Sometimes they get scheduled at 10 am. Yesterday they were scheduled at 10 am. I was also at work so not on my phone. The only reason I really checked was to make sure they stopped at the post office to pay rent first.
They ended up being almost an hour late due to oversleeping. As far as I know they didn’t have any repercussions at work.
Today they’re scheduled for 10am again. It’s currently 9:55am & they’re still asleep. I woke up to their 8:45am alarm & started my day with cleaning since I’m off today.
I feel bad because they could lose their job but I also don’t feel responsible for waking them up. I wake up at 6am for work on my own so another grown adult should be able to wake up at 9am for their 10am start time, even 9:30am at the latest since their job is a 10 minute walk from our residence.
I could be TA because I could easily wake them
up while I’m sitting in the living room sipping on my coffee.
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> I could be the asshole because I could just easily wake them up while I’m sitting in the living room sipping on my coffee.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA but I’d high-tail it to a park or coffee or a hike in the boonies so you don’t have to deal with the scramble. Use the time to contemplate why this person is so irresponsible and whether you want that for the rest of your life.
If your joint finances would be impacted by them losing their job, then YTA to yourself.
I’d say NTA.
I will occasionally ask my wife to make sure I’m up, IF SHE IS UP. But it’s my job as a grown ass man to be awake for work.
If they lose their job, are you going to have to cover all the bills until they find a new one?
That’s called cutting off your nose to spite your face – just to prove a point instead of having a discussion later.
YTA.
ESH
Your partner: inability to arise when required. Cute in cats, annoying in partners.
You: while it isn’t your responsibility to wake up this person you could easily do so, and it could be a sweet gesture. I wonder if you feel resentful? Your post reads that way.
Further option: your partner is deceased. You have already woken up to one alarm, heard the second chime, and have cleaned the place? Sounds noisy.
Need more infos: is this a recurrent habit of them? Or a recent one?
Why does they not have many alarm if they can’t wake up with the first one?
YTA
You are at home and didn’t make any effort to wake them up? It’s not your responsibility but it is a decent thing to do for your partner.
Mild YTA only because you knew they were scheduled and knew they were still asleep. Doesn’t mean you’re responsible, but giving them a quick heads-up wouldn’t have hurt
Are you an AH for not waking up your partner? Of course, if they’re…a child.
If you’re in a relationship with an actual grown up then they need to find a way to take care of the basics of functioning in life, which includes getting up for work.
NTA
YTA
It’s not your responsibility, but your partners. If you’re up and you’re home, why not wake him up?
it’s not about income, it’s not about what a person should do themselves. It’s the fact that you know something your partner doesn’t know at this moment and you could help them and you’re refusing to.
In the time you wrote this post, you could have woken them up. . But this is energy you felt was worth expending
NTA. Someone who is grown enough to work, is grown enough to understand responsibility and that actions have consequences. They overslept yesterday and were late to work – so they already knows exactly what the consequence is.
Do you want to be someone’s parent or their partner?
YTA for staying with an adult incapable of carrying out even the most basic of responsibilities.
NTA Living 10 minutes away and still being an hour late for work is a special kind of irresponsibility.
If you hear their alarm go off and you wake up and you see them sleeping through it without waking them too, then yeah, YTA
YTA only because their income is a portion of your rent. 🤭
You shouldn’t be responsible for a grown person getting up for work, but you’ll still be responsible for rent if they get the axe. 🤗
Asshole might be a bit strong of a word, but you’d definitely be a bit of a dick if you don’t. Crazy that one person was suggesting you rethink your relationship over this.
You’re not responsible to wake him up, but chilling in the living room while you down the minutes to him being late doesn’t sound like something a good partner does
I’m sorry your partner is childish and I understand you don’t want to baby them but sitting on your couch drinking coffee while you know they are late is childish too. I believe this is called tit for tat. YTA.
NTA.
This is a grown ass adult we are talking about. It is not your responsibility to wake them up. That is something we learn how to do for ourselves in middle school. They need to figure it out.
