The fire alarm in our apartment building went off early this morning. My partner (34 M) and I (39F)sleep in separate bedrooms because of our different work schedules. I got up and checked on our cats, who are both terrified of loud noises. My cat was hiding in the corner. His cat was running around the apartment. Our building is pet friendly and I knew there would be tons of dogs outside. I felt like taking the time to chase them down and put them in carriers to be outside surrounded by dogs would cause more distress than necessary.
I saw his bedroom light was on so I knew he was awake.
I went and threw some clothes on, put on my jacket and shoes.
I checked back in on him and he was on the toilet in the bathroom.
Since we are both capable adults, I then left the building, expecting he would follow soon.
A few minutes later, he came down and said “Every man for himself, huh?”
He said the fact that I left without him proved I don’t actually care about him. He said the fact that I didn’t say anything or text him wasn’t what normal people do in a relationship. That if the building was on fire and the ceiling fell and crushed him and the cats that I wouldn’t even know. He then broke up with me. AITA?
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The fire alarm in our apartment building went off early this morning. My partner (34 M) and I (39F)sleep in separate bedrooms because of our different work schedules. I got up and checked on our cats, who are both terrified of loud noises. My cat was hiding in the corner. His cat was running around the apartment. Our building is pet friendly and I knew there would be tons of dogs outside. I felt like taking the time to chase them down and put them in carriers to be outside surrounded by dogs would cause more distress than necessary.
I saw his bedroom light was on so I knew he was awake.
I went and threw some clothes on, put on my jacket and shoes.
I checked back in on him and he was on the toilet in the bathroom.
Since we are both capable adults, I then left the building, expecting he would follow soon.
A few minutes later, he came down and said “Every man for himself, huh?”
He said the fact that I left without him proved I don’t actually care about him. He said the fact that I didn’t say anything or text him wasn’t what normal people do in a relationship. That if the building was on fire and the ceiling fell and crushed him and the cats that I wouldn’t even know. He then broke up with me. AITA?
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> I might be the asshole because I should have at least talked to him about the plan or waited for him so we could go down together.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
So he’d rather you die by his side Notebook style??!!?? Sometimes trash takes itself out. NTA
I would expect my husband to wait for me but I wouldn’t break up with him over it.
YTA.
>I felt like taking the time to chase them down and put them in carriers to be outside surrounded by dogs would cause more distress than necessary
More distress than potentially being burned alive? You acted like you were sure it was just a false alarm and everyone would be fine and just go to bed afterward. And even though that turned out to be the case, i.e. the building did not burn down, it very well might have gone the other way.
And yes, it is absolutedly not normal to just go “oh, his light is on, so he is awake” and then go.
I would have broken up with you too.
If he thought there was a possibility of the building being on fire and the ceiling falling and crushing him and the cats, why did he go to the toilet?
YTA, you left your damn cats in the apartment when the fire alarm went off.
You didn’t even tell him you were leaving to apartment. He could have been looking for you, trying to catch the cats you left behind which if there was an actual fire could have killed him and the cats.
Selfish AF.
So you guys are living together and building a life together and then the last line of your whole thing is “then he broke up with me” which makes the whole thing not believable. At all. But for shits and giggles, let’s just say it’s true.
I think you’re very wrong for leaving your cats and partner in the apartment without even a word or text. Take the cats, at least. How do you know if it’s a real fire or something not to be worry about? I always take the cats, but I take them to my car and wait it out there. If I didn’t have a car I’d wait outside away from everyone else. But I’d still take them outside. I think you could have also communicated, via talking or texting, that you were going outside. It’s not that hard.
So yeah, YTA but mostly for leaving the cats behind.
…
You were both under the impression there was a whole ass fire and one of you went to use the restroom and expected their partner to wait in a potentially burning building, while the other left their partner and pets in the potentially burning building?
ESH.
ESH Just leaving without saying anything to him is an AH move. At the least, you should have said I am going out and I will be at XYZ, come meet me as soon as you get out. However. it sounds like he was looking for an excuse to leave if that is what made him break up with you.
