I (41M) have been with my girlfriend (37F) since 2019. We live together and have a 2-year-old son. She’s a stay-at-home mom, and I fully support our family financially.
Before we got together, I had already taken on a big responsibility that’s raising my younger sister (19F).
She’s the kindest, most respectful person I know. Our dad passed away in 2008 after battling cancer, and in his final months, he kept asking me literally everyday to take care of her.
I promised I would and I’ve kept that promise.
She’s lived with me ever since. Even after my GF moved in, it was never an issue. My sister was polite, helped around the house, and always respected our space.
Things changed a bit after she graduated high school and got accepted into college. I decided to pay for her tuition myself because I want to leave her inheritance (from our dad) untouched for something like a house or a business after graduation.
My girlfriend wasn’t thrilled about it but didn’t make a big deal.
Then I bought my sister a small used sedan to get to campus and paid for her dorm so she could fully focus on her studies. That’s when things started to get tense.
My girlfriend felt I was spoiling her. She said my sister should get a job and “learn responsibility.”
I explained that I didn’t want her to juggle work and school just to prove something. I’m in a position to help, and I want her to focus on her studies without burning out.
It’s not about spoiling, it’s about giving her the same shot I’d want for our son.
My girlfriend didn’t agree but dropped it for a while.
The tipping point came yesterday. My sister came home for a visit, brought homemade cookies, helped clean the kitchen, and even offered to babysit our son so we could relax.
Nothing dramatic, just her way of showing appreciation.
Later that night, my girlfriend told me it rubbed her the wrong way. She said my sister was “trying too hard” and her presence felt “a little too comfortable.”
She suggested maybe it was time my sister “learned to stand on her own” and said I might be babying her.
That stung NGL. I got defensive and told her my sister isn’t taking advantage. I told her I support her and our son just as much, but my sister is family too.
The conversation got heated. My girlfriend said she sometimes feels like she’s competing with my sister for my attention. That threw me off.
Since then, things have been quiet but tense. I still feel like I did the right thing by my sister, but maybe I handled the situation poorly? Maybe I should’ve set firmer boundaries, or kept some of this between just me and my sister.
AITA?
Edit: Guys, I’m not rich or anything, but I can thankfully cover my sister’s stuff without it messing up life for my girlfriend and our kid, I have a tiny business that keeps things financially balanced for me.
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team.
I (41M) have been with my girlfriend (37F) since 2019. We live together and have a 2-year-old son. She’s a stay-at-home mom, and I fully support our family financially.
Before we got together, I had already taken on a big responsibility that’s raising my younger sister (19F).
She’s the kindest, most respectful person I know. Our dad passed away in 2008 after battling cancer, and in his final months, he kept asking me literally everyday to take care of her.
I promised I would and I’ve kept that promise.
She’s lived with me ever since. Even after my GF moved in, it was never an issue. My sister was polite, helped around the house, and always respected our space.
Things changed a bit after she graduated high school and got accepted into college. I decided to pay for her tuition myself because I want to leave her inheritance (from our dad) untouched for something like a house or a business after graduation.
My girlfriend wasn’t thrilled about it but didn’t make a big deal.
Then I bought my sister a small used sedan to get to campus and paid for her dorm so she could fully focus on her studies. That’s when things started to get tense.
My girlfriend felt I was spoiling her. She said my sister should get a job and “learn responsibility.”
I explained that I didn’t want her to juggle work and school just to prove something. I’m in a position to help, and I want her to focus on her studies without burning out.
It’s not about spoiling, it’s about giving her the same shot I’d want for our son.
My girlfriend didn’t agree but dropped it for a while.
The tipping point came yesterday. My sister came home for a visit, brought homemade cookies, helped clean the kitchen, and even offered to babysit our son so we could relax.
Nothing dramatic, just her way of showing appreciation.
Later that night, my girlfriend told me it rubbed her the wrong way. She said my sister was “trying too hard” and her presence felt “a little too comfortable.”
She suggested maybe it was time my sister “learned to stand on her own” and said I might be babying her.
