulting her and calling her every name a person might think of. The guy’s wife got involved once she realized it was her husband involved she jumped in and Valerie ended up having her dress shredded and some hair was pulled out. This became a huge distraction and Ella and I decided to leave early because most of our guests ran off after that.
Valerie’s husbands, the affair partner and his wife were all arrested and Valerie was taken to the hospital. My parents told me she was released 12 hours later and I told them I didn’t care and I didn’t want to talk about her or to her. Valerie did try reaching out but I ignored her. She mostly cried about how her life was ruined and she needed her brother. It was an afterthought, like several weeks of an afterthought when she apologized for what happened but she tried to say none of it was her fault. But I refused to talk and I still don’t want to.
My parents have passed along apologies for her and I have told them to stop. They say I need to talk and Val needs me. And they said she was the biggest victim since she needed to be taken to the hospital and surely Ella and I don’t place any blame on her. But she knew her husband and affair partner’s wife were at the wedding. She chose to go off and screw around on her husband during my wedding reception. She made risky choices and didn’t give a crap about my wedding.
So AITA?
Comments
NTA, you handled yourself quite well at your reception. Sorry your sister caused such a mess. She and AP are the AHs.
NTA. She actually snuck off during the reception with affair partner? Thats a bold move cotton.
I don’t blame you for going NC. Bad enough to be having an affair but to do something while at your wedding with both partners present just makes it sick.
NTA, but do accept her apology—lame as it is—once you calm down.
YTA – Your sister didn’t disrupt your wedding, these two guys did. She has poor taste in men, but she didn’t disrupt the wedding, it was these guys who couldn’t control themselves.
[ Removed by Reddit ]
I know it’s hard to imagine right now but this whole “special day” non-sense is kinda a commercialized thing. After being married now 20 years I rarely think about my wedding day and what did or did not happen. Even after a few years I was way more focused on being a better husband than the wedding day. I’m hoping in the years to come you will have a good laugh about this super drama you had!
That said, it’s not lost on me all the planning that went into this only to have a family member hijack it. I hope you and your wife are doing fine all things considered.
To answer your question, NTA – Who seriously shacks up with another married person at a wedding. Then takes weeks to still play the victim.
I don’t think you should complete write her off for the rest of time, but she should realize how dumb she is/was and wallow in her stupidity for awhile.
Send her the full bill for the wedding day tell her if she reimburses you for ruining your wedding day and you can then recreate it your forgive her !! I’d like to see her response!! NTA
Sounds like your parents have a favorite child….. NTA
‘She was the biggest victim’
No, not even a little.
All she had to do was keep her knickers on for 1 damn day whilst her brother got married.
She considered a quickie with her affair partner whilst her WHOLE FAMILY was in the next room more important than your wedding reception.
Dude the sheer audacity would make me be done with her and your folks need a serious reality slap if they think she’s not 100% to blame
Edit – NTA obvs
NTA.. truthfully I probably be the petty one and send the bill to both couples going you made my wedding about you guys you guys can pay for it instead
NTA. Your sister and her affair partner are to blame. I’d go no contact with her and tell your parents that you’ll go no contact with them
NTA I’d never speak to her again. Choosing to sneak off with her own husband for a quickie would’ve been rude af at her brother’s wedding. Doing it with the affair partner…yeah you don’t want trash like that in your life
Also lmao at her being “the biggest victim” she absolutely deserved to get the shit beat out of her and it is all her fault
She had to go to the hospital but she’s no victim in my book. It is her fault, she shouldn’t cheat on her husband with a married man AND want to have sex with him at her own brother‘s wedding. She made her bed with spikes and now she can lie in it. NTA
I don’t blame you one bit, she decided to publicly humiliate her husband at your wedding. What kind of person is that self absorbed? Having said that, the idiot is your sister. At some point you and your wife are going to have to face her, another wedding, a funeral, who knows? You don’t mention how your wife has handled all this, after all, it was supposed to be her big day. I would ask your wife to give you guidance in this matter. If she is willing to let it go, you should too, but it should be made clear to your sister that she needs to make very serious amends to your wife, and for a long, long time. If your wife says no way, that’s your response too. Your wife is the real victim here, and the one you need to support.