NTA, he was already up, and he is capable of getting out himself. He already knew what was going on and decided to go use the restroom instead.
Nah, you’re not the asshole. You knew he was awake and assumed he’d come right after that’s reasonable during an alarm. It’s not like you abandoned him in danger. His reaction sounds way over the top and probably about more than just the fire drill.
ESH and INFO
Did you clarify that you were going/ask him if he wanted you to wait for him?! The sequence of events seem strange
And he broke up with you for that?!? Huh??
YTA because you didn’t get the cats out.
Two grown-ass humans, sure, you do you – get shoes on, pick up your phone, and go.
Two cats? Unless the firefighters are literally banging on your door yelling at you to get out now and don’t wait for anything, you get each cat into its basket, pick up the baskets, shoes on, pick up phone, and out you go. If your boyfriend wakes up in time, all the better.
Being married, I would never leave my wife behind during a fire alarm, but you can be sure I would be yelling at her to move her ass. We have a cat too. Though I might want to leave it behind, I would get it too (sigh).
YTA. Get rid of your cat and get a dog.
It’s not the fact you didn’t wait for him; it’s the fact you didn’t acknowledge him. He doesn’t know you saw his light on. He doesn’t know you saw him in his bathroom. He doesn’t know you chose to leave the cats inside. You don’t know he wasn’t hurt. At the very least, “I think it’s a false alarm! Are you okay in there?” Make sure he hears it, he’s alive, and he agrees with the decision to leave the cats inside. YTA
YTA for leaving the cats inside, btw. Stress of the kennels aside, the fire alarms in apartment buildings are notoriously loud. They should have gone out for that reason alone.
It is a bit weird just to leave without him. Although not sure why he would choose to be on the toilet in the middle of the fire alarm. I agree it didn’t make sense to take the cats but you could have just asked him to come with you
YTA for not getting the cats out!!
INFO did you say anything to him before you left?
Though I’m tempted to say YTA just for the cat situation
YTA
So.
Separate bedrooms. Your cat vs his cat. Not „our“ cats.
Yall are roommates with benefits. Of course you would take your cats with you if you can – and of course you’ll check in on your partner. What if it would have been a real fire taking everything? Two dead cats and a dead partner? No big deal?
YTA. And it doesn’t sound like you were having a relationship. The alarm goes off, you didn’t sleep together and didn’t communicate at all with eachother?? No words spoken while something like this happened? That is weird imo
Wait you didn’t even say a word prior to leaving him in the cats in the apartment. Did you just peek in the bedroom wordlessly and run. If so YTA, you could’ve at least said I’m going to grab one of the cats and go downstairs or asked if he was good with grabbing both of the cats while you go and check things out.
YTA … All it takes is “Do you hear that? Are you ok?”
Yta. I’d be pretty pissed if my husband left me in our apartment while the fire alarm was going off, especially after not communicating that he was leaving. I’d be extra pissed if he left me alone to deal with animals too. He should have maybe put some urgency in leaving the apartment though. You’re both lucky it wasn’t a real emergency
are you for real? Reverse roles, if your boyfriend did this to you, you’d be pissed if not devastated if he just left you for dead. This is insanity. Yall are not in an adult relationship. Yta
YTA. You left him to fend for himself. It sounds like you left the cats. It sounds like you left him to deal with the cats? Would he know if the cats were still in the apartment? Would he know if you had them? What if the fire suddenly launched through a wall or the ceiling?
Would you be ok if he left you and the cats in the apartment?
Fire alarms require teamwork.
Leaving him to run out? Not an adshole thing to do.
Staying around in the apartment for a while and not even checking on him is not as cool. It’s completely fair if you grab your cats, grab a coat and book it.
Do they do any sort of fire drills o education where you live? Not to sound condescending, just wondering. Where I live you’re thought that if your building is on fire, you leave.
A holler was the minimum that was needed. That you know he was inside and should follow you asap. You going out without a word is where YWTA.
Checked on him meaning what? If just assumed tolielt without conversation then indeed YTA
YTA. How hard is it to shout “hey, hun, I am heading down stairs. See you at the muster point.”?