That stung NGL. I got defensive and told her my sister isn’t taking advantage. I told her I support her and our son just as much, but my sister is family too.
The conversation got heated. My girlfriend said she sometimes feels like she’s competing with my sister for my attention. That threw me off.
Since then, things have been quiet but tense. I still feel like I did the right thing by my sister, but maybe I handled the situation poorly? Maybe I should’ve set firmer boundaries, or kept some of this between just me and my sister.
AITA?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I chose to financially support my younger sister through college paying her tuition, dorm, and car without fully considering how that would impact my girlfriend emotionally or make her feel like she and our child weren’t the top priority.
I defended my sister pretty strongly during a disagreement, which may have made my girlfriend feel disrespected or sidelined.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Soft YTA. The inheritance is generally meant to care for her expenses (#1 usually being education). Not for a cushion later in life… that’s what her education is.
Nah man, you’re not the asshole for having your sister’s back you made a promise and you’re sticking to it.
But I think your girlfriend’s not upset about the money, she probably just feels left out or like she’s taking a backseat. It’s more of a “feeling thing” than a money thing.
You can still be there for your sister and make your girlfriend feel like a priority. Just sounds like y’all need a real talk about where everyone stands
NTA. you are caring for your sister the best way you know how and honoring your dead father. the fact that your girlfriend is jealous of your sister is a problem for her to figure out and a huge red flag imo.
NTA if you’re not shorting your gf and son. Your dad would be proud of you
NTA!! If you can afford to pay for her education and she’s a good kid then why shouldn’t you?! Your sister essentially only has you left and for your gf to try to push her out is really F**cked up IMO.
NTA
Sounds like your partner has only been tolerating your sister and expected you to put her out on the street when she was out of high school, despite your communicating that you had committed to raise your sister to actual adulthood. Please chat with your sis and find out if your partner has said anything hurtful to her when you weren’t around.
What I see here is that you are making a lot of large financial decisions without your GF’s imput. You have been together six years and have a kid together. Stop shutting her out and making unilateral decisions.
I am glad your sister has you in her corner to make sure she is cared for, but I think you need to let some of the inheritance be used to offset the costs you have been taking on.
NAH as long as you take a step back and have a good conversation with your GF
NTA for supporting your sister, but honestly, it feels like there is more to that. The comment of your wife about competing for your attention might be hinting at the actual problem. You can support your sister without your wife feeling neglected. Without info, we cannot be sure, but this doesn’t feel like a money issue.
NAH
You and your girlfriend need to find a therapist and discuss your feelings. Neither of you is wrong here – you just have different concepts of what’s going on.
NTA. Your sister is almost more like your child. She’s been in your custody since she was TWO YEARS OLD!
I can understand why you treat her almost more like a daughter than a sister.
Your girlfriend needs to get the fact that you’re a package deal with your sister, and she should have gotten it a LONG time ago.
If you can afford to pay your sister’s tuition, then it’s really your choice. Your girlfriend isn’t your wife, she also isn’t contributing income to support the family, so you’re not using HER money to take care of your sister.
I think it’s really generous of you to help her in that way so she can graduate without a lot of debt and have a nest egg after college.
Is there a reason why you haven’t married a woman that you’ve been with for 6 years and have a child with? Maybe there’s something about her that you don’t fully trust.
Your father passed away in 2008? So she was 2 years old when he passed. You’ve pretty much raised her and were her surrogate father. Of course you’re going to treat her like one of your children. Are these expenses affecting your families quality of life at all? If not. Then NTA. If they are then maybe. Have you ever put your sister above your wife or son? . She said your sister is “trying too hard” by bringing cookies and babysitting? That seems like a well adjusted grateful person. Is your wife normally a jealous person? Is she jealous of other women? Maybe the resentment has always been there since I assume she met you after you had full responsibility of your sister. Maybe she always hoped she wouldn’t have to share you. Maybe sit down with her and try to understand where this sudden resentment is coming from.