NTA, it’s always a touchy subject in relationships, but the party sleeping in is a fully functioning adult who knows they have responsibilities with or without a partner.
My daughter’s dad tried to get mad at me for attempting to wake him up for his job which I did attempt to but I got yelled at and disrespected so never again! Let’s say he lost his job and I didn’t feel sorry. I’m not your mother, I’m not an alarm clock, and I sure as hell ain’t no wake up call.
You really managed to reach the end level of transactional as defining personality trait. YTA, and not like this sub name implies, you genuinely come off as insufferable.
I will not go for everybody here because while it would seem correct, the way you describe things makes me also question how honest you are about potential reasons
Why can’t they set their own alarm and depend on you to wake them up?
NTA. I might be willing to wake someone up for work ONCE in a unique situation (they didn’t sleep well the night before, were hungover, etc). But I would never do this on a regular basis because it sets the expectations that you are their personal alarm clock. Then if you are busy, at work, taking care of your own business, and they sleep in, and do face repercussions, or lose their job, it becomes your fault. Being able to get yourself up and get to work is a basic adult skill that people need to develop for themselves. It’s not reasonable to rely on your partner for this.
Say it with me,
“I’m a partner, not a parent.”
You and your partner are meant to be a team.
Don’t be petty th whole team suffers
>I wake up at 6am for work on my own so another grown adult should be able to wake up at 9am for their 10am start time
I must have missed something, I don’t see any grown adults here.
YTA
Partners are supposed to help each other. There were times I slept right through my two alarms because I was exhausted, and my partner would wake me up themselves because they didn’t want me to get in trouble.
Yta
How many seconds does it take?
If you know they are scheduled and you could easily just wake them up, but instead you are posting about it on Reddit, yes, YTA.
It’s not your responsibility, but knowingly choosing not to help them is a dick move when it’s your “partner”. That’s not how true partners treat each other.
I don’t understand why some people stay together when they have this ‘not my problem’ attitude to their partner. Clearly he has issues waking up, but do you really want to see him lose his job? Will that not affect your finances too or will you just kick him out if he can’t pay his half? Of course he has a responsibility to deal with whatever sleep issues he has but to be honest some people just really struggle to wake up from a deep sleep. My partner has sleep apnea and often sleeps through his alarm so I wake him up when I notice he’s still sleeping. It costs me nothing and ultimately benefits us both as he gets to stay employed and I don’t have to worry about how we’ll pay our mortgage. YTA because this is not how a couple works. You hold each other up, not watch while one of you tanks. I fill in for his flaws while he fills in for mine, and we don’t get pissy about it because to quote Some Like It Hot, “nobody’s perfect”.
YTA Go wake up your boyfriend! Even if you gotta fuss and nag about it, if he loses his job he cannot pay his portion of bills and then will be a dependent on you. Get over the “but they’re a grown adult “ bs because you can see that they do not have the ability to consistently wake up with the alarm.
Is that new? Are they sick? Is it depressing or exhaustion?
Whatever it is, it’s easy enough to wake them up so they can go to work & tell them that you won’t be doing it anymore.
Is their 8:45 AM still going off or did you turn it off when you woke up? Have they really been sleeping through their alarm for over an hour?
ESH. it’s your day off. you’re hanging out and drinking coffee. you can help them wake up today.
they’re still an AH too though because not being able to wake up for a 10am start is embarrassing
YTA. It’s not inconveniencing you in any way to try to wake them up. But it’s actively harming them to not even try.
Have you considered that they may have a sleep disorder? I’ve been unable to get up my entire life and it messed with my life a lot including my first job. I finally saw a neurologist when I started falling asleep at stop lights. Turns out I have a sleep disorder and need medication in order to function and actually hear my alarms (and sometimes I still don’t).
Whose “they”
10 minute walk and he is an hour late?? 🤨 NTA
I was taught from an early age that you are responsible to get yourself up and ready for school, work etc. Not a foreign concept. On the rare occasion that they were up sick, the baby was up a lot etc. then yeah maybe make sure they wake up. But YOU are not an alarm clock. You are taking care of your time and responsibilities without him. He needs to do the same.
