Said friend ‘Angie’(20) is an exchange student at our university. The four of us have had lunch together three times. The first time, I(21) paid. Let them keep the change since it’s my favorite restaurant, one I have been frequenting since I was a child. It’s not actually expected here in Thailand but is appreciated. The other two times my two friends took turns paying the bills(one tipped for a similar reason to mine and one did not tip). Then the three of them went to have lunch together when I was busy and Angie paid and tipped.
They only told Angie that tipping isn’t expected after leaving. She’s more upset at me for not telling her since I generally spend more time hanging out with her than they do. Said she thought the friend who didn’t tip ‘was cheap.’ It just didn’t cross my mind.
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Said friend ‘Angie’(20) is an exchange student at our university. We have had lunch together three times. The first time, I(21) paid. Let them keep the change since it’s my favorite restaurant, one I have been frequenting since I was a child. It’s not actually expected here in Thailand but is appreciated. The other two times my two friends took turn paying(one tipped for a similar reason and one didn’t). Then the three of them went to have lunch together when I was busy and Angie paid and tipped.
They only told Angie that tipping isn’t expected after leaving. She’s more upset at me for not telling her since I generally spend more time hanging out with her than they do. Said she thought the friend who didn’t tip ‘was cheap.’ It just didn’t cross my mind.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for not telling her since I’ve spent more time with her than the two of them.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Not the AITA. If I was to go to another country, I’d look up the customs and courtesies of said country. That’s on her, not you.
NTA, it’s not like you maliciously kept that information to yourself. No harm done, and now she knows it’s not expected.
YTA because you’re fucking over your own country.
Trust me when i say that you DO NOT want tipping to become an expected norm.
You need to do your part to keep your country tips-free!
Not NTA and I would tip even if not expected. I tip for physical work and getting my food and treating me well gets a tip.
NTA. Heck, this is almost N A H if it weren’t for her being mad at you for it. It’s not exactly a big deal. She slightly overpaid and now she’s learned she doesn’t need to do that. Not a big deal.
ESH
Angie was way out of line for getting upset with you, and definitely should’ve read up on the customs and culture of the country she was going to study abroad in. It’s culture shock, and I get that. However, you, as a local, also need to be able to help foreigners blend in with locals. This all could have been prevented had you simply told Angie that tipping was unorthodox in Thailand.
I hope you two can get back on good terms after this.
So you intentionally let your friend overpay for all her meals? YTA
NTA, when you go to a new place it’s generally expected you do research on it. She’s out of line for getting mad at you, although you could have said something about it at the very least.
YTA you should have kindly let her know what was custom.
You are not her baby sitter. She should have read up on Thai customs before visiting instead of solely relying on you to familiarise with all these subtle details. NTA
NTA, she’s old enough research the norms and traditions of your country.
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Eh, gonna say NTA, there doesn’t appear to be a law against tipping, so really she’s trying to make you feel like shit because she inadvertently did a nice thing?
Might be my American showing, but I’d still tip for good service, unless the staff threw a fit about it, which doesn’t seem to be the case here. Sounds like she tipped and then got mad she spent more money than she theoretically could have, which also sounds very American, lol.
NTA
I’m planning a trip to Germany and Italy next year and one of the first things I did was check whether tipping is expected because it’s not in Australia.
YTA. Knowing the local customs when you live in the foreign country is always an advantage. She is still a student, I guess money wise she could’ve saved it instead of waving it for tipping. But for whatever reason, when you see things and know it, why on earth didn’t you tell her? Simple as that.
YTA.
YTA kinda, yeah. Could’a saved her some money. It’s not that big of a deal, though.
Idk how you could be the asshole as if you’re supposed to be the one to know the customs of other countries people are visiting from in order to know why your friend is doing something. What other things are you going to have to know about their country in order to warn her about things? Because apparently she can’t be responsible for researching these things when SHE is in a different country?
NTA because she has Google