You’re doing and amazing thing setting up your sister like that and it she stays a good person then she deserves it. P.S. I hope you’re also not letting the inheritance sit and not accumulate money over the years. Lol
NTA. Your sister makes herself at home because your house is…her home. She’s 19 and still in college and it’s perfectly normal for college kids to live at home until they graduate and get their first jobs and apartments.
I would insist on couples therapy with your girlfriend. She might have been pretending to be ok with your sister and assumed she’d be out of the picture as soon as she left for college. If that’s the case girlfriend has some hard choices to make.
Nta good thing it’s not a wife. She might need to get a job once your son is school age. Doesn’t sound like atay at home suits her.
NTA. It sounds like you were the recipient of a paid education and 50% of your father’s assets, and you are trying to provide the same for your sister. Unless your dad left her a bigger share of the inheritance to cover the education costs, you are just giving her the start in life that your dad would have, thus fulfilling your promise to him.
NTA.
You need to ask your sister if your gf ever did anything to her to imply she’s unwelcomed or unloved.
Your sister was literally a toddler when you became her guardian, this is your gf showing she doesn’t consider your sister family.
Sounds like your girlfriend wants all your attention and money to herself and is jealous of the fact that you help your sister out and doesn’t like your closeness. It may wind up being a problem and you may eventually have to choose. I’m sorry, but your girlfriend is unappreciated of what you do for her. She gets to sit at home and take care of your child. I’ve had four children so I know what it’s like and I juggled work as a single parent she at least has a luxury of being able to stay at home with your child and should be grateful for what she gets because other people aren’t that fortunate
Nta, especially if you’re in a spot where you’re able to take care of your family and your sister. Seems like your sister is almost like a daughter with you raising her so your gf shouldn’t be envious if she understands. With her same logic, I want to say your gf needs to get a job and learn responsibility. Seems like she’s envious of your sister but I don’t get why. You should talk to her and try to understand where the insecurity is coming from.
NTA gf feels entitled to your money
NTA, but with any chance to get to the bottom of this: Couples Counseling, stat
NTA. You are completely doing the right thing by your sister as working and school is hard.
You do need to sit your gf down when your sister is not around and ask her what’s going on and just listen to what she’s got to say. There is some weird toxicity around what she is saying about your sister and that could harm your relationship with your sister and your child. Dont go on the defensive just listen what she has to say and ask the questions that help uncover.
NTA, but you probably need to make her your wife in the near future.
Your girlfriend is in a vulnerable position, being an unwed stay-at-home mother. That unmarried status explains why you don’t ask for her input on this financial decision. 2 years of college costs about the same as a wedding. I get that your girlfriend showed up after you made the commitment to take care of your sister, but you also have a son that you brought into the world.
Your gf is weird. Full stop. Just weird.
She’s jealous of a 19 year old, number one. Jealous of your sister, number two.
You already have a kid with her so I guess you’re stuck, but damn dude.
Your gf is just looking for trouble…maybe she should get a job and learn to stand on her feet?
NTA my bet is she is pushing your sister away behind your back, I would ask your sister to tell you what your gf is saying to her. Protect your sister from her, she doesn’t see your sister as your family
Slight YTA… IF, and only if, you and your gf are committed to being life partners. In my own life, I consider marriage the threshold, but I know some people don’t want or value marriage.
If you do consider each other life partners, you both should have equal input in large financial decisions that affect your household. You can’t, on one hand, call her a partner and on the other belittle her opinions on household spending, because you have both agreed for her to be a SAHM to your child.
A major factor is that your sister would not have to go without, since you said she has an inheritance that could easily pay for things like a car and school. Unless your house and cars are paid off, your child’s college fund is fully stocked, and you have enough retirement funds to never work another day in your lives, financially supporting your adult sister is affecting your nuclear family’s financial future. I’m not saying it’s not worth it, but if you and your gf have committed to building a life together, you both deserve equal input in your financial decisions. Your adult sister will be fine either way, but if you constantly belittle the mother of your child, your nuclear family may not be.