You’re handling this as best as possible. It’s awful your wedding got overshadowed by your sister’s poor choices. The hurt will fade in time. Maybe you guys can have a nice first anniversary party with your close friends and family that weren’t involved in this mess. You are absolutely allowed to cut your sister off for as long as you want. People need to be accountable for their deliberate actions. She didn’t slip and fall on his lap repeatedly-she climbed on up.
NTA. Do not accept her apology. She’s not accepted any fault in the mess even though she was screwing a married man while she ,herself, was also married. I once heard that you are a reflection of the 5 people who are closest to you. Do you want to be a reflection of her? I’d write her off until I found good reason to allow her back in my life.
That’s pretty mild for a wedding, I have seen much worse
NTA
She brought her dumpster fire to your wedding and she really did not need to do that.
Updateme!
I think finding out someone is having an affair is worth going NC with. Add that she disrespected your marriage by engaging in her affair at your celebrations….
NTA here OP.
Here’s the thing, Valerie and her actions ruined her life and she is NO victim here. The victims here are the husband of Valerie and the other betrayed spouse!
Then there are the victims of your wedding and you and your spouse now.
Play stupid games, you win stupid prizes here.
You don’t want “cheaters” in your orbit considering you are married and hopefully want to stay married.
NTA
That she still puts herself above the true victim here, her lover’s wife (and any kids), is more than enough reason to keep her far, far away from you.
Your parents need to stop mending bridges before they burn them all down.
Hope you’re able to remember the happier moments and congratulations!
You need to tell your parents that Valerie made her bed, so now she had to lay in it. She was not and is not the victim in this. Valerie’s husband and AP’s wife are the victims. They were cheated on and made to look like fools.
How disgusting to mask an affair in the middle of someone else’s most important, super expensive day knowing the risk. She’s disgusting!
I would tell your parents they have a decision to make her or you , if her they would never meet grandkids if you want them won’t see you thanksgiving. Xmas other holidays and bdays , you sister is dead to you
They need to know how bad it was
Your parents are enablers. That’s why she turns out trashy.
NTA. Until she pays you back for the cost of your ruined wedding, she can STFU.
She ruined your wedding and ruined her own marriage. I would not feel for him
Yeah definitely NTA, idk how someone can sneak off to have an affair at an event and not got caught
Big Balls?
Nta
Nope nta at all and they really need to stop enabling your sister. She is not the victim here at all your wife and the affair partners spouse are. I’m so sorry op stand your ground and good luck op. UpdateMe!
NTA. Of all the times and places she chose to hook up with her affair partner, she chose your wedding, one of the most important days of your life. For the rest of your life your wedding will be overshadowed by your sister’s actions. Her actions were unforgivable.
Tell your parents that unless your sister refunds you and your wife for the entire cost of your wedding in full to compensate you both for ruining the most important day of your life, you and your wife will be no contact with her, and will not attend any family gatherings at which she is present.
I hope your brother-in-law and the other wife start an affair as well
NTA. She’s not only a cheater, she’s a STUPID cheater. I’d tell your parents that they can either accept you want nothing to do with her, or you will cut them off, too.
NTA, my father was a philanderer and I don’t support, associate or lie for cheaters. I would explain to your parents and your sister you are not the victim here you opened your legs while married and cheated this is all on you and I’m not there for people who literally cheat on my wedding reception. Actions have consequences. Remind your parents she cheated on her husband and kids??? this whole thing is on her and the man she slept with the victims? Her husband, AP’s wife and you and your wife.
Holy crap, definitely NTA
Your sister effectively ruined your wedding reception, because she couldn’t respect her own marriage, or someone else’s.