As for leaving the cats? 🙀 There are 2 possibilities
I would have broken up with you too.
YTA. That’s not a healthy relationship. At the very VERY least communicate. Talk to each other? Also grab the cats to make sure they’re safe. Also why are they not “our” but “his and my” cats?
So much the ahole. Top of the line. Left the cats and spouse behind. I’d leave you too
you’re are 1000000% in the wrong bro. YTA you should have at least communicated to him. this is your doing.
YTA. A normal person wouldn’t leave a friend behind, let alone a partner. If it was a drill, you’d casually walk out together. If it was real and you panicked, you’d bang on his door frantically to hurry him up so you can leave together. You’re very individualistic. You need to work on that.
YTA You were up first and you left the CATS? Cold blooded.
How are you upset by his comment? It’s LITERALLY what you did! YTA, and you shouldn’t have a cat. WTF?
ESH. In a real fire, you would all be dead. It’s not the time to go looking for cats, get dressed, put on shoes, find and put on a jacket. A fire or alarm means GET OUT. You grab a blanket or bathrobe or towel on your way out.
YTA. You didn’t even check to see if he fell asleep with the light on.
YTA. You couldn’t even be bothered to say something to him? What is wrong with you.
NAH. Different styles.
You left your partner and pets in what was possibly a life-threatening situation and expected your partner to be ok with it?
Hopefully he leaves you at the curb and goes on to live happily ever after with both cats and a new partner who doesn’t lack…well, humanity.
YTA.
I run into the kitchen yelling, “Is everything okay?!” if/when the smoke detector goes off while my husband is cooking and I offer to help even if it’s nothing (and one time it almost wasn’t nothing and I quick as shit smothered a flaming pan while my husband started aiming the fire extinguisher!). That to say, yeah, YTA. Your lack of concern for others when a whole damned alarm goes off in a whole damned building is staggering!
So you took the time to chase down the animals, but couldn’t be bothered to even stick your head in to be sure he wasn’t trapped or unable to get out?
Seriously, YTA
I think YTA. You could’ve even just said “ hey I’m heading outside come down when you’re done” and you also could’ve been more proactive about the safety of your cats. If you don’t want to take care of them and protect them then give them up.
I legitimately went back and checked the ages after I read this.
I might expect someone who is TWENTY YEARS YOUNGER, who is in their first apartment, to maybe not take an alarm super seriously – but this is straight up idiotic behavior.
You need to have cat carriers available and ready to scoop your cats in to and gtfo the door when there’s an alarm.
YTA for not telling him you left the apartment – which would’ve kept him from looking for you. Split seconds count in a fire or a gas leak.
YTA- you needed to communicate, even a “you good” would have worked.
Christ, I heard my neighbours fire alarm go off a few months back, and went to check everything was ok and if they needed help. (No, they didn’t, but they were going to get some takeaways for dinner). You couldn’t even wait for the person you choose to live with?? YTA
Yta.
Your reaction was odd. You wouldn’t even call in to his room and say hey I’m going down, wanna follow etc.
YTA… so if there was an actual fire, you just leave your cats and partner to fend for themselves? Yes it’s a “hassle” getting the cats into their carriers, but wtf you’d rather have them burn to death in a fire???? I lived in a building that used to have frequent false fire alarms. Every time, I would pack up my cats and make sure everyone else was up and getting out of the apartment as well. You’re just a selfish asshole 😒
YTA, both for leaving the cats and not even speaking to your partner.
YTA- you dipped on him and your cats without saying anything. Doesnt matter your rationale for it, the result is you look selfish and cold.
You sleep in separate bedrooms and he broke up with you because u left without him during a fire alarm….
I just have a sneaking suspicion that you leaving him behind without saying a word isnt the reason he broke up with you. Its just the last reason…
Info: How did you know he was on the toilet?
YTA. If nothing else it’s just… strange to just leave during a fire alarm without saying anything to your SO
YTA for leaving the cats, it’s not like this was a drill, there was legitimate danger and you abandoned them. He’s an adult man who chose to take a shjt instead of getting out, that’s on him