I mean to be fair you have a child with this woman and have decided to make huge financial decisions without talking to her about them. So in my opinion, I would say yes YTA.
NTA. She’s a GF and not a wife. She does not get a say. The fact that you are not married at this point should be a red flag. It is your right and your prerogative to support your sister how you deem fit as long as you do right by your son.
May I ask what your GF did before the 2 yo was born? Was she stay at home then also?
Some people have suggested therapy. You’ve been together for six years and have a kid together. Do you really want to be with your GF permanently? She will always hold a grudge against your sister. Her feelings will only deepen and get worse not better. Do you want that negativity in your life or are you hoping it goes away once your sister is back in school. Plus, your GF at 37 should be mature enough to handle the situation w/your sister.
NTA, but this might be a cultural mismatch. Maybe your GF grew up in a family where people were expected to stand up and get out when they turned 18, so in her eyes, what you’re doing is weird and excessive. I don’t think there’s any one right way to think about this, but this may be a continued point of contention, depending on how deeply ingrained your family values and discrepancies therein are. Your GF does not see your sister as family, period. The “competing“ thing is so odd, like when MILs get jealous of their son’s wife. Hello??
NTA You took on the role of parent after your dad died and raised your sister. He would be very proud of you. For all practical purposes she is your daughter.
Your gf knew you were a packaged deal so she made the choice to not only have a relationship with you, but to bring a child into the world. A child you are in no way neglecting. Her overreacting over your sister showing appreciation by bringing baked goods and offering to babysit when she came home — and it is her home — indicates a serious problem. You and your gf need to have some serious heart to heart conversations.
Being a SAHP can be very lonely. Perhaps if she found a part-time job or hobby when your baby can go to mother’s morning out or similar program will be beneficial.
Nta your girlfriend is being so gross. She is jealous of your sister. You keep being a good parent to your sister. Your gf is going to start mistreating your sister tho. I don’t have any advice other than i think this is a turning point and I’m sorry
Your girlfriend is a hypocrite. It’s okay for her to sit on her a$$ while you support her, your choice, but the sister that you’ve been taking care of, like a daughter, should be cut off. Why? So that your girlfriend can have more? You need to stop spoiling your girlfriend. Tell her to get a job and learn responsibility.
While you are not your sister’s father, she is your defacto daughter … you were/are essentially a single parent to her.
As a parent, your job has been to raise her well and by your own account, you have done an exceptional job! Your gf is exemplifying the worst characteristics of an evil stepmother.
NTA. You are keeping a promise to your father, and doing what you should as her guardian. If I had the money to, I would absolutely be paying for my younger brothers’ schooling. Until that happens, my partner and I do as much as we can for our siblings. We love them, and we wanna help.
I think the biggest issue here is that you and your girlfriend have a child together and it seems you may have differing views on parenting. Yes, her stance could be based solely on her misplaced jealousy towards your sister but those two things could also be somewhat coincidental. What about when your son gets to be that age? Will she try and forbid you from paying for his schooling? Getting him a car? Helping out? If you don’t know the answers you should absolutely try and find them.
If you want to save this relationship, I think you absolutely need couples counseling. You’re obviously not on the same page and this will only escalate further. You need to figure out why she feels like she’s competing with your sister. Sure, there’s a chance you have some blind spots but I think it’s more likely that your gf has some sort of underlying issues that should be addressed.
I read this one last year
YTA I get it, but it was your dads job to pay your sisters way, she has an inheritance for that. Unless you are incredibly wealthy, taking this much of your household income should a) be a joint decision and b) is taking it from your child’s eventual benefit which is probably what she’s thinking of. When you paid to raise your sister, she agreed because that was the status quo when you got together, but she has an inheritance her post secondary education should be at least partially covered by that. You can say she’s a SAHM to minimize her financial contribution all you want but if you had to do 50% of child care and 50% of household tasks would you be making what you’re making now? She gets a say. You earn what you earn because she contributes, and you are ignoring that contribution and doing whatever you want.