NTA. Are you a partner or a parent? Also: if they were single, then who’s responsible for the asking them up?
My roommate will occasionally ask me to wake him if his alarm is not working but he makes sure first that u would normally be up and home first. So it’s bot an issue never have I had to wake up to wake him or call him from work.
If you work out of the home and this is an unusual Saturday morning occurrence, YTA. They still have to figure out their M-F routine. Plus wouldn’t you rather have them out of the apartment working than having them oversleep, stressed, scrambling, unhappy, and worried about their job and income?
Your partner is TA for not managing their own adulting. Did this person learn nothing from yesterday?
You’re TA today for sipping coffee and posting on Reddit instead of discussing this with your partner, which would in fact involve waking them up.
ESH but it could’ve been NTA if you’d had an actual conversation yesterday after work. Did you not do that?
NTA. Your partner is a grown adult
NTA
People need to figure out a way to wake up by themselves, especially when you can’t be there to wake them up all the time.
It’s one thing if it happens very rarely but barring a medical issue they can definitely do better.
What do you mean by “partner?” if you mean “significant other,” then yes YTA. I get they’re an adult, but if it’s your person, then you gotta have their back, until you don’t.
If you mean housing partner, business partner or some other non-romantic endeavor, then NTA. tell em to grow the fuck up.
Did you turn the alarm off?
You are not the AH in the meta issue, which is you are a partner, not a parent.
Your partner needs to be more responsible and the two of you might need to sit down and discuss this issue. Is this a recent thing? Have they always had problems with waking up on time? Is there some exacerbating circumstance at play here? Could this be health related? Is this a situation of their internal clock being set to their other, more regular start time? If so, then this is a conversation they need to have with their employer.
Because ultimately they are an adult and it is not your responsibility to mind them as if you were the babysitter.
But in this isolated incident, without any other information? Yeah, ESH. Unless this is a constant battle you have, you could have woken them up and then still have had the above grown-up conversation with them when they got home. Get to the root of the problem, but don’t make things worse in the moment.
Info: why are they not waking up?
Is it possible they’re hard of hearing or is there a medical reason why they’re sleeping so deeply?
If they’re generally responsible and this is the only place where they slip up, wake them up.
So your partner’s alarm woke you up, but didn’t wake them up? Some people have a really hard time waking up and while you shouldn’t have to find a solution for them, maybe it’s worth discussing. If they aren’t open to finding a solution though that’s their problem and I certainly wouldn’t be waking them ever. My husband used to work away and needed to set several alarms to ensure he’d get up on time. When we transitioned back to being together full time I told him that wouldn’t fly, so he set one alarm and I’d make sure to kick him out of bed immediately. I’m a light sleeper so his alarm wakes me up every time. It took a while but now he can get up with just one alarm.
Nta. He’s a grown man. He can set multiple alarms to help him wake up. I always set my alarms for an hour and a half before I need to absolutely get up by so I can sleep through some if I want to. You’re a partner not a parent.
Do you even like your partner? YTA
NTA I never understood why a fully functioning adult requires another fully functioning adult to be responsible to be a human alarm clock for them. Ridiculous on so many levels. But it happens often. Put the damned alarm across the room so you have to get up to turn it off or get two.
Now that is because it is a regulas basis thing. Obviously YTA if it was a once in a great while thing. Accidently hitting the off instead of sleep happens or forgetting to set it happens. And that is just a curtesy if the partner noticed, then they should wake them up. But again, once in a great while, certianly not on a regular basis.
NTA. Are you the parent or the partner? They need to be responsible enough to get their a&& out of bed. It‘s called adulting.
Have you talked about this with your partner. Did you state you didn’t want to become their parent? If not your a little bit of YTA
If you did, I understand not wanting a lifetime of this crap and letting them be late
They might leave you for this, but why would you want to stay
ESH. Why does a grown adult need you to wake them? And why would you sit there knowing they need to wake up and intentionally not?
