I know when first reading the title you’re thinking, “Yes YTA,” but let me explain.
A group of 8 friends and I (37M) went out to dinner at a new restaurant. We sat in one of those C/U shaped booths. I was sitting on the left side of the booth, I was the third person in with 2 friends to my left and the rest of my friends wrapped around the rest of the booth.
When the waiter came to take our drink order, he took the order of my 2 friends on my left, skipped over me, took all of my other friend’s orders, then took mine last. I thought maybe it was just some sort of humor so I didn’t care too much, just thought it was weird humor. Then the drinks come out. He gave all of my friends their drinks then gave me mine last. Again, I brush it off. He takes our food order and once again, he takes my 2 friends orders to my left, skips me and saves me for last. That’s when I start to feel like he’s doing this to me intentionally. So the food comes out and all my friends get their food but mine doesn’t come. After about 5 minutes, still nothing. Another few minutes pass before another waiter passes by. We flag him down to let him know my food hasn’t come. He goes and grabs our waiter who then takes about another 5 minutes to show up. When we tell him my food hasn’t come out he says, “Oh. I completely forgot to put your order in. I’ll go put it in now.” My friends had been waiting for me to get my food so we could all start eating at the same time, but I told them to just eat. My food didn’t come until after they had all finished theirs and he had come to collect their plates. I finish my food and my friends decide they want dessert. So we order dessert and the waiter once again skips me and takes my order last. I’m extremely upset at this point but I don’t say anything, I just accept it. And once again, my friends all get their dessert but I don’t get mine. About 10 minutes after they all got theirs, he comes back and says, “Oh yeah, they were all out of what you wanted, do you want something else?” I just say no and leave it alone.
When the bill comes he starts trying to be all chummy with everyone, including me. I just glare at him. He leaves. My friends start discussing how much to tip and say we should all split it. I outright told them I’m not tipping at all because of how he treated me specifically. One of my friends used to work as a waitress and told me she understood why I wasn’t gonna tip but decided she would just tip on my behalf, which also upset me but I let it go. A few of my friends told me I’m being an asshole for deciding not to tip cuz, “maybe he’s having a bad day.” I could accept that he was having a bad day if he was doing that to everyone, but it was like he singled me out.
I know American tip culture makes a lot of people think that you should tip no matter what, but for something that felt so deliberate, I personally think its ok not to tip
To answer a few questions ahead of time:
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Never met the guy before. I’ve never even seen this dude before coming to this restaurant
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It’s a brand new restaurant so I’ve never been there before so no history at this place
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I’m generally very nice to customer service workers as I’ve spent years working in customer service myself and I typically will tip even with “bad” service. But this felt deliberate.
So AITA for deciding not to tip after this experience?
Comments
NTA – well tipping is based on service, if you think the service was poor then dont tip.
But are you SURE this guy doesnt know you? Cause this is ODD.
> One of my friends used to work as a waitress and told me she understood why I wasn’t gonna tip but decided she would just tip on my behalf
Fuck that “friend”. She’s explicitly paying a stranger for intentionally ruining your dinner.
NTA
But you should have complained to a manager
as an Englishman I would absolutely NOT tip, tipping is for good service! Not just the usual average and certainly not the shitshow you were subjected to! And I would let him know exactly why you didn’t tip.
NTA, and I say that as a former restaurant worker who now tends to always over tip and get weird looks from friends.
If he behaved that way with the whole table it would have been one thing, still not great, but maybe he’s just having a bad day.
But it seems like he was singling you out deliberately.
And “forgetting” to put in your order? 😬
I would have asked that friend not to tip on your behalf as well.
NTA, your friends are assholes for not supporting your whole decision after the waiter was a targeted ass to you. If I saw that happen to a friend, I wouldn’t be tipping either.
You shouldn’t tip no matter what imo, you tip as long as you don’t get bad service. The whole point of American tipping culture is to encourage and support hospitality
NTA
NTA
NTA
NTA
Tip no matter what???? NOOOOOOOOOOPE.
The whole bit about making only $3 an hour? That’s what they make if you tip. Because your tip is credited against what the employer has to pay.
If they makes no tips because they are rude or provide shitty service or if you just choose not to, they will get their full state minimum wage from her employer.
Basically, if the waitress wants to, she can make more by being a great waitress and going above and beyond what is normal …. Or convince you that she makes $3 an hour flat out and depends on you to pay her, regardless of actual quality of service.
As a server myself, NTA. It’s one thing to accidentally forget to put an order in, I’ve done it, as I’m sure all servers have at one point. Especially when it’s a super busy night and you have like 10 other tables. But when I do I offer a discount or a free dessert depending on how long they had to wait before I noticed. But I have NEVER intentionally skipped a guest on taking any order. Nor have I ever skipped a guest period. This was absolutely intentional. I wouldn’t have tipped either and in my opinion, you should’ve talked to a manager about your experience.
I wouldn’t have tipped and most likely made such a scene that the manager would have ended up comp-ing my entire meal.