From a SAHM this is hypocritical ” She said my sister should get a job and “learn responsibility.”” NOTHING against SAHM’s as I was one, but sister is doing college same as gf is doing mommy duties. NTA and you might stop sharing financial info with gf who isn’t involved.
NTA…at all…your dad would be so proud, and to allow your sister to use her inheritance for her own future needs is amazing.
I believe your gf should be ever so proud of your commitment to do the right thing for your sister…because it speaks to the man you are.
NTA but you may want to explore why your girlfriend is feeling insecure.
NTA
You sound like an amazing brother and father. Your dad would be so proud of you.
Maybe shes jealous that your sister is able to have an easier path then she did at that age?
If you guys arent hurting financially then I dont see what she has to complain about.
NTA… You took on the responsibility of being a parent, and you are doing it admirably. That is your sister’s home just as much as it is yours. Your girlfriend can’t suddenly decide she’s “too comfortable” in her own home! You did not handle it poorly, however, your girlfriend is handling it poorly. I would ask her if she expects you to push your son out to stand on his own when he starts college. You are a parent to your sister and your girlfriend needs to respect that just as much as she respects you being the father to your son.
Much love
Updateme
NTA your gf feels competition with your sis because she views you as a cash cow not a partner
NTA but this is not a good situation.
why would your gf say she has to compete for your attention? is that a manipulation tactic on her part? It is such an odd thing to say.
It seems like she has just been waiting for your sister to turn 18 and then you’d be done with her. She doesn’t see sis as part of the nuclear family.
Maybe counselling can help, but idk. gf seems manipulative.
🔥I HATE you greedy selfish gf. “a little too comfortable.” In her parents/legal guardians home??? NTA!! Ask your gf if HER parents would ever tell her she is “too comfortable” if she needed to live with her parents. PLUS your girlfriend was the one who moved into your sister‘s home! It was your sister‘s home FIRST. Your gf is CLEARLY jealous that you provided for your sister. She is so sick man. For her to say “she’s trying to hard” just because you provided for her as a GUARDIAN would. Your father would have helped her with a car AND tuition. Your gf just wants your money. HUGE RED GOLD DIGGER FLAGS. Your gf is NOT your wife- baby mama or not. She should know her place in your life. She is NOT family, even if “yet”. Your sister will be your family FOREVER- before divorce and after divorce. Your gf should have absolutely no say in what you do for your sister because it’s not her money. It’s extremely rude and presumptuous of your gf to even opine on how you take care of your sister- who you are RAISING.
NTA. the problem is because you are not married, the gf feels like she is in competition with the sister. she feels unstable because you are taking care of the sister ‘s needs over hers and the kid. perhaps she feels if you take care of the sis then you wont have enough to give to her and the son. women with children looking for a provider and in this case feels that big chunk of your money is being spent on the sister and not on her.
Nta
I would choose the sibling I swore to take care of over the GF. And it really seems like your GF is wanting to make you choose between the two of them. That’s pure evil.
Your GF doesn’t think of your sister as your sister she thinks of her as competition. It’s creepy and it’s gross. She’s worried her free ride as a SAHM is in jeopardy and she’ll have to actually go out and get a job once the child is in school. All that money going to your sister could be going to her instead.
Stop thinking with your love goggles and actually look at your girlfriend properly. I think you’ll be shocked when you actually look back on her behaviour and attitude. You aren’t shorting your family to help your sister, you are balancing the finances so that everyone is good. Your sister is young enough to be your daughter. Think of it like that. Step mom is acting like a Disney witch and actively trying to make you ditch her in favour of her and your son. She’s the evil step mother in this relationship and your sister is Cinderella.
NTA
Your girlfriend being jealous of your sister is a bad sign.
Her saying she needs to learn responsibility while she’s a stay at home mom is real rich. NTA
NTA- I’m really disappointed in your GF. She’s jealous of your sister and it’s about the money. She doesn’t want you spending yours/her money on your sister. Your sister was being so kind showing appreciation and that made your GF uncomfortable. 🙄 This sounds very manipulative
Please don’t let her do this to your relationship with your sister. Y’all are so close.