NTA he needs to be a responsible adult, also you might want to analyze this and see if he’s this way any other departments if so,you deserve better sis
YTA – This is your spouse/significant other whose income you rely on for rent and other bills. Part of being in a relationship is helping each other. It doesn’t hurt you by waking them up especially if you’re already awake.
“I woke up to their 8:45am alarm” and you didn’t jolt them awake? It’s on there for a reason man, YTA. You’re their partner.
“I feel bad because they could lose their job, but I don’t feel responsible for waking them up.” “I wake up at 6am so another grown adult should be-“
Dude. This isn’t a competition for “who’s more adult” it’s about how much you care, and frankly if the way you’re phrasing any of this is any indication, you don’t. It’s okay for it to be a slip of mind. It’s okay if it just didn’t cross your head early in the morning and you just didn’t think to give them a heads up- but you sound more interested in not being in the hot seat than them being late. You said it yourself, they could lose their job. Quit acting like an ass and think about how they must be feeling for one second.
YTA. Am I asking too much to think you should have had a discussion? Have you told them you are not going to be responsible for waking them up? Do you feel like you are constantly forced to be a parent of your partner? Do you think they need to be taught a lesson? Seems to me this is a passive aggressive way of you making a point, or maybe even wanting them to lose their job so you can end the relationship. You say you feel bad they could lose their job. No, you don’t.
so you potentially made your partner lose their job because you wanted to be petty?. YTA.
YTA
It’s not your responsibility per se, but I truly don’t get this at all. You’re home, you were up, there’s no reason to not wake them up. The fact that you’re life partners, and your partner may lose their job, should mean that you have a vested interest in helping them when they fail. I mean, that’s even framing it in a self-serving way..but I would wake them up just out of the goodness of my heart bc I’m a good partner who cares about their partner, and want to pick up the slack when they fail.
Isn’t that what being a partner is all about?
If you’re at a point where you’re chilling in the lounge sipping coffee with this going on, you may want to rethink where you stand with your relationship. This seems to be at an unhealthy point.
Is waking up your partner or your close one really that hard? You knew they could loose their job, still you didn’t. You could do that today, and remind them that you won’t be doing that anymore. Honesty, I don’t see any love or affection here.
My husband’s work is very hard. He sleeps like literally a corpse. I always make sure to wake him, when I see he is not waking up. Am I obligated to do that? No. But I do, because It’s a little gesture to remind him that I care. If your care for someone, you always try to make their day a little easier.
What would the person do if they were single, without a partner?
ESH. Yes, he should be able to wake himself up. He needs to figure it out. However, if he gets fired from his job, you will be responsible for paying the bills. You are hurting yourself in the process.
YTA. It costs you absolutely nothing to wake your partner up. Also, maybe brainstorm with them on better ways for them to wake up on time?
Why even be partners if you feel zero responsibility towards them? You know if they get fired this effects both of you, right?
ESH. Assuming your partner is a grown-ass man, he is responsible for waking himself up for work. That said, partners are just that – PARTNERS. You’ve decided to make your lives a partnership, and why wouldn’t you want him to succeed? Your wins are his and his are yours, same with losses.
If you don’t want this to be a pattern, work on that in LATER. In the IMMEDIATE moment, today, you wake him up for work. Later, you talk about ways to ensure he gets up independently.
I can’t imagine sitting by watching my partner do something I know would hurt them, their career, etc. (like right now, you watching him oversleep) and being like “well HMPH. Sucks to suck doesn’t it?” We’re not talking about yesterday when you were at work – I’m not saying you must call him every day and make sure he’s awake no matter where you are. I’m saying that today, you’re in a shared space on your day off, feet away from him… and choosing to tell strangers on the internet that he’s irresponsible instead of helping him get on track.
Woof, man. Not nice.
[removed]
This behavior is petty, stubborn, and a bit manipulative.