I wouldn’t speak to them again either.
If only there was a way all this could’ve been avoided
NTA
NTA but your parents sure are! I have 4 kids and if one of them pulled this shit at their siblings wedding (besides the fact it’s atrocious in general what they were doing) I would be fucking livid as hell. There would be no obligation for my kids to play nice like that. How insanely inappropriate is it to actively cheat on your partner at an event that is celebrating MARRIAGE AND UNITY, and it being in honour of one of your siblings.
Congrats on your wedding OP!
Your sister… wow… You should tell your parents that, at this point, your sister Valerie is dead to you. Not only did she break her vows of marriage, but she also cheated with a close friend of your wife. Also, it was all her fault (along with her Affairs partners), and you want nothing to do with her as she is a horrible role model of marriage and friendship.
Oh, and tell your parents you hope she enjoys the divorce.
NTA but time heals wounds and thats quite a story to tell friends and family for years to come. Best of luck dealing with this.
I’m always dubious about these type of posts that are only minutes old with soap opera worthy shenanigans!
NTA. Toxic victims is not your problem anymore . Explain to your parents that she was really in the wrong and you have set boundaries. They can respect your wishes or join your sister out in the cold . No need to start your married life dealing with opp .
So NTA your sister is on the other hand definitely she’d be lucky if you talk to her in a few years but don’t leave it 30yrs like my dad and his brother cause in the end she is your sister but lets things settle before talking to her
NTA. Honestly, I’d be raising my eyebrows at how your parents are reacting to this.
NTA / your sister sounds like the golden child and thought she could get away with it because she’s never had to face consequences of her actions. Stop talking to your parents – they are on her side.
NTA. They wanted the thrill of having sex during your wedding reception. It was their fault that they couldn’t respect you enough to wait until your reception was over. They all got what they deserved. You can talk to your sister when she is able to replace the lost memories that should have been when they ruined your wedding reception. The biggest victims were you and Ella and all of the guests who have had to witness such brutality. Val needs a time out, not her brother. She knows that she was wrong and now she is trying to weasel her way back into your good graces.
Nta
Your sister is a hopeless narcissist and you should go NC forever, or at least until she’s willing and able to prove she’s been through FUCKTONS of therapy for it.
She banged her husbands bestie at your wedding, and somehow she’s not to blame? She’s for the streets, NTA
NTA but your sister and her AP are huge A holes and I wouldn’t speak to them either. Your sister’s life being ruined is all on her not you and dragging that drama into your day is selfish.
OP, you deserve an award for being the Most NTA of 2025. Your sister is completely to blame. Could she not keep it in her pants for one day in order to celebrate your wedding?!
It’s like the definition of FAFO.
So she chose to fuck her AP in the middle of your wedding, but she’s the “victim” and it’s “not her fault”. 🤦🏻♀️🙄 And your parents are defending her. Pretty easy to tell who the golden child is in your family. FFS.
NTA
Do your parents always make excuses for you? How is she more of a victim than the wife of her AP’s? It absolutely is her fault and the fact that she brought all this to your wedding is so disgusting, and now she’s the victim SMH NTA
Really, Your sister could not keep her legs closed and ruined you wedding. And you mom and dad think this is ok ??? She deserved to go to the hospital and should have been arrested too. 100% her fault.
Can’t believe you MOM and DAD have the gall to say you don’t hold you accountable for this. I would be pissed off at my parents too. Tell them they better watch it before they open there mouths again.
NTA… Val needs to work on herself. She owes you more than an apology and it doesn’t sound sincere. She wants a pity party and you to understand what she is going through. Never mind the fact that she is a lying cheater and a disrespectful one at that.
NTA, your sister is no victim. Her life is her problem, she has no respect or concern for anyone but herself. The affair is her choice but choose to disrespect your event, let her deal with the consequences of her actions.
