I (28F) and my husband (26M) both work— I have a morning shift, and he works nights. We don’t have a car, so we walk to and from work. Our friend, who is married to his cousin, is currently looking for a job, and I’m helping her get one where I work.
Here’s where we might be the assholes: On my days off, she wants my husband to wake up at 6 AM to walk her to work. We both said no. Yes, he walks me to work, but I’d actually prefer if he slept—he just does it because he worries about me. When we told her no, she started saying she’s scared to cross the street alone and might call out of work if we can’t walk her.
Are we the assholes for not helping her get to work?
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I (28F) and my husband (26M) both work— I have a morning shift, and he works nights. We don’t have a car, so we walk to and from work. Our friend, who is married to his cousin, is currently looking for a job, and I’m helping her get one where I work.
Here’s where we might be the assholes: On my days off, she wants my husband to wake up at 6 AM to walk her to work. We both said no. Yes, he walks me to work, but I’d actually prefer if he slept—he just does it because he worries about me. When we told her no, she started saying she’s scared to cross the street alone and might call out of work if we can’t walk her.
Are we the assholes for not helping her get to work?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Tell her no to not walk her to work. Because if we don’t she said she won’t go to work.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Holy shitballs Batman, if she can’t cross the road by herself she has bigger problems in life than needing to cancel work.
If you’re going to work anyway, I think going together is reasonable, especially with a woman walking alone potentially being unsafe. But, her expecting someone else’s husband to wake up and walk her to work is crazy. Only case where that is warranted would be if the someone else was your mother and he was your father 😂😂 NTA
NTA, she’s not incapable of crossing the street at dawn, she wants alone time with your husband. For proof, tell her that husband can’t walk you to work anymore so she can walk with you instead (buddy system!). See how she reacts and you’ll have the true answer.
NTA if she’s making this your problem she’s going to make EVERYTHING your problem. It’s better off to just start saying no to most things from here on out or she’ll be like a parasite you can’t get rid of.
How old is your ‘friend’, 11? Tell her to grow up and get to work. NTA.
NTA
She needs to address not being able to cross the street as a grown person before you even consider it your responsibility to be her service “neighbors”
NTA x 100. Why should your husband have to get up on his days off to walk someone else to work? That’s absurd. If she calls out if you don’t walk her, then that’s on her. If she can’t manage to get to work, as a legal adult then she needs to figure that out.
Don’t understand. “Our friend, who is married to his cousin, is currently looking for a job, and I’m helping her get one where I work.” So did you get her a job where you work? If so, does she walk with you and your husband? Why can’t her spouse walk with her as yours does?
INFO – What is the environment the “walk to work” takes the walkee through? Is it dangerous? Is it safe? Is it high speed, high traffic or just through a residential neighborhood?
If there are no threats to safety and welfare, then you most definitely are NTA; your friend should be responsible enough to be able to walk to work on her own. It would be nice for you to walk with her if your shifts/hours correlate and you can enjoy each other’s company, but that would be the only reason to do it.
Now, if the environment is dangerous or presents threats, then yeah – YTA. It’s understandable a woman would not want to walk alone to a new job if there are muggers, rapists or just general danger from hi-speed traffic and/or hazardous conditions on the route. That doesn’t necessarily make it your responsibility to walk with her (you would be walking home alone, unless you are going to work at that time as well!) but certainly some accommodation could be made.
Good Luck!
I actually have a VERY clear memory of being “paralyzed” about crossing the street. Watching cars pass me, looking for gaps, but when a gap came – not being able to move. My friends mom had to come out to get me to help me.
I was five. FIVE. Totally reasonable for a 5 year old!!!
This woman is 25??? Oy. If she’s going to call out work every time no one can walk her, well… then she shouldn’t be working. This is a basic life skill.
NTA. I have OCD and hate crossing large streets alone; but I am also a grown adult, so I do so.
Have a feeling why she‘s struggling to find jobs.
NTA
NTA. 100%!! That’s crazy. She is not your responsibility and this is not your problem. She needs to grow up and be an adult, or her own husband needs to walk her to work, or she just crosses the street on her own, which I learnt to do when I was 5.
I worry that if she’s making this your responsibility what else has happened or is to come?!
I wouldn’t help her get the job if there are conditions. I’d tell her best of luck and move on. She is a grown woman. She can walk herself.
NTA. You have an obligation not to make another person worse off than they currently are. By you not walking with her, you’re in no way making her worse off than her current situation. Hope it all goes well for you.
However, if you promised and you’re backing out on that promise, YTA.
>When we told her no, she started saying she’s scared to cross the street alone and might call out of work if we can’t walk her.
“Thank you for telling me. Unfortunately, that means I can no longer recommend you for the role. After all, if you don’t intend to be reliable, that could reflect poorly on my professional judgement. Good luck finding a job with a commute that works better for your needs.”
NTA. It was fine of her to ask whether he could walk her. It’s not fine to try to manipulate you into changing your answer by blaming you for a decision she made.
If she’s truly too scared to get to work on her own, it’s her responsibility to figure out whether she can figure out a solution or else acknowledge that she can’t realistically do this job and perhaps needs a job where she can work from home.
And I have no doubt that you will be accused of being petty for no longer helping her to get a job at your place, but it genuinely isn’t: if this is how she responds to mild setbacks to someone who is already doing her multiple favors (i.e. allowing her to walk with you on the days you go and helping her get the job in the first place), who knows how badly she might act in the workplace? From what we already know, she might blame others for her own shortcomings and mistakes
NTA. Getting the job means she has to find her own way to work, and that responsibility does not fall on your husband.
NTA – I don’t know what this walk to work entails, but that’s entirely upon your friend to figure out for herself whether or not she can make the trip. I can’t believe the audacity of someone to ask another grown up to wake up and walk them to work? Are you in North America? Is this a regional thing where people are typically accompanied by a ‘male escort’ to walk the streets?
I’m not getting how anyone, yourself included, would presume you’re an AH for not wanting to escort your grown up neighbour to work on a day off?
NTA.
If a person needs a job, they need to be able to get there. It sounds to me like she’s looking for excuses not to work. It is ridiculous to me that she would expect you or your husband to escort her. You’re already doing her a big favor by helping her find the job.
> Our friend, who is married to his cousin,
Why can’t HER husband walk her to work?
NTA, your neighbor is an adult. Crossing the street is something she should have already mastered. There is NO reason for you or your husband to baby her and walk her to work. It’s life.
NTA, you absolutely do not want to vouch for someone who is going to call out of work whenever they’re too afraid to walk by themselves. I hate to say it, but it’s really never a good idea to help a friend or family member get a job at your place of employment. If they don’t do well, it reflects poorly on you. If they get a job on their own, you can’t do anything about that.