This is your partner, yeah? When you say woke up to their alarm, I’m assuming you mean you woke up and turned it off? YTA. You could’ve popped in and woken them up far quicker than it took you to write this message. It’s called a partnership bc you’re a team. You’re supposed to trust each other, root for each others’ success, and uplift one another, but it sounds like this is intentional sabotage to teach them a lesson. What do you get out of proving them wrong?
YTA. This is your “partner,” take a harder look at the meaning of the word. If your first instinct isn’t to be on their side, something is wrong with the relationship. It’s such a trivial thing to help them get up when you’re noticing they’re late and you’re in the simple position to do so. Do you feel as though they wouldn’t help you with something as equally trivial?
INFO: Do they have health issues? Do they stay up too late? Generally irresponsible? Did they expect you to be their personal alarm clock?
Without more details, it’s hard to say.
ESH. Your partner is being irresponsible but you are being passive aggressive. Have you actually had a conversation about this with them?
NTA.
You’re not their mom.
YTA, in my opinion. That’s your partner. There are a lot of things I do better than my better and a lot of things they do better at than me. Im usually up before them and often have to wake them up for work. They have so many alarms but it doesn’t work every time for them. I don’t want them to suffer consequences at work nor do I want to support our household solely if they do lose their job. No, im not their parent but we help each other. I wouldn’t leave my partner out to scramble and panic. It takes 30 seconds. Would you want them to let this happen to you? Not saying you’re a terrible person, but in this scenario yes yta.
Y’all are shit ass partners
YTA. Not much more to say because it is so obvious.
YTA if you haven’t already had a conversation about it.
Rather than be passive aggressive to try and teach your partner a lesson, just wake him up and then have a discussion later tonight. Tell him he’s old enough to take responsibility for himself and to wake up on his own.
That being said, if it’s something you’ve discussed and it continues to be a pattern, then he can face the consequences of his own actions. And also ask yourself why you want to be with someone that lacks any responsibility.
YTA. Yes, it’s annoying that they can’t seem to wake up on their own. But they’re your partner, and your little act of proving a point could possibly cost them their job.
YTA – you shouldn’t have to wake someone up. But good grief, it takes you very little effort to show that little bit of loving kindness to your partner.
My wife forgets stuff or doesn’t do things perfectly. If it’s something little, I try to help her out because she’s my team and I love her. She helps me too.
If you want to be petty and selfish, then be alone.
I had a cousin who had to wake her husband for work and he was hard to wake. One morning she did it by crashing two pot lids together over his head. He got up.
ESH: you can prevent your partner from facing consequences with less than a minute of your time. I don’t know what you think of this relationship, but as rude as them needing you to wake them up is, letting them sleep through work KNOWINGLY is also rude. You don’t seem like much of a partner.
YTA.
Your partner is supposed to be just that…you’re partner. You’re in this life thing together if you’re at the point you’re living together I would hope.
Relationships aren’t 50/50. They’re 100% at the end of the day. Some days you’ll give more and some days he’ll give more. You’re supposed to be there to support each other on the hard days
If you’ve been up for awhile and you know full good and well he’s supposed to be up and isn’t for whatever reason and you actively choose not to support him and wake him up you’re ultimately sabatoging your own future.
Edit: I realize you didn’t specify gender and I was projecting because my man’s a bigass sleepy head and I’m forever waking him up 😅. Doesn’t change the message just wake him/her/them up.
YTA i dont live with my bf but hes 5 minutes down the road i have driven and woken him up when he overslept. it’s not a habit he makes but it happens to all of us. i get so anxious for him i do t know how you could be in a relationship especially living with someone clearly you supposedly love/care for them how can u just sit back and watch them make a mistake you could have helped with. if its a regular thing and its bothering you sit him down and communicate. but taking hand in making him stressed, running around trying to leave on time is crazy to me. are you ready to pick up the bills if he does loose the job then? have you thought about this further then well i shouldn’t have to i don’t want to? was he always like this or is it more recent which could point to a deeper issue?