Sounds pretty redneck, are you guys from appalachia?
She ruined her life. No one made her have an affair. She decided to do that. No one made her sneak off with her affair partner at the wedding. She decided to do that. She is no way a victim. The consequences of her choices came home to roost at your wedding. That in no way makes her a victim. It makes her the source of the consequences she is now reaping. You do not need to accept her apology because she couldn’t keep her hands off her affair partner at your wedding. What did she expect would happen if she was caught by her husband or the other wife? Did she think they would just smile and nod because they were all at a wedding? She got what she deserved and you don’t owe her anything today or any day in the future.
NTA. Valerie bought a ticket on the FAFO train so let her enjoy the ride. Tell your parents that she can reimburse you for the reception and that will be the only forgiveness she ever gets.
Nta. Really, what support could you even provide to her. She’s 31, an adult. She can take care of herself. Do your parents want you to give emotional support to an A H who ruined your wedding? Yeah, that’s asking too much.
Nta the disrespect is next level. And she ruined your wedding.
I mean I’m pretty sure you would be valid in being angry if your sister had gone off during your reception to have sex with her own husband in a public place. Being angry she decided to engage in adultery at your wedding reception is even more valid. Being angry that then, after it was clear there was going to be conflict, loud angry conflict that then escalated into violence, she brought the group back into the party is a whole separate reason to be angry.
Tell your parents not to worry about it. I’m sure they’ll get their share of the drama at their next anniversary party! 🤦🏽♀️ NTA
NTA
NTA – Your sister FAFO’d and now has to deal with the consequences. Given this all ruined your wedding, you have no obligation to forgive or support her. She’s a dirty cheater, and all cheaters deserve zero compassion.
I would tell my parents in no uncertain terms if they don’t back off on talking about the sister or trying to get you to help her or talk to her in anyway that I would go no contact with them as well
I am curious what happened with her husband and the affair partner’s wife. Are they all getting divorced?
So she and this other AH pissed all over the sanctity of marriage on the biggest day of your life so far, your guests fled, the cops were called and she’s the victim? Hell to the no.
My advice, at the 5 year mark do a vow renewal do-over and don’t invite any of them.
NTAH
NTA – your sister is a self centred AH. Bringing all that drama to your wedding was trashy and I’d never speak to her again if I was you. She says she needs her brother to support her but she wasn’t thinking of you or supporting you on your wedding day. Your parents need to stop enabling her shitty behaviour and tell her that what she did has consequences and that they respect your decision to go no contact with her.
Also, bill her for the wedding reception costs seeing that she ruined it for you. Sue her.
It’s all her fault. She is absolutely NOT a victim. I would go no contact with sister. I guess we know who parent’s golden child is. What a tramp
Definitely NTA. Your parents are wrong, you and your wife are the victims. Your sister was a willing participant. Who decided your wedding wasn’t important enough to behave at. She’s the AH, your parents are too honestly. If they can’t see how she destroyed your day, I’d go no contact. That’s ridiculous, she’s old enough to know better. I think she should refund you what you paid for your wedding. Than think about talking to her. She needs to own this.
NTA. How is her fcking a man not her husband make her the victim, boy do I wish I had the flexibility for those gymnastics. She is licking you are only not talking to her and not suing her for ruining your wedding.
It was entirely her fault and she has it coming to her. They ruined your wedding with their childish behavior. I cant believe they brought that shit into the ballroom, rather than take it somewhere else.
Please don’t back down. She needs to sit in it until she realizes she the problem not the victim. You can tell your parents to push off too, they are part of the problem.
Bloody hell! Real life Eastenders! IYKYK. NTA But your sister is a massive one.
[ Removed by Reddit ]
I am really sorry that this happened OP. Especially on your wedding day that’s supposed to be about you and your wife. You are completely right to want no contact with your sister because she did ruin everything. Your sister is a terrible person. Definitely stay no contact.
Your sister is a terrible person. This is malicious. I would cut her off too.