YTA. You should always tip no matter what or else you’re condemning someone who works hard to starve. Get over it
Your friends are the assholes — why didnt someone speak up about the waiter skipping your order? I always allow my Mom to order first and if they skipped over someone I always speak up or ask the skipped person what they want. Never been a waitress but a system in place would make the ordering go smoothly.. left to right not all zigzaggy.
yta lol
Nta. In your shoes, I would’ve been fuming. I got an anger problem. I would definitely chew that fuckers ear off. Demand an explanation and ask for a manager. I would also ask all friends at the table not to tip. Just cause I’m petty like that. Imo, you handled it with grace and tact. And that’s more than that fucker deserved.
Tipping is not optional in my opinion. 15% minimum regardless of service. It’s not your job to “punish” a server by withholding pay. In this situation, you alert the manager, let them handle the discipline and then do not return to that establishment if you really want to make a stand.
So yes YTA.
Nta,
You get what you put in. Also your friends are not cool. They should’ve tipped low or not at all for the behavior the waiter put out.
Sounds like you were specifically targeted. Even if you did know this server and they didn’t like you, it’s still their job to give good service. They didn’t, and it seems purposeful from your description. NTA.
NTA
So you have never met this person ever before? Because this is extreme weird behavior, for an entire meal.
If he was just being a POS, then by all means, but it almost feels like there’s some info missing for this behavior to have gone on the entire service.
You should have reached out to the manager and asked for a different server/ make them aware.
You not tipping is your choice, you feeling entitled that your friends not tip cause of your experience, not ok.
That server is an idiot for not adding autograt to their 8 top
NTA. Tip based on service. I’ve had times where I haven’t tipped at all, and i’ve had times where i’ve tipped $20 on a $30 meal. It’s customer service. Waiters and waitresses know what they’re supposed to do. Nobody gets away with bad behavior in the workplace. Even in office jobs and construction. You act a fool, there are consequences.
INFO: Are you the only male at this table?
As for forgetting your order in. Fuck that. NTA.
NTA, and I usually dramatically over tip.
This does feel deliberate, and I really think this merits mentioning. Was there anything different about you? Race, sex, age, something that might indicate this was discriminatory? I promise you, managers want to know if their servers are making their restaurant look bad.
NTA and I’d also be that damn Karen that talked to the GM. I hate saying that but if there ever was a time that the boss needs to be informed, it would be this…
I would be with your friends and say you should tip until he didn’t put in your dessert order too. “Forgetting” one order is forgivable, but this was obviously intentional mistreatment. He obviously had an issue that he was projecting onto you, and I would have spoken to the manager. This type treatment is beyond the pale. He was an absolute asshole to you at every step, and this needs to be reported to his supervisor.
In my opinion this represents everything that’s wrong with the extreme tipping culture in America. He gave you BS service – he gets a BS tip. That’s the way the world works. There are many other low paying service industries, just as important as serving food – some more important in my opinion – that we don’t tip at all. It’s a privilege for a waiter or waitress to get a tip – not a requirement. If they can’t do their job satisfactoily, I I’m sorry – no tip is completely in order and maybe they’ll take a lesson from it. Giving them a tip for poor service is a complete disservice to everyone else who gets subsequent service from that server. I’m just saying…
NTA. Tipping is for GOOD service. It’s not, nor should it be, for terrible service. If a waiter is good, I’ll leave a good tip. If I get terrible service, I leave a terrible tip.
My daughter and I went out the other day and our waitress was very “I don’t care” the entire time we were there. SHE dropped a dressing on the floor and then just walked away, leaving my daughter and I to clean it up. SERIOUSLY??? I then told her that one of the items we ordered was extremely salty and basically inedible and she said “Oh, that’s just how they make it” and again, just walked away. She did not get a good tip, she ruined my daughter’s night and pissed me off.
If you don’t care about me, the customer, then I don’t care about leaving you a tip. We’re not demanding, we say please and thank you, we try to be nice. If the server can’t be the same, then maybe you shouldn’t be a server.
Are you a POC? Minority? I would, at first, say it was a way for him to remember orders, but not bringing your food or desert, something is up.
NTA and I’ve worked as a server.
NTA. I’m curious though, are you the only black/white/whatever race in the group? The only male/female? The waiter is clearly a dick but it could be more than that. In the industry, what tends to happen is that certain tables have bad luck (for example they all want fish&chips the day the order didn’t come in, then it’s all cokes and we only do Pepsi, then a meal is forgotten and the replacement dropped) for no reason but this sounds targeted.
When ready to leave, should have asked for the manager and explained what happened. Betting they would have comp’d you your meal at least.
NTA. You should.complain to management. ALL of your friends should have called out the waiter at the time. I would have 100% noticed if a waiter was skipping over my friend right beside me. I think you should have called the manager over at the time. All of your friends who are calling you the a h are doing it because they didn’t get treated like 💩 for no reason.
Nta he was being weird to just you. I don’t blame you for not tipping him. I used to work food service & I get bad days or forgetting happens but that was unacceptable.