NTA. This is a good AITA because you’re essentially presenting the simplest form of overgiving/codependence and asking if you should have done it, which of course leads people to think that you should because it’s simple. But if you add anything to it (like let’s say your partner was drunk the night before, or had yelled at you about not taking this on, or if you were already at work yourself) it becomes obvious that this is not your responsibility and if you take it on, you’re overfunctioning for your partner. Good situation to bring up, and while it would be easy and kind for you to wake them up, that is a VERY slippery slope to head down and you are NTA for deciding to not head one single foot down it.
Does their alarm not wake him up or does he ignore it.
INFO Wait, it’s their 8:45 am alarm? Do you stop it, or do they put it to sleep? No repercussions, but also they could lose their job?
Idk… I do think it’s their own responsibility and if they put it on you then they’re the asshole, however, at the same time, I have delayed sleep phase which makes it incredibly difficult to wake up in the morning and sometimes oversleep as a result, although most days I manage. If this is a regular thing then you shouldn’t have to always do it, if this is an occasional thing then I think, why would you not just wake them up? Is there resentment there?
Does your partner losing their job not affect you at all?
I get that you don’t feel you should be their mother every morning, but you can absolutely wake your partner up every once in a while. Especially if this is a recent thing that started, maybe your partner has something medically happening that neither of you are aware of. If this is your mentality about waking your partner up one time while you’re in the other room chillin then I would say it sounds like you would prefer to be single. Not being mean just calling it. Being with someone means agreeing to help with the slack on the days when they can’t. It means waking them up occasionally when their alarms don’t do the trick, in this world today we are all so tired and it’s possible as I mentioned earlier that they are developing some kind of medical condition, there is a plethora of medical issues that caused extreme fatigue and interfere with being able to wake up normally.
Have you had an adult conversation with them? You are throwing around that word like it’s a competition, but the most adult thing you could have done was have an open and honest talk with them, not reddit about it and about how you feel. That would have given them the chance to open up and explain what’s been happening or for them to determine if a different alarm tune needs to be used or if several alarms need to be set (I have to change the tune every so often because my brain will get used to one and it will cease to register that it’s my alarm and I’ll sleep right through it, and if I don’t set a minimum of 3 I won’t wake up. I also have endometriosis which is one of those medical conditions that causes severe fatigue and makes getting up in the morning 10x harder most days than the average person has to deal with) it doesn’t sound like you are interested in empathizing with them and getting down to the root cause of this, you just don’t want to have to deal with it, it sounds like you are already building resentment towards them.
You’re either a team or you’re not partners. 🤷♂️
This is directed at you both. ESH.
What else are they doing to make you so mad that you won’t make like a human and wake them up? (No,I am not routinely late, i am always up at 6, but I realize that some people struggle.)
It sounds like you are sick of him in general, though. If you dont want an unemployed live in bf, wake him up and deal with the bigger thing tonight.
YTA
What kind of partner is that being? It’s one thing if they think it’s your responsibility and get mad at you if they are late. But if it doesn’t happen all the time and you can help them, why not?
My husband works from home and 99% of the time, he’s up and at work on time. On the rare occasion when I’m home after his start time and I notice he’s still in bed, I just go in there and squeeze his feet to gently let him know he overslept, and he always pops up and is so, so thankful.
That’s what partners do. They help. If there’s no larger power battle going on where they are trying to force you to be their human alarm clock, then YTA for not just helping out your partner when the opportunity presents itself.
Both TA
They’re TA for assuming you’re a parent and it’s a school morning
You’re TA for being in a partnership and not doing a simple thing like waking them
Do you actually even like each other?
NTA
You’re not their parent. It’s not your job to protect them from the consequences of their actions.
INFO: what is your end goal here?
We just got back from a long trip and we were both puking our guts up. Yesterday, I woke up without an alarm at 7 AM. I looked at the calendar and saw my husband had blood work at 8 AM. I checked his phone to see if there was an alarm set. If he had one set, I wasn’t going to wake him up, but he didn’t. I woke him and drove him to get the blood work so he wouldn’t be late.
This has happened 5 times in 15 years where one of us has woken up the other. We want each other to be successful.
Why are you allowing him to oversleep?
