My boyfriend (28M) and I (31F) are both from country A, where the currency is controlled but only loosely enforced. I work in a nearby country B and get paid in $B.
One day, a rando online reached out to my BF, asking if we’d like to exchange $B for $A. BF asked me if I’d be interested. I had him inquire about the exchange rate, but since it was much better than the Google rate, I told him it was probably a scam and thought nothing more of it.
A month later, I got a call from the police in country A saying they had detained my BF for illicit foreign exchange and that I needed to come in for questioning. I excused myself from my work meeting and traveled for 2.5 hours back to country A, only to be told by the police that my boyfriend had gone ahead with the exchange without my knowledge, and the other party was indeed a scammer who was trying to launder money (hence why this was even on the police radar).
I was questioned for hours about whether I’m an active scammer and if my work and income in $B were legitimate. When the police were finally done with my part, it was past 9PM. My BF was kept for more questioning, so I told my him I needed to leave to catch the last train back to country B as I had some important meetings the next day. Since my BF was technically a victim of the scam and the amount he exchanged was fairly small, he was eventually released without charges at around 1AM, as we were both expecting.
However, now he’s complaining that I didn’t wait at the police station until he was released for “something he did on my behalf as I’m the one who might need $A.” From my POV, I’m mad that he did something I explicitly told him not to do, which caused me to miss most of my work day with no notice, and in spite of this I still travelled for 5 hours that day just to help clarify the situation, which showed plenty of support and care.
AITA for not waiting for him to be released?
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My boyfriend (28M) and I (31F) are both from country A, where the currency is controlled but only loosely enforced. I work in a nearby country B and get paid in $B.
One day, a rando online reached out to my BF, asking if we’d like to exchange $B for $A. BF asked me if I’d be interested. I had him inquire about the exchange rate, but since it was much better than the Google rate, I told him it was probably a scam and thought nothing more of it.
A month later, I got a call from the police in country A saying they had detained my BF for illicit foreign exchange and that I needed to come in for questioning. I excused myself from my work meeting and traveled for 2.5 hours back to country A, only to be told by the police that my boyfriend had gone ahead with the exchange without my knowledge, and the other party was indeed a scammer who was trying to launder money (hence why this was even on the police radar).
I was questioned for hours about whether I’m an active scammer and if my work and income in $B were legitimate. When the police were finally done with my part, it was past 9PM. My BF was kept for more questioning, so I told my him I needed to leave to catch the last train back to country B as I had some important meetings the next day. Since my BF was technically a victim of the scam and the amount he exchanged was fairly small, he was eventually released without charges at around 1AM, as we were both expecting.
However, now he’s complaining that I didn’t wait at the police station until he was released. From my POV, I’m mad that he did something I explicitly told him not to do, which caused me to miss most of my work day with no notice, and in spite of this I still travelled for 5 hours that day just to help clarify the situation, which showed plenty of support and care.
AITA for not waiting for him to be released?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I left the police station after my questioning even though my partner was still being questioned, for something he did behind my back
2. AITH for not showing enough emotional support and concern for my partner by waiting outside of the police station until his release?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA: he was an idiot. He got some alone time to think about his idiocy. It will be good for him.
NTA
He’s honestly lucky to have you because my boyfriend would have had to wait until I was finished working for me to even show up over this type of mess
NTA. He should be apologising profusely for wasting your time, getting you questionedby police and losing a day of work. If he’s turning this around to pretend he’s some kind of victim here and blaming you it’s absolutely worth dumping him. Massive red flag.
This could have threatened your employment. If my partner did this they’d be an ex. NTA
NTA – Why on earth should you have waited? To give him a kiss after you both got questioned by the police for something you asked him not to do? Nah.
He did a stupid. He’s emberassed he did the stupid, especially because you told him not to do the stupid. His doing of the stupid interfered greatly with your day and reputation at work, not to mention police-involvement.
You were more than right to be pissed and wanting to minimize future impact from his stupid on your life by catching that train.
He took it upon himself to do the stupid on his own, he can solve his stupid on his own.
NTA
NTA
Your boyfriend made a reckless decision after you specifically warned him the offer seemed like a scam. His actions, not yours, caused all the trouble, including the police investigation that dragged you away from your job and forced you into hours of interrogation. Despite that, you still made a huge effort by traveling several hours to support him and help clear things up.
You had every right to leave once your part was done, especially since you needed to get back for important work meetings. It’s unfair for him to pin his situation on you or expect you to sacrifice even more of your time when his lack of judgment was the root cause. His complaint sounds like deflection of blame, and your decision to set a boundary was both reasonable and justified, especially since you value clear communication and respect for boundaries in your relationships