NTA. Of course not!
I’d send her, her husband, the AP and AP wife a bill for ruining the wedding and tell them you’ll take them to small claims if they don’t pay up. NTA
NTA I would never unblock her. Furthermore i would let your parents know that they are delusional to think a cheating scumbag let alone one who actually screwed her AP at her siblings wedding is a victim. It shows what kind of shitty ass parents they are and who is their favorite. I would call them out and then probably block them too.
I can’t even imagine making excuses if one of my kids did that at the other ones wedding. I doubt my wife or I would be speaking to her either.
Nta. Just because she got hit the hardest doesn’t mean she’s the biggest victim, she’s not a victim at all she’s the literal bad guy.
Nta.
Ask your parents to both put themselves in those spouses places.
What if mom went off with grooms husband and what if dad went off with grooms mom, huh? You would still say it wasnt their fault?
Yeah…I think not.
That was exciting. No one will ever forget that. It’s not a good place to be screwing around though so don’t talk for a very long time.
NTA. Here is what you need to tell your parents: Mom and Dad, you need to stop defending Valerie to me. She is an adult. She chose to have an affair. More than that, she chose to bring that choice into OUR wedding reception, an event that was supposed to be about celebrating the sanctity of marriage and Ella’s and my vows to each other. She instead chose to fuck a man who wasn’t her husband, while her husband and that man’s wife were present.
Valerie isn’t the victim here. Valerie has quite literally fucked around and found out, and not only has she destroyed two marriages, she made a mockery of and ruined OUR reception, something we put a lot of time, love, and money into planning.
I do not wish to speak to Valerie. I will not be supporting Valerie. Valerie is lucky I am not speaking to attorneys about suing her for costs for the reception she ruined. Valerie needs to get she shit together and go to therapy.
And if you both want any relationship with Ella and I going forward, you will not bring this up again. Are we clear?
NTA
You absolutely can blame her when her actions contributed heavily to what happened
Let your sister sit in her own consequences and learn how hard life can be when you’re selfish.
Ruined your wedding day and it will be forever blighted by this incredible incident. Horrific thing to happen to you both. Your parents are fools for not taking your side
NTA. She ruined your wedding. There is nothing she can do or say to fix it for you. There is no do over. I would tell your parents that you are NC with her and never want them to speak her name to you again. There are unforgivable things and this is one of them. I am really sorry.
Your sister is certain not the victim !! She’s a cheater
NTA
But.. WHO?!? is running off from that reception? That sounds like a full knockdown hair pulling fight. As long as you didn’t get too close, I’d sit down with my little plate of cake until they were all carted off to police station or hospital
How is cheating not her fault?
Tell her you are willing to forgive her, if she pays you the costs of the wedding back.
NTA
The simple fact she’s behaving like the victim and is persuaded none of it is her fault?
She’s a selfish traitor, a liar and a coward. Of course she’s to blame!
NTA. & Of course it is not surprising that someone who cheated is also very self-centered.
Question, how did the wedding photographer react? Do you have some good photos/videos of the fight/aftermath that you can share with your reddit family?
NTA
She isn’t the victim in this situation at all. She was the one who decided to cheat. She is the one who wanted to screw her AP on your wedding day when everyone was there. She doesn’t deserve any sympathy for something she caused.
You know who deserves sympathy, her husband and the AP wife. I’m sorry that she ruined your wedding day. Stay NC and your parents need to stop treating your sister as a victim. She deserved what she got.
How is it NOT her fault?!?!?
Your sister makes poor choices.
NTA
NTA start putting your parents in a time out box if they try and speak to you about your sister.
Nta she used your wedding for a sexual thrill with her AP, I wouldn’t forgive a grown woman for ruining your wedding because she wanted to get her rocks off.
Tell your parents she’s a pervert who needs help. She blew up her life to try and get her back blown out at her little brothers wedding.
She’s trash