If you don’t want it to be your responsibility ok. If you’re punishing him that is a much bigger issue.
ESH. A grown adult can and should get to work on time. That person’s partner should not be responsible for waking them up. AND – if you’re at home and know they’re going to be late, why wouldn’t you wake them up? If not even for the sake of your shared financial life?
If it were me, I would wake them up, let them go to work and go about their day, and then sit them down in the evening and explain that I don’t like feeling like their mother and don’t wish to wake up them anymore.
NTA. But may I suggest a difference alarm clock? Sonic boom alarm clock is loud, has a vibrating feature and is pretty hard to ignore
YTA / NTA – I think it depends how often this happens.
If he repeatedly fails to wake, he needs to think about his bedtime hour, because he’s clearly needing to go to bed earlier.
If it’s i frequent, YTA for letting him sleep through it on this rare occurrences that he accidentally sleeps through it.
ESH. No you’re not responsible for waking them up. But you know they slept in and you’re at home. If you’re annoyed by having to wake them then you need to set a clear boundary with them that this isn’t your responsibility and you will not be waking them, they aren’t your child. Once you’ve made it clear you will not be doing this you would no longer be the asshole. Communication is key !
NTA.
They set their own alarm. They know they have to be up and out of the apartment.
Tell them that they need a louder alarm. There is an alarm sold by Amazon called the sonic bomb alarm. It flashes, lights, has a very loud alarm sound, plus it has a vibrator button that you could put under the mattress.
I know they are going to be pissed off at you because you did not wake them up. But they need to be an adult and get themselves up. You are not their mother or their father.
If it’s not a common thing I would say you should have woken him up but if it is a repeat thing he needs to figure it out like the adult he is. Maybe you could figure it out together bc he is obviously having a difficult time sleeping.
ESH- i wake up at 6. If I had a partner who consistently slept past 10 I would kick them to the curb. No offense to different lifestyles, but it’s not a match. But I wouldn’t purposely let them miss work while keeping them around.
You knew your partner was scheduled, you knew they slept through their alarm, you knew they could be FIRED for this, and you still consciously chose to let them lay in bed sleeping out of pettiness.
Yes, YTA.
NOT the AH. If it is a once a year situation and you don’t do it you’re the AH. if it’s a regularly occurring issue, they are the AH making their responsibilities turn into your responsibilities.
Eeeh both of yall need to talk. He needs to get his shit together and figure out a better sleep schedule 10am shift start is not hard to wake up for. You should help out but if it becomes a habit talk to him about it. There are times where it have to pull late nights at home working on a project for work and I’ll ask my partner to make sure I’m moving before they leave for work. And I make sure they do the same just in case. Its about helping each other out when you need it. But it’s also not fair to take advantage of that support network
Nope. NTA.
Their sleeping pattern is their own responsibility.
Their job is their own responsibility.
YTA. Unless this is happening all the time, y’all are PARTNERS and should have each other’s backs. If he’s late and your home, off from work, all you have to do is hell “getcho ass up!!” Come on now.
If this is constant, though, that’s different, but you make it sound as though it’s only happened twice.
I made a comment on here but now that I have gone through your post history I have a new perspective. I wish you had included in this post that this is a common issue with him, and that he is a jerk to you when you try to wake him because that is very important information to have. It is not your job to be his alarm, or to let him drive your car when he hasn’t been capable of obtaining the bare minimum required for the privilege of driving a car. I think it’s insane that he expected you to, to the point where you came here feeling like you were in the wrong. After seeing posts like that and others centered around his inability to wake up and function the way he needs to, I have come to the conclusion that he severely needs help. He may have something going on still and I still think a professional is the best route for that, you should think very carefully on if this is the life you want, if this is an argument you can see yourself having for the rest of time. If not cut bait, no human being is a fixer upper, it’s not our job to fix their broken parts they need to do that on their own and if they show the drive and determination to do so you can be there for moral support otherwise go find someone who aligns better with your goals.
ESH. Why didn’t you at least try and wake him up when you did?