Nta. Bro. Your gf is literally jealous of your sister. Like. Wtf?! Sis offers free childcare so y’all can take a break and your gf’s response is “she’s trying too hard”??? WTF?! She’s literally just being a decent human, showing gratitude for the support you’re giving her. Like. Holy fuck does your gf have issues. Dead ass? If you didn’t have a kid together, I’d tell you to break up. Her kind of toxic drama ain’t worth it.
Nta but it won’t hurt ur sister to get a part time job. It will build character for her
Do not marry that girlfriend of yours….
Nta
NTA, this is not a money problem. Your gf is jealous of your 19yo sister that you raised since she was a baby, pretty much your child … that’s on her! Is she expecting you to just kick your sister out so she can pretend to be the only woman in your life? Your sister is still in her teen, she only has you, by the sound of it, you’re doing exactly what you are supposed to do!
Your gf should be happy to see that you’re a solid father for her son, because of how you are supporting your sister. Gf needs therapy!
NTA. Your sister is basically your child and gf is trying to put her as different or less than. I too wonder how she treated sis all this time. Be clear you raised your sis and she is always going to be a huge part of your life and that everything u do for her is same as you would do for your kids.
How was she raised? Were her parents supportive?
NTA. Your stay-at-home girlfriend might be feeling financially stressed, but that doesn’t mean she gets to imply your sister is a romantic rival.
You two need to talk about why she’s stressed. Is it retirement? Your child’s future? Does she just need to see the accounts and cash flow?
That said, there are some people who will always think that their flesh and blood is more important than yours, and your girlfriend might be one of them. If that’s the case, no amount of wealth would satisfy her, but it’s not something you can find out without getting to the bottom of why she’s concerned.
NTA. but is feeling weird that GF phrases it that “she sometimes feels like she’s COMPETING with my sister for my attention”, dude, what????, is she jealous of your sister?? Does she know that the love you have for a sibling is totally different to the love you have for a partner and no one is less than the other??
She wants you to stop caring and have no contact with your sister who is also part of your family??
She should appreciate how committed are to your sister because that’s might be reflects how committed you will be to your son but no, she chooses to be envious????, I don’t see that you neglect her or your son for giving some things to your sister
Set a boundary and say things straight, that you are not leaving your sister (if that is what you want) before she do anything bad to your sister and by herself damage that sibling bond
It really icks me the wrong way when a partner uses the term “competing” against a sibling
NTA, you are the sole bread winner and you promised to care for your sister more in a guardian role, than a brother role. Your GF may not like it, but she has no say.
Your sister will be your sister for the rest of your life. Your GF may not be there next week. FYI, GF is an AH.
You, OTOH, are NOT the AH
>Edit: Guys, I’m not rich or anything, but I can thankfully cover my sister’s stuff without it messing up life for my girlfriend and our kid, I have a tiny business that keeps things financially balanced for me.
Not gonna lie I thought this was about finances.
>My girlfriend said she sometimes feels like she’s competing with my sister for my attention. That threw me off.
If this threw you off, like its throwing us off. There’s something else going on here and yall need counseling or something. Especially if this is all coming out of no where.
NTA, if you’re financially able to support everyone.
YTA for even questioning yourself on this one.
NTA- but, I just want to make sure I understood OP correctly. You are the legal guardian of your sister and have been for years before you and your gf got together. You are financially stable enough to be the sole breadwinner of the household AND set your sister up for a successful life. And the woman that you are in a relationship with and have a child with has the audacity to be upset and honestly cruel regarding your sister.
Your sister is your legal guardian. You raised her and have been doing a great job (I’m sure your father is proud). A lot of parents wish they could be able to support their children in university half as much as you are able to. It’s beautiful. Your GF is trying to cause trouble (she was stirring the pot against your sister and honestly might have also been checking your reaction to see how far she could go). Her jealousy is gross, and honestly a major red flag to me. Her hypocrisy regarding your sister needing a job while she is a SAHM is another red flag.