I was in the restaurant/ bar business about 30 years. I wouldn’t have tipped either. I’m not sure why it would have been deliberate, but I’d say the waiter certainly wasn’t on point, and for being that “off” point, he didn’t deserve a tip. I also wouldn’t have wanted my friend to make it up for you. You should have asked to speak to someone about him if he was this bad.
Definitely NTA for not tipping. Mandatory tipping is ridiculous, because how is the customer supposed to know how much waiting staff earn? My son works in a restaurant and earns better money than me, before tips. It’s a family restaurant and they like to keep good staff on board. It isn’t for the customer to judge how much they earn and make up the difference. Tipping should be for great service only.
NTA and the table should’ve chosen not to tip as a group and called the manager over. I tip for all my services, but blatant disrespect will never be tolerated. Were you the only male in a mostly women group? Are you of a different race? (Doesn’t matter, just trying to figure out if there was some reason for it) I just want to know why your friends did not stand against WHATEVER his issue was.
Not reading all the comments. Were you the only dude? Probably should have said something to management.
YTA, new restaurant and maybe the server is new too plus 8 orders at one table, mistakes can happen but I would still probably tip 15%
NTA.His bad day is not your problem. I’d have confronted him after the 1st slight
I’m just shocked as to why your friends would tip him.
Think of it as a useful lesson for that asshole. Give him the opportunity to connect his professional behavior to his lack of compensation. Only way he learns.
NTA. Tip culture has gotten insane. I always try to tip 20%, more if I can afford it, but have not tipped or barely tipped before for extremely (noticeably) bad service / poor behavior. It’s rare that I do that, but I do believe that you should have the bare minimum of manners.
NTA
Unless there’s something you’re leaving out, it sounded like pretty abysmal service. He should have done something to make up for the not putting the order in screw-up, and then very intentionally made sure nothing else went wrong with you. If he had done something like comped your meal, then I’d say you should tip him according to what the meal would have cost. I’ll also note that it didn’t just negatively impact you, but detracted from the enjoyment of the group as a whole.
But I also don’t think your friends are wrong for suggesting tipping him anyway. Tipping has broken down as a feedback system, and has become a de facto part of a waiter’s compensation. This is why we need to get rid of tipping – and the two tiered minimum wage system – altogether.
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NTA. As an American, I don’t tip for bad/no service–and this is a rare occurrence for me. I know servers depend on tips for basic cost of living. So at least show you care about the customer and make an effort.
Nta. I’d also be complaining to the restaurant. Your friends are AH for tipping.
It’s not too late to go in and complain to the manager. I think you’ll feel better if you do, and that kind of bad service really kills repeat sales, which can seriously cut into a business’s success.
NTA his behavior was weird, and he should have known that you hadn’t gotten your meal within two minutes and been working on it. When I receive poor service I still tip, but I always explain to them why they are getting a poor tip
I wouldn’t have tipped him either . Fuck that guy. Tipping is for good service which you did not receive .
NTA but you need a new friend group. I would have clocked what was happening and put that server in his place pretty damn quick. I’m sorry this happened to you
NTA. For deliberately ignoring while serving everyone else, no Tip!
The rest of the table wanted to wait to eat until OP meal arrived, meaning they would have eaten cold food. Definitely NTA, rest of table should have said something to staff and management as well
Nobody should’ve tipped. Nada. Zippo. You can’t treat a person like crap and not suffer the consequences.
He should’ve gotten zero tip from the table and then had to stand before the manager and explain his shitty self. Done.
I’m going out on a limb here. While you are NTA for not tipping in this situation, YTA … to yourself. There is absolutely nothing wrong, nothing untoward, nothing haughty with you stopping the waiter mid-sentence when he skipped over you. That moment in time, the instant where you were ignored is the critical moment to stake your claim.
Similarly, the moment you were told, “I’ll tip on your behalf” is where you also, without pretension, let your “friend” (who was acting pretentiously) know it’s not on your behalf. Instead it was so she would feel good about herself.
Finally, and this will blow the minds of the tip-nazis, you may have been experiencing cosmic bad-karma because you claim you “tip even with “bad” service” and that is my moment to say, quit enabling bad behavior.
I’m gonna say YTA because I know some servers have a system to help them remember which order goes where so the fact he always asked you last may mean he was following a system…. Now him not EVEN putting your order in, that’s a different story but I’m not 100% he was doing this on purpose…
NTA, and if any of your friends tipped, they are not actually your friends…
In this particular situation no one should have tipped
NTA. You barely got service. I don’t know why your friends would want to reward someone who treated their friend so shabbily or why you didn’t go to the manager.
There’s no “bad day” excuse for singling out one diner out of a group.
NTA, but leave 2 cents so he knows you got your moneys worth.
Your friends should have all not tipped or tipped poorly, he didn’t just mess with your order, he messed up EVERYONES dining experience.
NTA, a tip is for excellent service, which it sounds like it wasn’t. Tipping in general has gotten out of control. A server needs to know they aren’t entitled to just “show up” and expect a tip.
NTA. Tipping should be based on the service provided, not the general feeling that anything is owed to the server simply for existing. Sounds like this guy essentially ruined your experience, and you’d have been better off serving yourself (if that were an option). He didn’t deserve any tip from you.