NTA – my wife does this too. But she’s an adult. She needs to be responsible for getting herself up. I’m not her parent. And you are not your partner’s parent.
I could see if this was a once in a while accidental thing. But this sounds like it’s a constant failure on their part and they need to sort this out.
You are definitely not the AH, they are an adult and responsible for their own actions and their lives. To hold you accountable for their behavior is inexcusable and childish. This person is showing you who they are and that they expect you to be the adult in this relationship while they enjoy the benefits of that without making any effort, get out now unless always being the “parent” appeals to you.
If I knew my partner or anyone was oversleeping, I would definitely wake them. If they lose their job, it might affect you.
Don’t whine when he loses his job and the financial burden falls on you.
I was under the impression that you’re supposed to care about the person you’re dating
NTA if you told them that you will not be waking them up and that they are responsible for getting themselves up. YTA if you’ve been waking them up in the past then suddenly decided to wasn’t your job to wake them up without so much as a heads up.
INFO: have you tried having a conversation about this at all, or are just spewing your principals while not being a good partner?
YTA. It shouldn’t even need explaining.
NTA they are a whole adult! I live alone and have a split schedule and I manage to wake myself up like an entire grown up!
Idk man once you start doing this then it’s gonna be your fault if they don’t get to work on time and they can blame you. I’d have a conversation where you talk about how you want them to be responsible. If the partner hasn’t asked you to make sure they’re awake then you’re off the hook. Like if you partner came to you and said “hey I’m having trouble getting up for work can you make sure I get up” and then you can come back with “I can do this for a couple of weeks but you need to get a louder alarm clock and go to bed earlier because I don’t want this to be a new chore for me.”
Offer to help a little with boundaries. Or just offer to buy him a new alarm clock but hold the boundary where you don’t wake him but you’re still offering to help in a different way. I grew up with a sibling who would throw the clock across the room so I don’t wake people up unless they asked me beforehand.
NTA but what kind of relationship do you have if you don’t know each other’s schedules and don’t help each other not get fired? Of course it’s not your responsibility and you don’t deserve blame but two people living together surely should want to help each other keep their job
Very mild YTA. I completely agree that they can get themselves up unless it’s an uncommon situation where they slept badly, aren’t feeling well, etc and would like your help waking up. On the other hand, they could be dependent on you so what would they do if you didn’t live together?
I’ve been in this position before and it sucks, but I was being asked “why didn’t you wake me up”. That initiated a conversation about how I’m a girlfriend, not a mom, and you need to figure out how to wake yourself up.
You should’ve woken them up this time and then had a conversation about how you will not be waking them up in the future. Emphasize that you’re not trying to be mean or harsh but it’s not your responsibility. I didn’t see you mention how your partner reacted and I think that’s important to know.
Yes YTA. You’re AT home, know their schedule and choose to let them sleep and be late? How weird. I’d wake a stranger up in this scenario let alone my own partner. It’s not your responsibility at all but it’s basic decency.
That’s a them problem. They’re an adult, presumably.
Why wouldn’t you wake them up? WTF?
Is this a routine thing? Because if so, NTA for not waking them up when you could. If it is rare, or your partner has a valid reason (like you know they slept poorly the previous night), the kind thing to do would be to give them an extra wake-up call. Further, is this the only area where you need to take on some of his responsibility, or does he struggle to do other basic grown-up stuff? I am solidly in the camp of grownups need to take responsibility for their own choices, or lack of, and not count on others to parent them indefinitely. That just breeds resentment.
This strikes home right now because I’m trying to raise independent adults and the oldest will soon begin university. For the first time ever, he will not be getting repeated wake-up calls from my spouse every morning. I expect he’ll sleep through the occasional alarm and hopefully he’ll learn from that sooner than later. I love my kids but I don’t think it does them any favors to protect them from the (reasonable) natural consequences of their choices.
I would think you would have a vested interest in your partner not losing their job because you decided they needed to wake up without assistance. It’s going to be a much bigger issue finding a new job than it would have been to just wake them up like a normal human. YTA here