You have two major choices right now:
go to couples counseling to figure out what is at issue and help heal the relationship
separate (divorce if you are legally married).
I would think about how much effort I am willing to put into the relationship. From there, if I felt it was worth the fight, I would suggest counseling. Otherwise, I would cut my losses and work out a way to end the relationship.
NTA. Your GF is jealous of your sister. I’m not sure what you can do about that. Why doesn’t your GF get a job? Why is your sister the only one that needs to get a job. Your GF isn’t standing on her own. You’re supporting her. Your GF thinks your money should be spent entirely on her and your child. She doesn’t care about your sister.
NTA. You’ve raised your sister since she was 2/3. She’s as much your child as your sister. Your GF is way out of line.
NTA for paying but that’s probably not the issue.
Your GF is jealous of your attention and care going to ‘another woman’. Women can easily get insecure about other women. Maybe it wasn’t an issue when she was a child but now she is older your GF feels threatened in her role in your life. For example, not being married might make her feel like you don’t value her. Assuming you want to stay with her consider what she needs to feel secure in the relationship and how you are treating her.
NTA, that’s your girlfriend who is jealous of you for stepping up after your dad died for your sister. She needs therapy because she thinks she’s competing for you with your 19 year old sister. Think about it and how screwed up that is.
100% NTA
INFO: What happened to your sister’s (and possibly yours, though with the age gap I doubt it) mom?
NTA. Your responsibility is to your sister. Your girlfriend seems very entitled…
NTA. Your unemployed gf has a damn cheek telling anyone else to get a job.
Updateme
NTA…..while I disagree on how you’ve handled finances regarding your sister……you’re an amazing brother and she is lucky to have you.
Your girlfriend is obviously very jealous of your close relationship and financial arrangement…..ironic since you fully support her as well. I think she played nice at the beginning , but her true colors are showing after time.
Use your sister’s inheritance as your father wished… for her education. With a good education , she will not have to worry about getting a great job.
Time to stop spoiling her and let her grow up and experience life.
The GF…well , I would re-evaluate that relationship.
Nta, but you need to start getting these things in writing because your girlfriend being jealous of your sister is wiiiiild. Her saying your sister is a try hard when you could have had a night out together is wiiiiilld. Her telling you how to spend your money versus your sister’s inheritance is wiiiild. She doesn’t get to decide how that money is spent, you and your sister do. Im guessing it’s in a trust until she turns a certain age… if not, put it in one and take that part of the debate off the table.
And for all the people saying marry her to help her fell more stable. Dont. Differing opinions about kids and money are the main reasons marriages end in divorce. Yall already have both.
Your GF wants your sister gone. She wants your sister to learn independence at 19. You’re not married but have a kid and she doesn’t work. Sounds like she thinks independence is letting someone else make money. She sounds like a jealous stepmother.
Ugh. Kind of glad you haven’t made her a wife.
She doesn’t seem to understand that what you provide your sister isn’t taking anything away from her. Because it’s not hers. She has taken ownership in her head. And that’s not a good sign.
Yeah, it’s chilly. She took off her mask.
Hard to get the toothpaste back in the tube. Or the poo back in the horse.
Mission. You have a problem.
NTA. You are a good man and a good brother OP. Your GG, on the other hand, is an AH. I hope you never choose to make her more than a GF because I can already see the problems now. The next time your gf wants to make a comment about your sister, tell her she is free to take her happy ass back to a full time job and she can split all of the household costs with you. She is NOT family. She is not your wife (hopefully, she never will be given her attitude). She is not your sister or your son. She is a grown ass adult who can learn to stand on HER own two feet instead of being a dependent.
NTA Youre girlfriends attitude is very strange. You’ve been raising your sister since she was 2 (if my math was right) she’s practically your first-born, why is gf acting like she’s competing with someone you raised? Obviously your sis should feel fully comfortable in your home, youre basically her parent. Its giving evil step-mom energy. Id ask your sister how she feels about gf, is you havent thus far. Get some perspective on her behavior from the one its aimed towards.
NTA